All Comments on 'I Should Have Been A Cowboy Pt. 02'

More rambling on. Two stars.

Please accept this in the vein intended. This is a critique, not a criticism.

I enjoyed this very much up until the divorce. I wish you would've quit there. Up until that point, you had us involved in the story. Beyond that point, you just told us about the story. It became a recitation of "facts" but didn't draw us in. It's the concept of showing versus telling.

Also, you fell into the trap that everything had to work out as a happy ending. Life doesn't work that way, and stories don't either. Bringing Jane and Casey into the story was a good move, but needed to be developed, not just dropped in as a done deal. I'm not so wild about the movie deal. It could have worked, IF it had been developed in another chapter. It was presented as an "Oh yeah, this happened, too" kind of situation that didn't relate to the rest of your story.

Your writing is clean and your grammar good. The story line a bit cliche, but I thought you developed a story that moved in an interesting direction. I hope I didn't discourage you from writing. I think you are a good storyteller, and I'll look for your name in the future.

SoC

Yippee-ki- yay!

5

This could be in a Lifetime movie. Too good to be true.

This one. You need write like this all the time

I thought part 1 was good but this was great. You are a gifted writer and I can't wait to read your next story.

This was a pretty strong effort.

One minor constructive writing critique: watch for use of the passive voice, particularly in dialogue,

Great story up the point of Megan being pregnant and Kelly the father. Once that was brought into the story I knew this was going to be some kind of reconciliation, everyone lives happily ever after story. I am left being disappointed with what had started out as a great story and fun read.

For me it would have been better if Missouri had stated in court a trust fund would be set up with the full 18 years of child support payments and he wanted nothing to do with child. Then explained that he had already established with Megan that the child was to be raised by her and her lovers and call Mark “Daddy”. This seems like it would be truer to the character of Kelly/Missouri.

You are a really good writer for your skills and creativity I give 5*.

Because of the reconciliation, movie deal, and happily ever after ending I gave the story 1*

Part one was great, this one went off the rails.

thank you for your imagination and effort. these type of stories are what i search for within this realm. please keep em coming.

I skimmed, so long winded and a bullshit ending with a deadbeat father.

Too short.

You've given us a great story, Farmers_Son -- for which I have awarded five stars.

I would have liked to have seen it continue for another couple of pages, which means you've achieved your goal of leaving your audience wanting more.

What made it particularly interesting for me was that I have done that same sort of journey; and for much the same reason. There is nothing quite like spending a few weeks or months in the saddle with a just your saddle horse and pack horse for companionship. It certainly clears the cobwebs and helps get the head straight.

A good job well done.

Thank you.

BJS

This was a great story. It had something for everyone except those who would have liked to see some justice heaped on her former lovers. 5 stars

Megan was a dumb ass and I'm glad he dumped the bitch and moved with his life

Great story!

there is more to this story maybe the wife's or lovers story how his life continued after divorce but have to say i loved the story worth more than 5 stars

Ah, a true LW story, with a really neat BTB twist.

Excellent fleshing out of his character. Her character deserved better explanation of her motives in Pt. 1, the polyamory was mentioned but not properly explained when it happened. The explanation was too late.

The poor wife was fed a crock. I'm almost glad she wasn't nuked in place. Almost.

Your story, your truths, your fantasies. I chose to suspend reality, which lead to a really good tale.

Yes, bad things happen in threes. Somehow I expected this tale to continue, it feels to have a ton of follow-on stories!

Great story but no way i see him getting her a job and be friends and business partners. Also why would butch want the cheating slut? I thought if she fought the divorce he would expose all? The movie would have done that but they changed too much. So in the end she wins. She had her affair, gets money and new home, daughter, new husband and family. Life is good for a cheating slut.

Great ending to a great story

. . . both rushed and sucked. The writing was decent, but the city boy was turned into a ranch hand, which was good and believable, but then he was turned into a superhero, and that was where the story veered off into the weeds. There was no real reconciliation with his wife, but now they were friends again, and the pregnancy was a poor plot device.

Chapter one set Missouri up as a man escaping his past by becoming a loner. That’s a good if nevertheless well worn plot device. Then you turned him into a celebrity. That ruined the story.

Really enjoyed this one, but disappointed its over. Thank you Farmers Son.

Most excellent!

A great yarn as the old folks would say. 5 stars and a favorite

I did it the other way. I was born a cowboy then moved to the city and have spent the last 50 years dueling with the crooks and thugs in the world of 'big business'. I've won more than my share, but no one's gonna make a movie about it.......😎 Thanks for sharing.

Oh, and there is such a thing as 'cattle farming'. 😏

I enjoyed the story.

Well done. You should be proud of your writing, as you are very good at it. I look forward to reading more of your work

I have read and enjoyed all your stories.

You're talented, thankyou!

Great story and the ending stayed true to the character.

5 stars.....

So much better then the drugged story....glad to see you didn’t take the second part

Into the rabbit hole that one died in.

I enjoyed the story, though I think it ended not with a bang, but with a whimper. But, other than that, I think is was a great story that was easy to get immersed in.

The story started in the usual manner and became more interesting as it progressed...........then it turned to shit.

I still really enjoyed it but the last page kind of removed some of the luster for me. I feel like it was just too much packed in and took away from the slow boil that was the rest of the story. The movie thing feels weird and the baby.. she would have been showing long before and someone would have noticed and told him.

Well Done

A pleasant, easy read nicely told.

Damn That Was A Good Story ! You got a 5 from me . The only part I take exception with is the end seemed rushed too many facts in such a short ending . But I truly understand your difficulty in ending such a GREAT tale.

Thanks for the read

txcracker

Too over the top for my liking

Scores 3/5

Lovely. I truly enjoyed this tale. Thank you 😊

Avoiding the perps and the legend development in this chapter were humorous and made the series very entertaining. I figured when he rescued the helicopter ladies that he would end up with one of the. Would have been really ironic if he would have ended up with both of them, but he wasn't wired that way. Five star series.

Farmer

I just have one question, have you ever been to Ak-sar-ben? They have a nice race track there and if your hungry there is always Runza.

The storyline has been dragging along. I found it quite annoying, to be honest. You have submitted a lot of very good stories, so far. This one has been different. Looking forward to your next submission, but this one was unnecessary.

Not long enough

excellent story i hope you write more and keep them as captivating as thiss one thanks

This could quite honestly be a novel, and while it is somewhat over the top it is fun, too, I loved the legend of Missouri, that is a hoot. In terms of the plot, I think the one

big weakness is Megan and how she could think Kelly would go along with what she was doing, I understand delusion and lust and how people can reconcile craziness, but in this story it is just a little bit too much like the slut ray. Also, after she and Kelly break it off, she suddenly discovers that Mary and Mark are using her? A big thing is when he comes home early, she just throws the barrage at him, how he can even fuck Mark? She says later she knew he wouldn't be on board with it, she knew how he was, yet her answer when being discovered is to tell him all that? I realize this is an over the top story, but her reaction when discovered just doesn't make any sense. She blats out about how great it is to have sex with them but doesn't seem to try to acknowledge how big a shift this is, even though she knows it is.

The obvious answer of course is that this was not polyamory at all, and one way the story could have worked out better is Megan finally admitting that to Kelly, that all along it was just her having sex with Mary and Mark and poly was just a way to try and justify it, what this really was is basically swinging. Mary and Mark's behavior after the split with Kelly tells that, Poly couples, people into it, as a relationship have all kinds of guidelines and if this was to be a true poly relationship, they would never have done what they did, they would have had a plan to try and see if Kelly could be interested, but they didn't (assuming Mark and Mary were the poly influencers so to speak). If Megan admits that to Kelly, tells him that it was her being used, that it was really just about sex and that she was dead wrong, and apologizes, it would make the end where they become friends and co-parents that much easier. I honesly was afraid that Kelly would turn into a douchebag with the daughter, if he did what he originally said glad he took on the responsibility for her, not just monetarily.

The ending seemed very rushed, so much lead up and then all wrapped up in just a few paragraphs. Overall, a good story. it amazes me to think that women can be as stupid as Megan. What the heck was she thinking and then to drag them along knowing full well he despised them.

I think it would have been better if he had BOTH Jane and Casey in the end, one last kick in the teeth to the cheating whore, showing her she might have been able to have what she wanted had she not been a lying cunt

A darn good yarn and almost plausible. But one big miss the Brook's seducing Megan into swinging life style and killing Kelly's marriage. The Brook's did not pay for their treachery and destruction even if Megan made the choice.

/

I almost thought you were going to go with Cassy & Jane being a threesome with Kelly (of course that would be too radical a departure from Kelly's nature). So what did happen to Cassey's life? Or Outlaw? Or Hose?

/

Kelly got back to his original business roots; how did Kelly fare being a cowboy, movie guru, and CEO? Plus he still had ~$1.5M in savings. Hence, I thought that Kelly might buy the smaller 8K-acre BB ranch since Ronny & Millie were +70's with no stated family... It would give Kelly/Missouri permanency to the lifestyle he now loved and a great place to raise children - he did not need to make a living from ranching. Plus the BB could get renamed 'Show-Me' ranch to cement the myth, the legion, the man - tall-in-the-saddle wearing a 1911.

/

5* quality story; Hooyah, salutes! and now a new Favorite author & story.

Thoroughly enjoyed this story. Thanks very much.

Story. Regarding the complaints concerning geography...who cares? That never stopped Zane Gray or Louis L’Amour who we’re constantly way off in that regard...but they still told great tales. I liked the way you combined the modern with those classics. This could have easily been a novel by expanding on the back end which was really rushed. All in all, great story!

But there wasn't enough hurt put on Mark n Mary for my taste. Still I read the entire thing😊

Oh man. I bet they all clapped at the end

Thank

Total bullshit. No score

Great to see you back. Talent like yours is sorely missed. Wonderful, well written story. Five stars!

Loved the story until ending with Megan and the Brooks getting off without more pain. That's why 4 instead of 5. Would have rather have Kalee not his.

I like it places it got a bit syrupy.

Now I'm going to have to read all of Louis L'Amour again.

Thank you for a wonderful story. I'm looking forwaard to your next submission.

I echo Skub, great story and well written by a talented author

I enjoyed the narrative more in this part than Part 1, where it seemed you got "lost" on the life of a ranch hand. I didn't get as emotionally drawn in as I would have liked in this series. It didn't seem like we experienced his grief or were explained why it took so long for him to talk to his wife. It was there - just didn't pull me in. Again, great writing and I gave you 5* because of it.

I love this tale. I totally hated to see it end.

I was surprised bye the ending,still enjoyed the story ! A “4” on the second half too.

loved it.

What a wonderful tale. Take a standing O.

Part 1 I liked and rated it high. This was a reversal and because the writing was good I gave it a 3. Having his wife and the Brook's looking for him every other week was crazy and boring. It was obvious that Casey and Jane would return and he would grow attached to one of them. Now throw in a baby and we are in a shit show. Finally giving him the name of Missouri and making him a folk hero was the icing on a stupid cake.

You write a damn fine yarn

5/5

Loved it until the ending , to mushy for my tastes. The ex wive moves near him and then the two women he help after the helicopter crash come back into his life. Sorry it just to much bull to be real.

Other authors who should know better being over critical. ReedRichards jealous of good writer ?? Really...SoC this genre is a lot more demanding than Romance although you are a great writer, this is a different league. Well done Farmers_Son a tale well built with good characters by and large although it did seem little rushed at the end, it's your story so tell it like it is, and you did. 5* and thank you.

You really ought to write more love, forgiveness, mercy and truth.

Well done......6 starts and more for you.

I'm a sucker for these road stories where the injured man elopes and the wife & co make chase. A lot of these turn into, I closed all the cards and changed the locks etc. Here he literally went off the grid and I liked how Kelly worked his way through the maze staying a step ahead of the wife. I think hanging the whole thing on Polyamory was a mistake, Poly is an equal arrangement and Kelly never would have been ambushed and Megan would not have had sex with the others before all four coming to terms. NJ Lauren is right in that respect and also it didn't seem right that Megan was still dragging those two idiots around with her as she looked for Kelly just so she could convince Kelly how great it would be if he sucked some cock himself. But I loved the journey, I'm not into Westerns but it is a vibrant and respectable genre and it was fun to see Kelly go through those changes and turn into a cowboy.

awesome

No other ending could be possible. Megan burned the bridge down, was delusional about having four-way sex, that Kelly would agree, so was fitting she finally realized. The icing on the cake was Jane chasing after Missouri, and how that turned out. Miss Missouri was the angel on the cake. Nice touch to have a blended family for all the kids. This is a 5 STAR.

This was standard LW boilerplate with our standard tough-guy running away from his (heretofore unknown-to-be) slut-wife, hiding from her, and refusing to talk. Petulant and immature, as always. His miraculous transformation from office dweeb to ranch hand was on par for an LW story but more spectacular than average. That part of the story was the best. It drifted off the trail when Kelly and Megan had their talk and Kelly preached on and on. Save us from this cloying sanctimony! The rest? It just petered out. Some advance planning might have saved it. Still, it's a four because it (mostly) held my interest and the prose was competently done.

but..... not every story needs a happy ending spelled out for us. Should have ended it when the divorce was decreed and wrote an epilog to tie up loose ends. Leaving the bitch burned and alone ("loving friends" abandoned her) caring for a child that he helped support financially but had nothing else to do with them. Harsh, but actions have consequences.

A new take on that old problem we love to hate, the cheating wife. Kelly transformed himself into a new man but his relationship with his wife didn't evolve and therefore wasn't interesting. I was impressed with her tenacity but she should have realized he wasn't about to change. Let him go, already! Let him live with cowboys and sleep in a bunkhouse.

Nice story. The deal with the wife thinking going polyamorous without broaching the topic was pretty far-fetched, but if you accept that, then the rest was all gravy.

Well done.

Well written and interesting story.

Never really a dull moment

and that takes talent

in a longer story.

Top ratings from me.

Buddy, you said it all. Overall I really liked the story. I wish you hadn't made such a saint of Kelly and let him leave that cheap, cheating skank whore he was married to penniless instead of splitting his hidden riches with her. And finally, Mary and Mark's only suffering was the loss of a fuck buddy. Come on, there's gotta be more than that. In response to pt. 1 l think I laid out the perfect solution. Mark gets his brains blown out after grabbing Missouri, blasting blood and brain matter all over Megan. At which point it Dawn's on her the situation she's created.

Really enjoyed your little yarn. That is, except for the end. Seemed you took it along and “ran out of ideas”, sow the last bit was a tack on.

Still enjoyed it rhough

Very entertaining, and enjoyable read. Five Stars!

I was wondering if you were going to have Missouri slide into a polyamorous relationship with Jane and Casey, after you stated they both were interested in him. It wouldn't make sense, but it would be funny as hell, considering how it all began.

To quote a previous anon commenter, "Total Bullshit".

Someone be so kind as to point out ANY work of fiction on Literotica that ISN'T total bullshit.

I gave it 5 stars because it was interesting, entertaining, well-written, and fun.

Author displays an extremely fertile imagination and yeah, this was a lot of fun.

Part 1 is entertaining and refreshing take on response to a cheating wife.

This ended up as a resolution that did not feel true to the characters, especially Missouri/Kelly. The Hollywood movie, happily ever after ending is a waste of a great storyline and should be left to Disney and the men are bad cable channels (Lifetime)

So well written and compelling to read, Thank You!

I read the comments wherein some wanted a different ending or more retribution on Megan and the Brooks' but you chose the right finish. Great Job, well done and it earned all and more of the 5 stars I humbly offer!

This story ranks up there with all of the best on this site.

(I wrote out about 12 paragraphs of detailed commentary, then my app crashed and I lost it all. I’ll make a brief outline here.)

Jane recovering from broken back. Doubt she’d be able to go horseback riding after only ~6 months recovery. With that injury I would figure Casey would have gone out camping.

Why would he give a fuck if Megan thought he shouldn’t ride the range alone. And so what if his parents thought so too. Wasn’t the point of the story that the man Kelly became The Man Missouri?

An example or two of the “stresses” from building new in a village?

Lots of detail of ranching life, but then when Hollywood appeared things went sketchy and quick. In comparison that made it feel rushed. It doesn’t have to be super detailed, but it could use at least twice the verbiage in detail.

Jane and Casey are para-medic and para-nurse. These are mentally tough people who see life-and-death situations probably several times a month. They certainly can be very appreciative with Missouri’s part of their rescue, but I doubt they’d get hero worship.

More detail about the how of the start of the Megan-Brooks affair? Were the Brooks already in a swingers lifestyle? Or did they all bring it up together?

Missouri asks several times, but Megan never gave him a timeline of the affair.

How exactly was Megan feeling “used” by the Brooks at the end? It doesn’t need to be detailed, but at least some idea what “used” means.

Did, or did not, Mark recognize Missouri as Kelly? You bring the possibility up after the “showdown”, but then go nowhere with it. “Chekov’s gun” rule?

Speaking of guns: Missouri picked up a .223 for his “walk-about”. Type? Brand?

At a guess, a Ruger Mini-14?

Missouri got a trailer for his two horses. Did he bring them along when he went back to Missouri for his court dates?

Where did he do his private real estate practice? Missouri or Nebraska? Weren’t his clients based and looking in Nebraska?

Well, that’s all I can remember of my comments pre-app crash. Gotta remember “Save-save-save”.

I gave Part 1 a strong 5-stars. I hate to do this, but in comparison, Part 2 is weak, rushed, and a bit flawed 3-stars

Well, I like the story, but I really don't like what happened in it, especially in part 2, much at all. It just seemed to drag on with the MC becoming more and more the typical LW superhero hubby.

It seemed to cover years, then we find out it had only been a few months because his wife was pregnant. Figuring she was eight months, at the time, and likely 2 months or so when he left only leaves six months for his extremely dramatic and overly romanticized transformation.

I also think you insulted lesbians by having both of them swoon at the big rugged cowboy and change from lesbians to heterosexuals. That heavily implies lesbianism is a choice and that a lesbian chooses to muff dive because she hasn't met the right man yet. That's not very nice.

It also felt like you tried to portray the polyamory lifestyle as demonic. Polyamory doesn't always equal gay. People can be polygamous and straight. The men love multiple women, and the women love multiple men. No sword fights necessary.

The fact that the wife adopted polyamory without first discussing it and getting agreement is cheating. The fact that the wife never truly seemed to understand that (yes you said she finally got it, but then she left with her lovers...) or show any remorse, guilt or contrition makes her seem to be the typical vapid, idiotic, self-absorbed LW cheating wife.

Her reaction when he came home unexpectedly and caught them never made sense. She didn't know he was coming home, so they were not "expecting" him. Nobody in their right mind would think the best way to broach the idea of bisexual polyamory would be to physically demonstrate it to an unexpected and inapproving spouse. She acted like it was as normal as having him walk in on her doing laundry!

So, as an attempt to write a modern western... kudos. Well done. I really felt you pulled that off.

However, as a LW cheating wife story, I was very disappointed.

But, thanks for writing it. It was entertaining, even if I didn't care for what happened in the story.

KB

I must admit that, when I began reading this whimsical tale of 'the new west,' I was doubtful that it would hold my interest for more than a few paragraphs, FS. But, I'm delighted to report that you hooked me, I finished it, and enjoyed it. It was a fun escape from the usual b/s found in LW.

Well done, sir.

Loved it until the end.

Ten thousand comedians out of work and look what I get stuck with.

Laughed out loud. Keep writing, you are the real thing.

Wish retribution on the Brooks had been detailed and what happened to Casey.

LOTS of skipping forward in this one. Felt like the story was from a 12 year old. Few characters or plot lines to care about, little depth or passion at any turn. Nice effort.

Reminded me of reading “The Virginian” long ago. Great story until they tried to make a movie/ TV program about it. The book was exponentially better than the others.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story as told; the part about making a movie was over the top. I think the story might better ended without that part.

Thanks

Gave this a 4, but it was a five until the last part.

This, by the way, is nonsense: Up until the late '60s it was all too often the man of the marriage who came away with the lion's share of the assets while his poor wife and children suffered.

The system was biased toward women even then. For example, life time alimony was the norm. To the extent that divorced wives and children had a hard time financially, it was a reflection of the much smaller per capita (inflation adjusted) GDP. People simply weren't as wealthy then, and splitting a family created far more financial stress then on average compared with today.

Chapter two, as often happens, was quite as good as the first chapter. Tenderfoot Kelly turned into Clint Eastwood a little too quickly for anything but a LW western. Finally, your tendency toward letting cheating wives off too easily dropped in again. I quess it was necessary for a good relationship with his daughter, but I didn’t want Megan to end up happy after her idiot antics. Overall, another enjoyable read.

Zane Grey with some adultery and cowboy porn thrown in? Very tedious and contrived. Makes one wonder why you bothered. You had trouble ending this story because it meandered and staggered without true direction or resolution.

The wife became a slut and thought her husband would approve? And we are asked to believe that these two strangers were actually married for years?

You reference for being believable indicates you have no familiarity with a true functioning marriage. These two people hardly knew each other! So what was lost?

This story is all hat and no cattle. But thanks for the effort.

Obviously there were lots of fantastical parts, but it's a story and it's cool. However, the one that was way too out there for me was Megan's reaction when Kelly finds them. I can see her trying to sell him on the whole polyamory thing. But where does she go from there to oh, btw Mark will suck your dick and then you can suck his? Being married to the guy for six years she didn't know he wasn't even bicurious?

The first part I thought was pretty good. The second part seemed to drift off a bit. Overall a good story about a man trying to get some distance so that he can get some distance from his problems, and come out the other end.

I have to say though I wouldn't have minded him ending up with Megan again. Normally I'm a move-on type of guy, but she seemed a little ditzy in her whole polyamory thing and Kelly going for it (see sucking dicks above). But everything she does after that shows that she truly loves him. Not the least of which she pulls up stakes and moves to a whole new place to have Kelly close to their daughter. I mean if he didn't feel for her anymore you can't change that. But not a lot of women would have shown how devoted they were to Kelly, post the whole polyamory mess of course, than what Megan did. That does win some points in her favor.

There was no erotic in this literotica. Good cowboy tale & well written but ch1 barely qualified. This one didn’t.

Chalk another one up as Well Done. Tough to end a story like this but you did it with grace and dignity.

The first part was pretty good and left us with many different directions this story could have gone in. I was actually really excited about the last part but after the meeting between Kelly and Megan at the Ranch it really went downhill from there. I didn't mind seeing Kelly and the Nurse hookup but why give Megan a pass? Same with the Brooks?

The main character of Kelly was erratic at best. He runs away from his wife and yet in a few short months becomes this badass cowboy (who keeps running from her because of fear of talking to her???)??? I realize you were going for a colossal change in his personal character but it just didn't jive with what you wrote. He should have been the one to pick and choose when and where he met with Megan and not just waiting until she "catches him" by chance again. After his personality change you put him thru he should damn near have ridden that horse right thru the front door of his old home and put the fear of God in Megan and the Brooks.

Overall this wasn't a bad story but it could have been so much more. We won't even go into the "movie thing" at the end.

Until you tanked it with shoving the slut back into his life. Not only that but you have her impregnated by Butch who sided with Missouri. No way in fucking hell. You put the kill shot in your story with that one.

I think he could have made WiFi phone calls. I liked your story a lot.

5*. It was different, well written, and it was impossible to stop reading both chapters. Keep them coming :)

yeah i don't but it that he would ever be friendly with his ex after what she did. I also don't buy that his friend would hook up with her and have kids

Reasonable story.I hope his boss at his old firm got badly burnt by the shut down of the company.