Jem Gem Ch. 07

Jem Gem 07

"Alright, Banana Split Boyfriend, I need to get a move on, but I wanted to let you know that I had a wonderful time, I hope I was a great Banana Split Girlfriend for you and I'm really glad that I found out that you had so much coin before your banana split my slit [mwah]. Now I only have time to hit the brew button on the coffee maker, but listen, there is something else I wanted to tell you, so."

"I know, I know, Karla, you're in the cool people crew, so I should keep things quiet, so"

"Oh, not at all, Jem Gem, I'm not ashamed about last night at all. We don't need to hang a banner or anything, but I'm not asking you to keep last night private either. But listen, earlier last night, while you were "occupied" with Sammy, which was a poor choice on your part, well, your neighbor lady showed up at the front door wearing a trench coat and some middle-aged sexy lingerie and started to make a ruckus about how your 3rd Friday of the month mixers needs a House Mom, so."

"OMG, for the love of Pete, did Mrs. Townes drag Pete into the laundry room then, Karla?"

"Oh, your friend Pete went quite willingly, but I just wanted you to know, just in case you run into her this week. And maybe I'll be your Washing Machine Girlfriend someday. I mean, it looked like it worked to me, so."

[Pant, drool, deeper bitch boy, pant, drool, harder nerd, pant, drool]

"What the hell are you doing, Karla?"

"Practicing. I've never been a Washing Machine Girlfriend before, so pant, pant, drool, drool, I guess, Jem Gem."

Well, practice makes perfect, I suppose. Also, I made a mental note to send Pete a get well soon card and to avoid Mrs. Townes at all costs.

"Oh, well, Gem Jem, I mean, maybe I'm not leaving just yet then anyways."

"I mean, that was an exciting rehearsal and all, so."

"(Tee, he) boners look funny in panties, but I'll take on the role of Morning After Girlfriend for a few minutes, so. Also, I meant panties look funny with a medium sized boner in them, so."

Well, I'm sure Karla meant medium large anyways, so. And with the help of a Sharpie, I mean, all of my tags clearly identify me as medium large now anyways, so.

But, moving on, a few days later and with the glow of popularity for my 3rd Friday of the month wings and video mixers, I had planned an off Friday night to hang out down at the park down by the river to follow up with some of my new followers on Chang. So, I dressed in my best black Denim with still fresh ink tags that stated medium large to large and headed out.

And ran right into Mrs. Townes, who ambushed me from around the corner of the garage, but luckily for me, not in a trench coat.

"I'm just saying that if you're going to host a gathering, then you have to be the host and not playing a game of flesh on flesh in bedroom, Jem Gem. You need me around, so."

"Well, it was just one mistake, Mrs. Townes, but it all worked out in the end, so I'm not saying that you can't pop over once in a while, but trust me, that "undies only" mixer was a one-time thing, so."

"Well, maybe so, but your guests sure didn't seem to mind my outfit or my crazy take charge attitude, especially that little Pete, so."

"And using Pete as an example for anything sexual isn't a point in your favor, although my Banana Split Girlfriend committed to being my Washing Machine Girlfriend next time based on your performance, so."

"Hah, I mean, unless she has Dentures to remove and all, she's just a side kick, so. I mean, just ask little Pete how it feels to be gum sucked off! Anyways, Jem Gem, I'll be around, but why are you dressed like a cowgirl tonight then?"

Alright then, before I went to the park down the river for the evening, I changed clothes. Also, ewe, especially when I called Pete and he insisted on providing the dets on that gummy gum blow job, so, ewe.

"Well, what? Do you think that just because you found a little popularity between the fags, the misfits, the outcasts and the cool people that you can just pop into our turf and hang out for a Friday night then, Gem Jem?"

"It's Jem Gem. And I'm just being nice to some of my new followers, so."

"That's what I said, Gem Jem (freaking kitty kat)."

"Jem Gem!"

"Whatever (kitty kat), but my original question still stands. Also, we have a "Gina" too so this will be an impossible situation, so."

"Oh, I know, she has been following my Chang homepage for a couple of months now and I refer to her as Gina G from the "forgotten" crew, so. The other "Gina" in my popular crew is G Gina G, so."

"Fine, so you're good at sorting things out, but that still doesn't explain why you think you can march down here to mingle with my "forgotten" crew, even though your city cowgirl outfit is pretty sweet. I mean, just because you host these wild and crazy monthly mixers and serve the best root beer that have also become very popular with a bunch of beautiful women who don't mind parading around with whip cream pasties from time to time, then you get to come down here to the river and call the shots then? Also, I'm Hawkeye and I'll just shut it now because I just heard what I just said, so."

"Alright then, Hawkeye, look, all I want to do is to meet new people. I don't want your leadership job as the head forgotten, but I may need your help occasionally because my mouth, although it's been called extremely soft and velvety, gets me into trouble and by trouble, I mean sexual situations that are hard to get out of, so. Also, who in the hell is standing behind me? I can feel the heat from someone's x-ray stare, so???"

"Oh, that's Bing-Bong and maybe you shouldn't have worn chaps tonight then, but I get the other thing about how easy it would be to find yourself bent over one of the picnic tables down here in the park. While wearing chaps. Which you should seriously reconsider wearing down here in front of these guys, so. In front of Bing-Bong anyways."

"See Hawkeye? Right from the get go, I'm in need of support and protection from the forgotten ones, so???"

"Well, fine, Jem gem, I'll just assign Gina G to you then, but I swear, if I hear one word about her creamy and caramel skin being covered with squirts of whip cream, well, I swear, well, I guess I'll just continue to shut it then, so. But don't expect any of my crew to address you as the girly man about town either, so."

"Well, ooh la, la, well, if it isn't the one and only girly man about town himself, the well-known and ever so popular, Jem Gem in the flesh! I mean, I'm your newly named girl, Gina G and I'm not much of a Fortune Cookie kind of girl, so what do you have for me then, Jem Gem?"

[Flips and fans out 12 lotto scratchers]

"Oh, well, OK then, listen, Hawkeye, Jem Gem is branded, so."

[Walks off with the lotto scratchers]

"Alright, what's your fricking secret then, Jem Gem? I mean, I'm not calling you a five or a six, but you're not a ten either, so? I mean, maybe with the way your butt looks in those chaps, I mean, that's a nine, but that's only one thing, so fees up (kitty kat)."

"Oh, well Hawkeye, it's not so much of a secret as an attitude. I started out as a run of mill cross dresser and then my mixers got larger and then I threw an amazing hissy fit with sexual over toned fist shaking and then I was clearly and absolutely labelled as medium large to large and then my witch friend spelled me to wear chaps and come down to the river to meet Gina G, so."

"Seriously? Medium large to large, Jem Gem? I mean, come on, you're wearing chaps that don't hide much, so?"

[Whimsical noise, sprinkle noise, star dust noise, charm noise, chime noise]

"Well, whatever you say then, Jem Gem and give our best to your weird witch friend, Belinda. She's always welcome down here and I guess you are too then, so."

[Swoosh, someone slips in between]

"Run me up to the "Stop & Rob" convenience store, Jem Gem, I need my scratcher lotto cash back and I have to have it now, Jem Gem, so?"

Well, I was the one who wanted to meet my new followers and all, so I guess when you need it now, you need it now then, so.

"So, Jem Gem, I mean, the word is that you mix it up then, so? Also, LOL, I'm totally messing up your floor with river bank dirt and pebbles, so sorry."

"Well, Gina G, it's not so much as me mixing it up as much as it about how life approaches me. I don't sleep with guys, if that's where you're going with this, so."

"Hey, Jem Gem, I'm not judging, but I am wondering about the labels though."

"Well, I hope you're not a Forgotten Crew Girlfriend then, so?"

"No, no, that's an obvious no, no, but we have a common connection. Like someone named Jacob, so we should double date or you know, make sure both of us are at your next mixer then. Also, park just to the side of the store."

"Here?"

"Yeah, I'll give you a few minutes as I con Sid out of doubling my scratcher winnings, so."

Well, I don't know how that happens, right? I mean, the clerks scan the bar code and pay out, right?

"Hey."

"Oh, I mean, you snuck up on me then."

"Well, you parked in the "on the down low" spot right next to the handicap spot, so."

"I mean, I didn't even know that was a thing, so."

"Duke."

"Jem Gem."

"I mean, are you wearing chaps tonight then, Jem Gem?"

"Well, it was just a bad fashion choice, so. It's also why I'm not getting out of my SUV to talk to you Duke, so."

"Alright, but we should go to party together next weekend. I heard about these crazy wing's parties, so. And the wearing of chaps at the wings and video mixer is encouraged, so."

"Oh, Duke, I mean, I've heard that the registrations are full up until October when the 3rd Friday of the month falls on a Sunday, so."

"Maybe so, but I've heard that the House Mom can be bribed with two cans of whip cream and a tube of denture cream, so."

"Well, I've heard that the host is a total diva, so."

"Maybe so, but he greets everyone at the door with a cheek kiss and a plate of peeled chicken meat, so. Besides, how big of a diva can a Tranny be when he has extra small to small tags and stuff, huh?"

You see, folks, that's why they invented power windows. One insult and one push of a button.

"Hey, Gina G, you did that on purpose!"

"Or I was just checking you out for your street cred level. The world is full of others who don't fall into the same category as your current soft friends, so."

"Well, calling them "soft" seems a little extreme, so."

"Oh, I mean, does one of them absolutely need her chicken meat peeled from the bone, mm-mmm? And does someone cave in and peel that chicken meat then, hm-mmm?"

"Well, it's just that we're all close now, so what happened with Sid and your lotto pay out then?"

"Yeah, we can change the subject then. I'm perky and Sid likes perky. Anyways, are you done for the evening then, Jem Gem? I mean, even I think those chaps are a bit much, so. Also, there's a big difference between a bad fashion choice and having your butt hanging out, so???"

I mean, that was clearly code for me to take her back to the river and drop her off while staying in my SUV.

"[Mwah] There's nothing wrong with medium, Jem Gem, so I'll see you around then, right?"

Well, Belinda never shared her Fortune Cookies with me, so it stands to reason that Gina G kept all of her scratcher winnings, right? But she slipped me a new Sharpie as she lips smacked me good bye, so.

Which I used to scratch out the word "diva" from the paper sign on my bedroom door, so.

End Jem Gem 07