I'm Not Me

I nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I don't know. Maybe I wanted it to be more real for you. I mean, aren't those moments more exciting when you feel like the people you're watching don't know it?"

"Maybe, yeah. So, why are you telling me now?"

I sighed. "I was thinking maybe we ought to go over there and tell her--or them--about us."

"What? Are you crazy?"

"Hear me out. Hear me out," I urged. And when she sat back and crossed her arms over her belly, I said, "Okay, they're terrified of people finding out, and she knows that we know."

"But you said she made you promise not to tell!"

"And I did. I did promise for both of us, but even with that promise, she's still going to have some worries, right? A couple of 19-20-year-olds she barely knows? We might talk."

"So you want to tell her to ease her mind. If we both share the same secret--."

I nodded. "Then neither is likely to tell. It's like nuclear war. If one side launches a nuke, both sides lose."

"You really think that's better for us?"

"No, but I think it's better for them, and there's very little risk for us."

Kiley looked out the window. She said, "It's Sunday. They'll probably be home."

"You'll let me do it?"

She nodded. "We'll do it together."

"One last thing?" I asked.

She waited for it, and she took some convincing when I made my suggestion.

***

I rang the doorbell. Kiley stood beside me.

I had put on shorts and a short-sleeve collared shirt. Kiley had brushed her hair and put it in a ponytail. She wore a short jean skirt, a new tank-top, and a bit of make-up.

Dewey answered the door.

"Jay!" he said happily.

"Hi, Dewey."

"What brings you over?"

"I was hoping to introduce you and Deanna to my sister."

"Come in. Come in," he offered, holding open the door and stepping to the side. Once inside, he led us to the kitchen. Dewey said, "Let me go get Dee. Be right back." He went down to the basement while we waited.

Less than a minute later Dewey and Deanna walked into the kitchen.

"Deanna, Dewey, this is my sister, Kiley."

They shook hands. While Dewey spoke to Kiley, Deanna cast a concerned look my way.

"So you're a year older than Jay here?" Dewey asked.

"Yeah."

"College?"

"Temple."

"Great school! Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"Studying?"

"Biology--Pre-Med."

"Wow. Awesome!"

"So you guys are researchers?" Kiley asked.

"Yep. We both work in the R&D lab. Deanna works in Materials Science, and I'm in Applied."

"Chemical engineers?"

Dewey nodded. "Both of us, right. Well, we're so glad to have finally met you."

"Yeah, me too."

"Mother's resting, otherwise I'd introduce you. Can I give you a tour?"

I interjected. "Actually, it's a short visit. I wanted to introduce Kiley, of course, but there was something else."

"What is it? Anything we can help with?"

"No," I said, "Just something maybe to put you both at ease."

Peripherally, I saw Deanna's head turn quickly toward me. Dewey's eyebrows rose in surprise. Still smiling, he asked, "At ease? How so?"

Clearing my throat, I said, "Kiley and I have seen the two of you together--sexually, I mean--through your kitchen window. I apologize for looking, but we couldn't help it."

Dewey's smile vanished.

Deanna burst into laughter. "He must have me confused with your girlfriend, Dewey."

"No," I said, turning to Deanna. "It's you."

Deanna's eyes turned into red-hot needles. Dewey smiled awkwardly. He said, "No. You see--."

Before he could finish, I reached out and took Kiley's hands in mine. Facing one another, we kissed.

We kissed with our tongues. We kissed hard. Kiley's hands groped my chest. Mine snaked under her shirt and massaged her fat tits. After about thirty seconds of heavy touching and kissing, we drew apart.

Kiley spoke. She said, "We didn't want you to feel like we were holding a secret over you without giving you the chance to hold our secret. This way, we're both safe. We know we can trust one another."

Deanna's face took on a look of complete shock.

Dewey said, "I--I see."

Deanna suddenly let out a sigh. She smiled at me gratefully, saying, "Thank you for sharing that with us."

Dewey agreed.

Kiley said, "It's only fair, and you should know that we think you guys are really sexy."

Dewey's face turned pink. "Thanks," he muttered shyly.

I said, "We should be going."

Kiley said, "I hope this makes you guys feel safer. You can trust us."

Deanna said, "And you can trust us, too."

"Yes. Definitely," Dewey added.

Deanna walked us out. In the entryway, she kissed us both on the cheek, saying, "Thank you both so much. And if there's ever a time you need someone to talk to about--about what we do--then please let us know."

"Thanks. We may take you up on that."

We said our goodbyes, and the deed was done.

On the way home, I asked Kiley if she thought my idea of a demonstration for the Lawrences helped.

She said, "I was so nervous, but once I was in your arms and kissing, I knew it was the right thing. They needed to see us, not just hear our words."

"Cool. Did it make you horny?"

She laughed. "Yes, but I'm still too sore from the animal fuck."

"We could cuddle up and watch a show."

"That sounds nice," she said. "I like being in your arms."

***

We were on the basement couch together, spooning, when the movie ended. I was hard against her and had spent most of the film casually massaging her breasts. Kiley said, "Will you maybe not be you again?" She turned as much as she could to see me.

I nodded and said, "I'm not me."

"Then, will you lick my pussy a little bit? I really like it."

I rose, creating space, and she rolled onto her back. She stripped off her panties for me, and when I positioned my face between her legs, she uttered, "Make me cum again. Please."

Knowing how sore she remained, I tried to be tender and loving for her.

She told me she loved having my tongue on her pussy. She told me how good it felt. When I found the right way, she moaned for me to keep doing it that way. Then, she grew louder. Her breaths came in deep draughts and gasps. Finally, she cried out, twisting as if to escape from pleasure so acute that it was nearly agony.

When her breathing began to return to normal, she asked me to lick her asshole just once. She added, "So that I know you still love all of me, everywhere."

I titled her legs up and did it for her twice. Drawing back, I listened to her thank me in an airy whisper. I glanced at the coffee table in front of the couch, looking for something upon it. Yeah, it was still there. Strange how you grow so accustomed to the presence of a thing that you begin to fail to notice it, even when the thing is so near.

I rose from the couch, and I repositioned Kiley. I swung her knees to the floor, making her body run perpendicular to the couch. I bent her over the cushions and pulled out my cock.

She felt me put the knob between her ass cheeks, and she said, "Jay, I can't. My pussy is still too sore. I want to, but your cock is too big and hard for it right now."

"I know. But, I have to put it inside you, Kiley. I have to be connected with you."

"But--."

"I won't put it in your pussy."

"I'll suck it. I like giving you blowjobs."

"No. I need to join our bodies. I need to fuck."

Years ago when Kiley's acne became a problem, our mother had taken to placing cleaning wipes and bottles of over-the-counter healing salves everywhere around the house--Kiley's bedroom, our bathroom, the kitchen, the family room, and the basement. More than once, I had used Kiley's acne cream to jerk off.

Now, I squirted a dose on my fingers and massaged it into Kiley's asshole.

"Oh. Oh, my gosh. You're going to--," Kiley stammered.

I got more and lubricated my cock with it. All was ready. I surveyed Kiley's body. She was bent over in such a way as to perfectly expose the bulbous curves of her ass. The urge to fuck her pussy raged wildly within me, but I knew I couldn't.

And my cock needed to fuck. It yearned for an active connection. A blowjob would not scratch the thrumming itch I felt. It was this. It had to be this.

I placed the greasy knob against Kiley's anus, waiting for her go ahead. She was almost wheezing to ready her body for the event.

I asked myself if I was abusing her love for me by requesting this. Was I, finally, taking things too far? Was I capitalizing on her insecurity, cajoling her into giving me her ass? Did she still think herself fat and ugly?

No, I decided.

Our time together had rebuilt her self-confidence. It was like a new chassis now, ready for that big engine. She knew I wasn't fucking her ass to own her or dominate her; she knew I needed to unite our bodies. She wouldn't give me her ass to appease me; if she did it, it would be for love and because she wanted it, too.

I was curious about anal sex. Was she?

I waited.

Panting, she asked me if I was too big.

I told her I would be gentle. As if to assure her, I took one of her fat tits into my hand and kneaded it softly, tenderly.

"Yes," she said.

"Yes?"

"Fuck my ass."

It took some time to penetrate her. There were no restarts, but many pauses between incremental progress. She labored to accommodate me, gasping and perspiring. Kiley moaned to me about how full she felt.

Wheezing at my maximum girth, she haltingly asked if I liked fucking her ass.

I told her I did. It was not a lie. I could see myself doing it again, but I also knew that nothing in the world was better than her pussy. Earlier that day, fucking Kiley's tits had been a unique thrill as an alternative to real fucking; anal worked the same way. It was something special and different, but no replacement.

Fully inside, I felt her hand underneath me. She began fingering herself. As her pleasure grew, I started slowly thrusting. I tried to time my insertions with her moments of self-satisfaction.

What made fucking Kiley's ass truly special was her effort. The girl struggled and sacrificed to give me this pleasure. I caressed her and kissed her for it.

Spreading her apart from time to time, I saw how truly obscene it was. Here was this fat cock, and it plowed into a hole that barely allowed the knuckle of my finger inside. I knew Kiley suffered. She bayed and hollered, but she wanted to please me. She wanted to give this special gift to me.

I began to feel like she'd allowed it as a kind of proof. To me, she was proving that she could please me with her entire self--everywhere and in every way. To herself, she was proving that a man might find every part of her sexy.

Knowing my cock was in Kiley's asshole, stretching it to its very limit, was a kind of thrill. Seeing my rigid erection violate the soft, stunning curves of her ass, knowing that she had permitted this--had permitted such an obscene act to be performed upon her--was a guilty, but profoundly exciting pleasure.

"I'm going to cum," I told her.

"All of me," she uttered. "You love all of me."

I grunted, asking if I could cum in her ass.

She nodded, moaning.

On my balls, I felt her finger work in a frenzy. My body tensed in preparation for my climax. I was an engine in neutral at high rpm, waiting for that first shift into gear, waiting to release the clutch and slam the gas.

Kiley told me she was cumming, too.

The needs of my body took over just as she started singing her climax; I seized her ass, pried her apart, and instead of easing, I firmly drove my cock into her for the first time.

Kiley cried out.

Again and again, my hips thrust like a runaway machine.

Kiley hollered wildly. Half of it must have been the tension on her asshole; the other half, the peak of her satisfaction.

And then I froze, staring down at our union. Grunting like a sputtering engine, I saw my cock pulsate. It was a double thrill. The first was the dizzying satisfaction of my climax. The second was the idea of it: cumming in Kiley's ass. It wasn't some dream. I saw it. I watched my cock down there, throbbing and injecting cum into my sister's asshole.

Kiley felt it. She told me so. She emitted a little groan each time my cock pulsed inside of her.

The thrumming finally vanished. I groaned. Still holding her open with one hand, I took the shaft in the other, massaged any remaining fluid out of the tip, and withdrew my cock from her.

A bead of cum emerged and clung to her anus. My body sagged on top of Kiley's, and together we recovered.

I thanked her. I whispered that I loved cumming in her ass.

She moaned that she felt it inside of her. She muttered that she liked how hard I came, that she liked satisfying me with her ass, and that it felt amazing to know her body could tame me.

"Tame?" I muttered.

She gave me a fatigued grin. "Tame my wild beast of a boyfriend."

I kissed the back of her shoulder.

She whispered, "I'm in love with you."

I said the same thing to her.

Not long after we cleaned up, Mom came home with the groceries. We helped her. It was strange for Kiley and me to go our separate ways that night after dinner and cards. Something felt missing.

I visited her room late that night. At first, we didn't do anything, just laid together and talked. Eventually, she started speaking excitedly about all of the sex we'd had together. I had to finger her. Then, when fingering wasn't enough, I licked her until she climaxed. Afterward, she sucked me gratefully. She went slow and deep, swallowing every drop of my cum.

On Monday morning, Kiley came to the theater by herself. She was our only patron for the earliest show. I visited her in the cavernous, empty theater. She tugged my trousers down to my hips and sucked me hard. Then, asking me to sit, she slid down her shorts and sat on my lap, riding me to the end.

There were several other exciting moments that week. Most took place in the basement. Two in Kiley's bedroom. One in mine after Deanna and Dewey gave us another show on Friday night. By that time, we had their phone numbers, so both of us texted our thanks and appreciation.

While we cuddled in my bed afterward, Kiley asked me if I would ever give the Lawrences a show. I shrugged. "Maybe," I said. Then I asked her the same question. She said not anytime soon; she'd be too afraid.

After a moment of quiet, she asked, "Jay, do you want to become like Dewey and Deanna--us, I mean?"

I was not in the mood to talk about our future. "Can we not go there right now?"

"Please answer me."

"I can't. I don't know what's coming. Maybe it's our destiny to become like them. Mom isn't exactly healthy, you know. What if someday we have to take care of her and no one else can?"

Kiley blinked as if never having considered the possibility.

I said, "Look, you and I both want Mom to live comfortably for decades to come. All I'm saying is we can't look ahead."

"What do you mean?"

"Kiley, for this thing we have--for us loving each other like we do--I think we just have to live in the moment. I don't think this is a thing you can think hard about and plan around."

"I don't know if I can do that, Jay. That's not how my mind works."

I nodded. "Okay. Look, I bet your mind has already worked on the problem of us quite a bit, hasn't it? A brother and sister? You've thought about our future?"

"Yeah."

"Come up with any answers?"

She shook her head. "Not any good ones."

I said, "And you've got a hell of a mind. If there was a good answer, you'd have thought it up by now."

"So, what do we--."

"Nothing," I said. "We be honest with ourselves and each other, and we live in the moment."

"But give me an example of what that means."

I said, "It means when I go off to college, I'm still going to call you, text you, and email you because you're my sister and I need you in my life. But I've got no expectations of you. No demands on you. It means when I come home for winter break, I come home with no expectations, too. I spend those weeks back here with you, and what happens, happens. That make any sense?"

"But, say you call me from school and you have a new girlfriend. I won't want to hear you talk about--."

"That," I interrupted her, "is the be honest part. You say to me, 'Let's talk about something else.' But in the moment, you see. I don't think we can or should sit here and make rules. This thing we have doesn't follow any rules."

"But what if we--what if it never happens again? Us, together."

"What ifs are all about planning ahead; we live in the moment."

"So I just live the rest of my life in the moment? I can't do that. That isn't me, Jay. I think about the future. I have to."

"I do, too. Plan your future, Kiley. Shape it, right? But when it comes to this one thing, our thing, we have to think of it like--maybe like driving in a thick fog. There's nothing to see ahead. There's only what's right here, right now."

Kiley seemed to be imagining it. She looked doubtful as she started speaking. "So I'm supposed to come home for winter break, and you're home, too. We eat and play cards with Mom. We go out with friends, and one night, you're watching a movie in the basement, and I come down."

"And I make you laugh," I said, trying to coax a more positive perspective from her.

She couldn't stop the smile that formed. "You make me laugh, and I want you. But you've got this girlfriend now, and I shouldn't be wanting you because of her."

"But I don't have a girlfriend, you see? You don't have a boyfriend, either. Remember? We're driving in the fog when we're together. Everything else is gone."

Realization swept over her face.

I said, "And I don't know what happens, but maybe I'll lift the blanket and you'll crawl inside it with me. Maybe I'll touch you while we snuggle. Maybe we'll quit caring about the movie. Maybe I'll get really hard against your ass."

She said, "Then maybe you'll whisper in my ear that you're not you."

I nodded slowly. She unfurled a spectacular smile.

We lived in that moment.

*****

EndNote: Thanks for taking the time to read this. Mistakes and errors belong to me. Always nice to hear from thoughtful readers. -FS/Mr. Squeeze