Jealousy

As I laid back I actually drifted off to sleep and by the time I woke up it was late in the afternoon.

I was getting a drink of water and Liza was curled up on the day bed on the balcony when there was a knock on the door. When I opened it Denise who burst in screaming, "You fucking bastard you stupid fucking bastard, we spend all night at A&E!"

She swung her own slap and I felt the sharp impact across my cheek. "You're nothing but a coward, catching Simon like that and sucker punching him while he was defenceless. For god's sake he had fifteen stitches, he lost a tooth and he has concussion. You miserable prick, he was defenceless."

Liza came running in as Denise burst into tears and Liza hugged her holding her head tightly against her breast.

"Yeah well if he hadn't been fucking another man's wife it wouldn't have happened would it." I yelled back at her. "I think you better go."

Once she was gone Liza walked into the bedroom slamming the door behind her. I could hear her fervent sobs through the door. Dinner time came and went and there was no sign of her which was good for me. I slept on the sofa for the first time in our married life.

In the morning I got up early and snuck into our bedroom, I knew she was awake but again nothing was said, I left for work and worked late, getting home about eight in the evening. My dinner was sitting on the table cold and Liza was locked in the bedroom.

That was sort of how things rolled for a few days before the tension became unbearable and when I walked in late after work Liza was waiting for me like a praying mantis. The moment the door closed behind me she started, "Kev we need to talk, this can't go on."

"Go on then, what do you want to say?"

"I don't know where to start, I already said I'm sorry, it was just a misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding huh, I suppose it meant nothing and was just sex?"

"Well actually yes, Kev I saw how you and Denise connected and I felt the same way about Simon, it made me feel young and vibrant, knowing that a fit attractive guy like him was interested in me, it aroused me and I enjoyed his flattery, all the compliments and yes I knew it was a seduction but watching you and Denise I thought you were on the same page."

"Well I wasn't, I never once in a million years expected you to throw away our marriage on a slimy prick like him."

She sighed, "There's no need to be nasty you always got on well with Simon, you are friends."

"Bollocks too that, friends we definitely are not."

"But you enjoyed being with Denise so when she suggested the date night I thought you would be up for it, I mean what man in their right mind would turn down a woman like her?"

"A married man, who loves his wife that's who. I don't know where we are going anymore, I have lost faith in you, if that's the lifestyle you want then I'm not sure we have anything left to talk about."

"What are you talking about lifestyle? Kev it was just one night, something we would both enjoy and talk about for years to come."

"So it was good then was it?"

She blushed and stuttered but no wards came out. "Well come on Liza, you started this, so tell me did you enjoy it? Was Simon a good fuck?"

"You don't have to be crude Kev, there's no need for it."

"Well tell me, was he a good lay?"

"YES! If you must know, he was young and virile and yes we had fun, just like you would have had with Denise."

"Young and virile huh... All the things I'm not. So you are bored with me... I no longer satisfy you is that it?"

Aghast she cried out, "That's not what I meant and you know it, I love you and you are a fabulous lover."

"Then why cheat?"

"I wasn't cheating, I thought we were swapping partners."

"If I am such a fabulous lover, why did you need that? Why go looking for something else."

Defeated she sighed, "I wasn't looking, it just happened, you felt it as well as me, it was exciting, naughty maybe even wicked and it aroused me. Damn it Kev don't lie to me, you were attracted to her as well."

"That might be true, but unlike you I can keep it in my pants."

I stormed off to shower and when I got out she had dinner served and we sat in silence. When she finally went to bed she left the door open and I climbed in much later hoping she would be asleep but she was waiting and as I stretched out she snuggled up beside me, her arms and legs curling over me. I felt her wet lips kissing my skin, her scent overpowering assaulting my senses, "Kev make love with me, we can get past this, please forgive me."

I rolled away from her, "No thanks Liza, god knows what diseases that man whore gave you. You might not care but I do."

Again she broke into a fit of cataclysmic sobs. I went to sleep serenaded by her sniffling howls.

Over the next week she was on a mission to seduce me, sexy underwear, beautiful makeup wonderful meals and in bed she tried over and over to initiate sex but the harder she tried the angrier I got. If she thought it was going to be that easy she was mistaken, she was going to pay for her indiscretion.

She suggested counselling but I think my angry jeering laughter exposed what I thought of that. Jesus it was embarrassing enough that my wife cheated but to talk about it with a stranger... To hell with that.

After a month she lost interest, stopped trying and we fell into a deathly silence.

Half way through the second month I got home from work and she was standing in the doorway with her bags packed. "I am going home to spend a week with my sister, I want you to decide while I'm away what you want to do because I can't live like this. If you aren't prepared to try and make this work then I am leaving for good."

When she walked out I felt this huge swell of relief, like a weight had been lifted from my chest. I cooked a light dinner and relaxed in the living room with a beer. Thank god was all I could think. She was right of course we couldn't carry on the way things were, we were both unhappy.

The question for me was what to do? I still loved her, you can't wash away twenty years just like that but the anger and jealousy was like acid eating away at my insides and yes I hated her as much as I loved her. Several times I had to stop myself from strangling her in her sleep.

As I was unlocking the apartment door after a tiring day at work I was surprised by Denise who stood close behind me. "Hello Kevin, could we talk?"

This was the first I had seen of either of them since that day when I kicked her out. "Yes I suppose so, what do you want?"

"Could we at least go inside? You might not mind performing in front of a crowd but I prefer some privacy."

I waved her in pulling the door tightly shut behind us, "OK you have your chance what do you want?"

"I want to talk about what happened." I sensed her anger she took her time and chose her words carefully. "Kevin you are a fucking idiot, there's no other way to say it. Bloody hell it was just a bit of fun. I can't believe you are that naïve or gullible, you knew damned well what was happening that night."

"Denise if calling me names is all you want then I would prefer you left now before I say things we will both regret."

She scowled, "Sorry, but you infuriate me, there is no way on gods earth that you didn't know what was happening, I think you just got scared or something. Anyway you need to hear this, Liza loves you, she adores you and if you don't pick your act up you're going to lose her."

"Lose her....you say that like it's a bad thing. I might be naive and gullible but you're wrong Denise, I had no clue. Jesus do you think we would have been at a fucking movie if I knew what was going on? Fucking hell, I want her to feel the pain I felt, I want her to feel her guts strangling her slowly from the inside out, I want her to understand how much she hurt me."

Her scowl deepened as she hissed. "OK even if I believe you, for god's sake...it was a mistake, a simple mistake, if it's anybody's fault it's mine."

"Yes I agree it is your fault, you and your slimy husband who put these stupid ideas in her head."

"I'm sorry for the way it ended, but the night we went out dancing, you were into it, I could feel how hard you were, you can't fake that you were excited and aroused, that night I got confused I thought you wanted to be with me."

"Jesus Denise you are a young sexy beautiful woman, any man would react the same way dancing with you, but it was just flirting, I told you I would never cheat on Liza."

"This might sound big headed Kevin but I thought if we went out dancing again the same magic would reoccur you would feel the same as me. I thought that's where we would be going on our date, I told Liza to drop some hints and when you turned up looking the way you did I was shocked."

"Kev what did Liza do that was so wrong?"

"She cheated, she broke our vows."

"Oh for the love of god, stop acting like a child...they had sex, big fucking deal, you had your chance to join in."

Her blatant disregard for what I said shocked me, "Weren't you listening?"

"Oh for heaven's sake Kevin, get over yourself, you're not all that you know."

She walked towards the door, "Simon's on the mend by the way, not that you seem to care but he's back at work. You're bloody lucky he didn't call the police, I wanted to but he refused."

"You got that right I don't care."

"Kevin, we all made a mistake, Simon, Liza and I, that mistake was not making sure you understood what was happening, don't let your ego get in the way of saving your marriage."

"My marriage is over."

Shaking her head she hissed, "Kevin if you want to save your marriage you are going to have to forgive her. Do you love her because looking at if from my perspective I don't think you do."

"Yes of course I do."

"Then why have you been so cold towards her, she is distraught, for heaven's sake talk to her."

"She bloody cheated."

"No she didn't, she thought you and I were doing exactly what they were doing, she thought it was a shared experience."

"Bullshit, she knew I would never do that, I bloody told her."

"She was embarrassed to tell you but she thought you understood, she thought you like her were embarrassed and were too afraid to say it."

"She cheated, there's no coming back from that."

"Jesus you frustrate me...there was no cheating, we all knew what was happening, well we thought we did. If I had known at the start how you felt I would have stopped it."

"Well why didn't you?"

"Because I thought you were into it."

"Goodbye Denise."

"Don't be a fool Kevin, Liza loves you she really does. Don't let one mistake ruin a perfect marriage."

With that she was gone and I was left feeling angry and pissed off.

I didn't hear from Liza for the rest of the week. That might have been a good thing as I tried to get my head around what to do. I mean I accept this was as much my fault as hers, more so in fact, and maybe it was because I felt like an idiot. Denise was right I was naïve and clueless and in many way that hurt the most.

I should have put a stop to it right at the start, even that night when I saw her underwear it was bloody obvious but I trusted her, I figured it was some weird game she was playing. I think that was the big problem I was so angry at myself. What a fucking knobhead....

Saturday morning as I did the cleaning up the front door swung open and Liza walked in. She put her cases down just inside the door and glared at me, "Hello Kevin, should I bother unpacking?"

I shrugged, "I can't answer that yet Liza."

She walked slowly up to me and slid her arms up over my shoulders and kissed me gently, "Are we going to talk sanely, can we try and put this horrible thing behind us?"

"No...that's the simple answer, yes we can talk, but no I'm not ready to forgive you."

"What can I do Kevin, how do I help you move on?"

"Stay out of my way and leave me alone. Stay away from Denise and Simon and maybe we can find a way forward."

Her face twitched as a tear built up in the corner, "Denise is my friend, we talk every day."

"Then you better choose whether you want a husband or a friend, your call Liza."

She picked up her bag and headed for the bedroom to unpack.

I decided to go for a jog, anything to try and relieve the abysmal tension that constricted my chest.

I walked into the bedroom and Liza peeked up wiping away a tear and gave me a weak hesitant smile. When she saw me change into my running gear she asked, "What are you doing?"

"Going for a run."

I changed quickly and was gone without further chat. The run started to relieve the tension, my muscles relaxed and my head cleared a little. We couldn't live like that, it was going to be the same every time. I needed to make a decision one way or the other and stick to it. The question was easy could I forgive her?

I felt a wave of sentiment flow over me. We had been through so much together, we had started at the bottom and worked tirelessly together to make it and give our children a good start to life. This whole thing was my fault if I had acted decisively and said no right from the start I know Liza would not have gone along with this stupid shit. It was my fault because I fell under Denise's spell, like a silly teenager I was overwhelmed by her beauty and the fact she was there and available clouded my judgement.

I turned for home, my decision was made, I would try and forgive her, it would be hard and required me to eat a certain amount of humble pie but my decision was made.

I would try to forgive her, see if we could salvage something.

When I walked in I heard her on the phone to Denise, when she saw me she said a quick goodbye before she walked into the kitchen and gave me a scowl, "I'm sorry Kevin but you cannot choose my friends, this is not Denise's fault, I accept you don't want me to see or talk to Simon and I can accept that. I will not talk to him ever again but Denise and I are friends and I don't see the harm."

"The harm is it was both of them that put this whole thing in motion, if it hadn't been for them it wouldn't have happened. I would still have a faithful wife."

"Of good lord, I'm still the same person, I admit that it got out of control but jeepers Kev, it's not the end of the world. It was supposed to be one night of fun, one night in a lifetime. I thought we could both experience something neither of us ever expected. I expected it to be something we could both say wow, what a night."

"forget it Liza if you can't do something I asked then there is no future for us. Christ I remember when we met you didn't like some of my friends and asked me not to hang around with them and I did as you asked because I saw how uncomfortable you were around them."

"This is different, you are behaving like a jealous insecure jerk."

"Say what you want Liza, perhaps it's best if I start looking for somewhere else to live, I think our marriage is over.

"Kevin please think about this, one mistake and that's it...it doesn't make sense."

That night we shared the bed but it was like friends she stayed on her side and I stayed on mine.

The next day at work I spent ages on the phone with realtors looking for another apartment. God this was supposed to be the move that set us up for the rest of our lives and in the end it was going to break us, it just didn't make sense.

After work that night I went and visited several of the apartments suggested to me and I collected a pile of brochures. As I walked in at home Liza walked up for a welcome home kiss. I smelt the food cooking and my stomach ached, god it smelt delicious. "Hi sweetheart, how was your day?"

"Busy." I mumbled as I turned away so all she got with her kiss was air. She sighed but said nothing... I dumped the brochures on the table and stashed away my briefcase. I heard a sharp intake of breath , when I turned Liza was flipping through the brochures. She glanced up at me and muttered, "You're not serious are you?"

"I don't know what else to do Liza...You can't tell me you are happy with the current situation. Christ it's so tense around here I can actually feel my blood pressure climbing every day."

She sat down with a plop, "No you're right...I'm not happy, but I know I love you and want to find a way past this. I know this has been hard for you, look if it helps I promise I'll cut ties with Denise as well...would that help?"

I nodded, "Yes it would, at least that way there will be no reminders."

Nodding she muttered, "OK then if that's what it takes."

Dinner came and went, the food was magnificent as expected Liza always was a fabulous cook. It was the atmosphere that sucked, after twenty years together you'd think we could find something to talk about, kids, holidays...something, but no it was like the cone of silence had descended and we were cloaked in a dark mist.

Bed time was the same we were in it but we were both stuck in quicksand. As I drifted off to sleep I heard her sobs, her body quivering and I felt that old desire to reach out and hug her, it was so strong after all these years it was a natural reaction, I always comforted her. As I rolled towards her to reach out, just at that moment she climbed out of bed and disappeared silently into the bathroom. I rolled back over and drifted off to sleep.

The next few days were carbon copies, Liza really tried, the food was incredible, the place was spotless and she looked amazing, but we were satellites orbiting on different paths, crossing at various points before moving on.

I decided it had to change, the next day I called her at lunchtime and told rather than asked that we were going out for dinner. She didn't sound that enthusiastic, but agreed.

I got home and she smiled as she got ready. I chucked on some fresh clothes and we headed out. As we ate I asked how her day had been, about sales, houses she found or liked. Her eyes brightened and I saw that old life flicker like a breeze blowing over a dying fire, fanning it back to life.

She asked about my job and I explained the issues we were having, the wine helped lubricate the conversation. She mentioned, "Kev, you know that I saw a poster for that western swing band we like are playing at the pub on the corner tonight."

Her eyes were questioning and I grinned back, "Well it would be wrong not to go and have a look wouldn't it."

She smiled back and her eyes fluttered, with desert gone I helped her up out of the chair and we headed out. It was only a short walk and the evening was nice. As we walked I felt her hand keep bumping into mine, I opened it and her hand slid in and I grasped it tight. I felt her shoulder lean on me as we walked.

At the pub I quickly got a couple of drinks, Liza found us a table and we waited for the band to start. The moment they hit their first song I pulled her up out onto the dancefloor and we slipped into our old jive routines. It worked like clockwork; we had practised these moves so many times it was like a well-oiled machine. She grinned and sang along with some of the songs as we boogied and two stepped the whole set away.

The end of the set found us flopping in our chairs and the drinks sliding down easily, "Oh my god Kev that was so much fun. Thank you for thinking of this."

I lifted her hand in mine and gave it a light kiss, "I love you Liza."

She jumped up reaching with both arms, tears flowing down her cheeks, "I love you more Kev."

I went and got us fresh drinks and the band started their second set. This time she dragged me out and we fell into a tight embrace as they played a couple of slow songs. The heat of her body crushed against mine radiated so strongly. Her tits poked me in the chest, with her head laying on my shoulder her lips rested wetly by my ear and I could feel every moist breath she took, then slowly her lips moved closer and she nibbled playfully on my earlobe, her tongue snaked into my ear as she moaned softly, "Oooooooooohhhhhh, hhhhmmmmm, so nice."