All Comments on 'Into the Unknown Pt. 02 - "Deeper"'

If she has a death grip on his hand how could she text like that and wouldn't John wonder what the hell was going on? He would think she was obviously board if she was using the phone all the time he was with her.

You started out saying they were going to liven things up by both of them flirting with other people so far all I've seen is her playing with a guy that she's getting awful chummy with and the second time he wasn't even there he had to wait in a motel go ahead let her have sex with this guy and let him be a cuckhold old story she already told him if he couldn't hold his cum she would go back to the bar and fuck ithat guy she's already the boss LOL

Thoroughly unlikable characters, dialogue that's written by a horny teenager and actions that are just stupid. Badly written drivel.

1 star

Now pouring gasoline on the fire, marriage up in.smoke soon.

I've 5'ed you for two reasons: to encourage a rookie writing team in a difficult field, and to reward you for writing hot erotica. Last time i checked, that was the goal here.

I have no idea how hot your real wife is, but the fictional one sure is. I've always believed that the most basic rule of erotica is to make the women hot, and the sex hotter. You did a good job building the intensity in this story without getting sidetracked.

Now the negative.

First, i fear this story could be autobiographical because of your numerous military tendencies. If it is autobiographical, turn on the GoPro, because you're in freefall, and the rest of us will want to know how exhilarating your love life was before it crashed so horribly.

I have nothing against fictional sharing stories, but real ones are mythical. Some of the chapters may be worth sharing, but the book is a tragedy.

Your life's philosophy of riding the roller coaster would be comical if it weren't so immature. In reality, an engineer built a parallel track for a symmetrically balanced car for two riders to go through a series of controlled and planned momentum-based maneuvers to provide thrills. In your story, there is no symmetry between you and your wife. There is no one controlling or planning the thrills. There is no engineer. You have a safeword, but you will never use it until after the car has flown off the track. At that point it will only be good for blaming each other for not using it. An enduring lifelong marriage in modern times can only be achieved by two partners desperately holding on to each other, not by seeking obstacles that provide a desired challenge to tear them apart.

You say your events have no expectations, no limits, no guidelines. You just communicate and trust until she sends you away and takes advantage of your trust. And communicates at her pleasure.

What happens when she gets her approval for cheating from your nonverbal communication instead of your words? (Your hard dick). Isn't that the same as a man saying to a judge, "Her words said 'No', but her body said 'Yes'." Then you whip out the "Strawberry!!!!" But it's too late.

Of course, your new bedmate John (well, he is in her mind, so he's in your bed) has expectations, because she led him to have some. Soon his expectations and communication will take priority over yours, because he is the one that provokes the tension and thrill that you both have grown addicted to. And you'll agree to it, because it's the next logical step for the journey you're on.

Your roller coaster is not balanced because she won't let you play, too--which she never should have demanded. It's also not balanced because she plays without you present. And because she is in communication with her new steady, regardless of his new orders to another duty station. You know full well that if you have similar MOS, you'll see him again.

One other fact about roller coasters that should concern you: the thrills come from gravity. That's all. Once the gears take you up the highest hill and drop you, all of the twists, turns, loops and torques you endure are actually slowing down. Once your bride has fist-bumped you for the last time before throwing you into a curve, how will you get the thrill back?

Like i said, this story is good erotica. But your characters are heading down a one-way street. In order to bring them back, you'll have to stretch yourself as a writer. And please don't waste 3 paragraphs telling us your new--or rehashing the old--philosophy of life. You're the only one who cares.

We know that the texting would never work. I know you can’t write a conversation.

We know you are a cuck. We know your wife will go deeper to the point of having sex with as many men as possible starting with John. We know it was no coincidence that John was at the bar because wife has kept in contact.

We know you will end up in chastity while you watch wife with the real men she finds.

We know you will keep the house tend the children and support her while she expands her sex life.

We know this is in the wrong category. It should be in Fetish.

Read like a North Korean promise, and holds about as much truth.

Good story, if that's all it is, not five but 3 and a half or 4.

Lose the text gimmick stop telling us how cool you and your Harrad Experiment marriage are.

I read LW because it turns me on if I find a well written story!

I don't understand the stupid holier than thou jerkoffs who come here to preach vanilla sex and fidelity when this section is almost exclusively about cheating, cuckoldry, swinging and extra curricular sex among married people. What a bunch of whiners!

Keep writing! Us horny fans are enjoying the ride! Literotica is a place to turn on and have fun, not to judge others because you are a panty waist hypocrite!

Excellent story and sexy characterizations!

You're developing a plot line that draws the reader in, with goodly portion of suspense. For instance, you've crafted the character of the wife such that each new experience is new for her and we wonder how she's going to respond/react. Some will (and already have!) disagreed with part of all of the story line, but so what? It's your story, not theirs.

Some suggestions: I guess the phone texting device is a practical way of allowing the characters to be physically separated, while being close by. But it strains credibility. An alternative?

Your narrative can get a little wordy and repetitive. You don't have to assume that the reader hasn't read your previous chapters so you don't need to spend much time with "stage setting." Besides, one of your literary objectives seems to be to paint the evolving attitudes of both characters concerning sexual fantasy and the hanging promise of it evolving to something well beyond the beginning state. This will require multiple chapters anyway, so don't use the space to repeat what you already developed.

Finally: You write the narrative using hyphenated speech patterns (which are not that easy to write), but you don't punctuate them that way. Look up the subject of using the so-called em-dash and the en-dash -- they look like this: — and – . They make the text easier to read since they place a pause or a break in the textual flow that would be heard in speech, but not in writing without using them. Such as:

"I asked the boy if he'd like to get ice cream—did you ever meet a boy who didn't like ice cream!"

Still protecting hubby's ego. With all that teasing, they would have been in bed, not just rubbing.

Putting his wife in physical peril. Playing Russian roulette with his marriage for a cheap thrill. And the dialogue,!? Idiocy.

I think it’s funny that a third of the readers here think they’re the editors of the fucking New Yorker, and another third evidently don’t know what fiction is, and make absurd leaps about the morality of these stories as if they’re real people or that you’re pushing some sort of agenda.

I’m in the third that is just here to have fun and read sexy stories. Keep up the great work. The wife (at least as of this chapter) is slowly revealing herself to be less and less truthful to her husband. I hope things continue down that route. I’ve not come across a long-form LW story where the mutual fun becomes darker and ends in betrayal. Kinda hope it takes that direction. Either way, thank you for a fun story!

In the next chapter.

The story reminded me of a true one from someone I've known. Not it's just a made up story, made by readers.

2 stars