Julian Falls in Love Ch. 06byBabyPink©
Julian decides to live his life as Emma -- permanently
There were a few awkward smiles at the breakfast table next morning as I sat with Lawrence, Lucy and Cassie. Each couple knew what the other one had been up to the previous night so we kept the topics of conversation pretty banal. My mind was really on more important matters, however. My desire to become a woman was fully cemented that weekend, outweighing any personal cost. My main worry was going back to work, even though I was doing a job I really enjoyed. It was bad enough pretending to be maIe but I also had to suffer the cheap jibes that were being made behind my back. I just couldn't face it and a feeling began to grow in me that I should hand in my notice and pursue another career path.
I confessed my feelings to Lucy when we were alone, doing the washing up together. She remained silent for a while, and then suddenly said: "why don't you come and work for me?"
"What do you mean, Lucy?"
"Well, Karen, my receptionist, is leaving in about six weeks. You could take over from her."
"But Lucy you can't have a male receptionist at a beautician's!"
"Who says anything about being male. You could wear your proper clothes and be the real you. In fact, you'd hardly need to go back to being Julian at all. I couldn't afford to pay you that much, but it would keep you going until you decided what else you wanted to do."
I was taken aback by the proposition and didn't know what to say for a while. Whilst the thought was incredibly attractive not to have to wear male clothes, Lucy was now a dear friend and confidante. I didn't know if I could relate to her in the same way if she were my boss.
"The customers would guess who I was Lucy!"
"No they wouldn't. You look, sound and move like a girl, Emma. I can assure you. Plus, you are intelligent and I'm sure you'd be an asset to my business."
I was always worried about my voice, but I had begun to do voice training by following a series of tapes to make my speech more authentically feminine.
"Let me think about it Lucy."
"Ok, but don't leave it too long sweetie."
We finished the washing-up and kissed the girls goodbye. It had been a lovely evening and we promised to do the same thing again soon. However, it was time to turn to more serious matters. I asked Lawrence to sit down while I told him of my wish to become a woman 'full-time'. I had thought long and hard about it and decided being Julian was intolerable. Unknown to me, Lawrence had been doing some research and had found someone he felt would be a sympathetic doctor, who had a clinic about thirty miles away. He said he would fix me up with an appointment. I sat on Lawrence's knee and kissed him. He had acceded to my wish without a demur, like the considerate man he was.
I also told Lawrence that life was becoming unbearable at work and that I planned to hand in my notice. He said he understood and would support me in anything I wanted to do. "I love you Lawrence," I said. "I couldn't cope without you." He pulled me to his chest and hugged me. With my parents now estranged from me, he was my sole support in the world. We continued kissing and caressing, and eventually Lawrence lifted my nightdress, removed my panties, and made love to me on the sofa. I have never felt so in need of sex as in that week, when I felt so vulnerable. Lawrence rose to the challenge manfully, understanding I desperately needed him very close to me.
Work was as bad as I expected. There were hints everywhere that I was not wanted. There was even a lingerie catalogue left on my desk with a note to say I might be interested in it. I couldn't take any more so I took the plunge, gave week's notice, and decided to accept Lucy's offer. I was nervous about that but even more nervous about the appointment I had with Dr Sharp at the gender reassignment clinic. I was seriously frightened that she would tell me to get back to being male and stop all this silliness about wanting to be a girl.
The morning of the appointment came. I fussed and fretted about what to wear. On the one hand, I wanted to appear feminine; on the other, I didn't wish to give the impression of being slutty. In the end I settled for my blue denim mini skirt with a lilac blouse and black tights, together with some calf-length red boots, it now being quite cold with the onset of winter.
We drove about 45 minutes until we got to the clinic and got out of the car. My heart was in my mouth as we walked into reception and were told to sit down and wait. After a few minutes a middle-aged lady with a friendly demeanour walked out to greet us. "Hello, I'm Barbara Sharp. You are Lawrence and Emma I take it? Nice to meet you. Please step into my office."
We shook hands and sat down. "Now then my dear. I understand you wish to be considered for gender reassignment surgery, Emma?" Her use of my feminine name endeared me to her right away and made me feel a little more at ease.
"That's right, Doctor Sharp."
"Please, no formalities here. It's Barbara. Well I deal with the psychological side of things here. I don't perform the operations. They are dealt with by my colleague, Doctor Fallowes. What I'm going to do today, my dear, is to give you a thorough physical examination and have a long chat with you about what's brought you to this stage. I'd like you to leave us for a couple of hours or so Lawrence, if that's all right?"
"No problem, Barbara. I'll make myself scarce." It was a picturesque little town where the clinic was situated and no doubt he would be able to pass the time quite pleasantly.
Barbara locked the door so we would not be disturbed. Now, I'd like you to undress behind the screen Emma, and lie on the couch." I removed my blouse, shoes, skirt and tights and emerged from behind the screen, rather nervously. "Please take off your bra and panties, dear. Trust me, there's nothing I haven't seen."
Reluctantly, I removed my underwear, false boobs and vagina then lay on the couch, completely naked and feeling extremely vulnerable. Barbara sensed this. "Please relax dear. There's absolutely nothing to worry about."
She examined me, took a blood sample, then told me to dress. We then spoke at length about my upbringing and how my first signs of girlishness came to light. It was the first time in my life I had ever spoken to anyone about this. Barbara was a good listener, and I poured out my heart to her. At one point I became very emotional and started to cry. She very gently put her arm around my shoulder and dried my tears with a tissue. "Don't be afraid to cry, my dear. A lot of patients react the same way when they talk to me about their problems."
I must say the conversation with Doctor Sharp was very cathartic. At the end of it I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. "Well, Emma, I'd like you to come back in a weeks' time if that's OK. I'll consult with Doctor Fallowes and make a recommendation based on what you've told me. In the meantime, please don't worry. I'll do what is best for you."
Barbara had such a reassuring tone that, when I left with Lawrence, I felt better than I had done in a long time. However, I still had an irrational fear that Barbara would refuse my request contemptuously.
That week crawled by. Coincidentally, the day of my appointment with Barbara was also the day following my last day at work. I felt a huge sense of relief as I left for the last time.
The butterflies were fluttering in my stomach as we drove to the clinic. Barbara greeted us in her usual pleasant manner and asked us to sit down. "Well, Emma I have studied your case thoroughly and consulted with Doctor Fallowes. We have concluded you are suffering from severe gender dysphoria and recommend reassignment surgery. In my fifteen years here I have never known a more needy case, you poor angel."
I couldn't help it. I just burst into tears. Lawrence put his arm around my shoulder to comfort me and it was a good five minutes before I regained my composure.
"Are you all right now, my dear? We insist that you live fully as a woman for a year before surgery and also that you take a course of hormones. I could give you your first injection now if Lawrence would excuse us."
After he'd left, Barbara had me bend over her desk while she lowered my tights and panties and injected me in my bottom. She also gave me a supply of hormone creams to rub on my chest, thighs and bottom to give me a more curvy shape.
"Don't expect these to work overnight. You might not see a noticeable effect for three months, perhaps six. I'd also like you to show you some photos of how our girls look 'down there' after surgery because we take a great pride in our results. But perhaps we'll leave that for a later date. I will also perform electrolysis treatment to remove any unwanted facial hair, with your permission of course. But you have such a nice complexion anyway and such a lack of male hormones, that it shouldn't need to go on for very long. I want you to come back here every two weeks but if there is anything you need to discuss please feel free to ring. I'm always here for you. Oh, and I've arranged for you to have some feminine voice training with a colleague. It's very important for your sense of identity."
I was in a daze, but it was a happy daze. Everything had happened so quickly! I felt strong, I felt confident. An idea suddenly entered my head.
"Lawrence, could you drop me off at the shopping centre. I need to buy an outfit for my new job next week."
He gave me a strange look. "Are you sure darling? By yourself?" He was incredulous but I was insistent. "OK I'll wait in the car park. Ring me on my mobile if you need me."
So for the first time in my life I walked alone into the ladies section of a major department store and perused the modest knee-length skirts. I wanted one for my new job. I found a nice navy-blue pleated skirt that was to my liking and took it to the changing rooms to try on. I wasn't unnerved at all by the females in various stages of undress, although it wasn't too busy with it being a weekday afternoon.
It was a perfect fit so I took it to the check-out and paid for it. The female assistant took my money without demur. I walked to the car park in a state of total exhilaration and quickly located Lawrence's car. I got in. Lawrence's face was beaming as he expressed how much he was proud of me. We kissed deeply. I had never felt so much a woman and was determined to make even greater progress over the coming months.
Our lovemaking was especially intense that night. We both came to orgasm several times before we collapsed exhausted into bed. I gave myself over to Lawrence utterly and you could tell that he found my submissiveness extremely gratifying.
I was now looking forward to my new job, but still with a certain degree of nervousness.