Interstellar

"Well, obviously I haven't told anyone," Stella said. "I know I pass as a regular woman now, and that's why I wanted to move up here, to have a fresh start. To go stealth, you know, to just be a...a normal woman. To not have to explain myself all the time. And it's been great, in some ways, but I can't....I can't share a cabin with anyone. They're gonna know. And I can't deal with that."

Stella moved, in agitation, but because Cooper was leaning against her, she couldn't just jump up and flee.

There were many upsides to the back-to-back method, and Cooper was familiar with them after Mindy's therapy sessions. It forced you to stay close, to draw the physical comfort in being so close. You were forced to synchronize with each other, which made you feel emotionally closer. By not seeing the other's face, you couldn't project what you felt on the other, and had to handle it within yourself. You had to express yourself in words, rather than facial expressions or gestures.

Stella settled back against her.

"I don't know why I told you," Stella said. "I don't know why I got so upset. I should've just made some excuse and canceled my trip later. I don't know how this is now getting to me so much. I even fucked up and went to the men's toilet. I mean, how elementary is that!"

"Hush," Cooper said soothingly. "It's alright. I'm glad you told me."

Stella snorted.

"No, I am," Cooper said. "I think it's been weighing on you. I take it you haven't told anyone at all? I mean, you don't go to any peer support groups or such?"

Stella slumped a little. "Well, no," she said.

Cooper breathed in, breathed out, letting Stella draw comfort from her and stayed quiet. Eventually, Stella continued. "The whole point was to pass as any regular woman. I didn't want to get into the queer scene here, because I know how easy it is to get lost in it. I've kept in contact with my friends back home, but it's not the same. And I see a therapist, but not so often anymore.

"I didn't want to explain my social circles to anyone, I just thought I'd form my own—make a bunch of new friends, you know? Regular female friends, like anyone who moves to a new city. And it's been great. But it hasn't been like I thought it would be. Sometimes I feel like... like an imposter. I'm so afraid someone's gonna expose me, challenge me. Tell me I'm not a real woman, because I've fucked up something obvious."

They were silent for a few moments. Cooper felt Stella against her back, and how she had now accepted their back-to-back position, how she was pressing against her.

"Stella?" Cooper said, "I know a little about trying to mind your own business alone. It's taken a lot of support to deal with Mindy's condition. She tried it on her own at first, and then we tried it together, but really, we never would've made it with just the two of us."

Stella sighed, but didn't comment. Cooper waited, but Stella didn't seem to have anything more to say.

"Okay, let me reiterate," Cooper said. "You're upset because you don't want anyone at the office to know you're transgender, and you're afraid they will if you share a cabin with them."

"Yes," Stella hissed. "Because it would be too much of a risk. Because I...I still have my...dick."

"Oh," Cooper said. She'd thought she was fairly well informed about trans folk, but she had never thought through what it would mean, in practical terms, to transition from male to female. She was momentarily at a loss for words, as her mind tried to race through all the implications that this would have for the young woman leaning against her back. Questions sprung up, and she pressed them back down for being too personal. She had no business enquiring about her sex life, and come to think of it, she didn't even have any idea if Stella was into women or men.

As far as Cooper knew, Stella wasn't in a relationship, and hadn't dated anyone since starting at the company. Cooper had just assumed she would be straight, something that made her embarrassed. She should know better than to assume. She prided herself on being open-minded and progressive, but evidently she wasn't as much as she had thought.

From Mindy's therapy, Cooper had learned to focus on the task at hand, to solve what could be immediately solved, and not try to get the world ready with a single strike.

"Okay," she said slowly. "So. It's only a cruise. If you don't want to go, you can just cancel. You don't need to invent excuses. Just say you've changed your mind. Rhonda won't mind. But if you do want to go, would it be enough if I ask her to put you in my cabin?"

"Your...your cabin?" Stella asked.

"Yes, my cabin. I snore like a lumberjack, so Rhonda knows to set me up in my own cabin. She knows I'll pay extra for it. You can share with me, if you want to and your secret would be safe with me."

When she didn't say anything more, Cooper said, "Are you ready to turn around now? So I can hug you? Would you let me hug you?"

Stella turned, hesitantly, and Cooper turned towards her. They looked at each other, solemnly, and now that Cooper knew she evaluated Stella's facial features. She was beautiful. No doubt her looks would've been wasted on a boy. Cooper spread her arms and raised her eyebrows, and Stella came to her, a little reluctantly, like she wasn't sure it was wise. Cooper pulled her close and cradled her head against her neck.

"Thanks for telling me," she said into Stella's ear. "I appreciate it. I can help you out, now that I know. Just tell me if there's something you need."

"I've been wanting to tell you," Stella said quietly. "Ever since the one time, after Christmas, when you told us about your uncle. Remember? I've been thinking about it."

"Well, better late than never, huh?"

Cooper let go of Stella and straightened her back. She looked at the younger woman and took her face in her hands. Stroked her cheeks with her thumbs.

"It's gonna be alright," she said. "You'll see. Let me know what you decide about the cruise, okay?"

Stella nodded and flashed a weak smile. She had dimples, something that Cooper had never noticed before. Maybe she just hadn't smiled that genuinely in the time Cooper had known her. She swept her thumbs over the dimples and returned the smile.

On her way to her car Cooper called Rhonda, telling her Stella had food poisoning and she had driven her home. She considered going back to the office, but decided against it. Her current onsite project was one where she was required to use the customer's computer, and so she didn't even have to collect her stuff. She drove home instead, and used the rest of the day to google phrases like "male to female transgender", and "transitioning process", and "sex reassignment surgery".

—#—#—#—#—#—

Their friendship deepened considerably, now that Cooper was aware of Stella's secret. It made Stella noticeably more relaxed to have a confidant, even when she didn't need Cooper to cover for her. They had agreed on a phrase she could use, if she needed Cooper to rescue her from any situation, but it never came to use. Just to have the option seemed to do wonders. Cooper was reminded of Mindy on their Christmas trip. Mindy hadn't used their emergency protocol that many times, but just to know she could, had made all the difference.

—#—#—#—#—#—

Cooper sat with Rhonda at a corner table. She was getting deliciously drunk. They looked at the dance floor, where most of their team was keeping busy, shaking their hips to the energetic music blasting from the speakers. They were attracting a fair deal of attention. There were multiple similar entourages onboard on what they had jokingly rechristened "Love Boat", and a particular troupe of accountants were surrounding their girly group and making advances. Cooper had been dancing as well, but now she wanted to sit and gossip with Rhonda.

"So, Stella," Rhonda said and gestured towards the dance floor. Stella was dancing and laughing with the others, and she looked spectacular in her golden party dress. It was longer than most girls', but sleeveless, exposing her beautiful, slim arms. "I was surprised you wanted her in your cabin. I thought you would've wanted to have it all to yourself. For, you know."

She wiggled her brows and gestured towards the accountants. Cooper laughed. It was true that she was irked to lose her venue for casual sex, but wasn't going to tell Rhonda about the reason for her sacrifice. She knew she needed to give her something, and so she leaned closer and said, in a confessional manner, "Don't tell anyone, but she's got body issues. That's why she would rather stay with just me. She thought I'd understand, because of Mindy."

"Oh?" Rhonda said, clearly interested. "With that body?"

"Well, it's not about that," Cooper said. "There was never anything wrong with Mindy's, either. It's between the ears, you know that."

Rhonda nodded slowly. "Guess so."

There was enough truth in Cooper's statement that Rhonda didn't press. Cooper felt relieved. She didn't like to keep secrets from Rhonda or anyone, but that secret wasn't hers so she had no choice.

The music switched to something slow and sexy. Their teammates at the dance floor laughed and flirted with the accountants. They paired up, with only Stella turning to return to the table. Halfway there a man stopped her and seemingly asked her for a dance. She hesitated, looking at the dance floor and then back to the man. She glanced at Cooper's direction, and both her and Rhonda lifted their thumbs up. She grinned, and Cooper thought she probably blushed, but the lights were too low to tell. She nodded, shyly, and the man escorted her to the dance floor, his hand on her back.

"Besides, all is not lost," Cooper said. "Seen anyone interesting?"

She and Rhonda were a little older than the average cruise crowd, and they resorted to their old game of "spot a date", suggesting potential partners for each other. It was mostly a game, although in recent years, after Cooper's divorce, it had sometimes yielded results. Rhonda was steadily married, but she enjoyed suggesting matches to Cooper, all the more if she found one. She claimed it was almost like scoring herself.

"The one with Stella isn't bad," Rhonda said and drained her drink. "Maybe you could take turns."

Cooper snorted and emptied her glass as well. Rhonda looked at her questioningly, and she just nodded; it was Rhonda's turn to get the next round. Rhonda went to the bar, and Cooper looked at Stella's dance partner.

He was good looking, tall and confident—not very muscular but not thin. Cooper tried to estimate his height based on Stella, and deduced he was so tall he probably was stronger than he looked. He was probably somewhere between Stella's age and herself. He wasn't clumsy or awkward and handled Stella nicely. She looked relaxed in his arms. They danced for a few pieces, and when the music turned faster the man walked her off the dance floor. To Cooper's surprise, Stella seemed to steer him towards their corner. Rhonda was just getting up to go to the dance floor, and she just nudged Cooper's side with a suggestive grin on her face.

"Oh shoo, you wicked old hag," Cooper laughed. Rhonda left, and soon Stella took the chair she had vacated.

"Cooper, this is Stan," Stella said. "I thought I'd introduce you two."

"Oh?" Cooper said. "I thought he was after you."

"There's enough of me to go around," Stan said, taking her hand to kiss it. Cooper laughed.

"Smooth operator, are you?"

"Stella thought you'd be up for direct propositions," Stan said, unphased. His smile was radiant.

"She did, huh? Well, that is me," Cooper said. "No need to be coy with me. So, what exactly are you proposing?"

"Stella told me you share a cabin," Stan said, still holding Cooper's hand. He held her gaze, still smiling, still confident. He leaned a little closer and added, "I thought you might share it with me."

"Oh, the three of us?" Cooper said. "Well, you've got nerve, I'll give you that."

Stan shrugged, still smiling, and cocked his head a little as if to dare her. Cooper smiled, in spite of herself. She was drawn to his effortless charm and self confidence. He seemed to be certain he could deliver what he was offering, and yet he wasn't cocky or assuming. They looked at each other for what felt like a very long time. Cooper had a feeling he was scanning her, just as she was scanning him. At the same exact moment, they leaned closer and kissed.

It was a polite kiss, tentative, and neither one was very aggressive. They were still checking each other out, and it became more and more obvious that they shared a frequency. There was an easy promise of a very nice lovemaking session passing between them. Cooper was exhilarated; it wasn't that usual to find someone so suitable. She hadn't dared to hope it would happen on this trip. Now she found herself hoping it would.

She broke the kiss, staying close to Stan, and said, "Let me talk with my girl for a sec, okay?"

Stan smiled then kissed her hand again. Cooper tore her eyes off him and turned to Stella. On a whim she got up and gestured for her to follow, and led her to the dance floor. The song wasn't a slow one, but Cooper pulled Stella closer anyhow, and they swayed together. Cooper could feel her warmth, her slim, sweaty body so close to hers. Stella held her by the sides carefully, and Cooper wrapped her arms over her shoulders, pulling her head close to her own.

"Tell me what you think?" Cooper said, close to Stella's ear. "Do you want to do him?"

"I don't know!" Stella said, excited but frightened. "I never thought that would even be an opportunity! I haven't been, like, dating or anything. You know...as a woman."

"Oh," Cooper said. "Oh! Well. Damn."

She tried to wrap her mind around it. "So, obviously, he doesn't know? But what if he did? What would you want to do with him?"

"I don't know," Stella repeated. "I just want to...want to...make out with him. But I don't want to tell him. And, you know, he's gonna know."

Cooper sighed. This was a little more complicated than she was used to. She could see Stella's nervous excitement, and wanted to provide her with something but her drunken brain had trouble coming up with anything usable. She knew Stella was in a fragile state and felt protective of her. However this played out, Cooper was determined not to let Stella get hurt. She considered her options carefully.

"Well, he wants to have a threesome," she finally offered. "If we do that, maybe we can keep him out of your pants. But that would mean you'd be fucking me, you know? Or at least be there to witness when he does. I didn't know you were into that."

Stella moved her head a little farther, so that she could look at her without crossing her eyes. Her gaze was a little bewildered, but evaluative and solemn. "Are you?"

"I've been with women," Cooper confessed. "Never in a relationship, though. But sex? Yeah. So you could say I'm into that."

Stella nodded slowly. "So would you want to do it? With me, and him?"

"Hell yeah," Cooper said, grinning. Stella laughed nervously, but her energy had shifted from apprehension to anticipation. They walked back towards the table where Stan waited.

Cooper leaned closer and said, "You can stop it anytime if it doesn't work for you, okay? I'll be okay. I can take care of myself. And we can throw him out if it's not what you expect. I can live with not going through with it, you understand? You're more important here."

Stella glanced at her, but didn't comment before they got to the table. Cooper decided to leave it up to her—she was a grown up, after all. Cooper had laid her cards down clearly enough, and that was her part. Now she just needed to set the ground rules for their penis-for-the-night.

"Stan, hi," she said, sitting down to his left with a predatory smile. "We've decided to give you a chance."

Stan let out a good-natured laugh. "I'm so pleased to hear that," he said. "I'm gonna make it worth your while."

"A few things up front, though," Cooper said. "Me, I'll tell you if something is off limits. Until then, just do your best. But for my girl here, you have to let her lead, okay? Wait for her to tell you how to touch her. Think you can do that?"

"I can do that," Stan said without hesitation. He was so convincing Cooper had no trouble believing him, and Stella seemed pleased too.

"Maybe we should get you drunk before taking advantage of you," Cooper suggested.

Stan laughed again and they moved away from the table, him in between them. The bar had an outdoor extension on the back deck, and soon the three of them stood in the shadows, admiring how the moon cast a flickering reflection on the boat's wake. Stan was funny and friendly, and shared his attention evenly amongst the ladies. He was also considerate, keeping them away from the wind, touching them politely and making sure they weren't cold.

Cooper was more and more convinced this could work. She felt the excitement growing in the pit of her stomach, how her body readied itself for the upcoming sensual turmoil. She was almost giddy with anticipation. Stella seemed more reserved, but a radiant smile kept breaking out on her face. She touched Stan every once in a while, light touches with her fingertips, sweeping his arm or neck.

When they walked the corridors to Stella and Cooper's cabin, they didn't see any of their teammates, Cooper felt relieved—not that they were doing anything wrong, but she didn't want to think of the consequences just yet. She congratulated herself for choosing the more comfortable, more expensive cabin, where beds were wider than in the cheaper rooms. She pressed the door closed then pulled Stan in for a kiss.

Stan took Cooper's face in his hands and kissed her slowly. She let out a throaty whimper, and started to ease his shirt out of his pants. She felt Stella joining in; she stood behind his back and helped undress him slowly. Cooper felt her actions and occasionally their hands brushed. She was glad Stella was joining in by herself.

Together they unbuttoned Stan's shirt and Stella pulled it off his shoulders. He let go of Cooper's face to assist her. Cooper roamed her hands over his upper body.

"Damn, you're a fine specimen," she said.

Stan smiled and kissed her once more. When he turned towards Stella to kiss her as well, Cooper let her hands slide over Stan's upper back, admiring how his muscles felt. He wasn't overly buff, but there was a definite muscular definition. His back narrowed to his hips, and Cooper rounded his waist to unbuckle his belt and undo his pants. She slowly worked her hands under the waist of his garments and inch them down. Stan's body responded to hers, and they all swayed gently, him still kissing Stella and thus tugging her along as well, when she pulled his pants down.

Cooper admired his muscular thighs, the masculine shape of his ass and the way he tensed when she cupped his genitals. His shaft hardened in her hands, and she peppered small kisses all over his upper body, while her hands got familiar with his privates. She loved the feeling of a dick growing in her hand. He got harder and longer, and when she stroked him slowly, she ended up poking Stella with it. She lowered her hand on it and their fingers interlaced, searching for the best position, and then caressing him together.

"Oh, ladies," Stan said. He was a little out of breath. "Ooh, that feels nice."

He was probably in his whole parade form by now, and Cooper licked her lips reflexively when feeling his hot firmness. She decided she wanted to taste him. She kissed between Stan's shoulder blades, and then a little to the side, starting to move to the side of him. She had to let go of his dick to do that, but to compensate she let her hand caress his buttocks. Stan looked at her, smiling, and touched her shoulder appreciatively. She could see the arousal in his eyes.