If Only I Could

I want to fuck Chrissy now--up the ass. I don't know what I didn't want to do so before. I look over at Hal, expecting to see that he's whipped it out now and is jacking his cock while watching Chrissy suck me off. But he isn't. He's taken his wallet out and he's extracted a condom packet from that--the disk that showed on the side of the wallet earlier, I assume. He's slitting the packet open and taking the disk out.

There are plenty of condoms lying around here, but Hal wants to use the one he's brought. Well, OK, nothing wrong with that.

"You can stop now, Chrissy. Go up and lie on your back at the end of the bed, please--and raise and spread your legs. Show me your hole. Touch yourself. Jim is going to fuck you now, and I'm going to watch. Jim, come here to me, please."

Now it begins, I think, as I walk over to him, holding my erection in my hand. He'll get in on it now. I'll see what he's packing.

He does get in on it now, but not as much as I assumed. He's still zipped up tight, and, in those baggy jeans he's wearing, I can't see his erection. I assume he's got one. He reaches out for me, taking my cock in his hand, and he does spend nearly a moment playing with my dick and my balls, but only briefly before he crowns my erection with the rubber. As he lightly strokes me before rolling the rubber on my dick and smoothing it out, I look down into his eyes and see the need and want in him. I palm his hard pecs, liking the feel of him, ready to straddle him there and ride his shaft, which I rarely want to do for a man. After he's crowned me, I take his hands and put them on my pecs and return to running my fingers through the chest hair covering his, the two of us feeling each other up now--and this time he lets them linger there. I lean down to open my lips to his, but his eyes harden and, saying, "No, don't," he brushes my hands away, and the moment is over.

There for a moment, Chrissy wasn't in the room, wasn't any part of Hal and me--and I liked it that way. But it was only for a moment.

"Go to the bed now, Jim, and fuck Chris, please. Eat him out but then fuck him in a missionary, turned a bit so I can see your shaft moving in and out of his hole. Fuck him good, please. Take him while you're still too big for him."

I go to the bed, kneel down on the carpet, and push my face in between Chrissy's raised and spread legs. He moans for me, and whispers "Yes, yes, yes. I've wanted you for so long." I don't know if he's said it loud enough for Hal to hear from across the room. I find I hope not. I'm feeling like I want this to be just between Chrissy and me now. I'm pissed that Hal didn't make it just him and me a moment before.

Chrissy moaning his need for me is good to hear, but a surprise. I want to fuck him now as much as he says he wants me inside him. I haven't known I'd want him. I want him now, though. But I'd never known that Chrissy had a thing for me. I ache to fuck him now. I want to run my hands all over that smooth, creamy little body of his. I want to dominate and conquer him. This man is going to pay me to do what I now realize I ache to do.

But, while I am fucking Chrissy, is Hal going to come up behind me and mount, penetrate, and fuck me? That seems to be where this is headed. I've been fucked in the ass before. I'd do what a john wants if he pays me enough. But it's never been like it will be here. I've never been fucked while I was fucking someone else.

I ache for that to happen. I want Hal to fuck me while I'm fucking Chrissy.

"Mount him now, please," Hal murmurs from across the room. "Turn so I can see you penetrate and pump him. Fuck him. Fuck him good. Take that hole before it expands too much."

Hal is speaking in a low, hoarse voice. He must have his dick out now and be stroking himself off. But I'm faced away from him. My attention is on Chrissy now. I don't know what's happening behind me.

Chrissy gives a little cry as I enter him. "It's big. It's too big," he moans. I feel him opening to it. I know it's not too big. Chrissy is saying this because this is what Hal wants to hear--wants to think is happening. He reaches out to me with his hands, putting his palms on my pecs. He arches his back and says in a belabored voice, "Yes, yes. Fuck me hard. Do me deep." We're both panting, and I'm moaning too. It's such a sweet ass, giving it up slowly, but blossoming for me, stretching, letting me in deep. I hadn't had any idea how sweet Chrissy was with this.

I cover him with my hands. His skin is as smooth and creamy as I wanted. I'm lost to Chrissy and the fuck for I don't know how long. This is one of the best I've had. He's small, but opens for me. I'm coming down close on top of him, burying my face in the hollow of his throat. I feel his fingernails digging into my shoulder blades, but I don't care. His knees are hooked on my hips, and he is going with me, rocking against me, fully invested in the slides--in and out, in and out. We are one magnificent fucking machine.

I have my left arm under his waist, holding his pelvis up and at the best angle for depth. I move my right hand between us, and I stroke him off as I fuck him. He is nearly sobbing. I can feel his body trembling in my embrace, but I know it's good for him. He keeps murmuring, "Yes, yes. Just like that. Don't stop. More. Deeper."

If he does this for the johns, they are getting their money's worth.

I tense and jerk and come, tense and jerk and come, filling the bulb of the condom. I take a minute or more, collapsed on top of Chrissy, inside him, both of us concentrating on my shaft going flaccid inside him. Chrissy is still clutching me to him, his fingernails moving across my shoulder blades, the little guy purring.

I don't need to be told I've done him well.

When my heart has stopped jumping in my chest, I pull out of him, stand up straight, and turn, expecting Hal to have jerked himself off--with luck, to have exploded when we did.

But he sits there, still zipped up, looking a little forlorn.

"Now you? Which of us--or both?" I ask. Somebody has to say something at this point. He needs to be in on this somehow. He brought us here. This is his release he's paying for.

It was the wrong thing to say, though, and I immediately understand why. I understand it all, but too late. I don't get it before he releases a tortured, hoarse confession. It comes out in a low, deflating hiss.

"If only I could."

If only I hadn't made him say that. It's all clear now. Afghanistan. The evidence of chest wounds. The baggy jeans. It all being performed vicariously.

"I'm sorry," I say.

Chrissy, the ditz, pipes up with a "Sorry about what?" in the background, but I gesture with a hand behind me, without looking around, that he should just shut the fuck up.

"Please dress and leave now," Hal says, a sad expression on his face, his voice suddenly icy. He isn't looking at either of us.

Before Chrissy and I can get that done, I look at Hal--or whoever he is--and see that tears are streaming down his cheeks.

"Are you going to be all right?" I ask, but he doesn't answer. I have a fleeting question float through my mind of whether he has a gun here in the room or in his car, but I just can't go there in my thoughts.

At the door, pushing Chrissy out in front of me, I take the five fifties he's given me and I drop them on the table in front of the curtained window.

It's the least I can do--the very least. As soon as we are out of the room and I've shut the door, Chrissy starts to ask questions.

"Just shut up until we get back in the club," I said.

"Well, it was good for me. That's all I can say."

"Yeah. It was good for both of us," I answer. "We are two very lucky bastards."

Especially compared to some others.

But I couldn't leave it that way. "Go on back to the club," I tell Chrissy. When he's out of site and turn and enter the motel room again. I don't knock because I know he wouldn't answer. He's where we left him, hunched down, withdrawn into himself.

"It's OK, I understand," I say. Hal doesn't answer but I see him heave in the release of a silent sob. "I got some time," I say, "How about I just sit here with you and hold you for a while?"

He doesn't say yes, but he doesn't say no either, and when I sit next to him and take him in my arms, I can feel him relaxing, and I know it was the right thing to do.