It Takes a Village Pt. 06

"Okay." I said softly. Austin's face relaxed.

"Good, I thought you were going to go all bitch mode for a second. Here.." he handed me three twenties. "for the pill. If it will make you feel better." He leaned toward me and kissed my forehead.

That was the last straw. Forehead kisses were reserved for people I trust, people I liked, people who made me feel safe and wanted. I bent to grab my purse off the ground and walked out of Austin's house.

Chapter 18

I ran down his street, and as soon as his house was out of sight, I checked Ruth's location. I needed her. Damn it, she was still at the hospital.

I called Isaiah, but he didn't answer. I forgot he had his rec basketball games on Wednesday nights.

To my surprise, the next person my mind wanted to talk to was Rian. Not Mia, not my mom, not Rebecca; Rian. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hi Dot, I'm so sor—" he started apologizing, but I cut him off, completely forgetting about our last interaction.

"Rian?" I whispered his name, the tears finally starting to be released. It was quiet for a second.

"Oh my god, what's wrong, Dot?" I could hear the concern in his voice and it launched me into a full-blown panic attack.

"I—I—he took i-it off—I didn't... I j-just n-need a—a ride." I pushed out the words as I started hyperventilating.

"Dot, it's okay. Tell me where you are." I was amazed at his levelheadedness, grateful that a panicking girl didn't also send him into a tailspin.

"I-in f-front—in f-front of Scotty's." More tears rolled down my face. Scotty's was a local pizza shop and a favorite amongst the students, so I knew Rian knew where it was. In fact, we'd eaten there together before, after a long night of drinking.

"I'll be there in five minutes, just breath and don't move."

"O-okay."

"I'm going to stay on the phone with you, Dot. Just... try to match my breathing." Rian started taking a slow breath in, so I did the same. He held his breath for far longer than I was able to; it felt like a minute but was probably only about 5 seconds in reality. Eventually, my breaths became deeper and the tears subsided. I saw headlights, then then the ugly tan car, and I knew it was Rian.

He pulled up along the curb, and before he was able to turn off the car, I had jumped into the passenger seat. Rian turned to me, the car in 'park' and still idling. He held my shoulders in his hands and pulled me close to him. His arms wrapped around me, and I let myself melt into his body. I felt warm and comforted, those emotions in such glaring contrast to what Austin had made me feel. The memory of what had just happened came back to me and another wave of panic set in. My breathing quickened and the tears rolled down my face once more. Rian felt my body shake and started rubbing slow circles on my back.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." The pattern he was tracing was soothing.

"I'm here, you're okay." He smelled like wood and sage.

"Breath in.... and out... in... and out..." His shoulder cradled my head so perfectly.

Rian held me like that until I was only thinking about him and my breathing returned to normal. Eventually, he shifted so that he could see my face.

"Okay, Dot. What's going on?" He asked quietly, his hands cupping my face as if it were glass.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and tried to find the wording. I stumbled over a few false starts before I simply said, "I think something wrong happened."

He nodded, and I was grateful that he wasn't trying to lighten the mood or rush me at all.

"I was with Austin, the guy from wo—"

"Yup, yeah, I remember him. He's super into you." His hands slide down my cheeks, onto my shoulders, along my arms, and held my hands.

I wasn't sure how to respond to that, or if I should even be telling Rian all this. It spilled out anyway. "We were... we were having sex, and I gave him a condom..." Rian's face looked pained, but he was nodding, encouraging me to continue. "And I saw him put it on... b-but then he ended up... fucking me from behind..." Rian visibly flinched. "So I couldn't see him. And he was moving really slowly. And I guess I didn't notice. But then I thought I felt him... finish... in me. And when I stood up, the condom was on the ground and hadn't been used."

Rian closed his eyes and shook his head. God, what did he think of me? He probably saw me as just another girl who slept with a lot of guys, like Austin had said. I was sure I'd have to say goodbye to our situation.

"I asked him a-about it... and he said he did it and that it wasn't a big deal and that..." I stopped talking, but I had said too much.

"What, Dot?"

"He said...that you probably do it, too."

His mouth dropped open and he looked like I had slapped him. I quickly added, "But I know that you don't! I've never felt that unsafe with you, ever! So I knew it must be him." His face softened and he pulled me to his chest again. This time, my face was against his chest, his arms were wrapped around my neck and upper back. He kissed my forehead gently, and it didn't feel gross like it did with Austin.

"Stealthing." Rian said as I sat back and tried to tame my hair, which was now thoroughly disheveled. My eyes asked the question and he nodded in understanding. "It's when someone takes off a condom or messes with it and doesn't tell their partner." His thumbs started rubbing the backs of my hands. "It's a form of sexual assault."

I froze once again, the panic starting to return. Rian was able to talk me down before it became a problem.

"What do you want to do?" He asked in low, steady voice.

"I... I don't know." I stated bluntly. Am I supposed to know what to do in this situation?

"Okay. That's okay, that's okay. How about we start with you. Are you hurt anywhere?" I shook my head. "Okay, good. You said he finished...?" He trailed off and I nodded, tears somehow managing to form once again. "Okay, okay. It's okay, Dot. You're safe." He wiped my eyes with his thumb. "Do you want to get emergency contraception?" I nodded, reaching for the twenties that I had shoved in my pocket.

"He gave me money." I whispered, handing the cash to Rian. He scoffed and shook his head, mumbling, "Fucking asshole." His sudden anger caught me off-guard and I tensed up, but when Rian noticed, he immediately moved to hold me.

"I'm sorry, I'm here for you, Dot. Let's just focus on you. I'm going to drive to the drug store up on Mission Street, okay?" I nodded and sat back in my seat. I did not want to let go of Rian, so I kept my left hand clasped in his right and buckled my belt with the other. Once we were parked in the store lot, he went to exit the car. He saw that I didn't want to be alone, evidenced by the quickening pace of my breathing, so he walked to my door and held my hand as I exited. We bought the pill, Rian doing all the talking for me, and as we went to check out, he grabbed two bags of dark chocolate squares and a sparkling raspberry-flavored water. He didn't have to ask what my favorite were.

When we returned to the car, I moved to grab the chocolate, eager to devour it. Rian grabbed my hands to still me and spoke softly.

"One thing, Dot. I know you don't want to think about it, but what Austin did was assault. You should consider whether or not you may want to press charges in the future and whether or not you need to be check by a doctor or something."

Rian was a calming person, and his strength and stability gave me courage. I told him I wanted to do it, and he started driving towards the hospital. I think I zoned out for the next few hours; I remember Rian walking me into the hospital and asking someone to page a nurse named Ruth Quinn. I remember crying when I saw Ruth, and I remember her and Rian coming into an exam room with me. I remember an older red-headed nurse with kind brown eyes who explained to me what would happen if I agreed. I remember that she specifically reminded me many times that I could stop her at any time, before any step of the examination. I remember forms and questionnaires, and then nothing else until the next morning.

I woke up in my bed in clean pajamas and a fresh face. Ruth was asleep on my right, and to my surprise, Rian was asleep on my left. They were both still in their clothes from the night before; Ruth in scrubs, Rian in sweats. I looked at my clock and saw that it was 10:38 AM. Looks like I'd be skipping my classes for the day. I grabbed my phone and saw an unread message from Austin: Had fun last night, hope you calmed down. We should do it again this weekend ;)

I threw my phone across the room to my reading corner, which was literally just a spot under my window with a few floor pillows, a blanket, and a little lamp. The phone landed softly on the pillow, but it woke Rian and Ruth just the same.

Ruth seemed to forget where she was, but as soon as she saw my face, she launched into an apology.

"Dot, oh my god, Dot I'm so sorry! I didn't mean any of the things I said, and I'm so sorry for saying you were being a slut! You weren't, and I don't want you to think that what Austin did was your fault at all. I'm so sorry!" We hugged each other tight and I whispered my own apology to her.

"No, I should have been more up front with you, and I'm so sorry I ran off! I love you, I'm not mad, thank you for being there last night."

All three of us made our way downstairs, where Ruth made my favorite breakfast of blueberry waffles and strawberry smoothies. Rian filled me in on the evidence that was collected last night and told me that it wouldn't cost anything and it would be stored away while I thought things through, but that it was nearly impossible to prosecute a stealthing case; in fact, no one in the US had done it. It didn't make what happened to me any less real, it just meant that the law was a few decades behind the times. I was still going to be connected to the Sexual Assault Network in the city, and they could help me find a therapist or get accommodations for class. I hugged him as tight as I possibly could, and Rian laughed at my exertion.

"Thank you. For everything." I whispered. "I'm so sorry about how I blew up on you last weekend, and thank you for answering the phone, and thank you for picking me up, and thank you for getting me the pill, and thank you for taking me to the hospital, and thank you for finding Ruth, and thank you for... making me feel safe."

He pulled back and looked me right in the eyes, his arms still around my waist.

"I'd do anything for you, Dot." He said, and I could have sworn I saw his eyes start to glisten with tears.

Rian and Ruth both took the day off, and we lounged around the house in sweatpants watching bad reality TV and eating take-out Chinese. Rian took my phone from me when he saw Austin's text, but he promised he'd let me know if my family tried to reach me. I gave him permission to reply to a few texts from Isaiah and Mia and tried to forget about the outside world.