All Comments on 'Jan and Friends - All Burned'

So I gave you points for that part. There doesn't appear to be anything new in the manner he discovers his wife is cheating. It was kinda funny that so many of his friends joined in the party. Or were swept up in the disaster, depending on your point of view. But the ending was too fast. Or too brief. The confrontations between all the wives, their husbands, their lovers and the Company should have been one of the best parts of the story. But you cut all that short with a scorecard ending that had 32 words in it. For me, that just didn't cut it.

3 stars

Oops!!

And more in detail about the BT of the B !

It's always nice to have authors posting in the number one rated subgenre in LW ( BTB ) but you rushed the most savorfull part . We need to smell the burning stench of the Bastards & Bitches , that's the sweet smell of karma coming down !

Life's unfair as Fuq , so we look to fiction to see a bit of the justice that the world so often lacks . We want the good folks to win in fiction as they never get to in the real world !

Still gonna 5 * it because you left the stroke stuff behind , plenty of other categories for that .

Big props to Vandy , the best BTB man in the Biz ! I hope others emulate your works .

#pickaxesforjustice

Short, but a pretty decent burn on a.lot of cheaters. Write a.longer story with more detail. This is a good start.

Not enough female angst and input to warrant a higher score.

Anything with Vandemonium1 associated is going to be bad, nasty, brutal and short. This was. All that hype for a shopping list ending.

Well everyone got burned and I didn't care about anyone. You had an idea for a story but what you produced was more like reading the boxscore of a baseball game, than watching the game on TV.

There was no drama, no emotion, no misgivings, no broken hearts, no drunken rages, no etc. There was no sadness or remorse. Get the picture? You have to stretch yourself. Find an experienced editor, they're like a coach who can help you up your game.

R.

Going well........Until the end.

Sorry but the ending was not rushed, it was non existent.

There are limits to cheating with consequences (CWC) stories.

We may have different opinions

on where flirting ends and cheating starts,

but basicly either a wife (husband) cheats or not.

It can be discovered way into the story,

in the start of it or, as here, before the story starts.

Limitations make CWC stories difficult to write.

And especially original ones.

For me, that makes a good CWC writer

better than most.

This story was a good one.

It lacked indept, mostly in character building

and it lacked a full ending.

But it was a good fun read.

Thanks writer!

4 out of 5 from me.

Not enough detail but a good story

and posted for all to observe, TK U MLJ LV NV

Even though we find out the outcome there's no real payoff, it comes off a little anti-climactic.

A good, original little trip out of your comfort zone. Well done.

Liked this but it finished too abruptly. Why did she do it? Was there coercion? So many people involved seems unusual to have just happened. I would have liked a bit more on the fallout and how it affected the cheaters but good story nonetheless.

short and brutal.

Humor and Satire maybe? Non-erotic? In LW we actually expect sex.

with the other husbands, wives, etc.

It actually reads like a very brief version of Dawn by Beermaker. Look up that one.

1 completely boring "story".

enjoyed it .... thank you

Extravagant BTBs, involving Navy Seals, sex traffickers, and/or hitmen are always entertaining, but there's something viscerally satisfying in reading one where some real world logics would prevails.

I mean, even Jan's company losing five millions from the whole thing is plausible - defense contractors, who already not that much liked by the public, would usually go out of their way to prevent bad publicity to come out, and a big chunk of their married employees having affairs with one another?... That truly is bad optic.

You also have to cheer about the author's accurate understanding about what an affair truly is - she may not have slept with her paramour yet, but, for all instance and purpose, Jan was out of her marriage for months now. Sadly for her - and happily for him - Chris noticed.

The one big thing lacking from this flash, however, is the MC's emotion state. I get that he had more time than most to deal with and rationalize about his wife's adultery, but it wouldn't have hurt to hear about some of his angst. Maybe it didn't fully hit him yet, given he was still feeling numb about it, less than 24 hours before he officially ended his marriage. Still, 'kinda feel cheated out of all the raging such betrayal can generate. I also appreciate the final epilogue, but, once again, knowing about it is not as satisfying as hearing how it went down.

It is a flash, though, so, for what it is and what I got out of it, my complaints are ultimately irrelevant. This was good, clean, BTB fun, where the cheated ones took actions on their life, and the cheaters didn't prosper. I'll always get behind that.

pay mother fuckers pay

5* 100 hardons and a tingling in my balls

I liked it but as others said I would have liked more details of the breakups etc. He doesn't hesitate to pull the trigger but no explanation of what drove her to be seduced or her angst (did she try and fight it) or he trying not to be divorced. And as a Connecticut guy I was shocked to see Hartford and Wethersfield mentioned in one of these stories.

I like it, but have to agree with some others... anti-climax at the end.

There is nothing like reading about some suffering by assholes.

Eather way... Well Done!

5* for a very fun, if short, BTB.

Meh. You repeated a section (deliberately, I know) but then, instead of that leading to something, you give us a ‘scorecard’ summary. I just didn’t like the style. You said ‘they all get butned’ but don’t really show it. I’m not even certain the main characters were among the divorces. Thanks for the effort.

This beat the pickaxe handle beatings your idol utilizes, but nothing of consequence happened. Readers like to see the confrontation and resolution. You pretty much skipped it all. This was quite bland.

AMerryman

Let's see, cheating wife cuts back on sex with hubby? Old.

Cheating on GNO's? Old.

I guess it IS new that she's NOT fucking boyfriend YET but is already cutting off husband. That usually happens later.

You can't sue the company, unless they're actively involved somehow.

There was no need to repeat the entire beginning, at MOST the last paragraph, maybe even just the last sentence.

I agree with others that it ended with a dull thud. You HAD to show the confrontation with his wife, to explain why they couldn't recover fro an unconsummated affair.

I thought it was going to turn out that she was swinging with the other three couples.

Then nothing. Endng was a footnote and left us with feeling empty. We wanted to know the details, the pain, the BURN of how it all went down.

It's not too late. Post again like MM, but this time wih an ending.

I did enjoy the read but again, the ending was missing.

. . . there’s so infrequently nothing new. It’s clear that there was nothing new about the ending, and you knew it, which was why you didn’t give us anything.

The group meeting was at least different, which made the story interesting, but we needed to see how each divorce played out. We shouldn’t assume thateach husband got a reasonable split.

And one bastard baby? The pregnant woman was married, which means that her child had a legal father; he wasn’t a bastard, and the legal father will be responsible for child support even if he isn’t the biological father. And if all of this got all the managers fired, leaving whomever the biological father was unemployed, the courts will still leave the legal father stuck with child support, because that’s what the state wants.

Remember, the husband cannot force the wife to consent to DNA testing before the baby is born, and the pregnant wife would delay the divorce long enough for the birth to occur; that makes the husband the legal father.

the best part is she didn't actually fuck him.

oh, she cheated. tons of times. the betrayal, the emotional cheating, the sexual stuff she gave away to another, possibly planning to make him raise another man's child and pass it off as his own. she's a shit human being.

but she never even went all the way yet. that's funny. now she'll have all the time in the world to fuck him. but something tells me without the husband to act as her emotional tampon, no one will want to fuck her....and likewise she wont be in the mood to fuck. you forgot to mention all the happy pet store owners that get to sell more cats. Shit people like her NEED a person to use/abuse. Well...he's gone and she's got a reputation now. She can fuck, but no one wants to put a ring on....that.

We are told that Chris became suspicious when Jan and he were screwing less frequently, but we’re also told that Jan hadn’t actually screwed around yet. These two things do not go together.

Another obvious point: we’re told that Chris and Jan had an awesome sex life, four or five times a week, marathon sessions, yet Jan was still amenable to being seduced into the group. If Chris was keeping her well satisfied, why would Jan be tempted?

That was quick and interesting. Well done!!

That was a great story. Rarely do you get that much in such a short story. Thanks for posting.it.

This is a real good start on a real good story but it did seem a little flat. This would be an excellent outline for a real good story but it needs a little character development and some depth to the plot especially the ending. I agree with Mollydakat's comment.

Following in Vandemoniums footstep has to be difficult but you have a good start. Keep working and you'll get there.

Thank you for the story...and I'll have to read more of your stories now.

Good start. Everyone has a story, let's hear them.

@ReedRichards - That's not how it works. If a woman is married, her husband is the *presumed* father, but in every state I'm aware of, there's a procedure for him to challenge that presumption, so long as he's never voluntarily accepted paternity.

What varies is how quickly he has to file to disestablish paternity, but I'm not sure there are any states left in which it's impossible to do so at all.

re: Nonsense lawsuits

I really wish LW authors would stop with the bullshit "My wife had an affair at the company, so they had to pay me millions of dollars" lawsuits. At least alienation of affection lawsuits still exist in North Carolina, but these bullshit "sue the company because they let an affair happen" lawsuits never existed, ever.

I understand the impulse to make the cuckolded spouse come out of the situation a winner, but it turns the entire situation into a nonsensical fantasy.

Actually the author's use of the word is, by many definitions, correct. According to a number of reputable dictionaries it means 'a child born to parents who are not married to each other'.

Why was Reed Richards rattling on about child support laws in his part of the world? In my part of the world, having tried the approach he describes which didn't work because the cost of chasing the non-fathers was prohibitive, we now require DNA tests and do not expect the non-father to pay.

Others point out correctly that this needed "more", because what was here wasn't enough.

Perhaps it was because you were trying NOT to write a "stroke" piece that you kept it clipped and abrupt. But I wonder if, in a sense, you sabotaged this piece BECAUSE you prefer strokers to BTB? Swingerjoe did this too. He wanted to show how EASY it was to write BTB, but his effort was crappy on PURPOSE! Sex is fun, adultery is NOT. Sure, but reading compelling character driven dramas IS entertaining, when done well. Confusing subject matter with artistry is the real issue here.

Somehow, I actually think you tried to give this audience what you think it wants, but haven't fully digested exactly what that is. Or at very least, processed exactly how to express it. It is hard to do well. That is the challenge before every author here. Most avoid that challenge by sticking to the stuff that actually makes THEMSELVES happy having written it. Not a bad way to go. That, I believe, is the route SJ finally decided to commit to, as well.

Keep writing, thanks for contributing, and Good Luck!

I like these btb type stories. Real men acting like men not little penis wimps who get off on their wives cheating.

I don't understand why you wrote so little on a potentially very good story. Were you in such a hurry to get it out that you chose to leave out the best and most important parts.

The thing that makes a good BTB story to me is the emotion. This story had none. You did little to develop the characters. When time came for the emotional conflict and catharsis, you did not provide them. Simply telling the audience that people got burned in bulleted lists is not enough. People want to read the confrontation with the cheating spouse. You deferred it to tomorrow, then didn't show it. People want to see the guilty parties squirm, you didn't let us.

If you declare the story to be a BTB, in advance, then don't write the BTB part, it fails, in my opinion. It is like making a porn called Cumshot Facial Compilation that cuts off each cumshot just before the sperm erupts, then adding a note at the end of the video: Each girl got cum on her face. It was hot. Too bad you couldn't see it happen.

I really liked what was there and would have given it high marks. Unfortunately, it left me feeling it was half done.

KB

I'm certainly no expert, but while a child born into a marriage is PRESUMED to be the husband's, that doesn't mean that he can't challenge paternity. I would wager that the rules and outcomes vary state to state.

From Wikipedia: "In the United States, where a child is conceived or born during wedlock, the husband is legally presumed to be the father of the child.[8] Some states have a legal process for a husband to disavow paternity, such that a biological father can be named as the parent of a child conceived or born during a marriage. In most states, any claim of non-paternity by a husband must be heard by a court."

Short, to the point, with great results. Please continue to write.

She didn't fuck him? But she went way over the line. He was lucky he found out before there were kids. I will never understand cheaters, but I have enough true life stories to know they exist and they deserve their fates. Good, quick, to the point! Thanks. I liked the pace.

And knew to separate his perishables from the non perishables. And I hope he took all the perishables inside on the first trip.

Because I think it took a long time for him to go back out to bring in the rest of the load. I also hope he didn't leave the car door ajar the whole time, because he might get "checked on" by a helpful neighbor.

Who would have ever thought that the marriage is more perishable than the groceries?

The question what are the odds of this group getting together and cheating on both spouse in the Same company setting. Now as for the lawsuit against the company ,what bulshit. That could only happen in 5 states and no where did you mention the company senior mgmt knew what was going on. 5million your fantasy number. Total bs.

Lets be clear, the system has a purpose which corrects injustices that happened years ago. I agree that it generally over corrects having been the child in a total of 11 divorces (my parents loved being married just not to the people they were married to). I have also practiced family law for nearly 30 years and have counseled survivors of divorce for longer. Here is the reality, the law is there to protect children so the bastard child as you put it, will not be since it is improbable that the divorce would take place before the child is born and the mother can put any name on the birth certificate she wants to. That means in most every state her husband would be responsible for child support as well as the biological father so she gets a twofer there. Most states would give the balance of the assets to her and often require the "father" to pay for her and the child's medical insurance/expenses often separately from the child support as that is often a benefit from employment.

On suing the company, good luck, I can not think of a single company that would be held liable for activities that employees participate in while not on "campus" or during "core hours" which is why most companies have a 9-3 core hour often with a 11-1 lunch break. That way they pretty much are free and clear from such lawsuits. Also, morals clauses are pretty much unenforceable these days and most companies have dropped them, as well as non-fraternization clauses. Next, there is pretty much nothing that you can sue the lovers for, you could go for "alienation of affection" in a hand full of states but that is usually (99%) thrown out especially by female judges (97% in my area). Plus, I know that most judges consider that petty, and childish and will more often punish the plaintiff (husband here).

Finally, get ready for extensive counseling requirements prior to the divorce. Given that he can only show "heavy petting" in my area, you can guarantee that he will be required to attend weekly counseling sessions for at least 6 months with a stiff "good faith" requirement in addition with a likely additional 6 month "cooling off" period afterward. Many of my clients who have no children find that it is easier to just leave the area without a divorce rather than deal with the process. They end up with a 60-40 split but pay me a great deal less and are free of the marriage in much less time.

I liked the story and it was a good read. I can understand the premise about her being seduced into an affair even though she has a good home/sex life. Having been around work place adulterers in the past I have come to the conclusion that the affairs aren't necessarily about the sex, even though that is what it is, but can also be mostly about the person's ego. It can also be about the erosion of respect for the spouse, which can and usually is manipulated by the other members of the sex cabal. Nothing like a juicy little secret at the expense of your husband or wife. I am glad that the wife didn't get to spout a bunch of I love yous and it didn't mean a things because there is no love for your spouse in an affair. Love can't really exist without respect and that is a fact.

Thanks for your story, look forward to more.

...did Mike backhand the beer? The beer did nothing wrong! Lol...liked the story, 5 stars. Thanx!

Loklie

A nice story scetch. Would have liked to see a full fleshed out story. 4*

Lazy Ending

but without Jan's explanation its just another Martian Slut Ray plot. Great sex, great wife, good intelligence and marriage relationship, then, Presto Chango Jan decides to become a slut. It was just a matter of degree at the time she was caught, but she had already decided to fuck the asshole. You conveniently left out the audio and text evidence which would completely illustrate the depth and nature of her betrayal: BBC, curiosity lust, group pressure, actual affection and romance, which was it?

Since he decided to divorce her it must have been a betrayal of depth and substance too great to forgive and reconcile. That would have been a compelling and dramatic part of the story to included. Of course his attorney would have recommended a quiet completed divorce before he nuked the posse that seduced his wife, otherwise he is now being asked to pay alimony to an unemployed ex wife who her attorney will argue never really committed adultery, yet. Also, if delayed and managed properly he could almost guarantee some serious physical damage to the assholes. With that many husbands with that much motive it would be really difficult for the police to know who and where to start investigating. And they probably wouldn't put all that much effort into the investigation given the details.

Still a very good effort, just wish you had given the full story from both sides at least up to the final divorce decree. How does a woman do that with such a great marriage and husband? Makes you wonder what her side of the story was.

The only problem I have with the story is the ending. One of the main draws for this kind of story is the Confrontation. You just glossed over it here. Her: "I didnt fuck him." Him: "I know." This scene is where the emotional payoff should've been (that, and the part where the wife regrets the error of her ways). I didnt rate the story because I thought it deserved better than 3 stars, but wasn't good enough for 4 stars, so I left that to others. Good story otherwise.

"If Chris was keeping her well satisfied, why would Jan be tempted?"

Peer pressure, company advancement, the lure of forbidden fruit, the thrill of getting away with something "naughty," etc. She seemed to be taking things slowly, since it had been going on for a few months and all they'd done yet was mutual masturbation. Probably turning up the heat a little at a time so nothing seemed drastic and caused her to think twice.

To defend or complain about the length of a story. To me anything well written doesn't matter how long or short it is. Go back and read the stories from the greats and what do you find....a lot of one page stories. From others (Sorry Matt) books. I recently saw where one author had over 44 chapters (Lewd Luke). I prefer three or less (for those that care I have read several of Matt's books) pages. TSG do your own thing and have a good time at it.

short and sweet,, well written,, well executed, thanks for sharing,

was hoping for a more drawn out emotional ending but it was just an ending to another story so i guess i couldnt have expected much. not sure if this ending was any better then the originals think it seemed about the same would have to go back and check but not really worth it tbh

"I didnt fuck him"...She forgot to say "Yet"...As some comment said: "short and to the point"!...All the cheaters payed...end of story...4*

Getting tired of this shit. This is supposed to be a sex site. Erotic stories of wives getting some sex on the side. There’s nothing sexy about this.

All you people with an axe to grind come here a burn your bitches. Post this shit in non-erotic where it belongs.

BTW the story sucked too. There was nothing in it to draw in the reader. It was more like an outline written by a Klingon

I'm going to agree with some prior comments, and say this one is hard to rate. It was fives stars until it just ended with no closure at all. The ending deserves 1-star, but up until that I would give it 5.

Seems like you rushed the ending to fit what you thought the story should be. So much left out, there are writers on this site who constantly think they're original, its just not possible with the amount of stories here. Didn't find this original either.

But this was like watching a baseball game that hid innings 3-9 then giving the final score ....

Coulda shoulda that may have led to woulda.

Quick, emotionless and neatly wrapped up for me. No drama or anything interesting. Just a news report.

Great beginning but it left me thinking the bartender served me a half full glass of beer.

But i will say promising start

. . . Sex is fun, adultery is NOT! If adultery wasn’t fun, it would never happen. And if reading about adultery wasn’t fun, why would anyone read this category?

but the ending didnt give the emotional release that was needed. Just reporting the damage was Ok, but I needed to see the tears and anxiety the divorces and being outed caused for a full 5*.

This is a great start to a story. But one can't build the tension and conflict just to let it go. It's a lot like a balloon filled with air. You filled it up, but just let it go to sputter. Instead of tying a knot and bursting it with a pin.

I would have liked to have seen a full flushed out story

Adultery may be fun, at least for the adulterers, but some (many?) readers don't come here to read about the adultery, but the results of the adultery, whether it be divorce, revenge affairs, reconciliation, RAAC or otherwise, or varying degrees of BTB.

We also have SOME interest i the prior relationship (please not every date they had!), and how it was discovered, beyond the usual.

Perfectly stated. We don't have to like the conclusion, but we need something.

There's nothing sexy about your wife being a whore, We need to have a BTB section, A non-RAAC section And most of a none cuckold section.

I wished you had added more details to the confrontation, and the aftermath.

Thanks for what you did, I liked it.

4 stars

Caught punished and all concerned know all

Can accept light punishment for wife once in awhile

Enjoyed gladly read more like this

If fucked up society rewards cheaters with half at least make known they are cheaters

Unfortunately you fou forgot to actually write a story. Gave us facts, actions and results. But no people, no settings details, no real discussions, no emotion.

You developed a great story very well written but you seemed to have given up at the conclusion. There is a ton of story left that could be explored - do you plan on continuing?

The only “winners” in divorce are the lawyers. Everyone else loses— some more than others.

Unlike many commenters I don't think your story needs another chapter or a sequel, etc.

I think a little more dialog e.g. among the husbands as they learn about their cheating wives, would soften the somewhat dry narration. Perhaps the husbands could plot unique ways by which their wives are served or barge in on the next tryst en masse.

This might add a half page, but still have the impact of a strong, short, to the point story.

Good story but a very rushed and inconclusive ending ruined it

I almost feel sorry for her, but you don't get partial credit for not fucking someone because you were caught before you did it. She crossed the line, disrespected her vows, and paid the price. It wasn't unplanned. It wasn't due to alcohol. It was just a plain cheat. Well told!

Any tale in which the lawyers get well-paid is an uplifting and heartwarming one!

not so skip over the good stuff

A great story ruined with a piss poor ending.

lot of people ,no plot, no character development, at least it was short

But I loved how succinct you were.

Sure more info and details may have been grand.

But cutting to the point has it's merits.

About this story was "A rich, fucking lawyer who became even richer.", although I don't see how his finding out that his wife was cheating was original. These are what are known as 'Flash Stories' folks, ya don't get a lot of background or detail, "Just the facts ma'am." Signed: BTW

this was too short. the ending seemed really rushed and skipped a lot of the action to make it a great story. you left it like a cliffhanger, so maybe more chapters would be nice.

just a thought.

finally a story that takes everybody down.

Good one, but ... details man, details!

As Long As the Lawyers Get Paid

Just remember, every story that ends "and the lawyers got all the money" is a heartwarming tale of renewal and dawning hope. I am sure you all share my fervent belief in this!

What you’ve written is great but so much more could have been written. Character development, Jan’s (all the womens’) reasons or justifications. etc etc. Good story but way way too short and unsatisfying.

Good enough I suppose, but very unfulfilling. One of the most pivotal points in a Loving Wives story is the confrontation with the cheating spouse. This story could have had multiple confrontations if you had chosen to do so. Instead, we got none. Though I enjoyed it, I feel like this could have been a much better story. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Sorry TSG, when you fully flesh out a story, its plot and characters and leave nothing to the imagination - well, you get fried in the comments: too long, too detailed. When you put out a well woven shortie that cuts to the quick in one page - well, you get fried in the comments: too brief, not enough scenes or character development. (I hear Rick Nelson in the background singing, "...you can't please everyone, you've got to please yourself.")

Many thanks for a fine story, well crafted and smooth flowing (great grammar, well edited).

Rushed finish, but then it's LW and we all know how it goes... but the last line saved the story. Not enough to go from 3 to 5 stars and we can not do halves so it's 4* all the way. You could do a whole series in followups - hone that BTB cred.

As long as the lawyers get paid, and paid well, it is a happy and uplifting story!

I just love your stories. The men don't go off the deep end, ranting and raving. They look deeply into their situations, face reality, and deal firmly and directly with the cheater as well as whomever might be involved. Another 5 star story.

Again, a great multiple BTB. Plenty to like here.

I would rather have a sister that is a prostitute than a brother that is a lawyer.

It's an enjoyable story just feels liking at the end.

Needed more to ending.