Jill's World Ch. 06

I touched my cheek where it burned, no longer smiling, but not crying either. I walked down the hall and through the crowd, bumping anyone who dared to try and block my progress.

"About time somebody hit that bitch." I heard a boy's voice behind me. I smiled. It was a small price to pay if April and Grant worked things out.

I entered the door to Mrs. Lane's office and her mouth went wide. "Who hit you Carrie?" She started to stand up and picked up her phone.

"No, please don't. I asked her to do it." I said, when she started dialing.

"You asked who to do what?" Mrs. Lane asked.

"A friend. Her boyfriend broke up with her because of a rumor about her and me. So, I told her to slap me in the hall. Might work, might not. I figured it was a small thing, if it does." I answered.

"Who was it?" Mrs. Lane asked again.

"I'm not going to tell you Mrs. Lane. There is no reason for her to get in trouble for doing what I asked her to do."

"You could be suspended." She threatened.

"I might be transferred out in a few hours and who will care?" I shrugged.

Mrs. Lane sighed loudly and sat back down, motioning me to sit as well. I did, and I rubbed my cheek softly. It still burned a bit.

"She could have gone a little softer though." I laughed.

She had no idea what to make of me. She shook her head. "Okay, then, in the interest of your potentially last day here, let's discuss that some more. Pretend your parents are here. I am going to try to convince them to transfer you to another school. Make your arguments to me and them and the principal, why we should let you finish your senior year here."

"Because this is my school." I said. "It's not just brick walls with books inside. This is a culture, all of it, the good and the bad. Right now, this is the focus of my life. All this will be over next week. Today was harsh. I'm handling it, I think pretty well."

She was watching me, listening, but not impressed to change her mind yet. "Listen, Mrs. Lane, if I can convince everyone that letting me stay is the best thing for everyone, is there some rule that is going to make that a waste of time? Is there some regulation in the school system that is going to transfer me, no matter what I say? If so, I'd like the opportunity to read it, so I can address it."

Her eyebrows raised at that. "No, Carrie, I don't think there is any precedent for this. It happens, of course. And, since you are now residing in a different county, the normal thing is to transfer to a school in that county. However, you were residing locally when you started the school year, so that is easily overlooked. Besides, your mother still pays taxes in this county, so it isn't a financial issue. What we are going to decide is whether it is better for you and the rest of the student body."

"Fair enough. I will convince you that it is far better for me to stay. May I have a pass to skip gym and work on my presentation?" This may have been pressing it. There were several reasons I didn't want to attend gym. Primarily, I needed time to read my contract to the end. Then there was an outline for this discussion that I wanted to prepare before the end of school. And finally, I was perhaps more concerned than intrigued at what the cheerleaders were planning for me at gym class. If a fight ensued, there would be a lot of people suspended and my transfer would be a lock.

The bell rang. Mrs. Lane looked deep in thought for a moment. Then she sketched a few notes on a piece of paper. "You can go to study hall this period. And you have a hall pass for art. Come here from art at the end of school. We will meet in the principal's office with your parents." She handed me two pieces of paper.

"Thank you Mrs. Lane. I will see you then." I smiled and took my leave to study hall.

The halls were empty again. So, I had a peaceful stroll to the study hall. Inside were about twenty kids who had no class this period. Mostly seniors who had their requirements filled without another class. A few that looked like they needed more study time at home.

They looked up at me, an outsider amongst their regular group in this period. I smiled and handed the teacher my note. I heard a few whispered comments about my sexual prowess but ignored them. The moderator told me to take a seat wherever I wished.

I chose a table that was unoccupied and sat down and took out my contract. Courtney's attorney was thorough. It almost seemed inconsequential for me to read anything, because she had far surpassed any questions or legal jargon that I would have had. But, I was supposed to read it all again today before I met with my attorney, so I did. I read through twenty pages, making a few notes of my own. It took me only a half hour to do so.

Then I outlined my arguments for staying here. I basically listed the reasons and would expand on them when I had my discussion later. I ignored the whispers and stares. I didn't have time to confront people right now and really, I didn't know any of these kids anyway. Nor did they know me by more than reputation, as sullied as that was today.

When the bell rang, I finished my notes and packed everything up in my bookbag. Everyone else was leaving, but I decided there was no reason to confront the halls this time, so I waited five minutes and left at the second bell to an empty hall.

I walked into Miss King's class and she offered a sympathetic smile. "You certainly inspired a lot of people to create art last night, from what I hear."

I laughed. "I didn't get to see any of it, was it at least good quality?"

"I only heard about it. From the reports, it was not up to your standards." She grinned.

I went to my easel and began to draw. I decided to do something profound, since it might well be my last day in this, my favorite classroom. I started with an idea and then let my creative side take over, leaving my brain and letting my passion and hands create what they desired. When the bell rang, it seemed like I had just sat down. But, I threw a few ending touches to it and smiled at the finished product.

Were there whispers during that class? Probably. I didn't even hear them.

Miss King stood behind me. "Good luck Carrie." She whispered.

I smiled at her. "Thank you, Miss King. For everything. I hope ..." I trailed off. I stood up and turned around and hugged her. I didn't want to cry, so it was probably a bad idea. What if this was the last time I ever saw her? I doubt that they would let me in the school to say hi when I was supposed to be in another school.

I couldn't help it. I let a few tears escape and she hugged me back. "It will be okay Carrie. You will always be welcome here." She gently rubbed my back.

It was last bell on Friday. Nobody stuck around to see our exchange. They were eager to start their weekend. A few of my fellow artists did give a cursory look of confusion before they left. But it was Friday, there were more important things to do than ponder a hug between me and Miss King.

When we broke our hug, I wiped my eyes with my fingers. "I hope I see you Monday." I smiled.

"I hope so too Carrie. You are the most talented student I ever taught. I can say that now, because nobody else is around to verify that I said it." She winked at me and we laughed.

I packed up my bag and looked longingly at the foldable easel that I was supposed to be borrowing this weekend.

"Take it with you Carrie. If you don't come back Monday, it will give you an excuse to come see me again." Miss King smiled.

"Thank you, Miss King." I smiled at her and took it and a blank pad with a few pages left with me.

I headed down to the principal's office. There weren't a lot of kids left in school, a few here and there. The busses had filled already and were slowly leaving the lot.

I debated going to clear out my locker but figured that could wait. I had to get in the mental game that it wasn't going to happen anyway. So, I checked my face, dabbed my eyes, and walked into the principal's office.

My mom and dad were there, talking in hushed voices, when I walked in. They looked up to see me and practically jumped out of their chairs. They pulled me into a hug between the two of them. Very... unexpected. "Hey, I'm fine." I laughed. But, I let them hug me as I sat my easel to the side and hugged them both back.

"What happened today Carrie?" My dad started. "We heard someone plastered the school with your pictures and ..." he trailed off. I still had no idea what was written on those posters, but clearly it was not pleasant, judging by everyone's reactions. "What happened to your hand Carrie?"

"I fell Dad. It's no big deal, just a scrape." I lied.

"Oh Carrie, what have you gotten into?" My mom whispered as she kissed my cheek. "I knew we should have pulled you out of here. It will be okay, your father and I discussed it. There is an excellent school right there where he lives. You can take the bus right there at the house..."

I cut her off. "Mom, no. I don't want to transfer."

She broke off the hug. "Carrie, this isn't about what you want anymore. We tried it your way."

"Mom stop! Please, listen to me. This isn't as bad as you think." I argued.

"Carrie, your mom is right. You can't stay here." My dad agreed with her.

I pushed back away from them. "Mom, Dad, at least hear me out first."

They looked taken aback. "Carrie, it's not up for debate." My dad said. "This is not healthy."

Then I was saved by the opening of the principal's door. Mrs. Lane stood there. "Hello Carrie." She smiled at me. "Please, come inside." She invited the three of us.

Principal Brines stood and greeted us all, shaking my parents' hands. He smiled at me sadly and invited us to sit. "Let me start by saying, you are a wonderful student Carrie. I want you to know that this in no way reflects on our appreciation of how you conduct yourself in school."

"I know Mr. Brines. But, I really think this is unnecessary." I said.

"Please Carrie, let me finish and then you will get a turn to speak." Mr. Brines smiled. I nodded.

"The school was an absolute embarrassment to me and to your fellow students this morning. Rebecca was questioned for an hour, but claimed to know nothing about it. So, we are asking you. Who do you believe was responsible for the vandalism in our school last night?" Mr. Brines asked curtly.

"Mr. Brines, my friends got here before me and kept me outside while they cleaned up whatever was on the walls. I have no idea what was even on the posters. I have been told it was very negative. But, my friends thought it better that I didn't know." I answered, honestly.

"Okay. But, you must have an idea of who would put such vulgarity on the walls?" Mr. Brine pressed.

I shrugged. "I honestly don't know. I kissed Rebecca's feet yesterday, to get her to leave me and my friend's alone. Half the student body was there. It could have been anyone, I suppose."

Mr. Brines sighed. "If you won't cooperate, then I will have to suspend you."

"Mr. Brines, could we find another solution?" My dad interrupted. "It isn't fair to punish Carrie with a negative record for something she didn't do."

"I agree Mr. Fitch. Unfortunately, I cannot allow this behavior at school and I must be concerned for the safety of a victim who protects those who attack her. The suspension is for her safety."

"I'm not in any danger!" I protested. I immediately regretted the volume of my outburst and adjusted to a softer, flatter intonation. "So, they said bad things about me. It's happened a lot since people found out I was a lesbian. It's nothing I can't handle. Didn't I prove that today?"

"There is another option, which I believe we are all in agreement upon." Mr. Brines continued, ignoring my outburst. "The school that serves your father's district is a very good high school. It is still quite early in the year. A transfer will..."

I cut him off again. "I don't want to transfer!"

"Miss Fitch." Mr. Brines continued. "I am well aware from Mrs. Lane, that you do not wish to transfer schools. Please do not interrupt again, if you wish to be heard."

"I'm sorry Mr. Brines." I whispered.

"As I was saying, a transfer will remove you from what has become an escalating disruption to your school life. Not to mention the experience of many other students who have had their education disrupted by your conflicts recently. This is in no way a reflection of the school's opinions on you Miss Fitch. You have been, until recently, a model student. You have had a few conflicts along the way, minor infractions, but this year, you have had seemingly insurmountable problems with many of your fellow students."

"If you would like me to list the problems from this year, I will do so. Or shall we agree that this has been a particularly bad year for you?" Mr. Brines continued.

"Yes, we can agree on that." I said softly.

"What problems?" My dad asked. "I know she was showing up late to classes, has that not been resolved?"

"Yes, she is showing to class on time. But, there have been several disruptions in class with Carrie's involvement." Mr. Brines elaborated vaguely. He looked at me.

"It's okay, do you want me to tell them?" I said.

"I'd like to hear your version, so yes, please do tell us." Mr. Brines offered.

"I was sent to the office for disrupting math class with two other students, Farin made a scene in home room after we broke up. And now this, which again, wasn't my fault." I said.

Mr. Brines shook his head sadly at my reply. "Carrie, you have had to see Mrs. Lane for about two weeks now. You are going through a very difficult time. I understand that you didn't go out of your way to cause these conflicts, but you were involved in them. We are very concerned with your emotional well-being."

"I understand that." I said. "And I appreciate it, but is it possible that the best thing for my emotional well-being is to deal with these issues instead of running away from them?" I asked.

"I know that you all want what is best for me. That is why I think you should hear me out. From the time I was a little girl, I was told I could do anything. And I believe that." I began.

"Carrie, you can do anything, but this is only a step in the process. And it is unnecessarily difficult for you to achieve all that you are meant to do at this school." My dad interrupted.

"But, it isn't just a school." I sighed.

My mom jumped in. "Sweetheart, I love you. You tried. You did really well. You just... I don't even understand how a girl as sweet as you got into so much trouble. I think the school is the problem."

"But it isn't!" I protested. "This isn't just a school. It isn't just brick walls and books. This is my school, where I spend most of my waking hours. This is my community right now. For three years, this has been my home."

"I didn't even realize it until recently, but most of the senior class knows my name. They don't all know me. I don't know all of them. But, they have heard of me. And I mean before today, before all that garbage got taped on the walls. They knew my reputation as a strong person."

"It's not in me to run away from problems. I always face them. Sometimes, I let a fight go, because it is easier to go with minimal consequences than to cause problems. But, sometimes, like now? I need to come out on top. And people see that in me and it inspires them."

"I made a lot of mistakes these past weeks. I allowed people to get away with things that I should have stopped before they became larger problems. But, I dealt with it, learned from it, grew from the experiences. Today was nothing. And the reason it didn't bother me is because my friends were here. They kept me outside while they cleaned up the school. They hugged me and offered to stay with me all day. They urged me to skip school today and avoid it all."

"And I said no. I wasn't going to let people think they could knock me down. If I leave now, they will think it is okay to bully people. They will receive a message that what they did, may not be acceptable, but it works. Not only to the ones who did this, but to everyone who witnessed it. Me leaving now, would be the worst thing that you could do."

"This isn't just a school. This is a generation. From the seniors who were here when I was a freshman to the freshman who are here while I am a senior, seven years of students touching one another's lives. This is our place to learn, not only from books, but how to deal with one another in the world that follows this one. This is where we learn to deal with conflict and with happiness and sadness and anger and not let it destroy who we are."

"What will happen if someone does this to me at a school where I don't know anyone? If I didn't have my friends here today? I'd be alone, hiding from my problems because I'd have nobody to support me in standing against them. I'd let myself lose because I'd feel I had no chance to win."

"What if my teachers didn't know me or care about me enough to voice their concerns to Mrs. Lane? I am so lucky to have the friends and the teachers that I have here. How many people, even here in this school, feel so alone in their life that they wonder why they bother, holding onto some hope of what is around the corner because they don't have what I have today?"

"It isn't just A school, it's MY school. After I graduate, I will come back to see those I don't stay in touch with. I know that my friends will be going all over the country to college. We will all make new friends. But this is where we will come back. During the summers, for holidays, we will be back here, where we went to high school and talk about our new lives and remember the amazing things we did here at THIS school, at OUR school."

And, then the emotional energy of my speech took me over and I permitted a couple of tears to fall. "Please don't take this from me. It is the worst thing you could do."

My mom pulled me into a hug and kissed my head. I cried into her shoulder.

"Carrie, that was a very passionate and compelling argument. We will take it into consideration." Mr. Brines smiled. "Why don't you go to the restroom and clean up a bit? Give us a few minutes to discuss it."

"I'm okay Mr. Brines." I wiped my eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry. It kind of hit me that this might be my last day here and I'm not ready to go."

"I understand." Mr. Brines said. "Well, this isn't exactly a voting matter. In the end, you, as her parents, can transfer her school. I, as the principal, can suspend her or force you to move her to another school in the interests of protecting Carrie."

He paused and looked at my parents.

"She should stay." My mom said, hugging me tightly. "If it means that much to her, she should stay."

I smiled at her and kissed her cheek.

"Carrie, I am very much against this. I think you would do much better in a fresh environment." Dad squeezed my shoulder as he said this and I flinched. "However, I will support you in this, but it is the last time. Any more issues at school, another hate campaign, I don't care who it is, and there will be no questions, no speeches, no impassioned pleas. Your safety is more important to us than your friendships. Good friends will be there for you regardless of where you go to school." My dad was swayed.

I hugged him. "Thanks Dad." I smiled.

"Which leaves the decision to me." Mr. Brines sighed. "Carrie, I am quite moved by your input. We could definitely use you on our debate team." He smiled. "I am going to give you a break to let this situation resolve itself. I want you to call in sick on Monday, it won't go on your record as a suspension. If there is no repeat this weekend of the activities that occurred last night, you will be permitted to return to school on Tuesday."