Judy and Blue Eyes

Sweet Judy and Blue Eyes

Things are never quite as scary when you have a best friend.

Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes.

What has to be given up is not the I but that false drive for self-affirmation, which impels man to flee from the unreliable, unsolid, unlasting, unpredictable, dangerous world of relation into the having of things. Martin Buber, I and Thou.

Judy was Jack's first real love: the first love where he was in love with his partner more than he was in love with the drug that is love. Jack was majoring in Chemistry at State and Judy was majoring in Philosophy. They met at the campus coffee house on open mike night during their sophomore year. Jack and his friend Peter did their version of Blue Eyes Smiling in the Rain and Judy was there to support some of her friends doing Greenland Whale Fisheries. It turned out that they shared a love of folk music and many other things besides.

By the spring term of their senior year, they had clandestinely lived together for two years. Both lived in the Barrow, one of the dorm buildings on campus. Nominally, Jack had a roommate, but Jack was really living on the third floor in Judy's single.

Senior years are filled with many things, and one of the important things is figuring out what do after college. Both were honors students. Judy had applications out to law schools while Jack intended to chase a PhD in physical chemistry. They coordinated their applications, hoping to have the option of going to the same school.

At the same time, both were trying to figure out what to do if attending the same school wasn't an option. In bull sessions with his friends, Jack said that while he wanted to keep things going with Judy, it just might not be possible.

He was sitting at the Rathskeller with his friends. The place was beer bar in the Campus District that catered to students. He took a long drink of beer. "It would be unfair for me to ask her to tag along to Madison if I'm lucky enough to get in there and she doesn't get into their law school. Her dream school is Lawrence. Their chem program is good. If we both get in there, I guess I'll go. It's not as good as Madison, but it's okay.

"If we don't get in at the same place, I guess we have to go our own way. It will suck, but there are other people. It's not like we've tried to build a life together." This last was said a little bitterly: Jack wanted to get an apartment off campus for their senior year. Judy wasn't ready to tell her family she was living with Jack. They could live together in the Barrow while maintaining plausible deniability to their families.

--o--

When Judy talked with her friends, the conversation was similar but not identical. Earlier that day, she had lunch with her best friend Susie at the Banh Mi Bakery a couple of doors down from the Rathskeller. She sipped her tea. Susie asked her what she was going to do if staying together wasn't an option.

"I wish I knew, Susie. I really wish I knew. There's a part of me that says, 'You're young: move on with your life.' But my heart says, 'You belong together.'" Judy wiped away a tear. "I think if it comes down to the hard choice I want to stay with him. I hope he feels the same way.

"But I really hope it doesn't come to that."

"So do I, Judy. You two are so right together. You and Jack are talking about this, aren't you?" There was silence at the other side of the table. "Judy! You know better than this!"

"We talked about it a lot when we were doing applications. Once they went out, I've been scared to talk with him about it. I don't want to jinx it."

"Jinx it? Jesus Christ, you know better than that."

"Heads and hearts have different understandings, Susie."

--o--

Late in March, they got letters from Lawrence. Both of them had been accepted. Jack was offered a teaching assistantship. The assistantship would fund most of his education. Judy was accepted at the law school. There was no money with the offer at the moment, but there was a possibility of scholarships soon. They blew off dinner at the commons to dress up and go a nice restaurant for a small celebration. Jack wore a grey herringbone blazer and khaki chinos while Judy wore a navy A-line midi with a canary yellow shirt.

The waiter came and took their orders. Jack ordered prime rib, Judy decided to go with seared scallops and risotto. After he took their order, Judy went to the ladies' room. When she returned she slipped something into the right side pocket of Jack's blazer. While Jack reached into the pocket to see what she placed there, Judy ran her foot up Jack's calf. When he felt a clump of silky cloth his eyebrows arched and he looked across the table at her.

"Let's play. It's going to take twenty minutes to make the risotto," she said with mischief in her voice. The tablecloth extended well below the table top. By this time, the toe of Judy's pump was tickling the back of his knee. Her foot withdrew briefly but quickly returned without the shoe.

Jack shrugged, thinking, 'why not?' He slipped the loafer off his right foot and used his big toe to stroke Judy's lower calf. He slowly worked his way up her left calf and reached the upper part of her thighs when their salads arrived. Judy's foot was in his lap by then, her toes stroking his erection through his trousers.

"Would you like some pepper on your salad, Miss?" asked the waiter.

"Nno, thank you," said Judy.

"You sir?" the waiter waited a moment, but Jack didn't reply. "Excuse me, sir, would you like me to grind some pepper over your salad?"

Jack got his attention away from his lap, "Yes, please. Just a couple of grinds." Jack winked at Judy as his sock-clad toe reached its goal. He said to her, "Prehensile toes are a nice convenience, aren't they," as he began rubbing small circles at the top of her slit, trapping her clit hood between his toe and her pubic bone.

She was working on his cock through several layers of cloth: the trousers, his boxers, and her stockings. She spoke softly, "No fair, buck-o. You go get those boxers off and leave your fly open for me!"

Jack smiled sweetly. "I didn't start this game, m'lady." He smiled broadly as he added, "But I do intend to finish it." His toe started working faster in Judy's crotch. Her breathing got a little ragged as she was pushed up Mt. Climax. She switched to deeper, more regular breaths.

She began whimpering quietly, "Oh, god. Oh...oh...oh...ohhhhhhh." Jack reached across the table and took her hand, checking her pulse.

"Game over?"

"Yes, game over," she agreed.

The waiter came sailing over with their dishes on a platter. Their salads were untouched. "Was there a problem with the salads," he asked. Jack discreetly pulled his foot out of Judy's crotch, and slipped it back into the loafer.

Judy replied, "No, not at all. We got lost in conversation. Please leave them with the entrees."

"As you wish. Here are your scallops and risotto." He placed the plate in front of her, with four beautifully seared sea scallops and a large serving of creamy, starchy, cheesy rice. "And for you sir, prime rib, medium rare, as you requested, with pommes frite." The waiter scowled a little at the sight of the French fries on the plate. "Enjoy your dinners, please. Can I get you some more water?"

Jack said, "No, thanks. We are fine."

"Very well. I will check on you soon," the waiter said as he left to check on another table.

"He knows," said Judy. "He knows what we were doing."

"No," said Jack. "He may suspect, but suspicion isn't knowledge. The tablecloth goes all the way to the floor. Besides, what are they going to do? Kick us out and eat a $50 tab? As long we aren't obvious, we're okay."

Judy shook her head, saying, "I hope you're right. I want to bring my parents here at graduation." They tucked into their dinners, eating the entrees before the salads.

--o--

On March 30, Judy got a letter telling her she was not accepted at Madison's law school. Two days later, Jack got an acceptance letter from the Chemistry department at Madison with a two-year fellowship: he would have nothing to do except study. He felt trapped on the horns of a dilemma. He decided not to tell Judy for a day or two while he figured out what to do. If she'd been accepted at their law school it would all be easy. If he'd been turned down, it would be easy. But his nightmare was true: he had a better offer at a place she couldn't go.

When Judy returned to the room from her seminar, Jack was sitting in a chair with his Martin guitar noodling aimlessly with circular scales.

In bed that night, Judy kissed him passionately. "I love you, Jack."

He replied, "I don't feel very lovable right now, but I love you."

"Something's bothering you -- I can tell."

He laughed. "Am I that obvious?"

"You've been staring at the walls all night. Your book was open, and there is a pencil on the notebook but you haven't written a thing all night. Instead, you're sitting there playing modal scales when you think you should be studying. The page is still blank, isn't it?" He nodded. "I can see it from here," she said.

"We belong to each other: I know you better than anyone. You know me better than anyone. I'd be worried if I couldn't tell. So, what's up?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing, huh?"

"Zero."

"Ah. Zero isn't nothing -- zero is probably the most consequential nothing in the history of science."

"I had to fall in love with a philosopher."

"You'll tell me eventually." Judy was a very practical person -- she put the troubles of tomorrow away to enjoy today. She leaned in closer to Jack. "Fuck me, Blue Eyes." Then she kissed him deeply, sliding her tongue between his lips, seeking his tongue. Their tongues met and began the dance of intimacy.

Jack reached down to cup Judy's smallish B cup breasts. He could more than cover one with his hand, and he loved doing it as he strummed on her nipple with his thumb. He stopped the strumming to rub circles on the areoles. Judy sighed with pleasure. "I love that," she said.

"I know," he replied.

She allowed her hand to drift down his chest and under the waistband of his basketball shorts. She didn't find what she expected there--his cock was still limp. She slipped down his chest and abdomen, kissing the landmarks as she passed them: the sternum between his breasts, his navel. She paused there to stick her tongue into it and wiggle it around. When she reached the waistband of the shorts, she pushed them over his hips and off his legs. His cock was about 3 inches long, and flaccid. She looked up his body, but his eyes were closed.

She gently picked it up and kissed the head. She had never seen him like this except immediately after climax. She took it into her mouth and began sucking and tonguing it, and he began to respond to her ministrations, but he never got fully hard.

"Goddam it, Jack? Are you even trying? What is going on?"

"I...I...I don't know," he said.

"Well, this is pointless." She crawled back up to the head of the bed, laid her head on her pillow and went to sleep.

--o--

The next day, Jack realized he had to tell Judy what was going on. He wasn't able to pay attention in his classes, and he wasn't able to study. That evening they were sitting at their desks. Judy was reading Buber's I and Thou while Jack was fiddling with some thermodynamics problems without getting anywhere.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not an it, am I?" Existentialism generates more questions than answers, and Buber left Judy in a place where she was questioning their relationship.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm in this relationship, too." This time she was emphatic.

"Uh, yeah? What are we talking about?"

"Us. We're talking about us."

"Okay. You're in this relationship too." Jack was still confused.

"Have you heard from Madison?"

"Um. I've been meaning to talk to you about that."

"We're here, so let's talk. Did you get in?"

"Yes. I was admitted to their program. I've been offered a two-year fellowship, renewable for two more years. No teaching duties, and no research responsibilities other than my own."

"That's as good as a deal gets."

"Yeah. Lawrence is offering a teaching assistantship."

"I remember. You'll need to do some teaching, you know."

"I'd rather do that later than sooner," Jack said.

Judy frowned, "I wish you'd told me when the letter arrived. It came yesterday, didn't it?"

"Yes. It arrived in the afternoon. It was a thin letter -- I was relieved until I opened it."

"Until you opened it? That doesn't make sense."

"I thought I'd been turned down. No decision to make."

Judy looked at him carefully. "Blue Eyes, is there a decision to make?"

"I think there is."

"Do I get a voice, or a vote?"

"Do you want a vote?"

"I think so, yes. At least I want a voice."

Jack frowned. He pulled his arms around himself. "Of course you get a voice. I'm not sure there's any voting to do."

"I guess not. We go to Lawrence together, or I go to Lawrence and you go to Madison." She sounded sad. "For the record, this really stinks. We each get our vote, and I think I've cast mine. I've no idea what I would do there if I wasn't going to school. I'm going to Lawrence." She started crying, silently. "I am yours; you are mine. Please come to Lawrence," she said through her tears. "What are you thinking, Jack?"

"I'm thinking about how much this sucks. I want to go to Madison. I want you. I thought you were sure to get in there."

"Obviously you were wrong. And I don't know why you'd think that. You're graduating summa. I'll go with honors. What are you going to do?"

He sat there silently, his eyes shining with tears. "I don't know."

He got up from his desk chair and went to hold Judy. He took her to the bed, and they laid on the covers holding each other. Eventually they fell asleep and woke when the rising sun broke through the window and lit the room brightly.

Don't it always seem to go

That you don't know what you've got

'Til it's gone?

Joni Mitchell, Big Yellow Taxi