Josh Henderson's HalloweenbyMy Erotic Tail©
"They're about this high," Josh said while placing his hand to his waist. "They walk, sort of in a hopping manner." Josh Henderson swayed back and forth sitting on a stool. "And they usually carry something. And they love Halloween."
"That sounds like half the tricker-treaters in this country Josh," Bill the bartender argued. Two men at the end of the bar blurted out in laughter.
"Oh these tites will trick you, then treat you shamefully." Josh said waving a finger in the air, back and forth.
"Last call," Bill the bartender shouted from behind the bar of the pub. His robust nature bellowed out with his announcement.
"Last call? Last call...I have a quarter till, by my watch." Josh debated. His intoxicated, elderly, frail frame, wobbled slightly at the bar. The Pub was decorated with cardboard pictures of Pumpkins with cut out smiles. Witch's flying on a broom across a full moon. Bats and spider webs were abundantly plastered everywhere among the neon beer signs.
"My Official Time 'CLOCK' say's five till. Perhaps your watch is old and doesn't keep that good of time, old timer?" Bill spat pointing to the clock on the wall behind him. Josh squinted his eyes to see then pulled out his spectacles from his torn and tattered jacket. Placed them on his nose and squinted even more to see the clock.
"I'll take two...doubles then please." Josh ordered boldly. Both hands holding tightly to the bar's railing. Swaying back and forth. Took his glasses back off and placed them on the bar.
"You sure Josh? Two Doubles? That would put some men face down in your condition." Bill argued as he walked past Josh while serving some drinks to a table of patrons.
"In my condition? Young man you have no idea what condition I'm going to be in, here shortly. I need anesthesia but, alcohol will have to do." Josh looked out the window of the pub then back towards Bill.
"What's waiting for you tonight? Six foot invisible rabbit? Or the aliens? Or those Leprechauns again?" Bill asked laughing. He walked behind the bar and poured a few more drinks. Placed two glasses of whiskey in front of Josh Henderson, the town drunk and story teller. Then a couple glasses to the two men at the end of the bar.
"Witch's want your little wonder wand?" Asked a man at the end of the bar. "Dracula sucked your blood, Josh?" Another asked with a giggle. Bill laughed loudest as the three men mumbled among them selves.
"No...no...no, Goblins. The pesky vermin, sadistic little tites. Haven't you been listening?" Josh said excitedly. Waving his arms in the air dramatically. The two men at the bar and Bill snickered as they watched Josh's comical reenactments. "They're always up to no good, I assure you. And at Halloween es..special..e, especialy...most of the time." Josh's intoxication hindered his speech greatly. He reached out and held his glass of whiskey up to the light examining it. Then sipped at it. "As soon as I walk out that door," Josh turned and pointed at the wall behind him. Then turned slightly with his finger pointing towards the front door. "That door."
"Josh, I tell you what. We'll call you a cab tonight. How's that? It's Halloween, there are some crazy loons out this night. What do you say Mr. Henderson?" Bill the bartender said loudly.
"Sure," said one man and tossed some bills on the bar. "Why not, poor ole Josh has more trouble going home than most I know," another said laughing while adding to the pile of bills on the bar. Bill the bartender placed a ten dollar bill over the ones that lay there. Picked up the phone and began dialing.
"Oh you don't have to go to all that trouble Gent's," Josh said while wobbling slightly. Taking one hand and steadying the other then taking a drink. "I been walking that road longer than you two been born." Josh said while giving one of his one eye'd winks, where both eyes close.
"Josh we would all feel better knowing that you got home safely," Bill said. "Besides, your my best customer. Call it 'Protecting my Investors'," Bill said chuckling. Turned into the phone and began speaking. Giving the pubs address and ordering a cab.
"Well, that's quite nice of you Bill," Josh replied then finished his first glass of whiskey.
"So tell us more about these Goblins, Josh," One man asked from the end of the bar. "What do they do to you?" The pair of men chuckled under breath waiting for Josh's response.
"You want the truth?" Josh said as he picked up his second glass and examined it. Looked at the man. "You can't handle the truth." Then Josh took a drink, smacked his lips. Wiped his sleeve across his wet lips, "Ahhh... But I'll tell ya."
"Okay people drink up, Bars closing," Bill blurted and rang the bell signifying the Pub will no longer serve drinks. He began gathering empty glasses from the bar including one of Josh's. Josh covered and protected his glass that was still half full of whiskey, his last serving for the night.
"Goblins are dwarfed. They have terribly deformed little grubby hands. Hands that can't hold onto much. They're clumsy, therefore the little bugers ... use sticks and objects easily held to them and poke at what ever it is they wish to poke fun at." Josh sipped his drink lightly. "They are so hideous that they themselves dare not glance into a mirror."
"You've seen these Goblins? Are they little green men with big gray heads?" Bill added snickering towards the two men at the end of the bar.
"Yes, you've seen them too?" Josh asked Bill curiously.
"Josh, I just described an Alien, little green men with big gray heads." Bill blurted out laughing. The two men at the end of the bar bursted out in laughter too. Josh scratched his half bald scalp a moment in deep thought. Swaying a bit back and forth.
"Quite right, quite right, I apologize. Little men in green outfits. With big hats." Josh said tapping his finger to his temple. "No, that's leprechauns. Goblins ... goblins are dwarf mutant type. Hideously ugly and mischievous in nature."
"Mischievous? How?" Asked one of the men at the bar.
"What else would you call it when little demons poke at your ass hole while your tied to a tree?" Josh took a quick drink looking around strangely as Bill walked around to pick up glasses and bottles.
"Rape," Bill said while passing Josh by the bar. The two men at the end of the bar laughed, yet agreed.
The Patrons at the table got up and headed out the door of the pub, wishing everyone a "Happy Halloween" as they left. Bill started quickly to clean the table. A 'Honk' came from a vehicle outside.
"There's your ride Josh," Bill said as he went to the front door and motioned for the cab to wait and acknowledge their arrival. "Hurry up old man, your rides here."
Josh held his drink up and toasted quickly, "Trick or treat? Here's the treat and soon comes the trick." Then drank down his liquid stimulation. Smacked his lips and wiped his sleeve across them with one long swipe. "Ahhh."
"Honk ... honk."
Bill walked around behind the bar and went over towards the men at the end of the bar and scooped up the small pile of money. Josh was adjusting his jacket and trying to tuck his shirt in but, seemed to pull more out, sloppily. Turning slightly and wobbling. Holding onto each bar stool as he made his way towards the front door. Bill came from behind the bar and opened the door for Josh.
"Night night you fine gents. 'Hick-up'. Josh said while waving a hand in the air and walking out the door.
"Night Josh," "Happy Halloween," The two men bid Josh farewell.
Bill took Josh by the arm and helped the elderly man to the cab parked at the curb. Opening the back door and carefully guiding Josh into the back seat. "There you go," Bill said then shut the back door to the vehicle. Bill reached through the front window and handed the driver the money. The driver's hat was pulled down as he sat patiently in the shadow. It was dark but it was still apparent to Bill that this person was very short. A tiny hand raised up slowly and clutched the cash from Bill. Four fat stubby fingers slid into the light from the shadows of the front seat and took the pay from Bill's hand.
"There here," Josh sounded out drunkenly. "Hick-up." Sitting in the back seat of the cab, wobbling.
Bill looked back at Josh for an instant then thought he saw someone move in the back seat with Josh. The car sped off with Bill yanking his arm from the open window, quickly. The tires of the cab squealed slightly as the car turned the corner. Bill saw Josh looking back at him in the back seat. He appeared to be smiling. 'But as drunk as Josh was he could be riding a missile straight into a TNT shed and have the same plastered smile.' Bill told himself.
The door to the Pub opened and the two men that had sat at the end of the bar all night, emerged. "Everything all right?" One of the men asked.
"I hope so," Bill said with a confused look on his face.
"Well, good night."
"Good Night," Bill replied. "Happy Halloween,"
"Yeah ... watch out for those Goblins," the other spat and the two men busted out in laughter.
"Oh, I intend to," Bill replied, then went into the pub, locked the door and closed the blinds. The blinds separated slightly with two peering eye's. Back and forth with darting glances. Then they snapped back into place as the lights to the pub went out.
(If you enjoyed ole Josh Henderson, there is also a tale 'Josh Henderson's St. Patrick's Day.' And 'Josh Henderson's Easter.' This is a story for this years Halloween story contest 2004, so please vote / comment and or feedback. Thank You. Happy Halloween...Art~)