Intimate Blackout

I grabbed her hung head and locked an arm around her neck as if to strangle her. "It's not your fault beautiful, and what do you just call me!" I squeezed tighter.

"Jill... Jill, your names Jill, Mrs Stevens."

I released the wonderful creature and smiled a teary smile at her perplexed face. "I give up!"

****

Midday following the night of bedlam we sat firstly beside Carl's hospital bed and listened to his grizzles. The kids flicked some dials that had a nurse scampering in and suggesting it might be time to go. Angle leaned over Carl and whispered into his ear. I could hear her clearly.

"Thank you Carl for saving my life last night. I'd be dead now, you know that?"

"No beautiful, you saved our lives the day you walked into that hospital and saw my girl's husband... my best friend... that very first time. Last night was the least I could do."

Angel just shrugged and kissed the big ape on the cheek. We were marched out unceremoniously Indian file by the stern nurse and guided toward our next destination not far down the hall. Jade was tucked under my arm like a carry bag and Jessica followed along attempting to imitate my clicking heels using a walking sick she'd fingered from Carl's room.

Jack was perched up on a pillow but as soon as I entered the room a sense of dread consumed me. I might have some sixth sense when it comes to reading people and he didn't look right, even though his smile suggested otherwise.

"Hi guys, what's new?" Yep, to chirpy, even for Jack. Before I had a chance Angel beat me to it."

"What's happened Jack... what's wrong." She immediately began to fuss over his head bandage, scanning his body for something missed. I sat Jade on the floor and passed a plastic needle-less syringe and a thermometer to Jessica. She immediately pushed her 'patient' sister to the floor and went to work.

"She's right Jack, what's going on?" I clasped his hand.

"Nothing, everything's fine!" He shrugged unconvincingly. I frowned.

"Okay, I'll tell you what. If we tell you a big secret, you need to tell us yours, okay?"

"What if my secret is bigger than yours, then what?" He smiled, but it was a tired smile.

"I will promise you right now, that our secret is way bigger than yours. Anyway, size doesn't matter... well not much anyway!"

Angel was looking perplexed, scanning quickly between Jack and me like she was missing something. Jack shrugged.

"Alright then, but you go first... and if I think your secret pales in significance to mine, then I hold the right to remain silent unless the right to legal council is appointed me." He grinned, this time a little more playfully.

"Okay, fair enough, because everything will pale in comparison." I smirked. This would knock his socks off! But dread still invaded my soul and I shivered deeply. "Okay, Angel, tell Jack our secret!"

Her eyes went wide with disbelief. I winked and smiled.

****

CHAPTER 11.

ANGEL.

ME! Tell Jack our secret? What secret? I glanced up nervously and her eyes nodded knowingly. Fuck! She knew; how was that even possible? I'd told no one and I knew I wasn't showing... coz I checked every day! Hell, I hadn't even been sick! Mind you I felt like throwing up right now!

"Me! What secret!" I tried to feign denial. I was crap at poker.

"Angel, tell Jack now, because otherwise I will, but it would be best coming from you honey!" She could seemingly sense my fear and then the understanding of my uncertainty suddenly clicked in her eyes. "I love you dearly, so don't think this changes that. I'm happy for you and you deserve this, okay." She held my shaking hand and squeezed warmly. "Go ahead beautiful, you can do this."

I took a long deep swig of air. My brain spun.

"Um, Jack... I'm... that is we're... um... having a baby." I feared he may have missed the last gasp because it was barely audible.

Silence reigned, interspersed only by the beepy thing monitoring Jacks heart. It suddenly started squawking.

Then Jill started clapping excitedly! Jack's mouth had fallen open and hung unhinged. I glanced down at the floor. A 'baby' had a thermometer stuck up its nose whilst the 'nurse' pumped pretend serum into its ear. I wanted to crawl under the bed! In that instant two arms circled me and dragged me in. Wet cheeks plastered my own and lips crushed mine.

"Oh my god, you can't be serious!!" Jack was sobbing. I hugged him tight. My knight!

"But how?" He pushed me back and his torn expression displayed disbelief. My mouth failed to work but his wife's evidently did.

"Well Jacky boy, if you put part 'A' into slot 'B', mix it around with a little bouncy-wouncy and hey presto... BABY!" Jill clapped some more, bouncing excitedly in her chair.

"But..."

"You work darling... Six years of anticipation and build up, and bang!!" Jill laughed in merriment. "That blow to your head must have derailed... or re-railed as the case may be... the coal train. This little minx believed in you so much, that it's only fitting she is the beneficiary. You deserve each other and I'm extremely happy for the two of you!" She lent in and kissed her husband.

I felt a bit small and a whole lot smug!

"Okay, well that certainly eclipses my little secret!" Jack laughed nervously and I quick glanced over at Jill. I was just going to say that I wanted to take you all on holidays, to Australia.

"Oh no you don't, mister 'avoid the issue'. You promised! And you know that our secret beats your miserable hand, hands down! Now spill it honey!"

I glanced between both Jack and Jill, anxious and fearful. Jill sensed something... I just knew it. The hair at the nape of my neck was bristling. Jack looked defeated. He glanced down at the side drawer and nodded.

I hurriedly pulled open the cabinet and there, staring up at me was an envelope that obviously contained x-rays. Oh fuck! I slid them out and the slippery film slid from my trembling hands and scattered across Jack's bedding. I didn't even need to pick one up to know what it meant.

His internals were lit up like Christmas lights.

"They put me through the MRI scanner, just to check for injuries." He chuckled sadly. "Yep, good news, there are no further injuries!"

I swiveled my horrified face to Ms Jill. She was already stumbling backward. Her jaw worked and a wounded cry echoed of the rooms bleached whiteness, just as she crashed to the floor.

"Arretez...!!"

I think I wanted to howl, but everything faded to black.

****

The doctors suggested every conceivable drug, including stuff considered illegal. Chemo was discounted due to the advanced state of the cancer, and the fact that it inhabited almost every internal organ. He'd been in remission for twenty years following the testicular cancer, although it was uncertain when the disease had actually returned, because for all of those years he'd been lying in that coma, no one was checking.

Jill and I spent a lot of time hugging and crying, wrapped in each other's arms.

Jack was allowed to come home to die. His medical team gave him three months but he fought a fight no man was capable of winning. I even asked my Doctor for an early termination C-section just to allow Jack to go early, to avoid the pain... because I knew what it was he fought so hard for; to witness the birth of his only child.

****

And so it was, him pumped full of morphine and smoking weed, (for medicinal purposes of course!) that Jack and I found ourselves out touring the coast road in the Posh. A mechanical crane had been bolted to the ski racks and the new wheel chair rode in style! I was six months pregnant and although Jack had lost weight his spirits remained high.

"YEEHAAA!" He yelled out the window as I slotted third and gunned past a slow moving van. I could hardly wait to teach little Jack how to drive!

This would be his car one day, passed on by his father through me. Jack had always loved the Posh, so I would never sell it. Oh... yeah I knew my baby was a boy, I'd had an ultra-scan and Jack knew as well and he was rapped. He couldn't get enough of me now, and funny enough we enjoyed riding his chair the most... it was kind of nostalgic and certainly the bumpy ride helped!

Jill had suggested we have his sperm tested and frozen, but alas, it seems the cancer had reclaimed all fertility once more. Baby Jack would be a one-time miracle, and perhaps that's what made this so special.

A slow moving semi-trailer wandered into our lane without indication. I took evasive action, dived left and rammed second. The exhausts howled as we shot forward and the turbines whined in agreement. Into third gear and the engine growled. Jack raised the bird and yelled 'where'd you get your licence moron!'

I laughed at his exuberance, whacked it into forth and patted my fat tummy. I could feel little Jack kicking me on. Perhaps he was telling me to get on with life, because surely without his father that life would be a dull grey void.

I smiled, determined to make it a rainbow.

****

Jill walked into Jacks room one morning holding a wad of paperwork and looking pensive.

"Good morning Mrs Stevens." I chirped. She grimaced. I called her Mrs Stevens just to wind her up!

"Jack, I have something to ask you. I've not mentioned this to Carl because quite frankly he does not need to know." She stood in front of her husband and handed him the paperwork. Jack looked concerned, but perused the forms.

"You want a divorce?" He sounded sad.

"Hell no! This is the last thing I want. I love you so much it hurts, but sometimes we have to give up the things we treasure... for the betterment of others." Tears seeped down Jill's face. "This is for your son." She moved toward me trying to smile but her bottom lip trembled. "And it's for this beautiful girl." She hugged me. "Angel needs an identity and your son and your heir needs to have a family name, a legitimate family name..." Jill hugged me closer and then clasped my hand. "I want you to sign that paperwork and then marry this incredible woman".

"But..."

"No buts!"

"Jill, will you look after Angel and my son when I'm gone?" Jack blinked away salty moisture.

"Honey, I'm the one who's gunna need looking after! Angel's a lot stronger than me! Teach her how to manage your interests and don't worry about me. I'm quite sure I'll survive."

Jack nodded, thinking as usual. He scanned the papers and signed each appropriately.

I just cried.

****

The immediate family gathered around and I sobbed like a baby, bubbling out my 'I do's" and watching on like I was someone else as my new husband held my shaky hand and placed the ring on my trembling finger. People kissed me and hugged me and I floated on a cloud.

The nothing girl from nowhere was now Mrs Katherine Stevens. Jill hugged me and whispered.

"Now you have to call me Jill." She grinned, like she'd won the lottery.

I giggled. "Yes Ms Stevens..."

Jack was too sick to travel obviously and I was eight months pregnant, so we just planned on enjoying each other's company. I was snuggled back-first in against my husband's chest as he wrapped his thin arms around me and nuzzled my neck. I was still in my wedding dress when he started his delivery. He'd obviously been thinking.

"Angel, I want you to experience life when I leave..." I attempted to interject. "Shut up just for a second, because I need to say this, okay?" I nodded and tutted. "Good girl. Now, I know you'll want to shut down and hibernate, but that will really disappoint me. And I will be watching, you know that don't you?" I nodded because the tears were coming fast. I didn't trust my voice to sound strong. "I'd have no issues with you remarrying, but I have a feeling that's never going to happen." I shook my head furiously. That bit was true... "So... you need someone, actually, we both need someone who can fulfill our 'needs'." Jack scratched the air displaying the parentheses. "So my beautiful girl, what gets me excited?"

I swiveled my head and I admit my vision was hazed, but I needed to see him. What did the question mean? Within the context of the question I knew he was referring to him being sexually excited. Now lots of things got Jack excited, but the one thing that really got him going, and what had pretty much 'fixed' him, was the knowledge that his wife was sleeping with his friend. His fantasy filled brain got him all sexually excited knowing that his wife was receiving pleasure, albeit in the arms of another. The images of her taking her lover played in his mind like some erotic movie. We're not all wired the same way, and Jack's wiring was a rat's nest! But the fact was, he enjoyed watching, even if that was via imaging. He was a telepathic voyeur.

"You enjoy watching or rather imagining your wife making love to another man... to Carl."

Jack nodded and blushed. "You've always known me better than me. You're a smart cookie!" Jack pecked my nose. "So, what will get me excited... what will make me happy when I'm up there..."

"You want your wife to sleep..." My body was suddenly snap frozen. I was his wife! Being like two hours married and having to think of myself as his wife was a foreign concept! Realization slapped me hard across the face! "NO! ... You can't be serious?"

He grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "Angel you need it and I need it. Unless you decide to remarry, I want you to take up Carl's offer of him seeing to your sexual fulfillment."

That floored me. "Carl's offer?" I'm sure I looked like I'd just been electrocuted with a cattle prod.

"Well, Jill's actually. She's concerned for your welfare and suggested she allow Carl to service you. We understand there'd be no 'love' involved, just a good old fashioned seeing too and you could be on your way! It would be much better than the frustration and stress of celibacy... and Carl's safe!"

My god, he was serious! His delivery simulated a discussion over the purchase of a new car and the merits of airbags versus anti-lock brakes! Worse... he was currently checking the oil beneath my wedding dress! No top up required! Why did the idea have me squirming? Surely this concept was horrific! Okay, so Carl was a nice guy, and he was kind of chunky handsome and I knew he could deliver because I'd heard Ms Jill screaming often enough!

I slapped his hand away from between my thighs. "Stop that... I can't think straight! You want me to do it with Carl, and you want to watch?" I couldn't say 'watch from heaven' because that was just too painful, but we both knew what he meant.

He grinned and nodded.

The idea, as shocking as it was, was analytically plausible. He was right, I couldn't go the rest of my life without sex and we both knew I'd never remarry. For me, this marriage was a once only. How could another man ever replace him? I'd fallen in love with him as a vegetable for god's sake!

"Yep, but there's one stipulation, one thing you must promise me to always do."

"Okay... go on..." I was breathing erratically...

"Whenever Carl is using you... you must wear a blindfold. It will help you focus your mind and vision on me. I want you to see my face every time you make love, because I hope that's what it will be like, you making love to me..."

A bloody tear slipped from my husband's left eye and that was the end of me. I bawled like a baby...

We hugged each other close. The idea of allowing Carl to physically satisfy me while spiritually my mind made love to Jack was flowering into acceptability. It would be a way of staying intimately close and by wearing a blindfold I would be symbolically denying myself to Carl. I would be sexually satisfied by a man who was my husband's best friend and he in turn would feel the importance and attachment of performing a service for his friend. There'd be love in the union, the entirety of which would be focused on Jack who'd be smiling down on us and nodding his approval. The idea grew roots.

"I'm not sure I can do it Jack, I mean..."

"Hey, I know it will be difficult at first, but I thought I might help you the first few times, just to help you adjust. What if I put this blindfold on you now, hold you in close and kiss you... while Carl pleasures you. We'll do it together."

I know my eyes were like saucers. "You can't be serious... now! It's our wedding night!"

"Huh huh, but it's not like we're going to do it... I mean I've stopped working down there, but I still work up here." He tapped his head, the place his real sex organ dwelled. "I'd love to consummate our marriage, only in the way we'll love each other from now on." Jack had produced a blindfold from beneath the pillow. This had been planned. He held it up and it shimmied like a snake. Curiously I made no effort to move, or flee or cower. I was frozen but realization had also dawned. If this concept was plausible, and for some inexplicable reason my short circuited brain accepted that it was, then what better time than to start, wrapped in the loving arms of my beautiful husband. Perhaps it was because I didn't dash from the room, or in fact move at all, because Jack gently fitted the blindfold over my head. It was a custom made affair consisting of large eye coverings that molded over the bridge of my nose and stretched over my head presenting a Zorro lookalike with frizzy black hair. Of course the wedding dress may have appeared out of place but my mind imagined this erotic creature tucked into her newly married husband's arms awaiting the attention of her 'provider', her husband's best friend and the partner to his ex-wife. My world went black, but my senses were spiked. Jack's soft breath caressed my neck. A breeze wafted in through the open window pane. The ceiling fan squeaked rhythmically. The door clicked open and soft feet approached on polished flooring. A feminine hand feathered my cheek.

"Hi there beautiful, how are you feeling?" Ms Jill's voice felt close. Soft lips touched mine and for some reason I responded and invited her intimacy. It sounds silly, but the blindfold allowed me to be someone else, another girl, someone and something very sexual and exotic. I knew Jill loved Jack, and I knew she loved me too. It seemed fitting that she act as the intermediate. To say I wasn't nervous would be the understatement of the year, but I was sparking with desire. Okay, I admit I was horny and fizzing like a sparkler, but a large part of that was in the knowledge that I was pleasing Jack. As my arousal increased, my ability to stop the freight train flew out the window along with the broken brake lever.

"Are you excited? You're loving husband wants to please you now. Lie back and enjoy him now beautiful." Her voice soothed me. "Picture his handsome kind face, those loving eyes and just allow him to love you now." Soft feminine hands gently raised my skirts; pushed up lace and silk. I lifted my bum as if by instinct. Cool air blushed over my thighs as long fingers curled into the upper band of my frilly white panties. Those same hands drew the lace down my legs, tugging them over raised heels. I could actually feel the vibration through the floor and bed as a heavy presence approached. Embarrassment mixed with deep desire swamped my being. Jill lifted my legs to place my heels flat on the mattress before coxing my knees horizontal. I imagined I resembled a splayed fat pregnant frog awaiting dissection.

"You're beautiful Angel." Jill whispered.

My husband's grip intensified and his breathing had galloped. "Honey, I love you... can you see me?"

I nodded into the darkness. I could see him clearly, he was smiling. I pictured those intense eyes opening and blinking after nearly six years of nothingness. I was his first vision... he called me Angel. Soft fingers worked my sex and my body bucked.

"She's ready darling, use her gently and let her embrace her love." Jill voice invited entry. The bed sank and big hands pushed my knees back. I was panting so hard and the feeling of real fear mixed with ridiculous excitement consumed me, like I was about to take my first bungy jump, or at least imagining it. Jack squeezed me tighter, nuzzled my neck and whispered shhhh...