All Comments on 'Into the Chaos Ch. 01'

Great start

Just a few thoughts. The military ship would not jump into system without everyone briefed and combat ready well beforehand. So Yaki and Thalen would not have been woken up by a general quarters alarm. Instead, there would have been a pre-jump in meeting with the leading officers of all of the different groups to get the order of battle straight. Who was the overall commander of the battle group? It's not clear who that was. Clearly, it did not start out to be Thalen because he went in with the combat troops.

Overall, its well written, easy to read and the story draws the reader in. However, the Thalen's detachment robs the story of emotion, so you might consider describing scenes from the POV of different characters, such as Yaki for example. Combat and Sex from her POV might also be far more emotional than from Thalen. Some stories to look at include:

Three Square Meals - Tefler is a master at creating different characters with distinct inner voices and quirks.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=2967464&page=submissions

God of Mischief and Lies - Firefaery: Loki finds something he can't control.

Probably one of THE best written stories on this site, despite its short length. Her command of the English language to reveal inner emotions in just a few words is breathtaking.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1659737&page=submissions

A God Called Bruce - Talemaster: Endlessly inventive in the Greek/Mt. Olympus universe. It may give you some ideas.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1196364&page=submissions

Best of luck!

Great story so far, real sci-fi which I love! Can't wait for the next episode!

Great start to a good story, it I am disappointed that

You haven’t released a continuation of A Long Time From Home.

It would be helpful not to start with apologies

The links to "next part" and "previous part" are wrong; now those refer to ch 5 and 4, respectively.