Jaye J 01

Jaye J 01

"Jaye J, I don't mean to pry, but how long will it be before your friend Angela shows up for dinner then, hmm?"

"Well, Eric, it's hard to say exactly because her boss has a motto that goes "if we're not held up at gun point by 6pm, we'll stay open until 7pm" but the motto sign has been fading over time, so you just never know for sure. But why, are you thinking about making a sex move on me in the meantime?"

"(Maybe) I mean, Angela and everyone else knows about the "weird" situation that I ended up in and, well, it's weird enough without having to talk about or try to figure what people's eyes are saying about it, so I was just asking, that's all."

Hey friends, I'm Jaye J and yes, it's pronounced that way and I don't even try to hide the way my name is pronounced. I mean, why spent all that time honing makeup skills and fashion and then hide, right? That would just be stupid and I might be something, but I'm not stupid. Well, I might be a little dizzy from time to time, but that's about it.

So, here's where I stand in life. I'm 20 and my name is pronounced with such a heavy Italicized accent that guys don't know what to do with me and neither do girls, in general terms, of course. I mean, I have my fair share of guys who know what they want to do to me and I might have one girl who wants me to do her, but other than that, I'm the oddball who people just don't know what to do with. But I don't get ignored or kicked to the curb, LOL, too often.

And I'm starting my story today with an afternoon I spent with Eric and not just because Eric found himself in a very weird situation, which is such a totally true story, but rather because for one, I had a couple of questions that he could help me with and for two, LOL, who could resist, right?

Not that I was trying to be mean or anything, but he stopped by at my place to replace the gate lock thingy on the side of my house that the lawn care guys used and apparently, abused. Or gate lock things just wear out. Either way, it wasn't right and I wanted it to be right and Eric was someone who could do that.

Oh, Angie? Well, Angela? No, she's just my friend and not the one and only woman who considers me as an um, possible lesbian girlfriend with other benefits, LOL??? Hey, I said my name was pronounced "that way", but tomato, tomato, right? And Janet's really cool. And patient. But another story.

Anyways, before Eric arrived and as Angie was on her way to work. And Angie doesn't use me for free dinners! She just likes my cooking, so.

"[Mwah] Jaye J, who knows when I'll be around for dinner because of our shop motto, but listen, that Gale Storms from TV3 said it will be blistering today, so watch for Eric working in the heat and humidity unless your home insurance covers handyman heat exhaustion from working with a metallic sideways left-handed hammer pipe wrench thingy. [Mwah] and don't rub it in with Eric about Erin. It's just a weird situation that must be difficult to deal with, so."

"Oh, I mean, I thought Eric was a big boy then, Angie! I've been taking rib shots and jabs since I was knee high to, well, someone's knee!"

"Well, Jaye J, it's just different, that's all. I mean, Eric and Erin had a promising future and you, um, you're scared of men and women and small critters and men's boxer briefs and the list goes on and on, so just play nice, bye."

Well, I'm not all that afraid, folks. I mean, I may not exactly gravitate towards men and women may not exactly gravitate towards me, but I'm neutral enough to let gravity do what gravity does and as soon as gravity gets off of it's butt and does something for me, I'll submit that story too! But I am deafly afraid of men's boxer briefs! I mean, ewe, they hide my transition lines.

Anyways, it was a blistering hot day, so I kept an eye on Eric as he struggled with the new gate lock kit and his metallic sideways left-handed hammer pipe wrench thingy. And because it was hot and because I was at home, well, Eric didn't need his shirt on and I didn't need to wear modest shorts, so.

I wore my over worked and overheated human compassion "to the rescue" backyard shorts.

"Alright, Eric, sit here in the shade and cool off for a few minutes. And I'm not quoting from the "man page" on Chang or anything, but yeah, yeah, yeah, you're 22, you're in your prime, you're strong as an ox, but mother nature with her heat and humidity will win every time, so lay back in the chaise chair and don't worry that I will snap off a couple of shirtless photos of you with a cool and damp wash cloth on your forehead. And I think that's "end quote of the man page" on Chang, so there, there and sip your cold ice tea, Eric."

[Snap, snap, snap, snap]

"Jaye J, I have to stay with it, I have to stay with it, no matter the heat."

"[Weep, whoop, zing.] Handyman heat exhaustion recovery posting updated on the Chang man page, Eric, so."

"Ahh, ahh, this is nice, Jaye J. I mean, a chaise chair, some shade, your legs, a cold ice tea, no nosey neighbors, a solid post on Chang about staying with even in the heat, your bare legs and I promise that I will get around to replacing your gate latch lock, so, ahh."

"You said my "legs" twice, Eric."

"No, I said your "legs" and then I said your "bare legs", Jaye J. I'm also saying that it's getting pretty close to beer time, Jaye J. I mean, I think I'm saying that, but from the heat exhaustion and all, I mean, things could happen today that no body needs to remember, so."

"Oh, um, I was just saying to myself that it might be time for me to "accidently" forward a couple of the photos that I've taken of you working shirtless and in your work shorts and with your non fashionable, but manly rawhide work boots to Erin. She would like that, I think, but she wouldn't like you having a beer in my bedroom, oops, so, I'll be right back, Eric."

Now, folks, LOL, confused expressionless people like me are not the only people with "where am I anyways and how did I get here" issues! Not that I was being mean or anything, LOL, but the temptation was just too great! And right there for the picking. Again, wow, an unbelievable true story!

"Oh, wait, Erin's mom and your dad are getting married next weekend, which technically will make you and Erin step sister and step brother on paper and OMG, that would be weird then if I forwarded these photos of you shirtless and in work shorts to well, your soon to be step sister, right Eric?"

"(Grumble, mumble, hiss, spit, hiss, hiss, mumble.) We barely, um, ooh, beer."

"[Mwah] I know, Eric, but groping is still a no-no, going forward anyways, so?"

"(Grumble, mumble, hiss, spit, hiss, hiss, mumble.) Beer. And sun tan lotion. And no more talk about my situation with Erin! She might be preggo."

First all of all, ooh, I hoped I was the first to hear that! Not that I wanted to spread that around until at least there was proof positive confirmation.

[Weep, whoop, zing, ping] "That blended family thing just got weirder."

True story, folks. But in Drake's defense, he and Erin went out a few times first before the 'rents got introduced, but, LOL, the 'rents didn't waste time with things! A weird story, but a true story and the only story that is more talked about then little ole funny boy me!

"Alright, Eric, a new cold beer and you are going to have to, um, well, I respect you Eric, so if you want me to rub soothing sun tan lotion on your bare chest while we finish talking, I mean, is that what you are asking for or hinting towards, Eric? Or am I supposed to read between the lines and just start?"

"Ahh, those are some soothing circles, Jaye J, um, out of sight of the neighbors, right?"

"LOL, yeah, macho handyman, private smooth and gooey circles, but you have to pay back with answers to a few of my questions, Eric, so."

LOL, that time when a shirtless guy was smiling from ear to ear because his chest was being tended to with slick sun tan lotion and then there was a pay back statement, right? Guys don't do well with that, apparently.

"Oh, relax, Eric, I'm not posting a photo of us. With circulation hand motions. Like this. Anyways, Eric, tell me true, are you feeling the sexual frustrations from being made to stay away from Erin then?"

"Oh, well, Jaye J, are you the one who is feeling the effects of not knowing what sexual frustrations feel like then, hmm?"

"And I'm not ashamed to say that, Eric, but I bet not knowing what that frustration feels like is better than living through that frustration after someone actually becomes sexually active, right? Anyways, Eric, is it a mind frustration thing? Or do your bones vibrate? Or do your feet swell up and you have to wear flip flops when you're not wearing your work boots? I mean, what's all the sexual frustration fuss, Eric? And I can already see that a sexually frustrated boner throbs, so we can skip that part for now. Also, Should I get you some flips flops in exchange for your rawhide boots then, Eric?"

"Jaye J, either I'm still feeling faint from the heat and all or we're talking about????"

"Eric, before you get excited for having your next beer in my bed, hear me out."

LOL, that time when a guy went right back to smiling from ear to ear, right?"

"Listen, Eric, my belly still rumbles a little with the thought of the unknown, but I have thought about all the fuss thing and here's my slightly less than terrible proposition."

LOL, that time you had someone's attention, but your mouth just stopped working, right?

"Sorry, Eric, I zoned out from the thought of the unknown. Eric [deep breath], if you're in a state, frisky or otherwise next weekend after the 'rents wedding, I mean, if you want to sneak over here afterwards or anything, so?"

LOL, that time when you thought you had a slightly less than terrible idea! Which was the same exact time that your friend reminds that your slightly less than terrible idea was six days too far into the future and there was no time like the present, right?

"Um, Jaye J, are you sure that none of your neighbors can see us right now?"

"Eric, would I be applying sun tan lotion to your hard dick if I thought any of the neighbors could see us here in the shade corner of my back patio, huh? And you didn't need to drop your work shorts while I was inside getting you a beer. That's a part of sexual activity, right?"

[Fap, fap, stroke, fap, fap, stroke, lotion slide, lotion slide, fap, stroke, fap, stroke, lotion slide]

"Ah, Jaye J???? Also, I like things faster."

"Oh, that's just Mrs. Kendal and she hasn't seen a dick in real life in 20 years, so she doesn't count. Also, I texted her while I was inside getting your beer, so that's my bad, unless you like the audience. And my new speed."

[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]

Well, a couple of things about that afternoon then. I didn't mind putting my hand on Eric in the least and whoa, someone should put it in a book that you have control of the situation immediately! I mean, Eric threw his head back and closed his eyes and went all "aha, aha, aha" and he never called out for Erin once! And who knew that stroking a guy off wasn't rocket science, right? Grab and move your hand and it's a success, right?

However, that time when you didn't think things through enough, right? And I had absolutely no concerns about his mess. I mean, the chaise chair is meant to be washed off and the patio pavers get sprayed off all of the time, but still, someone should put it in a book that the one little peeking eye has hypnotic power and ooh, ooh, it kept drawing me closer and closer just as Eric was getting closer and closer, so, ooh, I mean, that time when you had sexual experience questions, right? And then became hypnotized with that pulsating little eye slit! That you kept stroking right towards your face.

[Fap, hypnotized, fap, hypnotized, fap, hypnotized, fap, hypnotized, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]

Also, ewe, the taste of the sun tan lotion! And how the excess lotion builds up over your lip gloss because of all that thrusting. Which also wasn't the end of the world, I guess.

"Ahh, best side gate repair job ever, Jaye J. And I still promise to actually get to it, but ahh."

"Well, it's just weird with Erin and all and well, Eric, I want to be somewhat sexually active, so."

LOL, that time when you said to a guy that you were interested in being somewhat sexually active, right? No arguments about that.

"So, Jaye J????"

"No, I mean, enough for one day, but my slightly less than terrible offer is still on the table for after the weird as hell wedding, so?"

LOL, that time, right? That time that guy logic came into the conversation.

"But Jaye J, just like any wedding, I mean, we should have a rehearsal, so?"

"Ah, didn't I just rehearse something, Eric? Also, I thought there would be more, so cool, if that was normal. Also, people rehearse for the "ceremony proceedings" and not for the honeymoon. People rehearse for honeymoon years before the wedding. And by the way, Eric, not to spoil the mood and all, but you had better get ahold of Erin's preggo test so that you can positively prove that your soon to be step sister became preggo before the weird ass upcoming wedding between the 'rents or everyone is going to jail. Or at least into a different blog category, so?"

Which I brought up on purpose because Eric was getting up again and I wasn't quite ready for that just yet. I mean, I pointed him over towards Mrs. Kendal, which she texted me was okay and my gate latch thing never got replaced. But my handyman said he would be back to finish the job soon, so.

End Jaye J 01