Jem Gem Ch. 06

Jem Gem 06

"Well, just for the record, Jem Gem, I said from the beginning that going to the Food Arena with Janet was a bad idea from your end. I mean, Janet may be a thick sweater girl, but her girls are quite obvious and girls like hers are always going to attract a lot of attention, which apparently, you found out the hard way. I mean, you're my roomie and I need you safe, not driving alone at night, so."

"Well, I appreciate your concern, Evie, but I had my peppermint breath spray on me and I made it home without getting a flat tire anyways. So, what did you and Belinda the weird witch do while I was being left to the side then?"

"Well, we didn't make a ceremony out of it, but we ceremonially burned your pleated skirt in the back yard firepit! I mean, you're done with the skirts now, right Jem Gem?"

"Oh, after what happened with all that, yeah, I'm back on the shorts and capri pants band wagon, so."

"Good, and that Kurt freak isn't invited to any of your famous 3rd Friday of the month wings and video mixers, right? I mean, if you mumble in your sleep how if felt to have someone make out with your buns, that's one thing, but I'm voting that he's off of the invitee list!"

"Agreed, but what's this crazy idea that you have for this month's mixer then? I mean, the 3rd Friday of the month is finally falling on a Friday this month, so we should make it special, so."

"Well, now that you asked and because you somehow sexed your way into having a handful of the cool people beautiful girls attending..."

"Ah-ah, ah, I sexed it without having sex, so."

"Fine, something happened and now a bunch of hotties are going to be milling about the house, so, and I know this sounds evil, but what if Belinda, Gina and I attended in just our undies? Like full coverage and mostly appropriate undies, of course, but it happens on TV and in dorm rooms, so?"

"Huh, I mean, are you saying that we don't spread the word about that attire and it's "surprise, come on in" and all?"

"Something like that and to keep things at a tie, we'll wear double undies, just like you do, only sexier, but only because we girls actually have the hip bone structure for that, so????"

Well, sometimes you just can't win an argument, so it's best to cave in before anyone brings up that you're not included in the "undies only" party attire, so.

"Well, not you, of course, Jem Gem, but if you munch down on a few extra cheeseburgers so that you can fill out your "Isabella" leather pants in the back, I mean, that's a choice, so?"

"Fine, but everyone had better have a back-up outfit just in case people start freaking out about girls at the party mingling around in just their undies, so."

Oh, pause for how ridiculous that sounded, right?

[Roomies laugh ridiculously out loud for five minutes after that ridiculous statement]

But it was Evie's idea, so mum was the word from me, I mean, except for those who Evie already named, so.

"Alright then, mums the word, it's evil to upstage the cool and beautiful girls and here, take these five Fortune Cookies and go visit with Belinda the weird witch. And offering to moisturize her legs for her wouldn't be the worst thing for you, so."

"Because I've been cranking lately, Evie?"

"Ah, duh! (I mean, even fem boy balls needed draining once in a while, so.)"

Hah! Well, maybe Evie was right about that.

"Fortune Cookies, first, Jem Gem!"

[Slips five Fortune Cookies across the table]

"So, you're saying that I should leak Evie's idea out so that some girls don't feel out of place then? Including my estranged cousin, Nadine, hm-mmm?"

"Well, technically, I'm not saying anything, but it just seems fair that others at least have the chance to catch up, as long as they are wearing something mostly appropriate underneath, so? And by the way I'm not included, so."

"Well, I didn't strike the match to your skirt, so."

"I mean, your legs look a little dry today, so."

"Fine, but I get to at least body check you and Sammy towards the hallway with my hips at the party at least once, which means at least twice if required, so?"

"Oh, well, your hips in just undies are more charming than your magical charms and spells, so."

I mean, keeping things at a tie always requires a lot of negotiating and a bunch of back and forth, so.

[Ping]

"Oh, my girls will be ready!"

"Jem Gem and Sammy?"

"Oh, your boy and my boy are on then!"

[Whoop]

"Well, Sammy may need help."

"I got that! Merri?"

"Wardrobe failure?"

"Or accidental peek-a-boo."

I mean, girls and info, right? Faster than lightning!

Well, let me tell you how I looked. LOL, way over dressed! But I did manage to find a nice pair of Denim shorts with frayed cuffs though. So, let me tell you what happens during the first 15 minutes of a surprise "undies only" party. Not too many words, even though many of jaws were on the floor and oh, and the best part was the show down when the cool girls simply caught up! I mean, jackets, shirts and pants just started coming off like it was normal and nobody even missed a beat! Except me, of course.

And for the record, Evie wasn't even upset over the face off and was the first to tweak Merri's nipples through her red Peek A Boo bra and all, even though it felt like she knew about it because I think the female exchange of info is a complete circle and goes all the way around.

"Sammy, stop pulling at the fray strings of my shorts! I paid extra for that, so."

"Um, your legs are smooth as glass, Jem Gem and if you hadn't noticed, we could do anything right now and not one of these people would even bat an eye. Although Evie is batting her eyes like a mad woman at Teddy, so."

"Well, Teddy and Evie have been talking since she wore her cling wrap dress last month, so."

"And getting back how we could do something without being noticed then?"

"Hush about that for now and spread out those plates. I mean, all of a sudden, I have to peel the meat off of the chicken bones now. I think a few people like how I look in these latex gloves, but they claim it's because I do it for Nadine and Karla, so."

"I mean, Jem Gem, now we're talking with the peeling of the meat from a bone, so?"

"Oh, Gem Jem, I wanted, OMG, OMG, um, oops, oops, covering my eyes!!!"

Oh, so Sammy is really that fast then? I mean, one second his hand was half way up the legs of my shorts pant leg and then, swoosh, when Karla busted into the kitchen. And covered her eyes.

"It's good now, Karla, so are you ready for a few small plates of peeled chicken meat then?"

"Ah, ooh, yeah and so is Sammy, but listen, sugar cane, I mean, were you going to make banana splits tonight too? Also, is it freaky for me to want to see you two smack lips then?"

[Whimsical noise, sprinkle noise, star dust noise, charm noise, chime noise]

[Mwah, smooch, smack, mwah]

"Only because nobody wears a corset like you, Karla. So, I'll need a head count then for rich and creamy banana splits then."

"Ugh, I need to do math? In this little piece of lingerie? Those guys will think that I'm pointing them out for a possible private whipping with my little whip."

[Whimsical noise, sprinkle noise, star dust noise, charm noise, chime noise]

"12."

[Whimsical noise, sprinkle noise, star dust noise, charm noise, chime noise]

"14 with the two of you, Jem Gem, so."

[Whimsical noise, sprinkle noise, star dust noise, charm noise, chime noise]

"I feel the need to tell you that I got a little naughty in your bedroom, Jem Gem, but I cleaned up, so."

"That's fine, Karla, I mean, nobody wears a corset like you, so."

Huh, the Deli must add some kind of truth serum to the wings coatings other than seasoning then.

"Sammy!"

"I'm just letting you know that I'm in for the whole package and not just your fine ass rump roast, so."

Oh, Sammy was all in, alright! All in and up in my business! But I didn't die, so.

"Look, Sammy, I'm all messy and icky with the chicken stuff, so go into the living room and gawk at some of the girls for a while, alright?"

Well, that didn't work! But what did work was the operation of the zipper on my Denim shorts!

[Zip, grope, zip, squeeze, push, pushing is groping, squeeze]

Oh, what else worked was how fast I could whip off the messy latex gloves in order to defend myself. Or just engage with him.

"You're impossible, Sammy."

"And you're my type, Jem Gem and you won't die. I mean, you might cry, but you won't die, so."

"Are you in such a hurry then Sammy while everyone else's attention is occupied and that will help keep your status intact then?"

Ah, I guess not, not that he even bothered to answer me. Also, my bad I guess for not taking Evie's advice to start downing cheeseburgers to fill out my leather pants, which would have put a little weight on me, which may have prevented Sammy from just picking me up and carrying me my bedroom.

"Oh, um, wow, I mean, we may need to knock first, which is really a strange thing to say about my own bedroom, so."

Oh, so, the guy can hold me off of the ground with just one arm then while he gently knocks and peeks inside? And words, where were the words then? And no, I didn't say where were the condoms because someone left a fricking box of them on my night stand (Karla)!

Oh, so there were the delayed words then.

"LOL, don't worry, I just felt you up, Jem Gem, so I know these magnum condoms aren't yours, so."

"Hey, you don't know that, Sammy. Sometimes I put one on and do myself, so."

"Excuse me?"

"Fine, but I've seen it in memes on Chang, like all the time, so."

"Ah, come again, Jem Gem."

"Fine, it's only in anime memes, but it looks possible, so."

Well, I don't know if "fish out of water" is a game or not, but that's what we did for the next few minutes. He obviously wanted me on my back and I obviously wanted to just keep flipping around like a fish out of water. Also, I think he won, but not really. I mean, he was back there and up in my business for sure, but he didn't take the time to line things up properly, I guess, so it didn't work, even though he won, I guess.

I mean, the act wasn't all that bad and the body weight had a nice distribution to it, but the condom still won, LOL.

"Well, I guess body temperature is nicer than I thought, Sammy, so. And if you can lift me like you did, then you can hold me tighter to you, so."

"[Wheeze] I wrecked you, Jem Gem."

"Well, all I'm saying is that my soft and velvety mouth has been called soft and velvety, so I really think that you missed out. Also, you're squeezing me too tight now, so."

"I mean, you're ruined now, right Jem Gem?"

"Oh, I mean, I need to move to Canada, so."

"Oh, and are you going to claim that you're crossing the border with a tied off condom then?"

"Oh, I mean, I'm just keeping things in my bedroom clean, so."

"Well, we should call all that flipping a round the backwards boom, then. Also, I mean, with all the flipping around is why and all, so."

"Well, the truth is that the backwards boom has already been called and the other truth is that it was actually perfect for me at this stage of my life, so. But, LOL, you totally missed out from my velvety and soft mouth!"

"Oh, I thought it was soft and velvety then?"

"Oh, I swing both ways, Sammy. So, are we done now? I mean, I have 14 banana splits to make. Oops, I mean, I don't know how I'm going to make 14 banana splits being wrecked and ruined like I am, but I'll work through the pain, so?"

"Wrecked good!"

So, a horny guy with a boner and a chance to rub himself over every piece of flesh that he can on a flipping and flopping fish out of water, which causes him to win and fill the condom, wrecked me good then? I mean, cool, I guess.

"I mean, I'll put myself out with the trash on Monday, so."

I mean, I don't know, it wasn't, but it sort of was, but it wasn't, but the motions were there and the guy snuggled up afterwards, so. Also, huh, naked is OK then.

[Peel, peel, peel, peel, slice, slice, slice, slice, scoop, scoop, scoop, scoop]

"Whew, I mean, where did all these plastic banana boats come from, Karla?"

"LOL, the dollar store, so go easy with scooping or they will break. So????"

"Oh, I mean, yes, no, maybe, which really means not really, so."

[Peel, peel, peel, peel, slice, slice, slice, slice, scoop, scoop, scoop, scoop]

"Alright then, Jem Gem, that's even boyfriend stuff for tonight, so SOB, how many of these things are we making then?"

"14, just like you said, Karla, so."

[Peel, peel, peel, peel, slice, slice, slice, slice, scoop, scoop, scoop, scoop]

"Oh, um, 13 then, I mean, Sammy peeled out of here about the same time that he realized that he failed, so 13 then."

Well, he should have peeled out! I mean, he could have stayed long enough to help me peel the bananas for the banana splits, but whatever.

"Alright Jem Gem, straight up, you've become the man about town lately with your crazy 3rd Friday of the month mixers and all, so? Also, the man about town is the same as the girly man about town, so?"

"Um, I didn't quite hear a question in all that, Karla, so?"

[Peel, peel, peel, peel, slice, slice, slice, slice, scoop, scoop, scoop, scoop]

"Fine, now that I chased Sammy the hell out of here, well, do you have any objections to having me stay over as your Banana Split Girlfriend then? And I didn't ask Belinda to charm you either. I mean, I may have offered her and Gina a trade for a cool people pool party and all, but I would want you to make your own decision as the girly man about town, so?"

[Whimsical noise, sprinkle noise, star dust noise, charm noise, chime noise]

"I mean, those two would look great poolside and all and I appreciate all your help during the crazy parties, especially tonight with all these fricking banana splits, but, listen Karla, I mean, I had everyone bring backup lingerie and all for tonight, so, I mean, do you have one of those Peek A Boo bras in your bag or something?"

[Unsnap snap, bra falls down arms, squirt, squirt]

"Just covering my nipples from the crowd that is about to pounce on all these banana splits, babe, I mean, backwards boom, Jem Gem! Also, cool people pool parties basically mandate the smallest of bikinis, not that I'm trying to avoid using a charm from Belinda, so?"

"Well, first of all, you have to walk the entire line of banana splits and squirt (gulp) them all and secondly, (gulp) I think I should change my undies, so."

"Ahh, did my whip cream top steal the first one out of you, sugar cane? I mean, good!"

Well, I've heard that losing the first helps with the length of the second one, so.

"Alright, the wings are gone, Merri's nipples are sore from all the tweaking, so let's bust out the banana splits, and oops, oops, covering my eyes! Oh, wait, shoot, squirt me up, Karla!"

Here's how you know that your 3rd Friday of the month mixer was a success, the floor is full of lingerie and the whip cream cans are empty. Oh, LOL, and all of the crew guys still have their jaws on the floor.

"SOB, Jem Gem, you're trendy again! I mean, you really are the man about town then. Well, a girly man, but the people are still going crazy! Look at all this on social media!"

"Oh, I mean, Josh, it's all in the wrist, so."

"I mean, I'm funding your undies of the month club fees and how crazy would it be if they arrived on the 3rd Friday of the month, right? Also, Janet is on her way over with fresh cans of whip cream."

"Well, I mean, she needs like two cans just for herself, so."

"It doesn't matter, Jem Gem, you're a hit and you could rub dirt on their nipples, so. I mean, Jem Gem, just remember me when Middleton Monthly comes around to interview you. I mean, forget about me if half of this is illegal, but Jem Gem, you trend, bitch!"

Well, the cops, several cops had come by several times already and nothing happened, so.

End Jem Gem 06