All Comments on 'I See What You Did There'

Very well written. Your talent is underappreciated on this site

Sometimes you should put away the thesaurus, eschew modifiers, and just write sentences. In the case of this story, I'd say it was around "fathomless astonishment".

There were some interesting parts, but the overall effect was slaughtered by wild purple prose. Not all of the detail need be lost, but it's a less is more situation; you can't appreciate the individual bits in from "I am yours" to the "Nnngh" thing (which, ok, I can't stand), but because it's so much bulked up with overwriting.

The style also sharply shifts from the first scene (tolerable) to the last (overwrought). But I do not think it passes the wet test because the sheer bulk requires pauses, re-reads, and, in some cases, a genuine bloody eye-roll. I got impatient, mostly.

Less is more.

Ah, Anna where are you? The few stories written by you were from years ago and I for one would love more. Incidentally, I liked this story and can relate to the poor tool Nicki uses, and thrills out of his hypnotized mind. ........

What a poetically passionate description of a covert crush on a fantasy coupling manifestation. From uncertain anticipation through oral ministrations sacrificing personal intercourse to post orgasmic quiescent afterglow and silent parting. The midsummer's night dream was consumated.