All Comments on 'Intimate Games'

There are just too many things wrong with your writing to make a complete list - it would take hours. Let's just say your poor grammar, spelling and overuse of exclamtion points made a sexy idea of a story impossible to read. Get an editor.

You missed the part where he divorces her and finds a woman that truly loves him. A lot of authors seem to miss that part in their wife betrayal stories.

The premise was OK, but you either need to find an editor or spend a lot more time proofreading. The frequent grammar errors, misspellings, and name substitutions were quite distracting.

Don't give up, just put a little more time into your stories.

hope he divorced her sorry ass and with his evidence took everything she had ...he gets the house and every thing but her clothes

Maybe your stories do need a bit of editing, but I liked this one, anyway. I love the 'reluctant wife' giving in to temptation, and the husband either watching, or hearing about it. It gave me a few hard-ons, and that's all that matters. I never understand why these sad bastards waste their time reading the Loving Wives genre, anyway ....

The premise of the story was good, but the crazy capitalization, apostrophes, and other grammatical errors really were distracting and took away from the quality of your story. This is meant very constructively and is not mean-spirited in any way.

WOW! A guy from the UK who likes to read about husbands watching?! Go figure. I guess when that's the only ingredient necessary for him for a story to be good, atrocious grammar isn't important. And with his predilection who would know "sad" better than he.

A very sexy and very predictable story. But a wife who is lying, deceiving, conniving, slut. Get the evidence, divorce her, and keep your money, let her earn her own on the street where she belongs.

No real man would ever let a kid fuck his wife. and no real husband wouold watch as so kid seduced his wife. You are one fucked up dick head, your wife should be glad you left her.

" Not a word of this to anyone, Understood!"

Jimmy bends down and kisses Gail Passionately, say's

"Your secret is safe with us, see you Monday!"

I let things go until I set up a recording device and camera, I confronted Her with copies of the Evidence. Jimmy was not the only smart one!

+++++++++++++++++++

Me is more smarter than either Jimmy boy or Gail, my lovely wife! Hehehe! I had a woody that last longer than an viagara-induce, I tell you audience. Man, my wife of mine, she be one fine piece of ass. I love her to death and so is dumb Jimmy boy! I be tellin' the truth, folks!

I mean, WTF, silly and idiotic writer! What the fuck did you just write there? LOL! You sounded dumber than you"RE main character! It's hard to do but many a writer has achieved such feat so easily these days,,,,

One guy who said, for example, that the readers won't be able to predict what's happenin' in his story about a man making his soon-to-be wife suck him, as a payback, for her having a baby with another man,,, she owes him, he said some 150 blow jobs, IF she wants a quick divorce,,, I mean, the guys says he's a a PROFESSIONAL writer,,, and he spends 8 chapters, during each he tells us silly readers about 5 blow jobs he has the wife do to his protagonist,,,

8 chapters and an average of 5 blow jobs each, with NO REAL WORLD THINGS going on except just conversations about blow jobs --- from the wife or her sister,,, It's as moronic as your smart Jimmy boy and more smarter husband hero here! LOL

Beyond the problems with the language, another major problem is that both husband (and author) can’t seem to be able to make up their mind on which direction should they take their story to.

While no one can complain about the author’s right to choose - his themes, we may ask the author to make ‘A’ choice . The problem was that you seemed to be of two minds about it. Which one is it? A husband discovering his voyeuristic side and enjoying it, or a betrayed husband seeking justice? Looks like you could not make up your own mind about it. Throughout the story he seems to secretly enjoy the sexual tension, provided by the extra man in the house. Then, at the last minute he turns in recording devices and jumps to the monogamous only camp.

The other problem for me was that the supposedly charming lover acts and talks like a total jerk. You have to ask yourself - why is everyone (including the husband) so amazed by him?

Bad writing with numerous grammatical errors, typos and bizarre sentence construction. The author's style is... um... weird?

The character descriptions are threadbare. The author tells what the characters look like but doesn't really show us what motivates them, how they feel or what they think. We don't know why the wife cheats because the author doesn't bother with the why. We're left to assume that she's just another cock-hungry female who needs sex all the time. I run into those kind of women every day. Don't you?

We don't know why the hubby watches Jimmy fuck his wife and the author doesn't explore this. Maybe he's a mutant. Maybe he likes watching his wife get nailed by strange men. Maybe he's secretly a woman inside who longs for a gender change. Maybe he wants his stepdaughter and can now blackmail his wife into letting him screw Sammy without protest. None of these facets were explored so we're left to wonder what is going on inside his head. Why he didn't come out of hiding and kick Jimmy's butt out the front door remains a mystery. Most husbands would feel some need to act in that situation but our hero didn't and the author didn't say why. Evidently the main character doesn't mind being cuckolded but that's just a guess.

I searched for a plot but didn't really find one. It was more a loosely connected group of scenes in which the characters wander about the landscape with no clear direction in mind. I could detect no central conflict in the story and thus there was nothing to resolve. The characters aren't particularly sympathetic and do we really care what happens to them in the end? Nah, we don't.

I suppose Jimmy is the impact character but if so, he's a poor candidate for the task. He's sufficently scurilous for the job at hand but he is undoubtedly a moron with a short life expectancy. He deliberately screws a guy's wife in the man's own house. In my neck of the woods, that's dumb because it will get your ass killed. You can probably see how it is that I don't find Jimmy to be a credible character. Maybe in his next life.

Poor writing, bad dialog, no plot, unrealistic characters. I seldom hand out the double goose egg but this story richly deserves it. Excellent fiction this is not. This 00's for you, drakeme, for a badly-told story.

Bullshit.

You took up a challenge and entered the arena! Unfortunately you were ill equipped and some errors were made. I don't know why I read to the story-end but I made it; so I must comment. It wasn't even erotic! Make a plan for your next story and follow it. Eliminate your tendancy to 'short-cut, such as U (you) and 2 (two). Creative grammer is possible and even allowed but your stories need to tell a tale. Make that your plan for your next story! Please, do, write another.

You need an editor. Your typos and grammer mistakes are highly annoying. Spoils the story to see some clever ideas so sloppily presented.

Where's the end of the story. All that to get to a two sentence end that really isn't an end.

My wife did a similar thing with a mate of mine but when i found out i didn't stop them and eventually joined then in bed and he was fucking my wife over a three year period about twice a week.

how bad this writing is.

Couldn't even finish this trite, semi literate, cheating wife mess.