It was a Dark and Stormy Redux

We were shown out, and I was careful to make sure Jacquie and Lizzie weren't caught behind. We were headed for my car when Bethany held me up by taking my arm, so I turned to face her. She leaned in with that monster rack and looked up at me with those mesmerizing eyes and my entire attention span left for the little head.

"Mr. Edwards," she breathed, and I managed to mumble "Mike..."

"Mike," she corrected herself. "You should know that I've always been a big fan of ghost stories... so I'm not bothered by all those rumors of your place being haunted. I'm not one of those superstitious people Charles was alluding to. So I guess I'll be out to see you when the papers are ready. In the meantime..."

She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

"You take care," she went on. "Drive safely."

"What was that for?..." I was understandably surprised.

"Oh, I don't know," she smiled that million-watt smile. "Just my inner imp or something. I hope we'll be very good friends."

"Uh, yeah... so do I," I told her, touching my cheek. "I have to go."

"See you!" she beamed and turned to head for her car. I turned to mine and almost ended up on the pavement from the head slaps I got. Two of them. You can guess where they came from.

"Hey!" I objected. "What was that for?"

For lusting after that redheaded wench who is definitely stalking you, Jacquie's voice told me.

And for implying that she might be welcome at our home, Lizzie added. Although...

Lizzie left it hanging out there as I drove us first to a grocery store and then back to the farm. I figured out later that she and the Countess must have been having a major strategy meeting. Without me.

Uncle Sol's bunker had a pretty decent refrigerator and chest freezer. I fired them up and made sure they were working well, then stocked them with some of the stuff I'd bought. Then I started an inventory of the things I wanted to fix up first. When Jacquie and Lizzie asked what I was doing, I explained that although sleeping in them (not with them) was very comfortable, what I wanted to do was to start putting the place back into "normal" shape.

That meant a lot of repairs and upgrades, and was the kind of thing McFarland would have expected of me. The "redheaded wench" was going to be very useful in connecting me with people who would do quality work without gouging me, and although the winters here didn't get horribly cold, I wanted some basic stuff like the roof and walls fixed before December. Plus getting the kitchen and bath in order.

When I put it like that, the two of them seemed resigned to the fact that not only would Ms. Franklin be around often, so would work crews who would need to be left alone. Jacquie and Lizzie would be back to their ghostly non-corporeal forms at that point and I needed to be sure they wouldn't scare off the help. I got their tacit agreement and went ahead with my planning.

They insisted on spending that afternoon and evening fucking and cumming in every way imaginable. They were going to go non-corporeal at midnight and they wanted to savor every last bit of carnal pleasure they could. After all, it would be Walpurgisnacht before they were "real" again.

They didn't kill me, but they did make me wonder if there really was death-by-fucking. They got into the same tag-team they had the previous day and kept... what? resurrecting me?... over and over and over until I was getting sore from cumming so much. Their virtually unlimited capacity for pleasure was the most intense sex I had ever had... hell, had ever imagined... in my life. And they were definitely doing something to stretch me to their desired dimensions.

When we reached midnight, with a glorious crescendo of multiple simultaneous orgasms, they began to lighten... to lose mass. They basically did the inverse of what Jacquie had done to me that Halloween night, becoming more and more transparent and becoming more and more like the classic idea of ghosts, until at the last, two pale specters hovered over me in the air as I lay panting on my back.

You have been an admirable and accomplished lover, Master Michael Edwards, Jacquie thought to me. We will be around if you need us, and we will continue to look for ways we can enjoy each other. We are not allowed to get into details, but you will find that there is a reason your Uncle Solomon lived as long as he did. I assure you, though, his quality of life did not suffer.

It would take a tremendous effort on our part, Lizzie added, and quite a lot of energy to provide you the comfortable sleeping arrangement you have enjoyed. Unfortunately, you will do better -- and so will we -- if you resume 'normal' sleeping arrangements. You may want to figure that into your planning.

So rest easy, mon baiseur encroyable, Jacquie rejoined. We will talk to you later...

And with that, they faded out, leaving me alone and realizing I needed to be much closer to the fire. Falling asleep was no problem. I think I was out before my head hit the pillows.

* * * * *

Three days later, a Jeep Wrangler bounced up the lane to the house. I was outside doing some mundane chores, like beefing up the firewood supply and clearing deadwood from the yard. I'd made a run to the local Walmart on Tuesday and secured some camping gear, like an inflatable mattress and sleeping bag, a couple of lanterns, some cooking gear and like that. I'd decided to go the camping route while I figured out what I really wanted to do. The Jeep was bringing me the first part of the plan.

Perfect Legs, followed by a Perfect Ass, Perfect Boobs and a Perfect Smile oozed out of the Jeep and stood there in all her redheaded glory, holding aloft a manila envelope. I was getting hard and she hadn't even said anything yet.

"Hi, Mike!" Ms. Bethany Franklin called out and started walking over to me. This was obviously her sprayed-on casual look... tight jeans, Nikes, a thin blouse about two sizes too small in the bust and an open sweater. And no bra that I could see. Everything jiggled as she walked and I was getting severely distracted.

"I have the retainer agreement from Charles," she told me as she got to me, "and I've added a list of the various contractors I know who will do right by you. And by the way, there can be phone service, if you want. AT&T used to have a line out here... I checked. You'd have to settle for DSL over copper, but I'm sure they'd set you up if you asked. I also checked about wireless and you're going to have to wait a bit for that. They've got a tower planned that will cover this area, but not until late next year. Oh, and Viasat, HughesNet and Omni-Range all have satellite services, if you'd rather have a VOIP/internet bundle.

"Plus, I checked with some of the farmers around here and several are interested in leasing land to work, if you want to go that route, depending on how much you're going to charge. I've been a bit of a busy girl and I hope you don't mind my charging in like this. I know you're new to the area and could use a friend. I'd also like to get a look... at... the..."

She slowed to a stop as she stared at my ghost-enhanced flagpole pushing out the front of my sweatpants, which were tenting something fierce. It took me a moment to figure out what was going on, and when I did, I turned red. I also fished my shirt out and hid the hard-on as best I could.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Franklin," I told her. "I don't mean to be rude or anything. Can I get you a cup of coffee or something?" I took the envelope and turned away a little, in the general direction of the house -- and incidentally trying to hide the tenting.

"Uh, yeah... sure!" she answered as she tore her eyes loose and shook her head to clear it. "Oh, and it's Bethany. Or Beth..." I headed for the house and she followed along.

Ooohhh, I heard Lizzie's voice. I was surprised, since they were generally leaving me alone. She is very interested in Master Edwards. Or at least, a significant part of him...

Oui, Jacquie answered, also in my head. Zis may be ze answer to our problem...

I had a sudden, sinking feeling and knew the two nebulous post-mortem apparitions were hatching some sort of plot. Dimes to donuts it included some combination of me and Bethany. Unfortunately, I had a very good idea where they were going with this, because I'd been having the same idea since leaving the lawyer's.

I walked into the main room where I was still using the fireplace for heat and a stove -- fixing up the kitchen was on my list, just after the roof and walls. I had a pot of hot water staying warm on a two burner camp stove, and it would only take a minute or so to bring it up to a boil. I was fishing out an extra cup as Ms. Franklin -- Beth -- walked in and began sizing up my setup.

"Going primitive?" she asked as she took in the sleeping bag, the cooking gear, canvas utility washstand and so forth.

"Out of necessity," I told her, keeping my back to her. "My priorities are going to have to be the roof, the walls, the kitchen and the bath, in that order. How do you take it?"

"Ridiculously sweet," she told me and I could feel the smile. Figures, I thought. Then dumped in a boatload of sugar.

"I'm hoping you're going to help me connect with the right people for those," I told her as I turned and handed her the cup of sucre de canne avec café. "I'd really like to get all that done before December. That will give me a comfortable place to live while I get the rest of it sorted."

She accepted the cup, pursed her lips and blew on it. I probably don't have to mention what went through my mind. She took a sip, smiled and told me, "perfect! And thank you." She looked around and I realized she wanted to sit, so I pointed at one of the camp chairs folded up near low table I'd pulled down from upstairs. Then I decided to stop being stupid and unfolded it for her. She had her hands full of hot coffee. She smiled again, and moved to sit down in it while I unfolded the other, grabbed my mug and sat, facing her. At least sitting down, the hard-on didn't show as much.

"I certainly can," she nodded. "Top on my list of contractors is Joe Weis. He's a general contractor who can handle everything from structural, to plumbing, to electrical, and just about anything else that comes up. He doesn't do wells, though. I've got another guy for that. Joe's father, Marty, is out of the business now, but his hobby was and is colonial architecture, from city to rural, sixteen hundreds on. I thought, after hearing some of those conditions of the will, that you might want to talk to him."

"I definitely do," I admitted, getting impressed by her energy and knowledge. She was actively pushing my naturally suspicious cynicism out of the way. "And I'm probably going to need an Old World cabinetmaker and furniture maker. There's some beautiful antiques upstairs that need to be restored."

"I know a couple of those guys, too," she smiled. "When the time comes."

"Is there anyone you don't know?" I asked, a little facetiously. She was starting to seem like the Great and Powerful Oz.

"You," she told me. "Yet." The look she gave me when she said it stopped me right in my tracks.

"Uh, okay..." I drawled, feeling like I might be fresh meat for the lioness. "Not much to know. City kid with a background in Boy Scouts and college partying. BS in Comp-Sci and a job as an IT consultant. And now, apparently, landed gentry. Who is probably going to land on his face several time, getting the hang of all this." I waved my hand in the general direction of the farm.

"Family?" she asked. "Wife? Girlfriend? Companion of Opportunity?"

Huh??? Oh. Um...

"Family is my parents, a younger sister and two younger brothers," I answered her. "In Ohio. No wife, no girlfriend, and I don't even know how to start answering 'Companion of Opportunity'..."

"A nice term for a Balling Buddy," she told me. "I was trying to avoid being crude. So you're single and alone? That's going to make fixing this place up kind of rough. Although I trust the guys I've told you about to do a great job of doing what you want done. It just seems you'll be kind of... isolated." She, too, gestured towards the farm in general.

"No, no balling buddies," I admitted. "My last one left for California to make it big in porn films." She started to laugh, then saw my expression.

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"You've heard of Maitland Ward?" I asked. When she nodded, I told her, "Lynda thought Maitland was an awesome role model. Ballsy as all hell and good looking, to boot. Lynda decided she wanted to try it, too. I think Lynda and I are still friends, and I can tell you she will be excellent at what she does, but she's there and I'm here."

"That's still got to be a kick in the nuts," Bethany opined. "How long have you been celibate?"

What was with this girl and her questions? She kept surprising the hell out of me.

"It's not that bad," I pointed out, somewhat defensively. "It's been less than a year. She told me her decision at the New Year's Eve party. But I'm okay, really. I've got a lot to keep me busy, and now all this... I'm just beginning to discover how um, unique this farm is."

"Do you mind if I look around?" she asked, knocking back the rest of her coffee-flavored sugar.

"As long as you don't make me an offer for the place, I'm fine," I told her. "You heard the bit about passing it on to a blood relative."

"What about an offer in general?" she smiled coyly and I knew it wasn't my imagination!

"That would depend on the offer," I sort of smiled back. To be honest, I'm not all that great around beautiful women. I prefer the ones that are assertive, but the assertive ones are usually more interested in pursuing the Jocks and Bad Boys. Not the Nerds, like me.

You see? I heard Lizzie's voice in my head. She will seduce him and we will be able to see if we are compatible...

Lizzie, the Countess chided her, you are not supposed to tell 'im zat...

Oh... Lizzie sounded chagrined.

"Don't worry," I told them. "We're headed in the same direction."

"Excuse me?" Beth asked and again, I realized I'd actually said it out loud. I was going to have to learn...

"The, um... the same direction," I fumbled. "Your interest... um, in the farm... seems to uh, parallel mine. We're sort of thinking in the same direction."

"I see..." Beth drawled. "Okay, then... shall we?"

It took me a second. "Oh, yeah! Yes. Upstairs. You should come see the antiques and stuff upstairs. I've cleaned up most of the pigeon feathers, or whatever it was that was nesting up there. I've got the shutters closed, but I can open them for some light." I started in the direction of the stairs and she got up and followed me. Mercifully, my hard-on had gone down, mostly, and I wasn't preceded by a telephone pole.

I gave her the grand tour of the house and she did seem to get into the antiques, and what would need to be restored, versus upgraded, and how... and she really was rather knowledgeable. Intelligent, competent, sexy as all hell... okay, I couldn't completely turn off the gonads.

"Who did you say you worked for?" I asked as we came back in from a tour of the outbuildings. I had intentionally left out showing her Uncle Sol's bunker.

"Bulwer & Lytton," she told me, "and believe me, Mr. Lytton was apoplectic they weren't going to be able to represent the sale of this land. He would have been able to retire on the commission."

"So he'd get the commission, not you?" I had figured she'd be angling for the deal.

"At the moment, I'm just a glorified gopher," she told me. "An accomplished flunky with a BS in Business Admin, Real Estate. I have about 18 more months to go to be a full-fledged associate. Mr. Lytton appreciates my feminine charms, as it were, and sic'd me on you to close the deal for us. I'd get a bonus, of course, but nothing like the commission."

"So if you can't get the commission, or the bonus, why are you still so willing to help me out?"

"Would you like a polite answer or the brutal truth?" she asked in return.

"I'll go with the brutal truth," I told her. "Fewer surprises that way."

"Okay, I was hooked by the implied size of your schlong."

"So... maybe not fewer surprises," I managed to get out. Right before, "uh... what???"

"When I found out what you were worth, I thought it would be great to have an obscenely rich balling buddy. Then I saw the size of the tent you were making and an entirely different set of carnal desires kicked in. If that's how big you grow when you're contained, I'm fascinated by how big that brute would be if you let him off his leash.

"Now, throwing you to the ground, ripping your clothes off, sucking you hard and jumping up and down on that monster would probably be really tacky. So I decided that since you really do have a nice place here, with a lot of potential, that helping you out might ingratiate me with you and I might be able to seduce you. One of the reasons I moved here after getting my Bachelor's in Business Admin is because my reputation was preceding me. You see, I'm kind of a nympho and I was getting in trouble for it. Purdue was not very happy with me, though a lot of the guys were, especially professors. But I can't just turn my nympho off... so, you wanted the brutal truth, that's the brutal truth."

See? SEE??? I told you she would be perfect for us! Lizzie virtually screamed in my head.

Yes, dear, you are very smart, Jacquie nudged back. Now be quiet and let Mike be seduced...

"Would you two shut up?" I asked. "Ms. Franklin is doing all the work..."

"It's Beth," she interrupted me, then paused a moment. "You two?... Who are you talking to?" She started looking around, maybe looking for a hidden camera or something. I heaved a big sigh.

"Well, you're going to find out pretty soon anyway," I started, then moved to sit in one of the chairs. She followed as I poked the fire up a bit. "This place is haunted." I looked at her for any reaction, but she was just sitting there, staring at me. "By a couple of women from the seventeen hundreds."

1790, I heard the Countess tell me.

"1790," I echoed. "That's when they were murdered. The thing is, they're actually very fun, really randy ghosts and I've been learning a lot about them since I got here Halloween. They're part of the reason why I'm as, uh, big as I am. They can only manifest... like, become real... twice a year. Once is at Halloween and the other is Walpurgisnacht. The rest of the time, they're like, um... spirits. Like you'd think a normal ghost would be."

She was just sitting there, staring.

"So the thing is, they're really randy. I mean, really randy. Beyond nympho type randy. And there's two of them. And the way they keep from going insane and laying waste to everybody is by having sex. As you can imagine, when they're incorporeal, that can be a problem."

Bethany was still just sitting there, staring at me.

"So they possess animals, like wolves and rabbits and like that, and they fuck a lot. And sometimes..." I took a deep breath and hurried through it. "Sometimes they can inhabit humans and get to feel all the feelings they would have felt when they were alive but their victim is kind of out of it and the way I get it the person possessed doesn't necessarily remember what happened and so they just end up confused and sore and..."

"MIKE!" Beth interrupted me by yelling at me. I shut up. "Take a breath!!!" She didn't look angry though. I tried to take a breath and calm down. When I got my breathing under control, she leaned forward and took my hands.