All Comments on 'January Sucks'

5*s great adaptation of the original. Even with the flub of wanting more kids, maybe she meant to adopt. Otherwise good job.

This was an excellent story, and in our current legal environment, a realistic outcome. I learned the hard way that no matter what a spouse does to destroy you, you have no legal recourse. As in my case, getting custody of the minor children is the best you can hope for. But life goes on.

Thank you for a most entertaining story.

But you wrote an unnecessary tomb. Unfortunately, the original story has been done to death and this turned into yet another in the long line of additions. I liked that he got a divorce. But the chances of the settlement going the way you described were small and none. And all the other extraneous fluff that turned this into a 13 page novel just wasn't worth the time. Stretching things to 4 pages would have been problematic. This was simply too long.

Best Version

You knocked it out of the park your first time at bat. 5 stars and a favorite. I look forward to reading more from you.

I read a version of this story, I picture Gronk.

This took too long to reach the conclusion. The summary at the end should have been more of the story instead of him just acting wimpy for 12 and half chapters.

For a first-time author, this was a magnificent (if long) entry. As true to life as it would have probably played out, given the characters involved. Well done.

5/5

Saddletramp's was easily the best BTB, not surprisingly, but this was the most realistic 'response' (even allowing for Morrisons becoming The Madison time and over), right up until that last sentence. Didn't you already tell us Ellen had to have a hysterectomy? She planning to adopt or what? Didn't spoil the story for me, and for a first shot it was excellent tbh, but still ... continuity. I hope you will take this as positive criticism rather than a dig. Good work. More please!

Very nice story, gave it a 5*, however I was confused because if Ellen had undergone a hysterectomy earlier how could she say at the end of the story: "Jim, do you think it's too soon to begin talking about more kids?"

WHY in All of these Alternate endings does Linda HAVE to be made out to be worse than she actually is in the original story?

Mind you there's nothing wrong with adding ti thecstory and expanding on it but the very act of what Linda does that night at the restaurant and then going away overnight with the football are 100% sperfectly justifiable grounds for divorce.

Why cant some focus on JUST that?

The way you wrote Linda bothered me at first but then I realized it was an accurate and very real depiction of a woman who could do such a vile thing to her husband that she says she loves.

It only made perfect sense.

I really enjoyed the rest of your story from the start.

I appreciate your hard work.

I'll give you a 5* for your first story(4* typical) but it was like reading a jigsaw puzzle. I do appreciate you noting the differences between you and the original author, I just don't think you needed to adhere that closely to it. lol I'm glad you chose against a RAAC but the one thing I've noticed is all the stories have turned this faithful wife into a weak, mindless slut after that one night. I mean 10 faithful years, sure this goes back to the crappy premise of why would she do it in the first place, I certainly think from everyone's account that it would significantly damage their relationship but alter her mentally? lol I think this was a nice version, but with the mixing of the original, it plodded along time-wise. Meaning, I know you can't get divorced in a day but he really seemed to keep his emotions in check with her, almost robot-like. Just the one blow up at the restaurant with Ellen and that was after the fact. No way he doesn't try to find out if he has video of Marc tapping her in his house as soon as he can.

Well done, classy revenge and a new bride

It was an interesting version but it's well past time for this story line to get a decent burial.

I, at first, groaned at the length. THEN COULD NOT STOP READING! Great story!

Fabulous Effort. You did a great job in taking charge of RichardGerald's original story and giving it a thoroughly satisfying ending. Everyone got just what they deserved. It was great to see Lewis step away from his victim role and turn the table on his wife and LaValliere. Technically, it was written well. Great first effort. I hope that you will write many more. I'll keep my eye out for you. 5 stars!

Wow! That was excellent. Spelling and syntax were great. This is a ten for a first story.

Opps, I forget one issue. Hysterectomy and new children,..... not consistent.

Really Great first story on here, definitely leads to high hopes for more like this. Would of preferred to know what happened to the wife and more to have happened to the asshole. Still well done

Great story. The only glitch was Ellen asking Jim about more kids despite the story about her time with the basketball player ending with her not being able to have any children. Minor nit.

The rest of the story, given that it was a first effort, was excellent. It was, in my mind, the most realistic version of the original, and given Saddletramp’s effort was very solid, that’s saying something.

I hope you continue to write as your writing skills are excellent.

To those saying it was too long, I’ll admit to cheating and mostly skipping the italicized passages. After all, we’ve read those passages, what, four times before? That made the reading go faster.

Welcome to another outstanding author. I hope this isn't your last offering

Well if these characters struck a note with you, then read The Velvet Choker by johngalt47. I used to dream of how to maim or kill the wife’s lover

This story plodded (how could it not) at times through 13 pages. Nonetheless it kept my interest throughout. The writing is first-rate which is especially commendable for a first time writer. Five stars ⭐️ for this one.

I thought this story was brilliant. As an aside I love all the sequels. I don't understand all of the complaints about too many sequels. If you hate them why are you reading them? If you aren't reading them, why are you commenting on them?

Well fleshed out and written albiet a bit long. Thanks.

Over all it was a well written version. The only issue that came to mind for me was that it was very obvious where the ending was headed. In the original version, she cheated once and didn't continue with the affair and she had obvious remorse at the end. This one just took everything in an entirely different direction with the character development. It was a different take on the story line but just came up short of being a great retelling. There was no resolution with the ending for either Laura or Mark. Still, not bad for a first time submission.

The best version yet!

The premise of this story was great, but this is the only one of the bunch that was any good. The writing of the original was fine, but the ending was like seeing Luke Skywalker be killed and the Death Star being fully operational. Thanks for doing the premise justice. 5 *s

Awesome story,Excellent writing especially for a first time writer.Await further stories.

This was my favorite retelling of this tale. A remarkable first post. Thank you.

The main character was believable and the pacing was steady and fluid.

I did think that how Ellen brought up the topic of more kids was a rather odd way of bringing up adoption. She had stated that she could not have children of her own.

I look forward to seeing more from DTL

I liked that you had your main character be pro-active on the night of the event but Linda's response to his efforts should have made it a 2 or 3 page story. She rejected her husband's demand that she return with him after fucking the TE. At that point her marriage was done. She watched her husband get locked up because of her behavior and stayed through the next morning. You don't need the video and texts, she chose the FB player over her husband. Why didn't husband say I saw you entertain TE in the living room when I came over?

The biggest problem with this story is that you gave the reader no reason for husband to even consider reconciliation. The BTB aspect was reasonable and I liked the plea scene.

Thank you for your work and I look forward to reading more from you. Write your own story and keep it around 3 pages to eliminate unnecessary stuff.

reasonable man

No more of these damn stories! No one's done one worth a shit yet anyway. In the unlikely event a scenario like that DID take place all that would happen is the guy would file for divorce and get taken to the cleaners. If he could stomach leaving his kids he might say fuck it and just split.

Finally a realistic and acceptable ending. Well, the whore went to the right state. She should fit right in. Karma’s a bitch dumbass opps I meant dee. And asshole will end up getting a taste of biblical justice if he continues his shit in Utah. Do The Danites ring any bells you over entitled useless excuse for a man (boy is more like it, huh lavelliere). As for the more kids line at the end. I don’t think the comment was an error. Just because she can’t have kids doesn’t mean they can’t adopt. An adopted child is just as loved and taken care of as your own. If your not capable of accepting this adopting is not something you should even consider or be allowed to do.

Yes, a comment and rambling stab at the losers in this story. So what, this is still the best story of the series. While this might you first story here, talent like yours is rare. Me thinks thou doth protest to much.....lol

A great effort for a first-timer.

Hooked

This was fun; thank you. It had some new angles within a tight framework. Great first effort.

Enjoyed it, I hope you’ll write some more stories. I have read hundreds of stories and I have written a few, but never submitted one. Each time I read a first submission that is well written I’m encouraged to try to write something worthy of the LW audience. GA certainly stirred up a lot of interest with his offering.

Way too many words. But glad you tried your hand at writing.

Finally somebody writes what Linda thinks, she has expressed herself as a lady that loves sex with Marc but, wants family security with Jim while fucking Marc. Good take on the original and all off the other versions. 5* for an excellent completion to a very complicated story.

Excellent story. Tough situation but you gave a great effort. Continue to write you have a gift.

Loved it. A wonderful story extremely well written. I sincerely hope we see more stories from you in the future.

I think this version is my favorite, just edging out SaddleTramp's. Any version that includes a RAAC will get the quick 1 star. Thanks for posting. 5 stars.

There is a sizable contingent of readers who cannot accept the concept of forgiveness and repentance and the people who liked this version were certainly in that camp. I like the way this author blended his version into the verbatim original with even the ending having some of the original. This story stands on its own and its only fault was the Ellen character who was too good to be true. Absolutely gorgeous, sexually mistreated and madly in love with Jim. i think this story would have stood on its own without that character, especially when LInda takes off and the kids start calling Ellen Mom. Worth a 4* for a smooth sequel, but I kind of like the original. There is a place for repentance and forgiveness.

...telling and retelling this story, this was the most fun, the most enjoyable. Five stars! Can’t wait for your future writings.

The most satisfying of the more realistic versions of the story.

I too don’t understand why he didn’t confront his wife when Marc was at their house. Though, because he didn’t she did have a chance to sleep with him again — at their house, with the kids in their rooms. That could definitely have been used in the divorce to paint her as an unfit mother so as to get primary child custody. Which is what I thought it would be used for, but was not. So, again, what he was doing nothing, not even reacting to Marc and Linda’s actions, like at the club when Marc first propositioned Linda. Which you implied he was not going to do anymore. Though, it does seem sort of realistic that he keeps getting hit and hit and hit again and again by Linda/Marc combo, it’d be difficult to respond/react to every slight.

It seemed none of the phone/txt recordings or house videos was used for anything but his own “trust but verify”, and when he found he couldn’t trust, except to divorce her, it was used for nothing. Hell, he could have slut shamed her to the news papers. Maybe he used them in the divorce? Don’t know as nothing more was mentioned about all his evidence.

Oh, and wouldn’t a wife notice 4 brand new smoke detectors being installed in the house, during the day, when no one was supposed to home? Maybe some sense if you said he replaced 4 smoke detectors, which MIGHT be overlooked if they were at least the same shapes as the original. But I admit, this is nit-picky.

Also, as someone pointed out, didn’t Ellen have a hysterectomy? Unless she’s talking about hiring a surrogate womb, I don’t see how they could have more kids. Though I suppose they could adopt, but that wasn’t the implication.

But, overall, an excellent job done in just a week or so’s time. Bravo & 5-stars.

Excellent writing for your first story. The plot, though borrowed, was well developed and your descriptions well thought out and worded. Will look forward to more.

Very good. Thank you for your time and effort.

RSKY54

As your namesake knew all too well

There's bugger all you can do about readers who welsh on their duty to bring the same wit to reading that you do to writing. Please stay with us, we need honest-to-god writers to halt this accelerating descent into a slough of despond.

Some good plot points in this sequel but also a few holes in the story, the three I remember are that Marc drives Linda home after their initial fuckfest in his car ... the one with 4 valveless tyres and broken window, which Jim notes is being hauled onto a flatbed when he collected his car from near Marc's house after his spell in jail. In the packed and noisy sports bar with Cory, Marc's fiancée "recognises" Jim and approaches him having heard him on the radio; how would she know who he was from a radio show? At the end Ellen, childless after an hysterectomy after a botched abortion, teases Jim about having more kids.

First, let me thank all of you who took the time to comment. Most of your thoughts were well formed and insightful; all are appreciated. I did feel the need to mention just a couple of things that I hope will help some of you with issues that you expressed.

I understand that the story was too long. As one of my favorite mathematicians, Blaise Pascal, once wrote: “I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.” Alas, because I didn’t take more time to condense the story, I inflicted that burden on all of you. For that, I apologize.

I will readily admit that my story included many flaws. Some I saw and others I didn’t. as an example of the latter, for some reason in the midst of writing I really did forget that Marc LaValliere was a Tight End and not a Linebacker. My Bad!

However, if I can badly paraphrase economist Paul Samuelson’s famous comment about the stock market over-predicting recessions, Literotica readers seem able to find nine out of five of my errors.

For those of you who thought that a person cannot be held in contempt of court if not under oath, you probably don’t get the difference between the crime of perjury and the offense of contempt of court. In case this distinction is lost on you, let me invite you to interrupt a trial by proffering an obscene outburst from the gallery. I assure you, if your butt is in his (or her) court, a judge can hold you in contempt for just about anything you do that annoys him.

For those who had a problem with Ellen’s statement regarding “…talking about more kids,” I was always cognizant about writing that Ellen had a hysterectomy and assumed that readers would understand that she was not referring to ‘bearing’ them herself and that adoption is a common way to increase the size of one’s family. For the sin of overestimating the readers’ intelligence, I beg your forgiveness.

I understand that many thought that I was alternately too cruel to Linda or too lenient. As I said in the beginning, I wrote this as a catharsis rather than for entertainment. While GeorgeAnderson saw Linda’s behavior as a momentary lapse that could be redeemed, I must admit that I have never met such a person. Instead, I have observed that such anomalous behavior is usually the situational exacerbation of a preexisting defect or flaw. I saw the etiology of Linda’s behavior in her psyche; hence my conclusion that she lacked empathy – something that jumped out at me in GA’s original story.

Finally, some thought a resolution implausible in which a victimized father would get custody of his children and a demonized mother leaves to re-start her life elsewhere. I assure you that, even here in the People’s Republic of California, this happens all the time. I am personally aware of more such situations that I can count on both hands – something that happens more often than I am comfortable acknowledging – and, while my ending was certainly truncated, it is based on the life of an actual couple who are close family friends (you know who you are!).

Again, thank you all for voting, and especially for your thoughtful comments. You have made this an enjoyable and fulfilling experience for me.

Thank you. Your story was very very good. But I agree it would have been better in my opinion if Derek would have been hit harder for what he did. 3 days in jail is not enough pain to pay back for what he did..Kinda paid for her sins. Lost her children, her home and her parents plus had her husband turn his back to her due to her betrayal..

It was good...a little long, but good....BUT, why does she ask him at the end if he's ready for more kids when you'd pointed out in her backstory that she couldnt have any?

When a Slut Ray is the premise, you've got a pretty tall order. You did well. The only way this one works, IMHO, is that she's nutty as a fruitcake. Your BPD-ish portrayal comes darned close.

so far.

The problem with the other versions is that Linda acted like some kind of cyborg, turning her emotions on and off like a machine. In this version Linda was consistent from the moment she decided to become Marc's slut. She became his slut and stayed his slut, even contemplating a new life with her new found love. Yeah, Linda was as stupid as a box of rocks, but we figured that out from the moment she thought she could fuck LaValliere and return to a normal marriage. Then she continued down the road of ignorance and arrogance in a consistent and believable fashion. In the other stories she was morphed into all sorts of contradictory and inconsistent words and behaviors that made the other stories contrived and unbelievable.

It would have been satisfying if the husband had sent her a copy of her last apology letter, then sent her photos of her fucking Marc, again, and again, and asking her what kind of monster pretends to be a remorseful supplicating wife while continually plunging a knife into her husband's heart and her children's family? He should end his last communication with her pointing out that she has become a sociopath, that she should seek counseling or treatment, and if she asserts any of her mental illness on the children he will, at their appropriate age, make sure they hear and see all the evidence he has of their mother's complete and soulless betrayal.

I was satisfied with how it all ended. Puzzled by what means Ellen intends to bring more children into the family, but there are many healthy and compassionate options.

A sequel describing Linda returning for a wedding or christening could be an interesting setup. Just a thought. I should feel guilty that I would enjoy hearing more about Linda's shitty afterlife.

Thanks for the effort.

Very impressive first effort, especially considering it was a cut/paste/insert job utilizing the original text. Can't wait to read something all your own.

the slut ray slowly retracted into the ufo and the hatch doors closed.

Inside the saucer the Martians placed a tick next to Linda's name and one million buckazoids were credited to the crew's bonus account.

They turned toward the digital dartboard that had every faithfully married woman's name on it, and this time the commander gave the honor of picking the next victim to the second-in-command, who then proceeded to fire the virtual dart into the board.

Meanwhile, in a sleepy hollow somewhere in the middle of an average American town, Bob was snuggled up with his loving, faithful wife of 16 years. The kids were asleep further down the hall, and Bob was just about to get some sleep after a vigorous bout of lovemaking when a bright light shone through the curtains.

"What the fuck was that?", he wondered, but by then the light had vanished and his thoughts were on his wife's buttocks which were inviting him in for a second round. "Better get one more round in", he thought, " 'cause them damn slut ray's been causing mayhem up and down the land, and it looks like my wife may be next."

"At least", he thought, "I can write a good story about it afterwards though no-one will believe it. Might even manage 4 or 5 stars with a good BTB ending".

And so the cycle continued.

DylanThomasLives, although I'm poking fun at the whole story premise I still thought the story was really good, and it held my interest all the way through, so thanks for that and the good writing. Having said that, I can't say the story had the emotional impact that I like because the original premise is so absurd that it almost makes me laugh.

Good story! 5*. Now could we please stop rewriting this story? What started as burning anger in response to betrayal is slowly flickering out with each new rendition.

While better than some others, still you could drive an aircraft carrier through the plot holes. The man is supposed to be a proactive guy, but his wife is not only continuing her affair but belittling him in every meaningful way - and he does and says nothing? As for the wife, does she has bipolar disorder? She professes love, but is sleeping with ML, swapping endearments and wants to use the previous relationship to get her husband to help ML. However, as fast as that plot is mentioned, it’s immediately dropped.Yet, she continues to go back and forth who she wants to stay with - and makes clear she would stay with Jim only for the kids and not for him alone. How does a proactive guy ignore that and pretend that it never happened?

Although I applaud your first effort, it got rather repetitive after awhile. I agree that this whole storyline is awful and should be exorcised from this site. In order for a story to hold any integrity, the characters need to be relatable and believable. The wife planning a romantic evening with her husband and then showing total disregard for their marriage just because “a friend” says he’ll get over it is pure nonsense. You could have saved yourself several pages by having divorce papers drawn up immediately and ending the farce. Sorry...it’s just a really bad plot so it’s not your fault. Good luck on future endeavours.

I agree with anonymous (10/12) that the fundamental problem is there are two Lindas. the wife and the cheater. this is the original stories problem as well. To make her a loving wife , the seduction could not be done in front of the husband. While I reject the idea of a celebrity hall pass, in true love , this is what GA wrote. And reconciliation for purposely and intentionally hurting your spouse is impossible.

I loved your version, although you took us far from the path the original story explored.

Keep writing!

I was married to a cheeting wife . I tried to forgive and make things work. I finally had go though the divorce, and get on with my life,,,,,,It did make me a bitter man,,,, Your store is good ,,,,,,, thanks

I also found Jim's behaviour in the original story too accepting of Linda's behaviour. I wanted Jim to find a way of reacting to Mark that was credible and aggressive. All of the characters and behaviour in DTL's story were credible to me without requiring special talent or special luck. Jim found ways to react that took the attack to Mark and did not require special skills on Jim's part, so a very fine story in my view. The length of the story did not bother me because it introduced extra story lines and characters that enriched the story. Well done DTL. 5*

Those who thought that Ellen wanting more children was confused writing because she had had a hysterectomy are obviously ignoring the obvious fact that she must have wanted to adopt children.

can you think of being in a serious relationship after that kind of a trauma? I guess he was just faking about having some 'trust' issue. That most of his problem was because his ego was hurt.

This was an excellent version of GeorgeAnderson's story.

You were faithful to the characters and the way you wove section his text into your own take on the story was very effective. A 5* job.

A well written first effort addition to a story string that by now everyone wishes would be laid to rest.

Another thirteen pages added to the growing library that will forever be considered GA’s most ill advised attempt to piss people off.

Mixing in old and new was a novel approach but didn’t really help much with moving things along.

Longer is not necessarily better, though the correct denouement was eventually reached it became excruciating waiting for the snail to get to the finish.

Brevity is the soul of wit (so someone famous once said) it is also true of stories here, removing GA’s nonsense would have reduced things to a more manageable level.

Still there is no taking away the fact it was well done and I look forward to your future efforts.

I really liked this version. Flowed well enough that 13 pages went by fast. What I didn't understand was that for several of those pages he gathered info, subjected himself to his wife's continued infidelity and plotting against him with both the asshole and her friend, but never confronted her with the evidence. The ending felt rushed, but if people will stay with you for 13 pages, one more, where he confronted her with the mountain of evidence would have better explained why she just took off to California without being able to see her children.

The other thing was that in court, March 1st was listed as the date for his damaging the car, but as the title stated, the night in question was in January.

As I said, I really liked this version and gave it a 5. I hope you keep writing.

Take the story back down and remove all the italics... it is so fucking distracting.

MFH

Congratulations on your first story! Taking the plunge can be difficult, it took me years. Hopefully you'll feel encouraged to write again. Now for the nitpicking.

I was okay with changing the month to January. I was okay with making Jim more proactive, I thought that was an idea worth exploring. What I wasn't okay with was changing the characters of Ellen and Linda. Especially Linda. You definitely succeeded in making Jim more proactive, but he was proactive in a story with completely different characters, which I felt defeated the purpose.

In the original, Linda never gave Marc her cell phone number, never had a job, and had no interest in seeing Marc again. I liked the idea of Jim becoming more proactive at a certain point in the story, but I wanted to see how the character of Linda would've reacted had Jim intervened early in the story. I didn't get to see that. What I got was a character that had the same name, but was very far removed from the woman who wanted to get past her once in a lifetime experience and focus on her marriage.

You'll have your chance to return the nitpicks after I publish my version, which I hope I'll have finished before February.

I had gotten tired of everyone trying their version of February Sucks. I almost didn't ready your story because of that. Out of curiosity I decided to give it a go and see where you would take me. I briefly scanned though the parts that were rewritten numerous times to where your version began to take off.

I like where you went with this. It felt like a story within a story. You held my interest and kept me involved to the end. Well done.

Excellent version, my favorite. When that ho took asshole's part in court, that finished it. I would not have been as nice to either one when I caught her at his house. They both may have breathed their last...

I like this version, i won't repeat the points others have made but to make a point of my own. An anonymous comment stated that most of the husbands problem was that his ego was hurt'. Quite often in stories here a persons ego is referred to in a derogatory way as if it something bad. I use the person because ego is not confined to the male population, yes women have it to. If one cares to look in a good dictionary definition of ego you will find the following. Self esteem, importance, worth, respect, conceit. Also reality testing, a sense of personal identity. Those are normal in a human being and not to be confused with egotistical which is where all that is exaggerated. Where self importance and esteem spills over into thinking oneself more important than others, ones worth is more than other other colleagues for example. The traits of ego are when men and women go to work and do a good job, a husband and wife care for each other, they love and care for their children making as good a life as they an for all. That gives them a feeling of self respect, of worth to the each other and their family. Importance, yes to each other and their children. After all we are all important are we not, So Linda does something completely out of character, that is where her self importance, esteem and worth rises above her husband. She has become egotistical, the rules come second to what she wants, and if hubby does not like, well , he will get over it.. So you see ego in itself is not a bad thing, we all have it , it's how we we use it in our daily life.

I agree with jd's comments. This story worked me up even more than the original. It thoroughly confused me. How could she write a heartfelt letter like that and still be cheating. Did she screw him at the house? Did she screw him the day she went shopping? Maybe I missed something. Linda is in need of serious psychiatric help.

Great job, thanks.

Wow!

After going through the numerous “February “ endings, this January ending is outstanding. Well thought out plot, well developed characters complemented by well crafted dialogue.

An enjoyable read.

Thank you!

I don't know what it is about the "February Sucks" story and all that have followed ... but, I cannot resist these stories.

This one was well told - and I like the outcome. Great job. 5 stars.

But I went back to read it and I just get passed the first 2 pages... for the exact reason you said, as you said it: the more outrageous the action, the better they fared in the story...

I am old enough to have watched enough porn and adult stories, to know there really are tons of guys who like to see their wives being fucked silly, with them happily jerking close to where their wives are being fucked to death... but since in THIS STORY the husband PRETENDED NOT to be one those guys, I just can't fathom how he could or would accept the Trump-like Alternate Reality discussions he was having with his wife's friend, Dee, seconds after she told him Linda didn't just go to the bathroom was simply took off with the big dicked guy she was dancing with minutes before, with Dee telling him:

"No, it didn't, because I know she won't lose you over this. You're too good a man to let that happen. I told her how lucky she is. She's lucky because the man that every woman in the room wanted, wanted her; but she's even luckier that she has a husband who loves her enough to get past his hurt feelings and not make this a bigger deal than it should be. You know she'll be willing to do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to make it up to you."

I mean, again, these are just stories, but who the fuck (outside of Donald J. Trump) talks like that, in such a moment, AFTER helping a VERY LOVING, LOYAL, CARING, MORAL & married woman, a friend, stealthily escape her very own husband's presence, by pretending they're merely going to the bathroom to do their womenly things?

Gosh, don't worry about Linda, okay? She so lucky to you have, such a kind and forgiving man, and you're so lucky to have such a beautiful woman like Linda, someone every dick wants to fuck... but someone who would only fuck THIS FOOTBALL PLAYER, with the biggest dick we all know... just for tonight.... Gosh, you two are so perfect together. Don't worry, she says after tonight, she would be your faithful and loving wife until death due you part, never to have another yearning or desire to fuck another man again, no matter how handsome they are, no matter how big their dicks are, okay? This is just a ONE-TIME thing, okay?

Again, who the fuck talks like that?

You talk like that either because your IQ is well into the "mental retardation" area OR you think the person to whom you're talking (in such a manner) is having that kind of ultra low IQ. People with IQs around 100 just don't talk like that, just SHOULDN'T talk like that, in real life and in fictional stories....

Sure you might have had a few boo-boos, but nothing that couldn’t have been expected by a first time writer. Like several others I think this was one of the best renditions of this GA’’s story. I fully expect to read many more of your stories on this site.

A 5**** from the low-country.

I didn't go back to check, but is she talking about adoption since she had a hysterectomy?

I believe that could be the premise of a good story. To me, the problem with all of the versions of this story is that the wife not only had sex with the interloper, she went off with him publicly and left her husband humiliated when they had had a special night planned. What a bitch!!

I think a more interesting story could've been created had she done it secretly and then later the husband found out or she later confessed.

Can some one try a new route, the wife do not fall for the fool, or the husband stop her leaving.

@sbrooks103

"I've said this in man stories, including other versions of this one...."

What are man stories? Did you mean many?

How in the world did he wind up with the kids. Other than the affair there was no way she would lose custody. You really cheapened this story . She was a great mother up until the affair. Also Ellen had a hysterectomy where were this kids coming from. U forgot you wrote that early on. I can see unlimited visits and every other weekends but outright custody no way. Also in court she knew he was transferred out not taking her ,so why would she protect him. And putting locks on doors only exist in this authors mind.

especially for a first submission. I infer Ellen was talking about adopting kids, not sure why. Maybe a few sentences more about that?

Best of the continuations of GA's original story (which I did not like). Thanks, and I hope you have some tales of your own to tell, although 'd welcome more continuations of other stories.

Please stop writing about sending all of the cheating spouses to California - send them to Florida or Texas. Why go through all of the effort to collect electronic proof of Linda's cheating and not use it to expose a wife that really doesn't love Jim? Yeah she wants to keep him because he's a good father and a adequate provider but he sucks at being a lover.

I still want Vandemonium1 to do an ending. He's just the right kind of pissed off I like. But I think what would have really made the story a blast(pun intended) was instead of just damaging his car...blowing it up with him getting the check. No more Marc. Sorry but that would have been ultimate justice.

I thought it was great all the detail worked into the very romantic and teary plot.

@fifteen16, as people who regularly read my comments know, I HATE the whole "fragile male ego" excuse for two reasons. 1) If things were reversed, wouldn't HER ego be hurt? 2) More important, isn't HER ego, at being chosen by Mr. Studly, the reason why they're in the situation in the first place?

Regarding Number 1, she says NOW after she's had her fun, that she'd be cool with him doing the same thing, but she HAS to say that to justify her own actions, but you KNOW, that if nothing had happened yet, and it was a hot woman taking him away, he'd be fucked, and not in a good way!

@Mainefiddleheads, yes, I had meant to comment on that also. At first, I thought it was intended to identify the beginning that was from GA's story, but then it kept recurring.

I have read pretty much every story by all best writers of this genre. There are many great stories, yet everyone has a “clunker”, on the doesn’t agree with readers version of a proper, just ending depending on the particular readers propensity for BTB, RAAC and varying degrees on the spectrum.

As a result, there have been a number of stories where other writers embarked on a quest to proffer a different ending. Forgive me for not crediting the original writers as they escape me in the moment, but How High Price and For the Greater Good Immediately come to mind, as well as, variations of the “Honey We Need to Talk” format. Vandemonium1 has written a number of alternative endings. JPB once has an invitational to tag on his stories as he receives a number of critiques for not ending a story. FTDS made a “career” to “Finish The Damn Story.

One of the “complete” rewritten endings was qhml1’s Separate Vacations/Parallel Lives. One of the most engaging writers on Lit, imho, qhml1 tried to stay true to the original characters but expanded the story such that it was more understandable why the 2 main characters behaved as they did.

All that as a back drop for me to say that the original story and premise were very compelling and moving. Yet I, like many were left hanging that the couple were able to easily reconcile. Therefore I’ve read with enthusiasm and anticipation for a more satisfying ending, for me! And totally agree with the author that the confounding part of the original story was totally disparate outcomes for the main characters that was a direct inverse of their part in the scenario.

IMHO, the author, for a first attempt(!), has embraced the challenge In one of the most creative ways, by deftly integrating and weaving the original story all the way through to the end. Remind me of the “secret ingredient” in a cooking show food challenge. The chef that wins doesn’t take the challenge and weave their own creation, they embrace what they’re given and weave into something better, something special. You’ve knocked it out of the park as evidenced by the numerous comments already! Kudos!

Why do author like to lock the wife out against all laws, Ellen has a hysterectomy ,so how can she have more children. She was a great wife till the affair, so how did he get those kids away from her. Affairs are not counted in devoice cases. . You weakened this great start.

I can't resist giving fan girl appreciation at seeing Piper Hamlin post he is working on a version of this. I dread it, Piper, but I sure AF will read it.

D

@DylanThomasLives, Read your lengthy comment. A couple of things stand out, "one of my favorite mathematicians," You have multiple favorite mathematicians? Seriously? I mean, you wouldn't stoop so low as to try and impress those of us among the great unwashed with slyly dropping in quotes from uniquely unusual perspectives would you?

Also, it was so kind of you to apologize for over-estimating the intelligence of us, the lowly rabble, that read your masterful work and had the audacity to notice the seeming dichotomy in a woman that had a hysterectomy to suddenly mention children while we were finding those, how did you put it, "9 out of 5 mistakes"?. Let me apologize for myself and those others that failed to see that you have way too much skill to make a mistake and we should examine the myriad ways what you put would be correct. I mean, it could have been a "fake hysterectomy" or a "hoax surgery". Who knows? I wish you good fortune, sir.

Enhanced the story a great deal

Essentially you partnered with George and rounded out the story a great deal.

@Robby_Dabout

"Fabulous Effort. You did a great job in taking charge of RichardGerald's original story..."

This story was originally published by George Anderson.

I liked the story. I had no problem with the italics, seemed like a simple solution to show parts of original story.

5*

I have read the original story and all subsequent stories .. I really liked yours at the ending I had to hope you meant adoption because earlier you said Ellen had a hysterectomy.. my idea is to go back to the original and just as they are reconciling she discovers she is pregnant instead of STD

Adopt more kids?

Did not Ellen have “ Hemorrhagic shock. Sepsis. And finally, hysterectomy.”

... for a first story. The blemishes didn't destroy the tale's impact.

5* because it's a "firstie".

An Excellent Rendition of February Sucks

I liked your version it had a more plausible and the characters more human than the other versions.

Thank you for sharing. 5*

The only thing I didn't like about the story, besides possibly the length, is how Linda fared in the end. I'm not usually a BTB fan, but I don't like the cheating wife ending up better off than before the cheating either. Sure she lost her husband and children, but she now gets to live in California.

Well elaborated and fleshed out and with plausible actions. No superman of some sort but actions that can be real even for "average" people. Nice ending too. Definitely 5*

LONGWINDED!!!!!!! 1*

Absolutely fantastic!! I’ll admit I was apprehensive about a 13 lit page story from a first-time author, but, wow, I couldn’t stop reading. My only teeny nit is at the end when Ellen asks about having more kids, but she had a hysterectomy so I was confused (maybe adoption?). Anyway, you clearly hit a grand slam at your first at bat, way to go! Unfortunately, you’ve set yourself a rather high bar for future stories, but I’m more than willing read any future offerings you care to provide us. Thanks! 5 stars of course