Jingle Bells (1850)

Jingle Bells (a parody)

####Disclaimer. BEWARE! Adult ONLY!

FETISH AND TEASING! BDSM! Reluctant husband! NSFW!

Don't read (and don't rate it) if the prolonged marital facesitting is not to your taste!

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My contribution to "Karaoke 2023" Author Challenge.

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In every karaoke there are some very easy songs, to encourage even the shyest people to sing in front of others. One of the most famous is undoubted "Jingle Bells", composed in 1850 and reworked several times with ever more innovative covers, and... some parody.

Not everyone knows that it is just as old as the opera from which the march "Here Comes the Bride" is drawn. Many are also unaware that it was printed in 1857 under the working title "The One Horse Open Sleigh", which, as we shall see, could mislead readers..

When I was a child, I couldn't stand the boring dirge of "Jingle Bells" in the version we were made to sing at school by some sour spinster teacher who had never had an orgasm.

In 2010, a Canadian singer's UPTEMPO cover (with the precious feature of a female chorus in 50s style) opened up a world of possibilities for me. But, as the Great Bard wrote: "You give me a Revelation, I need a Revolution!".

In 2023, a magnificent female cover by another Canadian singer, "Jingle Those Bells", appeared, which reverses the roles: the lead voice is female, and the chorus comes across as male and reluctant at first... but enthusiastic by the end!

Like all great winter holiday song classics, this one too is full of double entendres, adult innuendo, and inside jokes.

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The action could take place at any time of the year, and in any place. There is no need for a snowfall, nor to wait until December: indeed, I don't believe in calendars, but someone might find it useful in Locktober or No-Nuts-November.

Obviously, the initial phase varies depending on the situation. If the couple is in a toy shop it may take a long time before they get to the bedroom in the house. If, on the other hand, the couple is in the kitchen or on the porch in front of the main door, it will take a moment.

In any given day, the wife might slyly approach her husband in the living room, and utter aloud (or whisper) the secretly coded three-word phrase. The formula is so secret that she could also utter it in a toy shop or in a stand with hot chocolate, or near the main door of their home:

"Happy Xmas, hubby!"

Her husband would immediately understand that those three words trigger an already agreed Great Session of sexual submission. Both of them had been planning this Scenario together for some time, calmly, he even has a safeword and full consent: even if at that precise moment, his voice suggests a considerable reluctance to submit.

"Happy Xmas, Wif... my Love!"

"Are you ready for a little... Jingle Those Balls?" she will say, with a mischievous smirk. This is also a code phrase, and it is very secretive, in fact, dear reader, you have never heard it uttered aloud in your entire life, and yet, many couples use it in secret.

The husband may be very reluctant, or he may be feigning shyness to amplify her joy (a kind of little role-playing): "Uh! Ready? I... No... Absolutely not! Not ready, indeed... I'm..."

"Too bad! To the bed! Right now!"

At this point, a short instrumental cut of the song is heard. This time allows the wife to tie spread-eagle her beloved husband to the handcuffs already hanging from the four corners of the bed. Now his mouth is defenseless, and she can proceed to a long facesitting session, forcing him to pleasure her by licking both front and back.

By pushing her bottom cheeks over his eyes, the wise and foresighted wife precludes him the precious view of her bouncing tits. Instead, she enjoys an enviable view of her husband's penis, and her hands are perfectly positioned to make those exposed balls dance.

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Every reader can imagine his wife's shape and colors: thin, curvy, blond-haired, red or black.

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Perhaps his penis is free, and she teases him while she rides her husband's face.

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Maybe a Cock Ring squeezes him, prolonging the duration of his erection: a heartwarming (or pussywarming) ride of the woman will be delighted by a full view of the big gift, waiting for her kiss. Two small necklaces of tiny bells dangle from the Cock Ring to the left and right. With every jerk of the erect penis or swollen balls, the woman hears them jingle and clang with that classic noise that inspires pure joy in all who hear it (almost all). He aches and toils like a muscular reindeer pulling a sleigh through the snow, sweating and snorting, while she enjoys the ride amidst the serenity-filled music of the tiny bells.

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Or maybe instead the penis is full-locked in a chastity cage, and only the testicles are free to wiggle at the touch of her fingers... or even the pressure of her Magic Wand, with vibrations that at times are very fast, but at other times are maliciously slow: almost as if she wanted to torture him without allowing him to spurt through the cage.

Everyone imagines what they want: your mileage may vary.

At last, she has finished closing the cuffs. Perhaps they are simply Velcro, perhaps metal padlocks with a key. Perhaps he could free himself if he wanted to. Or maybe he has been completely at his wife's mercy, ever since she uttered the three magic words: "Are you ready for a little «Jingle those Balls», dear?"

She is about to straddle his face: maybe she strips naked, maybe she is more comfortable in a long-sleeved pajama top, a sweater, and a jumper. Males are very visual and always prefer to see bare nipples, but females are more concerned with substance and comfort: besides, his eyes are covered, so he cannot see whether she is sexy or not. He can only enjoy the taste of pussy and rosebud, while the song plays in the background numerous times on a loop.

Very uptempo song, full of joy and cheerfulness (for her), with a much faster tempo of the music than the school lullaby. Now the wife is so happy that she sings and laughs out loud [dear reader if you have never experienced the thrill of hearing a woman laughing while having a moaning orgasm, you don't know what you have missed so far.

She «rides» astride (with her thighs open as if on a horse saddle) her «one slave»: the only one, because he is her legitimate husband and she is very faithful.

He is «oral-open», which means that he is always willing to «go down» and serve his wife with long cunnilingus sessions. Willing, unlike Batman (according to the recent canon) and maybe some other American male.

Meanwhile, taking advantage of his position as Reverse Cowgirl On His Mouth, his wife fiddles with his exposed testicles under a metal ring. The verbs describing this action are the verb «jingle» (to rattle: like the typical sound of the brass lock slamming against the metal bars of the cage, when she brings her fingers or the vibrator close) and the verb «dangle» (to dangle helplessly, without any protection, exposed to the touch of her fingers or the Magic Wand).

A «dance» of his balls, is a fancy way of saying that his arousal (from the taste and smell of her pussy in his mouth) forces him to contract his pelvic muscles, making his balls sway as if in a desperate and frustrating dance.

She, of course, laughs with joy seeing how her husband's testicles dance under her merciless touch! But she won't give him any cum for a long time: if he wears a chastity cage, she won't use the key to open the lock, and if instead, he has his cock free beyond the ring around his testicles (the Metal Ring), it will be left to give empty strokes in the air, without being able to rub anything to cause a satisfactory ejaculation.

Sado-maso variant. If the man consents, it could be fun for her to whip his cock, with long lashes of the crop spaced at irregular intervals. This would give a new meaning to the expression "lashing, or either, no...", ha, ha! But not every husband is willing to be lashed on the penis, and the safeword (in full mutual respect, and in the trust that must always accompany such erotic games) will often avoid this activity, limiting the action to a simple and joyful "T&D=Tease and Denial" (for him) coupled with a rich "YEHAAO!=You'll Enjoy Husband's Attentions, And Orgasms" [for her!].

How long will this tease and denial last? As long as she is in the right mood, all the way. Maybe she will orgasm once, twice, a dozen times. Then maybe she will decide to make the oral slave cum too... or she will fall asleep, leaving him unsatisfied, because she will suddenly remember that the first rule of Giving is Never Reciprocate.

Everyone knows, that giving is better than receiving!

Merry Xmas, darling!

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Jingle Those Balls (an innovative kinky version)

(smoothly spoken: "Happy Xmas, hubby!" "Happy Xmas, Wif... my Love!" "Are you ready for a little... Jingle Those Balls?" "Uh! Ready? No... Absolutely not! Not ready, indeed... I'm..." "Too bad! To the bed! Right NOW!"

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"Ah, Yes! [she yelled!].
Jingle balls, dangle balls,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
On a one-oral-open slave!

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Dashing through the mouth
Of a one oral-open slave
O'er his face I'll go
Laughing all the way! YEHAAO!

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[Blue] Balls on a metal ring
Make my spirit bright [mine, and yours!]
What a fun it is [TO ME] to laugh and sing
A riding song tonight!

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Dangle bells, j-jingle bells
Dangle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
On a one-oral-open slave!

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Dangle balls, j-j-j-jingle balls
Dancing all the way
Oh, what a lot of fun - what a lot of fun! - to ride and sing
On a one-oral-open slave! YEHAAO! YEHAAO!

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Dashing through the mouth (Chorus: "WE ALL ARE A-DASHING") [We? every wifey in the World?]
Of one oral-open slave (Chorus: "ONE ORAL SLAVE!")
O'er those faces we go (Chorus: "O'ER THE FACES WE GO, WE GO!")
Laughing all the way! (Chorus: "ALL THE WAY! HA, HA, HA, HA!")

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Balls on a metal ring
Make my spirit bright...
Oh, what fun it is to sing
A slaving song tonight! Oh yeah!
[she yelled far away:] Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!"

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Appendix. Repeat ad libitum. HER "libitum". Her libido. Don't stop until she orgasmed once, twice, a dozen of times. Remember, gentlemen: "Ladies first", always.

And often, "Only the Ladies", if they learn the Golden Rule of Gift: Never Reciprocate.

Merry Xmas.

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#### Disclaimer. This is just a playful parody written just for fun. The original song is about innocent feelings and pure people. English is not my mother tongue, please forgive my mistakes. ####