All Comments on 'Jake & Jessica Ch. 04'

Loved it keep em coming

Love this hoping for jack and amy together

Good story well told. Please get someone to edit for grammar. Your incorrect use of personal pronouns is distracting.

I hope Amy joins the pair and they become a threesome. I wish you had waited and given us the full story at once, the suspense is killing me

While a possibility, due to Jack being more than twice her age, I don't see him and Amy getting together. Still a stretch, but a greater possibility, would be for Jake and Jessica to both marry Amy. They all love one another, and have for a long time.

But, Hey. I'm not the writer, here. I Am certain that we all will enjoy whatever Mister Biscuit Hammer presents.

Lets get the ugly things aside - there are still some mistakes here and there, swapping people on occasion, and if possible could you elaborate the paragraphs a bit? The information feels kept to a bare minimum and the individual paragraphs come as clipped inserts, so maybe you could elaborate on some of them, especially those that carry tangible information. The one between Jessica & mom is a great example, I was kinda hoping for such an extensive exchange between Jessica & Amy about the ring as well but you only did it in 3 sentences and that was it. You have a great & emotional story here so a little addition of conversation here and there would do only good to the overall setting. You know, bring out the life in the characters and expose the inner feelings as well. Yet fear not as the style is vastly improving.

With that being said let's move onto the nicer things - the family reception was really nice and moved me almost to tears. It's really good to see both families so understanding and supporting of them. Too bad for Amy to always end up on the wrong side of love so I hope that she'll find someone special for her soon, maybe even Jack as he seems to be able to take responsibility for his actions. The baby is bringing the 2 families closer than ever so it would mean a great milestone for everyone, even the kids have something to look forward to. The wedding was beautifully done though some more time and writing could be spent on it. I'm really thankful that you keep the sex part to the minimum and emphasis the emotions and the relationship as this is the driven force of this story. It's something you don't encounter everyday so I like that you're keeping it that way.

As for the feared tearjerker in upcoming chapter 5 - I see two possible scenarios:

1. - Either one of their dad gets killed/injured on the job and this will be the catalyst for the new drama

2. - Something bad happens to Anna and the baby so it falls to J&J to raise their little sister as their own kid (I dread this the most but would make sense as they can't easily have kids of their own).

No matter what choice you make (or have made already) I look forward to the net instalment so I can give it another 5 stars!

Kind of rapid paced for such an engrossing tale. We could have used a good bit more detail, and not just sex, but about how the other characters came to grips with and accepted Jake and Jessica's relationship. Not everyone would instantly say to go for it. And putting Uncle Jack and Amy in a cruise cabin together seems a bit outré. Not impossible, but anything smaller than a suite on a cruise ship would be a little lacking in privacy. Is Jack a total saint? Or Amy, for that matter? LOL!

Unfortunately the way you write is very clipped and unnatural. It is almost as if it is being written by someone whose first language is not English. There are lots of short clipped sentences and the dialogue does not flow. I am interested to see where you take this story but it is quite difficult to read. I am sorry but I can only give you 3* because of the writing style.

I don't see Amy and Uncle Jack together -- too much of an age difference, but then again, some things happen that way. I still want to see Jake mature -- some hair for his muscular chest, and then descriptions of their lovemaking. Good work overall!

I care about the characters and will continue reading. The writing is improving but it still needs much grammar editing. Also, some of the dialogue should simply be summary description. I hope you'll keep writing, and improving. Your story is refreshingly tender but the writing quality needs a lot of work.