Interstellar

"I don't really know how I didn't realize all of it before. I feel kinda stupid. I wanted to get away from home, away from the GLBT crowd there, away from those who supported me in my transition, because as good as it's been there's all this weight that comes with it. Like my brother is suddenly mourning losing 'his only brother', and it pisses me off, even though I know it shouldn't. I thought if I'd just mingle with cis people and pretend to be one it will, I don't know, rub off on me or something, and I could skip all that complexity and just exist. But now I see it can't be that way, and I don't know what to do."

Cooper made a small, encouraging sound. Stella touched her breast again, and Cooper knew she noticed how her nipple reacted.

"And now, yesterday," Stella said sullenly. "Stan seemed so nice, I thought he was like a real knight in shiny armor. It felt really good to dance with him, and make out with him, and enjoy his attention. He had a really nice body and all."

"Yeah, no complaints," Cooper offered. Stella snorted.

"Yeah, I could see you had no complaints," she said scorningly. "And I really enjoyed him, too. But still, during the threesome, what really turned me on was to touch you. To see you get so aroused. And what almost made me cum, even when it's really uncomfortable while tucked, was to make you cum. Damn, it was the hottest thing ever! And then, later, when it was just the two of us?"

Stella moved her head on the pillow, so she could see Cooper's eyes. She looked flustered but defiant, like she had decided to speak her mind.

"It was perfect," she said finally. "It was the best sex I've ever had. I would've just wanted to stay there, stay inside you, and keep going forever."

Cooper met her gaze. Stella was waiting for a reaction, and so she leaned closer to Stella and kissed her.

"It was magnificent. I really liked it too," Cooper said.

"I think I love you," Stella said with a strangled voice. "I think...I think I love you. So it makes me a lesbian, doesn't it?"

Cooper pulled her closer to her neck. Her heart was thumping, and a feeling richoched in her chest before she could catch it. It was a warm feeling, exhilarated, surprising, and totally familiar. She caught it, examined it, and let it out. "I love you, too."

They clung to each other for a while, trying out the new situation.

"But, like, we're coworkers and all," Stella said. "There is a company policy against personnel messing about. I'm sure there is."

"Hush," said Cooper. "We don't need to do anything about it just yet."

"Are you sure? Because I feel like everyone's going to know."

"Just relax. You're overthinking. Just concentrate on this moment. I've got you."

Stella tried to relax, but Cooper could almost hear her thoughts swirling inside her head.

"Know what I think?" Cooper asked.

"What?"

"I think you've been too alone for too long. I think it was a mistake for you to move away from everyone you know and try to tackle this on your own."

"I think you're right."

"Well, you're not alone anymore. I've got you. We don't need to label it. We can just be together, and I'll do whatever I can to help you. You don't need to think being with me will somehow define your sexuality, and don't worry that it should last a lifetime. If you feel like you want to try it out with men, you can. Or some other woman. I'm not going to chain you to the wall. Okay?"

Stella sniffled a little. Cooper kissed her hair.

"And you don't need to rush with the surgery. Just wait until you know for sure. I love your body just the way it is, I think you're the sexiest thing ever."

"But I don't feel enough of a woman."

"Sure you are. It's like...I think you're trying too much. You need to give yourself some slack. I feel like you're trying to be more of a woman than other women, know what I mean? Women come in all shapes and sizes, and it's not like it's a checklist you need to fill, or a series of hoops to jump through, right? You can just relax and be you. It's enough, believe me."

Stella sighed and nuzzled yet closer to her. "I don't know. I wish you were right."

"Just let it be for now. You don't need to solve everything right this minute."

Stella didn't argue. She stroked Cooper's stomach lightly, following the edge of her ribcage towards her back.

"So, last night," she said. "With Stan. How was it for you?"

"The same as you, I think. He was nice and he was hot. He knew his way around a woman's body. I liked how respectful he was. Like at first I was keeping an eye on him, making sure he wouldn't force you into anything, or even try anything that would cross your lines. But he didn't. He handled it really well. So I was pleased."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And how was it with me?"

"It was really hot. Like, right from the start. When we kissed, by his dick. There's this, I don't know how to say it. There's this magic when you touch me."

"Really?"

"Really."

They held each other, mulling over everything they'd said.

"Wanna go get breakfast?" Cooper asked. "Maybe things will be clearer with a full stomach."

"Guess so," Stella said. Cooper tilted her head back to kiss her one more time. She lingered, it felt very nice, but there was no time for more so reluctantly she got up to shower in the cabin's tiny bathroom.

When she came out, Stella was standing by the mirror, turning Stan's business card over in her hands. Cooper let her eyes sweep the lean curve of her back, down to her sweet, round bottom, and then peek at her penis via the mirror. The opposites were delectable, and she had to fight the urge to grope her. Stella turned to look at her.

"So he wants to keep in touch?" Stella said, a little reserved. "Was that what it was about, when he asked you to the door?"

"Well, he was actually more interested in you," Cooper said, drying her hair. "He said to call anytime we wanted to do that again. And he said to tell you he'd be up for it, anytime you are ready."

"Up for what?" Stella said with a shrill voice, and suddenly Cooper realized she'd said something wrong. "Up for WHAT exactly?"

"Well, he," Cooper said, lowering the towel from her head to see Stella. "He knew. About you."

"HE KNEW?"

"That's what he said when he was leaving, that anytime if you were ready he'd be willing to... touch you. He said he thought it was really hot that you have a penis."

Cooper tried to remember it word for word, there was no use sugar coating it now. Stella stared at her, eyes big and wild, lips trembling. Her makeup was all over her face, her hair was a mess, and she was the most beautiful thing Cooper had seen in her life.

"Honey," Cooper said.

"I DIDN'T EVEN PASS!" Stella shouted. "ALL THIS FUCKING TIME AND I DIDN'T EVEN PASS!"

Stella stormed to the bathroom and locked the door. Cooper heard her crying.

"Honey?" she said. No answer. She sighed, and pulled the small chair from the table in front of the mirror to sit beside the bathroom door. "I'm sorry."

Cooper felt terrible. How could she still be so fucking tactless after everything she'd gone through with Mindy? She could have kicked herself.

"Stella?"

Still no reply.

"I'm sorry for saying it like that. It was stupid of me. Look, I think he has some experience on this subject. Otherwise I don't think he could've guessed. I think you pass very well."

Still no reply. Cooper sighed, got up and started to get dressed. There was faint sobbing coming from the bathroom. She was almost clothed when a knock on the door startled her so badly she dropped her hair brush. She cussed to herself and picked it up.

"Yeah?" she called.

"Are you two coming to breakfast?" sounded Rhoda's voice, faintly, from behind the door.

Cooper hesitated for a few seconds, and then she opened the door.

"Look, do you think you could bring us a little something over here?" she asked. "I'm sorry to ask. But Stella's in a bit of a mood and I'd rather not leave her alone."

"Oh?" Rhonda asked, curious. "Did something happen? Ooh, was it the mystery man?"

"Well, kind of," Cooper said. "It's not my business to tell. But please, be a friend, will ya? Get us a little something, and then, if you would make others go ashore when we get there. I'd rather give her a little time to calm down, okay? I'll get her home."

They looked at each other, and Cooper could feel Rhonda trying to pick her brain. They had been friends for years, and Cooper knew how curious and stubborn she could be. Cooper also knew how to hold her own, and this time she didn't budge. "Please?" she just said.

"Well, okay," Rhonda said. "I'll be right back."

"Thank you, you're a doll," Cooper said and flashed her a smile.

Fifteen minutes later Rhonda returned with a basket of breakfast goodies.

"Thank you, love," Cooper said. "I'll make this up to you."

"Yes, you better," said Rhonda and left.

Cooper closed the door behind her and set the breakfast to the table. She checked the time; it was another hour until they were back in the harbor. In two hours the ship was supposed to be empty. She was planning to let the others disembark first, hopefully with all the rest of the passengers, and take Stella out later. She hoped they wouldn't run into Stan. She pocketed his card anyway.

"Stella?" she said and knocked on the bathroom door. "Please, come out."

Stella didn't come out, but Cooper could hear shower starting. She sat and poured herself coffee. She wasn't hungry and still felt guilty and ashamed, but she ate a little, anyway.

After a few minutes, the shower stopped, and the lock on the bathroom door opened. Cooper remained seated, concentrating on her coffee. She knew better than to engage straight away. She could see, via the mirror, how Stella stepped out, wrapped in a towel. She went to her bag and rummaged for clothes. She lowered the towel to her waist, put on a bra and pulled a t-shirt over her head. Then she glanced at Cooper's direction, but Cooper pretended to check the breakfast basket. Stella took out a pair of panties and started putting them on.

Stella made a frustrated noise, threw the panties on the bed then sat and buried her face in her hands.

"Are you alright?" Cooper asked mildly. "Can I do something for you?"

Stella sniffled and rubbed her face. She looked really tired.

"My dick hurts," she said. "It was so bad, yesterday, I was so aroused for so long, I think I chafed it or something. I don't feel like tucking it away."

"What if you don't?"

Stella shrugged. "Yeah, I don't know what the point is, anyway."

Cooper sighed and stood to offer her the chair. "Just come eat something, okay? You'll feel better."

Stella didn't argue. She came over and picked items from the basket just like Cooper had done a moment ago. Cooper took her coffee and went over to her own bag. She had one more pair of clean undies, and a pair of sweatpants she had packed, just in case.

"Here," Cooper said and laid them out. "These are too big for you, but maybe they're more comfortable."

They sat in silence for a while. There was a noticeable change in the ship's engines, and Cooper guessed they were approaching the harbor.

"I'm sorry I blurted it out like that. It was stupid of me, I should know better."

Stella glanced at her. "It's okay."

"It's not. But will you forgive me?"

"I will," Stella said. "I should grow a thicker skin, anyway. That's what my life is going to be, no matter how it goes. I'm never going to be normal."

"Normal is overrated," Cooper said. She got up, made a pile of pillows and covers at the other end of the bed and settled down, half laying on it. Stella finished eating and examined Cooper's clothes. She looked up at her, then at the clothes again, and Cooper saw how she clenched her jaw when she unwrapped the towel from her waist.

Again, the way her round hips framed her crotch, combined with the way her cock dangled from her mons, was utterly delectable. Cooper didn't turn her head away, didn't pretend not to look. Stella stood and looked at her, before setting the towel on the back of the chair, and reaching for the clothes. She put them on, tried her crotch with her hands, looked at herself in the mirror. Cooper thought it wasn't obvious at all.

"Maybe wrap a shirt around your waist," she suggested. Stella shrugged, turning to see herself from every angle. Eventually she gave up and began packing, throwing her belongings gracelessly into her bag. After she closed the bag, she didn't seem to know what else to do.

"Will you come here?" Cooper asked. She gestured next to her on the pile of pillows. Stella hesitated, then came. She didn't object when Cooper pulled her into her arms. There was an announcement on the ship radio, telling them the ship had returned to port and the disembarkment would begin shortly. Neither of them moved.

"Will you come home with me?" Cooper asked. "Or can I come home with you?"

"Why?" asked Stella.

"I just want to be with you now. And I don't want you to be alone."

"Why?"

"Well, because I love you. As we just figured out."

"Love is a strong word."

"It is. Are you taking it back?"

"No," Stella said, almost offended. "Why?"

"Well, you seem so apprehensive."

"I'm just..confused. I mean, I knew I loved you. I think I fell in love with you that day you got me to tell you, remember, when we sat back to back. I thought I was just grateful that you cared at all. I was losing it, it was so hard to keep it all in. But I think I knew. But now it feels...different."

"Yeah?" Cooper said. She held Stella close. It didn't feel like the time for any grand gestures.

"How is it for you?" Stella asked. She moved her head to a better position on Cooper's shoulder, and pushed a few strands of hair off her face.

"Well, I've been thinking about you, ever since that day," Cooper said. "I've worried about you."

"That's like caring, isn't it?"

"Yes it is. It's exactly like that."

"But...you didn't love me?"

"I didn't know I loved you. I haven't been exactly looking to get involved with anyone. I've had my hands full with Mindy. And I didn't know you'd be interested in me at all."

"So...are we? Involved?"

Cooper sighed and hugged her closer. "Well, this would seem like a great opportunity to get involved," she said. "If you think you're up for it. But I don't want to pressure you. I want to help you, even if you wouldn't want to be with me."

"Well, but...I...," Stella stuttered.

"Listen, you don't have to decide right now. Just come home with me, rest, let things settle down a little. Okay? We don't have to make any big decisions. We can keep the lid on it at work, if you wanna. I mean, there's company policy, but it wouldn't be the first time, so that's not the issue. But if you don't want to come out as lesbian, when you're not sure you are, you don't need to. I'm hardly ever at the office anyway, so I don't think it'd even be difficult."

"But would you be willing to tell everyone I'm your girlfriend?"

Stella sounded awfully hopeful. Cooper lifted her head to kiss her cheek.

"I'd be honored to tell everyone. If you were my girlfriend."

They contemplated this in silence. There was another announcement, telling that the cabin cleaning crew was starting their work.

"Ready to go?" Cooper asked. "Or are you still hungry, girlfriend?"

Stella grinned as she got up from the bed. They grabbed their bags, making sure they left nothing behind, and left the cabin. Stella had a shirt tied around her waist, and for all Cooper could tell she looked just like any young woman. They ambled through the corridors, trying to buy time before getting to deck four.

When they came out of the terminal building, Stan drove by and waved, making a "call me" gesture with his hand. Stella waved frantically, and ran to where he was, and he opened the window to have a few words with her. The car behind him started honking, and soon he drove away. Both Stella and Cooper had arrived by taxi, so they went to stand in line for the taxi stop. Stella was quiet, and Cooper didn't want to ask what she had talked with Stan. They drove to Cooper's place in silence.

Mindy was home for the weekend. Normally she stayed at the dorm, but this weekend her friend had invited her over for birthday celebrations. She was getting ready when Cooper and Stella walked in. Stella looked a little flustered to meet Mindy.

"This is my daughter, Mindy," Cooper said. "And this is Stella, my coworker. And also my girlfriend, if things work out. But don't tell anyone yet. Certainly not Rhonda."

Mindy laughed as she shook Stella's hand. "Well, if I tell Rhonda, it's like telling everyone," she said. "Welcome to the family. Stella, huh? So you guys are like, interstellar?"

Cooper groaned. "Augh, that's so bad," she said. "We've kinda shared the responsibility for bad dad jokes between us, now that it's just me and Mindy, but that's kinda...kinda...nailing it."

"Isn't it?" Mindy said, proudly. "Well, seeing that you're not quite as ancient as my mom, would you want to offer me some fashion tips? I don't know which one of these dresses to wear."

She took Stella by the hand and towed her away. Cooper smiled and went to load the coffee maker. Mindy's preparations for going out were like a hurricane going through the house, switching clothes and sprinkling accessories around, and for a happy hour Mindy and Stella had a go at it. Finally Mindy had her outfit figured out, and she retreated to her room to spend time on her pad. Stella came to the living room where Cooper was watching TV and sat beside her.

"Do you want coffee?" Cooper asked. "Sorry, I forgot Mindy was here. She can be a handful."

"She's delightful," Stella said and lifted Cooper's arm to snake herself under it. "Don't worry."

"So, what did you talk about with Stan?"

"I asked how he knew. He said his sister, Samantha, is trans, and ever since her transition he's had this...thing for trans women."

"Like a fetish, huh?"

"Guess so. It's a little fucked up, to be honest. Anyway, he said I'm really pretty, and that I shouldn't worry about passing. And he would like to go out with me, or us, anytime at all."

"Huh," said Cooper. She let her hand slide lower, so that she pulled Stella closer, and she leaned on her instead of the sofa. Cooper slumped down on the sofa until they were lying down, snuggling close. She could feel Stella along her side, including the bulge of her crotch against her thigh, and she thought it was just perfect. Just as it should be.

"I don't feel so bad about it, anymore," Stella said. "It was just a shock that he spotted me so easily. But it still doesn't feel right. Because I don't want anyone to want to be with me because of that, you know? Or in spite of it. I just want someone to like, well, me. I don't want to be anyone's fetish."

"I hear you," Cooper said and yawned. She wasn't getting any younger, and they'd had quite enough to drink the previous night. "But baby, when you meet someone in the bar like that, they're not gonna know you. So it's gonna be something superficial anyway."

"Well, that's true," Stella admitted.

Commercials blasted from the TV. Cooper could feel her eyes drooping.

"Stella?" she said.

"Mmh?"

"I want to be with you, because of you."

"What a nice thing to say."

"Well, that's how it is. So think about it."

"I don't have to. I'm already with you."

"That's good," Cooper murmured and set the remote on the table to wrap both her arms around her girlfriend. "That's so good."

—#—#—#—#—#—

Stella stretched and opened her eyes. A twinkling melody, Cooper's alarm, continued on and on. Stella rolled her eyes; Cooper always set the alarm on her phone for earlier than her, but never woke up when it went off. Stella thought she should be annoyed, but for some reason found it adorable. She reached across Cooper to silence the alarm, kissing her ear in the process. Cooper made a small sound and curled into a tighter ball under her blanket.