All Comments on 'In the Vineyard Ch. 13'

I've read this story from the beginning and in the last 3 chapters the story changed dramatically and not positively. It seems you got bored, wanted to just end it and did a number of bizarre things with the characters. Like this last - totally slamming Ana from out of the blue.

Next time, if you get bored, I'd recommend just not finishing or turning it into a chain story rather than destroying the storyline and character development in such a crass & flippant way.

The ending doesn't equal the earlier chapters, to be sure, but, as a body, of work, In the Vinyard deserves at least a B+. With some rework, it could get an A. As a professional editor, I would consider accepting it for publication, after some rework and polishing of the sort that can't really be expected of someone working for free.

Vinyard is good work with real potential.

It shouldn't be that much of a surprise that the main characters self destruct. Some of you expected the standard ending, either that Miles and Ana live happilly ever after, or that Greg and Ana remarry. But that was never my intention. I like happy endings too, but not predictable ones. And no, I am not bored with the 'Vineyard', although I am bored with the same 'boy meets girl' romance works that this could have been.

Thanks to all for reading what I have written.

SLC-Ohio

My problem with the story is not so much the 'unhappy ending' but that it was not really fully motivated by the preceding chapters. I'll admit that I was partly responsible for feeling this false sense of security, by buying into the expectation that the genre usually predicts a happy ending.

Indeed we were warned that there was criminal activity taking place at the vineyard. But that Anna was an adulterous, surgically enhanced, woman with a past? Where did this come from?

Much of the problem with this ending comes from the adoption by the author of a third person omniscient narrator. With this point of view the reader expects the narrator to warn him/her that all is not kosher in the state of Denmark, and I don't think that the narrator provided us with sufficient warning of what was to come. Miles and Anna were presented to us as sympathetic characters early on.

So we as readers had developed a relationship with the characters, based on a trust that what we were being told was substantially true, and then, with very little warning, we were precipitated into a situation where our knowledge of the characters was proved to be completely false.

Had the narration been in the first person, a reader might have been more cautious about trusting the characters. The reader would have paid more attention to the action taking place in the story to flesh out their understanding of the characters and their motivations.

In this story we tended to ignore the action where it conflicted with our belief in the characters. We expected the narrator to explain how it fitted into the story, and s/he did, but did so without warning in a manner contrary to our expectations that s/he had helped form.

Suddenly, and with little foreshadowing, the characters have a personality metamorphosis to false and venal. This is in direct opposition to the first 80% or so of this lenghty work, in which you do an effective job at portraying them as sympathetic characters that the reader can connect with.

The lesson? This author cannot be trusted. And if I can't trust the author to be true in the presentation of the characters and situation, why bother to read him (or her)?

Truthfully? I regret having wasted my time reading this story.

Hey, to all the anonymous critics: What have you written? So I didn't write an ending that you wanted to read. So what? My work is unique, and I don't write the same story that we have all read 1000 times. The fact is that if you readers would have read closely, you would have noticed the elements that surfaced in the conclusion. The characters - Miles and Ana -were always thin, deceitful and misleading, with the exception of Romano - who ends up with his own happy ending, and a new love who exposes Ana. Is that so bad?

I agree with a lot of what's been said here. Third-person omniscient narration was probably not a good choice, as the narrator had no clear reason to hide the characters' true pasts from us. This would work better as a film script, where we can't "see" exactly what characters are thinking.

Yes, there are hints dropped that all's not as it seems. But they are too few, and too late (especially in Ana's case) to amount to good foreshadowing. I knew there was a "twist" ending coming, but it didn't satisfy at all. I ended up not liking any of the characters except Jimmy and Brandon, and I figure they probably are cheating losers too, I just didn't pick up the "clues."

I'm voting lower than I normally would (I did enjoy the first half or so of this story) because I don't think it's right for the author to keep coming on and giving it 100s.

Reminds me of another story by the writer that says they put the car in park and drove off. Wonder how many cars use park as drive and not to park the car stationary? Proofreading helps and despite the fact the writer doesnt agree editors are sometimes needed especially when writers get into things they really dont know about. Reading this chapter one would come up with there is really no one in this story worth knowing. They are all cheats, liars, and sneaks. Seems the Cleveland Airport would have been a better choice but who knows maybe KY was closer.

You know, I read the romance section because I LIKE the predictable happy endings. I'm glad I skipped to the end several chapters back - just when Miles acknowledged lying to Ana - but I'm annoyed that I wasted my time reading the first several chapters of what was an incredibly promising story that flopped miserably. My first thought on reading the end was a disgusted "goddamn it, what a fucking waste." All that being said, you're quite an excellent writer (all writers need editors), but I shall cease to peruse your work because I can no longer trust it.

I hate to leave any story unfinished though this one tempted me multiple times. The sex descriptions were mediocre and the storyline got more and more convoluted as it went. I understand your desire to do something 'different' but I think in your effort to do so, you've either lost sight of or decided to ignore your audience.

We go through enough drama and misery in our lives. I don't read stories in Literotica to drag me further down. You're right, I WANT at least a modiCUM of happiness in the ending. It doesn't have to be 'happily ever after' but it shouldn't be 'he came too early for her to get any satifaction and they both died.'

In general, your storytelling is good. I think you tried too hard to be different here.