Jon After Eva: An Epilogue

She asked me what happened, and I told her, almost word for word. If I couldn't tell Olivia I loved her and mean it, she'd be gone from my life. "Jon, look up at me." I pulled back a little so I could see into her eyes. I'm a big believer in always looking a person in the eyes when you have something important to say to them. I made sure Cammy knew that when Eva and I were her guardians, and I told my children the same thing when I taught them how to deal with people in life. "You do love her, don't you?"

"I do. She's amazing. I don't know how I got so lucky twice."

Cammy smiled at me, warm and loving. "I know how you feel. I loved Eric when we were married, and even to this day, I have a small part of me that loves him. It wasn't his fault our marriage didn't work out. It was all on me. Now, I'm not saying it's anything like what you and Eva had. That was truly special in the world. And I loved her like my sister. I still do. But Jon, she's gone now. Don't you think you have room in your big heart to love two women at different times in your life? Eva is your past, but she can still be a part of you. Olivia is your future. She's not the only one who deserves to be loved unconditionally. You deserve that as well. You need to find a way to make peace with Eva, with your past. Not forget her, never forget her. But she needs to become part of your memories, the fond memories. Now you need to devote yourself to Olivia, if you feel that strongly about her. That's what I think."

I thought for a minute. She really did get to the heart of the problem, and with amazing speed. I knew she was right, but I still wasn't sure I could do it, let go of Eva, of most of her, so I could have a happy third act in my life. Cammy saw I was still torn. "I don't expect you to get to this place today, Jon. But you have to do it soon, or you're going to lose Olivia. Taking longer will make her feel like she'll always be second to Eva. She'll never trust you then. So take a couple of days. Talk to your kids. I guarantee Connor, Rachel and Maria will agree. I even think Vince will, but I can't say for certain with him. He was always closest to Eva. But ask them. Because if you do choose to be with Olivia, it affects their lives as well."

"If I do decide I want to be with Olivia, I will talk to them about it. But if someone has a problem with it, it will have to be their problem. I'm going to do what I feel is right." We talked a while longer, about family and mutual friends, but I didn't stay much longer. She had shopping to get done, and I had a lot of thinking ahead of me.

Over the next three days, I got together with Larry for dinner by ourselves one night and I called my children. And I thought things over and searched my heart. I didn't sleep much, didn't eat much. Larry and all my children told me not to be foolish, in their own words. Don't let Olivia get away.

Connor was probably the most succinct. "Dad, think about this. You're 74, and you're lucky enough to have found someone after Mom who brings you such joy. You know how hard that is for many people to find just once? How many people marry and divorce, over and over, desperate to find that kind of love one time? You and Mom had a great thing. I miss her, Rachel, Vince, Maria...we all miss her. It's not the same for you as it is for us. She was our mother; there can only ever be one. But for you, this is a real second chance. Olivia won't be like Mom was for you. And that's really a good thing. You should love her differently. She should have different things that attract you, like there are different things about you from her first husband. Dad, I don't want to think about you puttering about your condo a year from now, alone, kicking yourself for letting Olivia get away. If you don't apologize to her now and tell her you love her, you'll regret it for however many years you have left."

Connor and I had had a few conflicts years before, when he cheated on his first wife, Leigh. Then we all thought we'd lose him when Leigh shot him during a bad fight. But he survived and after she did some time in prison, they put it behind them and they still got along reasonably well for the sake of their son, Oliver. Since then, he'd been a very level-headed man, teaching physics at a couple of major universities. His advice was sound, and his heart was loving.

I thanked him for his advice, as I had with all my kids, as well as Larry and Cammy. They all felt I shouldn't let Olivia go from my life. I was almost there. I had one more person to ask. The most important of all.

On Wednesday I went to the cemetery with my guitar, and I sat by Eva's grave. I sang a few of our favorite songs, including Please Be With Me and Brokedown Palace. The latter song has a lyric at the end, "Fare you well, Fare you well, I love you more than words can tell..." Then I sang our song, Tupelo Honey. "She's as sweet as Tupelo Honey, She's an Angel in the first degree..." I said goodbye to Eva, letting her go finally. She'd always have a very special place inside me, and I'd still visit her, especially when my kids came to town. But it was time to stop grieving her loss and dedicate myself to moving on in life. As I made my way to my car, I could sense that burden of loss was finally off my chest.

I had a couple of stops to make before I went home, but first I told my phone to call Olivia. She was a little wary, but she was happy to hear from me. I asked her if we could see each other the next night for dinner at my place. That kind of told her I would be telling her what she wanted to hear and she said she'd like that very much.

"Livie...thanks for being so patient with me. I know this was painful for you."

"You're not wrong, Jon. But I also understand what you have been going through. May I bring some wine? White or red?"

"Red. Thanks again, Bella." I wasn't going to say I love you for the first time over the phone, and I doubted she would have wanted me to.

"You're welcome, Querido. Tomorrow."

I stopped at a music store in the King of Prussia mall, then I went to a jewelry store I used to frequent when Eva and I lived there. Last I went to a good butcher shop where I picked up a pot roast as well as potatoes, mushrooms, carrots and onions. I enjoyed having someone to cook for.

I spent the evening learning the sheet music I picked up, a song I hadn't played in many years. I did play it a few times for Eva, but not frequently enough so it was a special song for us. If Olivia liked it, it could be something special for the two of us. Then I seasoned the roast and put it back in the fridge to absorb the flavors overnight.

The next day, I cleaned up the condo (not that hard; I never let it get really messy) and I put up the roast in the mid-afternoon, cooking it low and slow in a large Dutch oven with the vegetables with some water and a little wine.

Olivia was right on time. I appreciate that and I hate when people are habitually late. We kissed hello, a very tender kiss before I led her to the living room. I poured some wine and we sat to talk while dinner finished.

"Livie, first I want to apologize for putting you through this. You know why this was hard for me to say. And I'm not going to rehash everything we've talked about already. I need to tell you I do love you, very much. I'm amazed that love found me again. You're a wonderful woman, and you mean the world to me...Bella."

She got teary-eyed again and she held my face while she kissed me. "I love you too, Querido, with all my heart. I'm so glad you found you can feel this and share yourself with me. You had me scared, I admit. I didn't know if you could get here. And you never should worry that I'll tell you I don't want to hear about Eva. I don't want you to think I would take her away from you. In fact, if you want to take me to visit her grave one day and 'introduce' us, I would be honored, my darling. I would like to visit with the woman who made you so happy all those years."

I looked upon her with so much love flowing from my heart. "You would really do that, Bella? Are you sure?"

"Very sure. She made you the man you are, after all. Just like I'm sure I want you to shut off the oven, leave the roast for now, and take me to bed and share your love with me. We can eat afterwards. If you want to, Querido."

I stood up, took her hand and I kissed it before we went into the bedroom and made love, slow and sweet. We were at the point where we moved perfectly together. We both knew well what made the other feel great. How to touch, how to kiss, how to move our bodies to give ourselves and each other wonderful pleasure together. After I filled her with my love, we laid in bed a while, not saying anything, just touching and holding hands. It was peaceful and natural.

After a little while we put on our robes and went to eat; we worked up a heck of an appetite. I don't know where Olivia put it. She was a slender woman with almost no body fat, even at 68. She even had a small second helping with me. There was plenty leftover for the next night. Pot roast is even better the second day, after it marinates in its juices.

After cleaning up together, we moved back into the living room and talked about moving in together. The main issue was who should move to the other's condo, a relatively minor issue that still had to be decided. Then I reached into a drawer in my coffee table and brought out a rectangular jewelry box, nicely wrapped with a light blue bow. This was the first real gift I'd given Olivia; for Valentine's day we kept things simple and small, with roses and perfume for her and a new guitar case for me. This was something special.

"Jon, you didn't have to get me anything! This is just too sweet. You really didn't need to do this." But she was giving me a huge smile.

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to. That's the best reason for a gift, after all."

She opened the paper with her long fingers and perfect nails, then opened the hinged box. "Oh, Querido! This is so lovely!" She carefully took out the gift, an emerald pendant on a thin white gold chain. "You're so sweet, my darling! I love you!" A bunch of big kisses for me that made me feel very excited inside.

"I love you too, Bella. Let me put it on for you." She turned and shivered a little as I carefully put it around her neck and managed the delicate clasp. Then Olivia turned back to me to show how it rested on her chest. "It's beautiful, like you, my dear. Go look in the mirror and see for yourself."

Olivia bounced up like she was half her age and rushed to the mirror in the entranceway. She looked at herself with the new pendant, turning from side to side, admiring how the gem reflected the light, glowing on her brown skin. "Querido, it's so lovely. Thank you, my love. So much." She came back and kissed me repeatedly as she sat back down, snuggling into my arms.

"My pleasure, Bella. Oh, I have something else for you." I picked up my guitar case, which I had near the couch, and I took out the instrument inside, a beautiful Martin natural wood grain guitar that I had for more than ten years. i tuned it up and then I played Your Own Special Way, a love song by Genesis that I hadn't played in more than 20 years until I practiced it the night before. As I sang for her, Olivia shared a soft smile and leaked a small stream of tears. I was prepared and had a box of tissues out for her to dry her eyes.

When I finished I told her this could be a special song for us, something I rarely played for Eva. Olivia just nodded her head and went back into my arms. "I didn't get you anything, Querido, and you gave me two such lovely gifts. I think I even like the song more, because it is from your heart. Something beautiful beyond words."

"You are beautiful beyond words, Bella. In every way imaginable. I really do love you."

She just moved closer to me, her head right over my pounding heart. Something significant had changed between us, vastly for the better. I knew it was only a matter of time, a short amount of time, before I would ask Olivia to be my wife. When the time was right. I realized her birthday was coming up, June 4.

"Would you share what you're thinking about, Querido? You're very quiet."

"Nothing serious. Nothing bad certainly. I was just thinking about your birthday in six weeks. We should do something, go somewhere special. We could go to New York, Boston, or someplace quaint like Savannah or Charleston, for four or five days. We could make it a big deal. But just the two of us. Your choice, of course."

"Let me think about it. Right now, I just want to think about this." Olivia reached into my robe, which was all either of us was wearing, and stroked my cock with an aggressiveness I'd never experienced with her before. She rubbed me like she was milking me, pulling the blood in and getting me hard in almost no time.

I put my hand in her robe and toyed with her left breast. "Someone's feeling adventurous tonight.' I said it without any negative connotation, like her husband probably would have given her. I liked her confident attitude, and I made sure she knew it. She got on her knees on the couch, facing me, and her robed slipped off her left shoulder, exposing her breast, Her nipple was long and stiff, begging to be sucked, and I don't like denying a lady.

As my lips and tongue suckled on her breast and flicked her nipple rapidly, Olivia grabbed the back of my head and moaned "Suck it, bite it, Querido. Please, just not too hard. I need you, my love."

This was a different side of Olivia. I guessed she was afraid of showing it to me until she felt secure in my love for her. I put that aside for the moment and went harder at her nipple while my right hand gripped the cheeks of her ass tighter than I had previously. She kept reacting strongly, enjoying our new, hungrier level of lust. I was sure as hell loving it. Sometimes it takes a new dynamic to bring out a persons' true nature.

Olivia got herself out of her robe and straddled my lap, facing me. The look in her eyes was very lusty and her smile had more than a hint of naughtiness. Without saying a word, she lined up her pussy to my cock and slid down as far as she could, almost to my thighs. We'd never had sex outside of the bedroom before, and I sure as hell wasn't complaining. I kept kissing and sucking her small tits with their big nipples, as Olivia started bouncing up and down, grunting loud and breathing hard. Her hands were on the back of the couch for leverage and mine were holding her ass, pulling her up and down in sync with her own thrusts.

"Harder, Jon. Help me move fast and hard on your...cock". Another first, the first time she used that or any other dirty word in front of me. I wondered what her limits were.

I took a step, a big step. "Yes, baby. I love how you're fucking me." Instead of getting offended or showing shock, it was like I put her into the next gear. Olivia cried out and she ground down hard to rub her clit along my shaft. She was very close to her climax, and I wanted get her there. I gave her ass a light slap, not nearly as hard as I would have done with Eva. I was testing the waters.

"Again, Querido! Again!" I smacked her cheek again and Olivia arched her back, thrusting her tit's into my face, in my mouth, and she came very hard, gripping my cock with her pussy in a way I never felt her do before. She had impressive control down there.

I was incredibly excited myself and I was lifting up off the couch, thrusting up as I grunted on my way to my own powerful climax. Olivia leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Cum, my man. Cum inside my pussy!" That was it for me. Hearing Olivia talk like that was an incredible turn on. I pulled her down while I lifted up and flooded her pussy with my own sticky semen. When I was done, I fell back down to the couch, breathing very hard with a huge smile on my face.

Olivia was covering my face with soft kisses, which I lovingly returned. I gently rubbed my hands over her back and the back of her head, running my fingers through her thick, short locks, a beautiful shade of silver. Then we giggled as we kissed more passionately before she finally lifted herself off me and sat back next to me, very relaxed. This time I snuggled into her soft body. She had a light coating of perspiration and she smelled very feminine, a mix of her natural scent and her perfume.

After a few minutes of peaceful, easy silence, I said "Bella, do you mind if I ask you what happened here? You were a very different woman than I've become used to. Not that I'm complaining. I have no problem at all with kicking things up a few notches." I smiled in a way I hoped was reassuring to her.

Olivia wasn't shy at all, which surprised me. This woman was a revelation. "Jon, my sweet man. Why don't we get cleaned up for bed and I promise we can talk about this in bed before we go to sleep. Could you wait that long, Querido?" She gave me a short but tender kiss. I agreed and we went into my bedroom- soon to be our bedroom-and took turns in the bathroom before she put on long silk pajamas and I wore boxers and a t-shirt. We got comfortable and settled in to talk a little.

"Jon, I know you know by now that I wasn't completely honest about my marriage. It was very hard for me to admit my husband treated me poorly in some ways. I'm a proud woman, after all. In other ways he was a good man. We traveled and after I got pregnant the first time, when I stopped working at the firm, he kept me as a full partner, something most men don't do, especially in High Mexican Culture. It gave me my own money and some prestige. And while we only had sex in the most basic ways, he did make it good for me. He taught me how to enjoy it, knowing it would make our lovemaking better for him. But the way he treated me when I asked him about oral sex...I knew I could never talk openly, or use dirty words with him. He would have been disgusted with me and never touch me again. At least for a long time. Even with you, I am ashamed to admit these things, Querido." She didn't cry but I held her for comfort. "I'm sorry, love, that I didn't tell you the truth."

"Bella, don't apologize to me. I can't imagine how difficult it was to tell me these things. I know I give the impression Eva and I had the perfect marriage, and in many ways we did, but no couple ever has a truly 'perfect' marriage. I guess for Eva and I, it was pretty close though. And I'm sure that made you feel...envious? Maybe that's the wrong word, but I think you know what I mean. You didn't want me to think yours was something less. I'm sorry, Bella. I should have toned things down a bit when I discussed my marriage."

"No, Jon. I'm thrilled you had such a good life together. I love that you had someone so special. You were truly blessed for as long as you had each other. You were so open with each other sexually. From the things you've told me. Very lucky people. I wanted that as well. To behave as my body and mind desired. To say what I needed and desired. Sometimes I like to be used a little. To be the submissive one. I desire something a little rougher. But I could never get that from Tomas."

We were quiet for a while, between wakeful and sleep, and she held me as her head was on my shoulder, the left one, where there was still a slightly visible scar. The muscle and bone underneath still hurt on damp days, but it was tolerable, and the weight of Olivia's head didn't bother me at all. I caressed her shoulder and nec and she made soft sounds of contentment. "I'm very glad to help you find out whatever you want to explore, Bella. Without being graphic, I had a very fulfilling sex life. That's as specific as I'll get, out of respect for both you and Eva. But we can go wherever our desires take us. I'm very glad I still have the desire, even at 74. It's the new 50, right?" We both chuckled.