It’s History Ch. 04-06

Uhg, but no. I wasn't gay - or bi, or whatever. Not really. I couldn't let that happen, could I? No matter how badly I wanted it. Even if... even if he did smell so goddamn sexy. There was still that hint of cucumber, mixed now with aftershave and cologne and sweat. It was unmistakably masculine, unmistakably hot.

"Let me just grab something from the bedroom, okay?" I had to get the book, I had to put an end to this here and now. Liam was my friend, it was wrong to lead him on.

"Ooh, bedroom." he waggled his eyebrows. "Good idea."

My body quivered as I imagined him throwing me down onto the bed and giving me a repeat of Lianne's masterclass blowjob, playing my body like it was an instrument, then him flipping me over and taking me from behind as I screamed out ecstasy into the pillow. God, I wondered how big his cock was. What would it feel like? What would it taste like? Cucumber? I bit my lip.

Wait, - I froze - why was I the one on the bottom in this androphilic little fantasy?

"You know what?" I panicked. Bedroom was a bad idea after all. "It can wait. We don't want to be late."

"Aww." he pouted. I had never seen Liam pout before. It was unbearably cute.

I threw on my shoes and made for the door.

It was just starting to rain as we arrived at the party. Lacey DeCarlo's parents were loaded and her house was like something out of a movie shoot. I had never been before, but it was an open invitation and everyone was going to be there.

The party thrummed from between the cracks in the door as we ran from the car, trying to get in without getting wet. Liam wrapped an arm around me as he held an umbrella over our heads. He was making sure I was dry even as the rain splattered on his back.

The beat of the music pulsed over the horde of people trying to converse. It was humid and muggy even inside, and the body heat of all those party goers just cranked it up to 11.

When people had been talking about the entire school being there, I hadn't assumed they meant literally. I was stunned. It wasn't just that the place was packed, it was that it was packed with hot people. Guys and girls alike. My mouth went dry. How had I never noticed how stupidly sexy guys could be? With their rock-hard chests and their dashing smiles and their tight butts. People I'd known my whole life were suddenly thrust into a brand-new light.

I took a step back from the threshold. I didn't know if I could do this.

"Just remember, baby," Liam squeezed my hand supportively. "you're not here with them, you're here with me, okay?"

I nodded, though that did little to dissuade my anxiety. If anything, the reminder that I was supposed to be his boyfriend just made things worse, but at least he was a friendly face. I bit my lip. A friendly face with a a devil-may-care smile that made me just want to fall to my knees and see what all the fuss was about.

"Oh hey," he patted me on the back. "Leah's here."

We had just made our way out of the foyer when Leah's car pulled up.

Leah stepped out, umbrella overhead as some of the other girls from the team piled out behind her, giggling and trying to get inside before they were all soaked.

I thought the cheerleaders had been evocatively dressed at school, but now realized just how much they had been holding back. At least then there had been the pretense of propriety. This clothing had nothing of the sort. Each girl was donned in clubwear squeezed two sizes too small. It was as if they had decided that bulging titflesh was the trend and they were going to take it up for all it was worth.

And the piece de resistance? Leah in a tight black dress that left nothing to the imagination.

"We should-" I picked my jaw up off the floor. "We should go say hi!" I had to yell to be heard. The fact that I was here with Liam made me no less excited for a chance to hang out with Leah outside of school.

We pushed our way through the crowd. The worsening rain had caused an influx of people, all now trying to get inside in one big push. With the way Leah was dressed I had expected guys to be taking advantage of the crunch to get closer to her, but except for a few girls, they seemed to be keeping their distance.

She saw us and waved, her face brightening all the further as we made our way through the sea of inferior beings to the lighthouse of her smile. She had a hand wrapped around the waist of Libby Johnson, former head cheerleader, who was giggling as she stage-whispered something scandalous in Leah's ear.

"Lucas!" Leah gave me and Liam a big hug. "I'm so glad you guys are here! We gotta represent the LGBTQ+ right?"

"I'm not gay!" I clarified, I had meant it to sound casual, but the extra volume it took to push it over the music gave it an edge denial.

Liam pressed his lips together.

"Bi, sorry." She laughed. "You two just make such a cute couple. I'm totes jealous! Oh, speaking of, you guys remember Libby, right?"

How could I forget? Even prior to all this madness everybody knew Libby.

"Oh, we've met." Libby laughed. "Sorry for getting all catty with you the other day, Liam." she held out her hand and Liam shook it. "All is fair in love and war."

"Yeah, no hard feelings." Liam had the biggest, fakest smile I've ever seen.

"Isn't she great?" Leah gushed.

"Yeah, isn't she just?" Liam sighed. "I'll go get us some drinks."

"Me too." chimed Libby, "You want your usual, Ley?"

"Yes, please!"

Our gazes lingered as the two walked away. They both had such nice butts.

"Hey," Leah turned, stepping closer to be heard, "I just wanted to thank you again for yesterday. It's great to get away from the books once and a while. We need to do that sort of thing more often." She took a step closer. "I feel like all these years you've been my friend, but well, I still want to get closer to you."

"Me too." I gave an exaggerated nod so she could hear my agreement over the music. "How have you been?"

"Honestly, it's been a rough week. Cheer practice is really ramping up and that's been leaving me sore, but I don't really have time to rest because track is also amping up. I'm dead on my feet some days during debate."

I flinched, internally. Another thing I'd screwed up. I hadn't considered the toll such a busy schedule would take when I had made her the captain of those teams.

"Like, I love it, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I'm just completely exhausted, and that makes it hard to focus sometimes. That's always been my weakness, I guess. I'm way too easily distracted. Like, Lacey - she's got these really great boobs, right? - and she keeps wearing these low cut tops and I'm just trying everything I can to pay attention to what she's saying, but she knows all I want to do is stare, so she's always trying to show as much cleavage as possible to throw me off my game. And it's not like I don't see her naked often enough, you know? But damn, they're like these perfectly formed orbs and she likes to bounce on her heels to make them jiggle when she's making a point."

I shifted my weight awkwardly, trying to restrain the rapidly inflating girth of my cock as I imagined Leah sucking on Lacey's lusty tits.

"I'm back!" Liam declared, stepping back through the crowd, beers in hand. "Drinks for all!"

"Oh, thank you."

"How have you been, Lucas?" Leah pressed.

I wished I could tell her everything that happened, that I could unload the anxiety in my heart, let loose one gram of the pressure. I opened my mouth, but I never got the chance.

"Oh my god," Liam's eyes went wide as the music changed. "I love this song! Come on, Sugarbear," he clapped me on the shoulder and grabbed my hand. "Let's go dance!"

I blushed then shrugged an apology to Leah. She gave me an enthusiastic thumb up, happy as she could be that her BFF had a cute guy to dance with.

We glided out to the dancefloor. I was weirdly self conscious about being seen out here with another guy. It wasn't that he wasn't hot, it wasn't that I didn't want to dance - the thought of him grinding up against me was making my blood pump - but I had spent my whole life up to that point striving not to stand out from heteronormativity and old habits die hard.

Even now I could feel unseen eyes staring, judging.

"Come on baby." Lucas bounced his hips into me. "Dance!"

I'm not the best dancer to begin with, but I played along. It was easier to dance with a guy than be the only one not dancing at all. I tried to put the stares out of my mind, I tried to focus on the fact that tonight I was pretending to be Lucas's boyfriend. No, that tonight I was Lucas's boyfriend. I had to act it.

Was it embarrassing? Sure, a little. But that's dancing in general isn't it? Besides, I was closer to Liam than I was to Lianne, and I'd have no problem being here with her.

And yeah, everybody did stare. They were jealous that the two hottest guys on that dance floor were dancing with each other.

We were getting into it now. I smiled as I leaned into him, his cologne mixing with his intoxicating sweat as he led me around from dance to dance. Two hard, capable bodies pressing into each other amidst a sea of pulsing flesh. An island of comfort - of stability. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have fun.

My breathing grew hot as the music turned again and our dancing became charged. I could feel my dick straining in my pant leg as strange thoughts came unbidden to my mind.

I wondered if he'd be better in bed than Lianne, given he had a dick of his own. I shivered in delight at the thought of finding out later tonight. I blushed. What was I thinking? There wouldn't be a later. I was going to fix this before things ever got that far.

And yet, as nice as it was, as much as I could see myself caring for this person in a way I never thought I could care about any guy, there was one unmistakable fact that I just couldn't shake: I'd rather have been dancing with Leah.

That one niggling notion just wouldn't leave my mind. She was the one I wanted. She was the one I was supposed to be dancing with tonight.

"Alright," he sighed "what's the matter?"

"What?" I turned back to my date. He had his hands on his hips.

"You keep looking around. What's the matter?"

"I was just, uh," I scratched at the back of my head. "I was just looking for Leah. I want to make sure she's having a good time too, you know?"

"Careful, Sugarbear," he put a hand on my cheek and gave a tight smile, "you're going to make me jealous."

I laughed nervously.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he cradled his head on my neck, "I know you two are close. But honey, I don't think you have to worry about her not having a good time."

"What do you mean?"

"Look." Liam pointed through the crowd to a love seat in the corner. Libby was sitting on Leah's lap, her cheerleader tongue snaking down the eager girl's throat.

"Oh my god!"

Leah's hips ground impatiently against Libby's plump ass as the two kissed playfully at each other's lips. Leah's hands found their way to Libby's juicy butt and pulled it in closer, her teeth tugging at her lower lip as they pulled away for breath. They exchanged an intense, wanton gaze of mutual lust, then dove back for more.

I stopped dead on my feat.

"Why are you acting so surprised? She's like, the sluttiest lesbian in school."

"I just..." I swallowed. This was not what I meant when I said she should be more interested in her friends. "I was hoping..."

"Oh baby, no, not again. I know that look in your eye. Don't tell me your crushing on her again. Baby, come on, there's no way. "

He knew me too well.

"Why... why do you want her so much when you have me?" He stopped dancing, looking around, suddenly very self conscious. He blinked back misty eyes. "Am I not enough for you? You have to keep pursuing the impossible? Or is it because I don't have tits? Because I'm not a girl?"

"Liam, I-"

"No, I hope you and Ms. Cunt-for-brains are very happy together."

He turned and ran off.

I hesitated. Lord help me, I hesitated. I had never asked for this. I had just wanted my friend back, not to turn him into my lover. I wasn't prepared for the emotional responsibilities it entailed. I wasn't ready to grab him by the wrist and gaze deep into his eyes and tell him he was the only one in the world for me. His Lucas would have. But I wasn't his Lucas. That was painfully clear. I hesitated, and in that moment of hesitation, he was lost in the crowd.

I took a second look at Leah, who was giggling as she wrestled as much hot girlflesh against her skin as she could manage, then I turned and ran after Liam.

"Lucas!?" a voice called my name from the foyer.

"Lexi?" I froze.

She was soaking wet from the rain, disheveled and distraught, her eyes red with crazed anguish. Her head swiveled, desperately searching the crowd. She saw me, and I couldn't tell if the tears that followed were anguish or rapture.

"Lucas!" She charged forward, the crowd making way for this crazy soaking-wet woman.

"I'm sorry." she wrapped her arms around me like a drowning woman clutching a life preserver. "I'm so sorry!" She was pale. Cold sweat mixed with the warm night rain as her soaking clothes clung to her shaking frame.

"Oh my god, Lexi. Are you okay?"

Whatever response she gave was lost to an uncontrollable sob. A crowd had formed around us. With the way her wet clothes clung to her tits, she was getting leers and jeers in equal measure.

"Let's get you somewhere safe." I put an arm around her and guided her gently towards the stairs. We stumbled into an empty bedroom; raincoats piled up on the floor. I tried to dry her off as best I could, but she refused to let go, the wet of her breasts soaking through my own clothing.

"Lexi," I brushed the hair out of her eyes, "what happened?"

"I'm sorry." she sobbed. "Please, I need you. I tried so hard to be my own person. I wanted it so badly but I can't do it -- I can't live without you. It hurts too bad."

My stomach dropped as I heard those words again, thrown back at me like a knife. She flinched as I slammed a fist down on the bed. I'd fixed nothing.

"Shh, shh." I hugged her back. "It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. I'm here now. Look at you, you're soaked. Come on, let's get those wet clothes off and get you warm and dry, okay?"

I held her tight while she wiggled her way out of her clothes, my own shirt, now just as wet, coming with them. I shivered as the cold of her naked mammaries pressed into my broad heat of my chest, but it was the least I could do to keep her warm. She sobbed.

"Please, Brobro." She sniffed deeply at my neck, the smell of me bringing her comfort. "I need to know you love me." her shivers gave way to undulations and she started to press into me. I was suddenly acutely aware of the diamond-hard mounds that were her nipples grinding up against my flesh as she trembled like a terrified lamb. Her breathing was heavy and needy. She was sweating despite the chill. Again, I hesitated, but then I pulled her closer.

"Lucas, are you alright? I saw your sister and I... oh... Oh my god!"

Leah and Libby were standing in the doorway.

"It's not what it looks like!" I held up my hands.

"Gardner, you pig!" Libby sneered, "what are you doing to that poor girl?"

"It's not like that! She's my sister"

"What!?" she blushed, "How is that any better!?"

"Its not like that!"

"Lucas..." I could see the pity in Leah's eyes.

"Oh my god, Ley, I can't believe your best friend would do something like this. The whole school is going to hear about this."

"Libby, no! He's my friend."

"Clearly you need to find better friends. This is why I'm always telling you, you can't trust guys."

I gave Leah a pleading look. I couldn't deal with this right now.

She nodded wordlessly and took Libby out into the hall.

"I'm sorry." Lexi shivered, "This is all my fault. I'm being selfish. You have every right to hate me. I'm always ruining everything for you."

"Lexi, no, it's not like that."

"I wanted to succeed," her grip tightened, "I wanted to make you proud, to show you that I could be strong and independent for you. I want that so badly, but the people out there are so cruel and it's so hard. Some days, it's like the walls are closing in on me, I couldn't breathe, I had to get away. I needed - I needed to see you. I needed you to make it all go away."

"Lexi," I swallowed the lump in my throat. "you could have called."

"You weren't answering your phone! What if something had happened to you? What if you were dead?"

I pulled the phone out of my pocket. 12 missed calls. I hadn't noticed over the pulse of the music.

"I'm sorry," she buried her face in me, "I keep dragging you down."

"Lexi, no." I wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'm the one who dragged you into this. I felt betrayed because you left us when we needed you, but what was I mad at? That you had moved on with your life? That you were being you? You did exactly what you should have done and I was so self absorbed that I begrudged you for it. I was an awful brother."

"No!" she slammed her fist feebly against my chest. "Don't ever say that! You're the only one who's ever truly cared about me. You put up with all my crazy bullshit! You keep believing in me even when I don't believe in myself. You encourage me to go to school and do great things. You're the best brother I could have had."

"No. that's not true." now I was tearing up as well. "I haven't. But you know what? From now on I will be. I'll always be there for you, Lex, I promise."

We hugged, only the mass of her cartoonish udders getting between us. Was I just saying that? Or was I actually prepared to do what needed to be done to take care of her? Maybe this wasn't something I could fix with the book.

There was a gentle knock at the door and then Liam stepped in with a towel. I couldn't meet his gaze. He frowned as he saw Lexi naked, then crossed his arms over his chest. "Leah sent me."

"I'm sorry." was all I could say, "I didn't mean to push you away."

"Yeah, well, it hurts, but I'll admit I may have overreacted. I can't not love you, dude. I can't not get terrified by the idea of losing you. You're my everything."

"Liam, I never meant for you to get caught up in any of this. Hurting you is the last thing I wanted."

"Well that doesn't mean it didn't happen." He looked away, the unspoken words still hanging in the air, then approached the bed and sat down next to me, a hand rubbing at my back. "She couldn't handle it, huh?"

I shook my head.

"This is all your fault, you know," he nudged me. "You sent her off. You encouraged her to try without you. I told you this sort of thing was going to keep happening."

"You think I don't know that?" I clutched my head in my hands. "You think I don't realize how much I keep fucking everything up time and time again? Every time I try to fix something. Every time I try to help. I just -" I wiped the tears away from my eyes - "I wish I'd never found that stupid book."

Liam put his arm around me. He was warm and strong and I fell into him, all my emotional strength pouring out of me.

Another knock.

"It's Leah." She poked her head in. "I took care of Libby. Is Lexi alright?"

"No." Liam frowned. "And neither is Lucas."

"Look..." I looked up with misty eyes. I was shaking with the last of my resolve. "I need to tell you both something."

"What is it?"

"I've done you both wrong. In ways I can't explain. In ways you wouldn't believe. And in trying to make up for that wrong, I've done each of you worse. Leah, I'm sorry, I just wanted to get closer to you. Lucas, I just wanted to have my friend back. And Lexi, I just wanted you to be able to stand on your own two feat again." And now... now I need to take responsibility. I can't make things right, but I can do the right thing.' my fist shook. "I have to."