All Comments on 'Is This Turning Me On? Pt. 01'

Great beginning for a series. Looking forward to reading the further adventures of Ashley!

That was VERY creative! Felt entirely unique.

I instantly dug how you started off with him being real and admitting he tends to play the nice guy card too hard when intimidated by beauty. I’ve NEVER read that kind of honesty from a character that doesn’t later want to kiss high heels or something. (Massive props for crushing stereotypes right there, mate. I salute you.)

Loved how you handled everything from there and, again – inspired situational creativity. Very refreshing. You built her well also and the interaction prior to the discovery worked for me. (Dying to see her in that outfit.)

Personally, I would rather he wasn’t so verbally critical of the poor girl and had gone with a kinder, more teasing/taunting/daring approach – but that’s just my personal preference and has nothing to do with whether the story is good or not. Lots of women are heavily into the humiliation thing so if that’s your angle – play it! You did put credibility to it. Enough to accept it as entertainment anyway. If I was a chick who was into that? I’d have to change my panties right now. Well done.

I wanted to give you a 5. But you maybe got a bit too excited as things went on and there’s a lot of unintended errors. I’m not real anal about grammar (can’t afford to be), but if you’re going to play the ‘control’ card, then your purpose is diminished by those errors. Have a look at it again and you’ll see several unintended words, etc. Fix that, cuz people will slap your score down with a 4 or less. And I wanna see this hang in there and motivate more from you. (I never vote unless I can give it a 5. I’ll wait on it, mate.)

Very cool. And great title! (Right name for her even.)

Thanks for the feedback! I should have left this for a week and come back to edit it. That or have my GF edit it for me. I see the mistakes now, very annoying, but it still turns me on :) I'll make sure to have someone edit the next one.

Really great story, loved the details!

I will edit this slightly and re submit. Thanks again for all the positive votes and scores, almost ready with Pt. 2 :)

Don't take too long between chapters...

I should have part 2 submitted by friday.

I hope you have her wear bikini's and g-strings in public, maybe participate in wet t-shirt contests, amateur nights at strip clubs. Lots of places to go.

Even by the fine standards set by some of my favorite stories around here, this is a very impressively thought-out story, with an eye for psychological nuance and motivation, finely-chosen detail and alot of creative energy put into the whole scenario.

It's also screamingly funny, in a way that does not detract at all from the highly charged eroticism. Really, this story has reduced me to a squealy, turned-on mess! *Very* well-done.

Oops, I should be in church right now! . . . .

Very good! Keep on Writing!

I enjoyed the setup, the skirt, the situation, everything. I'm moving on to the next part and I hope there's more to come!

great writing...the anticipation, humiliation and mind control we're great. needed some sex action though. hoping you will continue this story.

Well written. As others have noted many places to go. I hope you keep going.

Incredibly erotic!

At first i wasnt gonna read your story because treating a women like that should be criminal. But reading those text messages that she now has the desire to do it again has me intrigued to what will happen next.