Iggy 02

Iggy 02

Alright folks, so, I got a bad rap and a bad rep from the Milk Crate crew over my use and abuse of nylon tie straps, fine, and maybe I got a 3 weeks suspension from the Milk Crate crew, fine, but I will not and did not accept being side tagged as "Tie Strap" from them! I mean, they could have had at least added "Tail Feathers" to my new tag since I figured out that buying the really long nylon tie straps and placing them in the back pocket of my Denim shorts made it appear that I had tail feathers, so. Which has become my new thing anyways and I switch the tie strap colors off to match the band aid that I wear across the bridge of my nose, so that's my new thing as I search for a new crew. I guess.

And as mentioned in the last chapter, I mean, the Fruit Market crew, right? They are good people, so.

"Oh, no, no, no, Tie Strap! You lift your shirt so I can check for dangerous nylon tie strap weapons before coming any closer! And maybe so that I can peek your undies choice for the night and maybe your belly button. And the word is the curve in the small of your back is something to see, so?"

"Brent, fine [lifts shirt and spins], happy now?"

"Wait, are those tail feathers then, Iggy? And sparkly tan undies suit you, so."

"They are my trade mark tail feathers now, Brent and I match them up with either my outfit or my eye shadow and now or from now on, I will try to match them up with the shading on my undies! But the color selection of the nylon tie straps does have limits, so?"

[Flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flicky, flak]

"They flick and flak, Brent, when swiped with a hand, so?"

"Well, I like that part then. Oh, and so will George, but that's your business, Iggy."

"Is that code for "pass" then, Brent?"

"Hey, walk slowly and tread lightly, Iggy, but you're welcome here with the Fruit Market crew. And I suppose you could lower your shirt now, so."

LOL, folks, $5 will get you $10 that Brent wants me to walk slowly and tread lightly so that he can brush his fingers across my nylon tie strap tail feathers to make then flick and flak sing for himself, LOL.

[Flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flicky, flak]

"Huh. Alright then, Iggy."

Oh, and I lowered my shirt too. After another moment. Because no one ever said anything to me about how the curve at the small of my back is all that, so.

"Well, I guess it's been a minute then, Iggy. And where is your nerd friend then, hmm?"

"Oh, Padma, hey, oh, um, wow, Josh is still stuttering since we ran into you at the grocery store a few ago. And by the way, I was making Banana bread that day and I needed a lot of bananas, so."

"Sure, you were, Iggy. What's with the, um, ooh, um in the back?????"

"Nylon tie strap tail feathers and my followers love them. Well, a couple of guys are still scared about them a little, but I swear, these are tied together at the bottom and rendered un-usable, so."

[Padma gives it a reach around and flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flicky, flak]

"Huh? I can't wait to see them flicking and flaking through a windshield then."

Whoa, whoa, I never ever even thought about that! But they would flick and flak if I were kneeling across a front seat! Not that that is going to happen, so.

"So, Iggy, I mean, that day in the grocery store, your nerd friend caught me in lower boot heels and he should know that things get even more "perky" as the boot heels get higher, so. And if you dare tell me that you gave him a personal demo of those differences, I swear, Iggy!"

"No, no, Padma, Josh accepts me, but he still has his issues of checking me out when I can know that he's checking me out, so."

"Well, I can't really have such a public nerd boyfriend, but you could set something up on the side and Boomer wouldn't mind, um, with helping you out in the kitchen. Like to help you make your famous Banana bread then, right, Iggy?"

"Oh, um, ooh, well, I just buy it now because it's so cheap, but Boomer from the nail and screw store?"

"Oh, I'm sure his store sells more than just nails and screws, like maybe hammers and candy bars, so?"

"And oh, Boomer leaves comments on my Chang page that he wants to nail me and then comments that he wants to screw me, so I guess I should just expect to hear him say next that he wants to hammer me then, is that right Padma?"

"Well, you're a pretty nice little candy bar, so it's settled then. Four banana splits for four people. Now go mingle while I figure out if it's legit for me to be known with a nerd, who is cute, you know and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."

Yeah, Padma will still be blah, blah "figuring" out stuff when I leave the Fruit Market, area, so.

"Boomer, hi, Boomer, can I ask you a few questions then, Boomer?"

"Oh, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy! Of course, you can and my answers are "guaranteed" and then "you can count on it" and finally "seriously?" in the form of a return question, so you would have another chance to hear me say "guaranteed" again or possibly "let's find out", so, proceed and you know, Iggy, snuggle up."

[Boomer gives it a reach around and flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flak, flicky, flicky, flak]

"Jeez, Boomer, if I hosted a small banana split party so that a certain someone over there could use her female skills to give my friend a heart attack from just her skin tone alone, would you make it impossible and uncomfortable for me to slice the bananas and scoop the ice cream in the kitchen, hmm?"

"Guaranteed, Iggy."

"Figures. Boomer, if we fell into a moment in the kitchen, might we fall into a little couple's game and have fun with the whipped cream then?"

"You can count on it, Iggy."

"Well (okay). Boomer, if our moment gets out of control, can we keep things out the outside?"

"Seriously, Iggy?"

"Ugh, hardware store guys! Boomer, do you think my plastic tail feathers would be all bouncy and flicky, flaky in the air if I were sprawled across the front seat of your truck with my head bobbing up and down on your lap then, hmm"

"Oh, I think that's a guarantee, Iggy, but let's find out for sure then, so?"

Well, I just didn't want things to be awkward if our first kiss was at my front door when he came over for a banana split, so. And since Padma put that stupid idea in my head a few minutes earlier!

[Bouncy flicky flak, bouncy flicky flak, bouncy flicky flak, bouncy flicky flak, bouncy flicky flak]

"Yeah, Iggy, this is sweet, sweet like a banana split!"

[Ow, ow, ug, ag, ug, oh, ug, ug, gag, gag, hg, hg, roll, roll, ag, hg, hm, hm, slurp, whoa]

"Oh my, Iggy, your tail feathers are floppy all around! Ouch." They're pointy too!"

[Slurp, whoa, gulp, geez, ug, ow, slurp, ug, ug, ug, woo, ug, ugh, ugh, ooh, ow, woo, woof]

"(Wheeze, wheeze) help me out, Boomer!"

[Gag, ow, gag, ug, ow, ooh, gag, gulp, slurp, gag, gag, gag, ag, ag, ag, ooh, oh, mph, hm]

"Oh snap, snap, oh, Iggy."

[Shoulder tap, tap, tap, tap, tap]

"(Wheeze) it's okay, Boomer, it's okay."

[Whoa, squirt, gulp, squirt, gulp, stream, gulp, blast, gulp, ooze, gulp, ooze, gulp, drizzle, gulp]

[Flash photo, video, flash photo, video]

"Ahh, ahh, oh, Iggy, oh, you're better than your Chang page leads on then, so?"

"Well, Boomer, I just didn't want things to be awkward when I answer the door you on banana split night, so something is out of the way then. But don't expect to see me making our banana splits in some silly servant costume, Boomer! I need to get now, so?"

[Mwah, oomph, ummah, mwah, ow, ow, ow, smooch, smack, mwah]

"...and blah, blah, blah, maybe I could be Josh's Trophy Girlfriend twice a week and blah, blah, blah, blah, I mean, if he has an anime babe who wears bouncy flicky flaky tail feathers, so blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and I always wondered what Iggy brought to the party anyways, which blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I mean, a Banana Split Boyfriend has a nice ring to it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and Iggy promised that he retired his dangerous cock ring things and blah, blah, blah, blah, but those soda bottle glasses are blah, blah, blah, blah, well, hell, I like the guy and he's Iggy's friend and Iggy just posted the banana split party announcement anyways and blah, blah, blah, ooh, I could wear something like that if that's what nerd's like Josh like and blah, blah, blah, besides, Boomer, right, "I'm fag hammering Iggy someday anyways, so" and all, so blah, blah, blah, "my eyes, my eyes, my eyes", but Josh will save the blah, blah, blah, blah, so huh, we're having a banana split party and I think the Red Bag store has a bra that splits my scoops of ice cream nicely and blah, blah, blah, I mean, it's all legit then! Oh, hey Iggy, how was your mingling and who flicky flacked your plastic tail feathers then?"

"Oh, everyone brushed their hands through them a couple of times and that bouncy thing through the truck window is true and Padma, um, um, so."

"LOL, no Iggy, do not count on the guy having condoms handy. They prefer to, well, pull it out and stick it in something and then retract without the added extra time for a wrap, if that was your question, so? And my other answers are "I will bring them" and "stop be so nervous" and "it will be a great private party" and finally "thanks for making a place for my nerd boyfriend to take me" and we don't need to say much more about that. Actually, I'm still figuring out how legit sex with a nerd is, so let's not say anything to anyone, yet, so?"

Well folks, here's the long and short of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with a little straightening up of this and that, my spare bedroom would be fine if Josh and Padma wanted to have nerd sex, so, whatever. And to keep the peace between my friend, Josh, I had some fairly modest leisure shorts to wear, but I was going to wear a thong and only one thong. I mean, if there were going to be banana split making moments in the kitchen, well, my skin is pretty soft and skin to skin groping is the best, so that was going to be that, Josh or not.

But here was my biggest problem. I mean, even with the longest nylon tie straps that I could find at the store, I mean, tie strapping a Flesh Light between my thighs was totally impossible to hide! Those things are kind of huge and it was going to very obvious that I had a little something else other than my little something under my thin leisure shorts!

So, snap, I didn't do that and hoped for the best. But I did lay out a couple of fans of nylon tie strap tail feathers on the coffee table in case they were needed and I made a nylon toe strap garter leg belt for myself.

And put the Flesh Light in plain sight on my dresser in case Boomer would be understanding. Not that I practiced gripping it between my thighs the day before the banana split party. But it wouldn't stay in place without being tie strapped, so hey, I hoped for the best!

End Iggy 02