Jon After Eva: An Epilogue

We talked for a while in her living room while some side dishes warmed in the oven and we talked more about our late spouses. It was clear to me she loved her husband as much as I loved Eva. "I spent four years missing him, grieving" she explained. "Then two years ago, I decided I was still young enough to keep enjoying life. So I started dating, always through a friends recommendation. But those men I met were never right, for various reasons." We sipped our white wine (turkey leftovers were being served for dinner) and then I told her more details about my life with Eva, including how we met. She smiled and told me what sweet story it was. "I knew you were a gentleman from the moment we met, Jon. Your Eva found out right away as well."

"Blame my parents. They made me who I am. Well, I guess you could ask my sister. She lives nearby as well."

"Maybe I'll get the chance some day." Olivia was clearly flirting with me, but not in a suggestive way. And I admit, I was having a good time talking to her. She was good company, a lady like Eva, but different, which was good too. I didn't want to find another Eva. There could only be one like her.

Dinner was delicious (I love holiday leftovers) and we took our decaf coffee into the living room again with a small plate of cookies. More talking, music in the background. Olivia was sitting very close this time, hinting at...well, I wasn't sure. I was very out of practice. I doubted she wanted to go to bed so quickly, and neither did I. But a few kisses seemed possible, even desired. But I didn't know if I was even ready for that.

During a lull in our conversation, as some soft Latin music played from some hidden speakers, Olivia leaned a little bit closer. She wouldn't make the first overt move; she was too much a lady to do that. But she was sending a clear signal to me. Despite my doubts, there was a part of me that desired female affection. And a part of me desired her. I leaned to her and our lips met, a very soft and careful kiss. There was something there, some natural connection, and Olivia moved a little closer as my arms enveloped her. For the next ten minutes, there were no sounds except the music and the sounds of our breathing and our lips pressing and releasing, over and over. Her long fingers touched the side of my neck and the back of my head, a graceful touch of her manicured nails and fingertips. It was sexy and exciting.

After a while we stopped and smiled. There was something in her eyes that told me if I wanted more, she was ready. I could understand; she hadn't been with a man in six years, and we clearly had good chemistry. Physically I wanted her and if that's all we were looking for, it would have been easy to go to bed with her. But she was a Lady with a capitol 'L', and I wasn't out to use her like that. More important, I didn't feel ready yet. Eva.

"Olivia, this has been a very pleasant evening. But I think I need to go. It's getting late. But we're still on for tomorrow, aren't we?" I asked as I held her hands in mine.

I could see a little disappointment in her eyes, but there was understanding as well. "Of course, Jon. I'm looking forward to tomorrow night. And I had a very nice evening as well. You're a very good kisser." Her laugh was soft and touched her eyes.

"I can say the same for you. Very nice indeed. I'll pick you up at eight?" She agreed and at her door, we shared an intense goodnight kiss before I walked through the frosty air to my apartment, two buildings away.

I smiled at Eva's picture when I got inside, then went to the bedroom to change. As I got undressed, I realized I was hard. Not just hard, actually. Pulsing. I couldn't believe how excited I was just from kissing, like a young man gets when he makes out with a girl for the first time. It was almost embarrassing. And it wasn't going away. I hurriedly washed up and brushed and flossed, and when I sat in my living room to watch the late news, I was still throbbing. Olivia must have really gotten to me. I watched the news, not touching myself. I figured listening to the usual mayhem etc. would solve my problem. No such luck. Still had my pesky problem.

In the two and a half years since Eva had gotten too sick to have sex, I had masturbated maybe half a dozen times. Not exactly frequently. But that night I had to or it would be hell trying to sleep. I laid back in my dark bedroom, closed my eyes, and I did what I had been doing to some degree since I was young. I fantasized about Olivia, what it would be like to see her nude, her long, slender body, her toned legs, her small breasts. Were they as brown as the rest of her body? Were her nipples dark brown? Did she shave or was she natural? Trimmed? Did she enjoy oral? I imagined she did, imagined her bobbing up and down slowly on my aching cock, imagined looking down to see her...and I saw Eva there, where I had seen her so many times over the many years. I bolted upright in my bed, any thought of pleasuring myself forgotten. That also ended my erection. Fuck. My psyche was torn. Sleep took a very long time to come that night.

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I woke up tired at my usual time, 7:30. There was no point in trying to get some more sleep; my body and mind were used to waking up the same time every day. My bladder was used to being emptied. Rolling over to go back to sleep was just not an option.

I got up and did my routine, then got some breakfast together, fruit and yogurt. I figured I'd call Larry a little later and talk to him. He was my closest male friend and had been for more than 40 years. But that was for later; he and his wife were late sleepers.

After breakfast, before I jumped in the shower, my daughter Maria called. My Grease Monkey. My youngest and, secretly, my favorite child. By a tiny bit. She had to be calling from work; she and her husband Max owned two auto repair shops. Not gas stations; not a lot of people had gas powered cars by 2034. But people still needed their cars serviced and they had a thriving business.

"Hey Dad, how's it going? Are you feeling good?"

"Feeling fine, Sunshine" I teased her, eliciting a sweet laugh. She really was my Sunshine. "How are Max and my granddaughter?"

"Everyone's good, busy. Business is good. So, what's up with you, Dad?"

"Funny you should ask. Can I ask you for some advice?"

"Really? My Dad is asking me for advice? Mark the day!" My little ballbuster.

"Very funny. Seriously. I could ask your sister or one of your brothers, but since you called I'm asking you. I met a woman the other day. Well, actually I've seen her around my complex a number of times, but we formally met a few nights ago. She engineered it, actually." I then told Maria the story of how Olivia and I met, how we had dinner the night before, and that we were going out that night. I didn't mention our kissing session. I wasn't ready to share that, not with my daughter.

"So what, Dad? Are you asking permission? My opinion? Because I think it's a great idea. I know it's hard for you. I told you back in high school how you and Mom could be a little annoying at times, how lovey-dovey you were. I also told you how amazing it was to see. But Dad, Mom's gone. You're not. You should live your life, wherever it takes you. If that means you find someone new to be a companion, or more, so be it. No way would Mom have wanted you to be alone. That's what I think. Live your life to the fullest. And loneliness sucks, Dad."

I guess she could hear the emotion in my voice as I thanked her. And like Cammy and Kyle, I knew she was right. I didn't think I could love another woman, not like I loved Eva. But maybe I could find someone to share the time I had left in a romantic relationship. I was in good health and could have a lot of years still ahead of me. There was only one way to find out.

I picked up Olivia right on time and she was dressed to kill. A version of the little black dress, but instead of clinging to her legs, it flowed from her hips and the sleeves were 3/4 length, appropriate for a winter night. She was the definition of class. It was a good thing I wore a suit.

I made reservations at a French-Vietnamese restaurant, the type of place you dress up for, so we fit right in, not overdressed. I held all the doors for her, helped her on and off with her coat, gestures she appreciated and expected. During dinner I learned she was from an old time, upper class Mexican family. She had a sheltered life growing up and went to all girls boarding schools. She even told me she hadn't been with a man until her wedding night. "I couldn't risk my parents finding out if I had before I was married. They would have been crushed, especially my father, and I adored my parents."

I told her about my parents, about how decent and loving my family was, the tragedy that happened to my mother and how Eva suggested we get married quickly so my mother could share that day with us. Olivia gave me a gentle smile (she had an abundance of them) and touched my hand across the table. Not sexual, but warm and comforting. "I think we were both very lucky, Jon. Your Eva and my Tomas. They were both wonderful partners."

"I couldn't agree more, Olivia. Everything you've told me about Tomas tells me he was a fine man in every way. We were both lucky."

Her fingers squeezed mine a little tighter. "Do you think people can get lucky twice in life? I'm not usually so direct, not with someone I've met so recently. But I like you very much, Jon. I wasted a lot of years by myself. I'm not jumping the gun here. I don't know if we can have a future, not yet. But I know I am very attracted to you, emotionally and physically." A little tighter squeeze. "Jon, if you want to come home with me tonight..." It was there, out in the open. The opportunity was there.

I squeezed back, letting her know I was interested in her. "Olivia, I'm very flattered, especially since I know I'm an average looking man, and you are stunningly beautiful."

"Jon, I think..."

"Let me finish what I need to say, please? You are beautiful, inside and out. Like my wife was, but different. I'm glad you're different. I wouldn't want to be comparing you to each other. I want to like you for who you are, and I do. Quite a lot. You're smart and sweet. So kind. I am very attracted to you. But I don't know if I can go home with you...like you're suggesting. I get your point, that for both of us, time is somewhat limited. Even more so for me. But I need a little time. Maybe a few days. Maybe longer. I have to work this out for myself. I really enjoy your company. I'd like to take you to the New Year's Eve party at the club. And maybe I'm crazy, but my family are all coming to town next week for my birthday next Wednesday. Whatever happens, I'd like you to join us for dinner that night. Not so much because I'm ready to introduce you to them. I mean, I am. But I want to celebrate my birthday with you as well as with them. Damn, I'm kind of making a mess of this."

She smiled at me, a touch disappointed but overall, very pleased. "There's a lot to respond to there. First of all, I would love to join you Saturday night for New Years. I was hoping you would ask me. And normally, I would agree, it's very soon to meet your children and your sister. But I do want to join you for your birthday. So I guess it's a package deal. Your birthday and your family." We both chuckled. It wasn't much of a joke, but it was light and sweet. "And I disagree. I think you're a very handsome man. Very distinguished looking. I'm a little sad about tonight, Jon, but I understand. I've had more time to come to terms with this. So think things over. Maybe you'll decide you're ready soon. Hopefully, very soon. If not, we could at least be friends?" Her smile was so kind.

"At the very least. Please understand, it's not that I don't want to. You're a very beautiful woman and you're fun and interesting, far and away the most desirable lady I've met since I've been single. It's just..."

"I understand. In the meantime, we can look forward to bringing in the new year together."

We talked a little longer, learning things about each other. When you get older, there's so much to discover. A lifetime of experiences. She also loved traveling. I thought it would be great to have someone to travel with. There were still so many places I wanted to see.

Our kiss goodnight was still passionate like the previous night, but there was no question that was all there would be. I felt kind of bad as I walked to my building. Olivia paid me a great compliment and I kind of rejected her. Not completely, but I knew that couldn't have been good for her ego. I had some thinking to do. And I knew where I needed to go to do it.

The next day I went to the cemetery in Wayne to visit Eva. It was a very cold day, cloudy and grey, and I shivered as I stood by her grave and placed a couple of small rocks on her stone. It's a Jewish tradition; we don't do flowers on a grave. Stones symbolize permanence, that the deceased will always be remembered. There were a couple of rocks there already, meaning Cammy had been there recently, since none of my kids lived in the area. That made me smile. My sister loved Eva as much as we loved our parents.

I stood there, cold, seeking some sort of answer to my problem. Would Eva really understand if I got deeply involved with another woman now? I know, I've said neither of us believed in God, but we were somewhat spiritual in our way, and I hoped there was a place where she was, waiting for me as she spent the time with our other loved ones, her parents and mine, friends who passed on. I looked at her stone and tears came, warm on my cold cheeks. "Angel, I don't know what to do" I said very quietly. "She's a wonderful lady, and I think you would have liked her under the right circumstances. It doesn't mean I don't love you anymore. I always, always will love you. It's not just sex, honey. I like her, I enjoy her companionship. I wish I knew if you'd understand."

I kept sniffling, using a tissue to dry my eyes and cheeks (I always brought tissues when I went to visit her). Just then, the clouds parted for a few minutes and the Sun came out. I looked up and it was as if she was telling me something. It was love and understanding. It was her caring embrace, as if her kiss was on my face. When the clouds closed again, I was sure Eva was giving me her consent. She wanted me to be happy and not to be alone.

"Thank you, Angel. "I love you so much. You'll always be special beyond words." I kissed my fingertips and pressed them to the engraving of her name, and I felt the ache ease from my heart. I walked back to my car with a lighter step. I was at peace with my Angel finally.

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Saturday night I picked Olivia up at 8 and we went back to my place and met some friends for a drink before heading over to the club. It was the first time she'd been to my home and she told me she liked my choice of decor. It was modern and cozy, a real homey feeling. At 9 we all walked over to the party, dressed in formalwear. All the men wore tuxedos and looked more or less the same. The women were in gowns and all looked different. Olivia wore a shimmering deep blue gown that fit her well, cut kind of low, showing her brown skin, very complimentary to her.

I had told her how beautiful she looked when I picked her up, and as we danced between dinner courses I told her again. "You're really stunning tonight. I think you're always a beautiful woman, but tonight you look amazing."

"Well, let me say you look very dashing yourself. My own James Bond." We laughed easily together. I was kind of old to be a James Bond. But I liked her compliment. During the night we kept dancing, drinking a little but not enough to get more than tipsy. It was a lot of fun and I knew I really liked Olivia, quite a lot, and I could sense she felt the same way about me. But I assumed nothing regarding after the party.

A few minutes before midnight, the champagne glasses were filled and then the bandleader counted down from ten until it was 2035. I took Olivia in my arms and I said "Happy New Year, Liv. I think it's going to be a great one."

"Happy New Year, Jon. Let's make it special together." We kissed, a long, warm caring and sexy kiss. We looked into each other's eyes and we both knew how the evening would end. We agreed with silent consent. Then we went around the table, kissing our friends before we got back to each other and kissed again.

We stayed for a couple of more dances, about an hour, before we made our excuses and said goodnight to our companions. I slipped her coat on, then my own, and we walked the short distance to Olivia's home a few minutes away. As soon as we were inside the door, we were kissing again, but with greater urgency and intense desire. We tossed our coats onto her couch and we kept kissing outside her bedroom door, stoking the fires that raged inside us. Before we went inside, before we officially crossed over the line to become lovers, Olivia asked me "Jon, are you sure you're ready? Do you want to tell me what changed since Wednesday?"

"Later. I'll tell you later, I promise. But for now..." I kissed her again, along her slender throat, down to her cleavage, and her fingers toyed with the back of my head, moaning as I kissed between her breasts. She reached behind her and opened her bedroom door and we stumbled a little as we made our way to her bed. We kept making out like teens, ready to experience love for the first time. My jacket was on the floor, followed by my bowtie. Olivia opened the buttons on my shirt, kissing my chest as I pulled down the zipper at the side. under her arm. When it was down all the way, Olivia stopped me.

"I need to use the bathroom, Jon. A few minutes. Get comfortable. Almost all the way" she said with a lovely giggle. It was the first time I heard her sound girlish, and I liked it a lot. She kissed my lips once more, then got up and disappeared into the bathroom.

I got up and got out of my shirt and shoes, socks and slacks, just keeping on my black and grey boxers. She did say "almost" comfortable. I sat at the foot of the bed, nervous as hell, but almost fully erect. I wanted this, badly. I wanted HER. And I felt comfortable about it.

A few minutes later, Olivia came back into the bedroom, now wearing a light green nightie, down to the middle of her thighs, showing enough of her legs to be sexy yet stay a little conservative. Her nipples were pointy, suggesting her own excitement. She crossed one leg in front of the other and smiled shyly at me. "I hope you still find me attractive, Jon. I'm more than a little scared about this."

I stood up and she could see that I was aroused. It was kind of obvious, and she took it for the sign of desire that it was. "I'm just as scared as you are, I think. But I want you, very much, Livie. Do you mind if I call you that?"

"Not at all. I like it." We stepped closer to each other, until we were just a couple of inches apart. Close enough so my erection, hidden in my boxers, was brushing on her tummy. We both moaned from the inadvertent contact. Even with the two layers of cloth between us, the contact felt electric. "Jon, you need to take me to bed, now."

We kissed again, pressing my erect cock to her body, before we got back on the bed. We kept kissing, all over each others faces and necks and shoulders. Our fingers touched each other from face to thigh, and everywhere in between. She grasped my cock and I peeled down the straps of her nightie, first exposing her left breast. It was small, with a conical shape and a long nipple that was crying out to be kissed. I licked all around her areola, and Olivia shivered as her fingers reached into my shorts and squeezed me tightly. I moaned as I locked my lips around her nipple and sucked, experimenting to find the right amount of pressure for her.