Julie and Matt

Julie Mead became more angry as the recent cell phone conversation kept looping in her mind.

"Julie, look. I just don't think we are a good match. The problem is with me."

"I understand."

"It's just that.....well.....I'm not....."

"It's OK, Tom. Good bye."

She was ready to throw the cell phone across the living room when the doorbell rang. She sat still waiting for the person to leave. But after the third ring, she cursed quietly and marched to the door.

"Yes, Matt."

He stared for a long moment as she wiped her red eyes.

"I just wanted to ask if you would take in my mail while I'm gone this week."

"Of course. I'm glad to."

His head dropped a little asking, "Are you OK?"

"Yes, thank you. Everything is fine," she replied clutching the doorknob.

"It's OK Julie, I know you're upset. Wiping away tears is a pretty good giveaway unless you're cutting up onions. Would you like to talk about it?"

Julie felt a warm rush cover her face. She looked down at the threshold.

"Not now, it's personal."

"Meaning, you might want to talk about it later?" he asked with a nervous grin as she looked up.

"Probably not," she replied slamming the door.

Julie leaned against the frame. She heard him move slowly down the porch steps then saw him through the lace curtains on the living room window walking on the driveway toward the garage apartment. Once he was out of sight she closed and locked the window then drew the curtain. Tears resumed by the time she sat on the recliner.

"Dammit!! It's just not fair! Why should I be punished like this?" she cried out loud.

The brief phone conversation with Tom and talking with Matt competed for attention. Then a new thought appeared.

"Why are you angry with Matt? After all, he was only trying to help."

She sat still for a moment trying to defend shutting the door in his face then conceded it was harsh. Julie gently rubbed both eyes and called him. She felt her pulse accelerate as the line began to ring. Her shoulders relaxed when the answering machine began playing its message.

"Matt? This is Julie. I'm sorry for shutting the door in your face. Don't worry, your mail will be waiting on your kitchen table when..."

Matt interrupted her saying, "Julie, I'm sorry for prying and getting you all upset. It was none of my business."

Silence dominated as both waited for the other to keep the conversation moving.

"Look," said Matt, "if I promise not to ask what's bothering you, can we stay friends?"

"I know you were trying to help. I just lost my temper is all. We'll always been friends, Matt."

"Then how about dinner tonight?"

"But, you just said you were going away for spring break week."

"True. But I don't leave until tomorrow."

"Well in that case, I suppose the answer is yes."

"Great. Can I pick you up at seven?"

"Seven is fine."

"Thanks. I'll see you then. Bye."

She was smiling again and it felt wonderful. "Why am I willing to go out with him now?" she wondered.

Memories came to her of meeting him and his wife the first time 7 years ago; their many talks when he brought the rent; the hurt she felt when he explained the marriage breaking up; how hard she worked to stay neutral while he was rebounding from their divorce 3 years ago; his wit and how he can laugh at himself; how handsome he was.

The last thought hit her like a truck.

"Yes," she concluded, "He is handsome. Over six feet tall, black and gray hair, blue eyes and 53 years old like me. Why have I never noticed before? Maybe it's because he's my tenant. I shouldn't be dating my tenant; should I? Or maybe I noticed and stayed quiet because of that talk Mary and I had before their divorce."

Dating propriety was easy to determine because she reasoned there was no law prohibiting landlords and tenants being seen in public.

"So why do I feel like a boundary is being crossed? I'm overthinking. This was simply a dinner between two friends who also happen to be landlord and tenant."

The issue seemed settled as she went to her bedroom, set the alarm for 5:30, then promptly fell asleep.

After waking up, showering and dressing, she looked closely at herself in the bathroom mirror. The face was of a woman who has loved and battled life. The eyes were bright blue but with a hint of sadness. Her make-up was light and the lipstick was an earth tone shade. Her graying brown hair was a short feminine cut. She did a final review of her outfit and was pleased.

Julie sat on her couch fearing he would cancel at the last minute. She glanced at the mantle clock when she heard the car and smiled seeing it was straight up 7:00. Julie made a final adjustment to her dark blue top, smoothed the flattering gray skirt, pushed her hair over the ears then opened the door.

"Wow! You look even more beautiful than usual," said Matt. "Is that a new outfit?"

"No," she said matter-of-factly trying not to blush, "I just wear it for special occasions or when I want to make up for slamming a door. In this unique case, it is both."

Matt admired her for a few moments then held out his arm. She laced her hand through it. "You know", said Matt as they walked to the car, "this is the first time you and I have been together away from your place."

He noticed the brief hesitation in her walk.

Matt opened the passenger door. Just before getting in, she turned to Matt and asked, "This isn't some kind of pity date because you saw me crying, is it?"

"No, this is an evening out between two friends. Nothing more, nothing less," he said.

"Good. I've had my fill of pity dates".

"What do you mean?" he asked as she got into the car.

"Never mind."

Both felt uncomfortable riding in silence. She wanted to say something but her mind was blank. Every idea was shot down faster than a champion video gamer.

The University Steak & Seafood restaurant was well known and usually packed on Fridays. But because of spring break almost all the college students and much of the faculty were gone. There was the obligatory small talk about the great food and wine, the ambiance, and the weather interspersed with long periods of quiet. The evening wasn't going as smoothly as she hoped but Matt finally broke the ice by saying, "Julie, look. I'm sorry for asking you to explain about a pity date. I think I understand what it means but, frankly, I can't imagine why anyone would date you out of pity."

Taking his hand she replied, "It was my fault. There are some things about me I'm reluctant to talk about. When I share them with my dates, they either say it's not an issue and we go out on one last date. Or, they just stop calling. It's like I'm contagious, or something."

Julie felt uneasy holding his hand but not enough to stop.

"Maybe you could run it by me. After all, I am a male, we're not dating, and I could give you some feedback," he said. He made no effort to remove his hand.

"He sounds sincere. But I'm tired of sharing my life and have guys disappear. Still, if this were a true friendship he would quit asking what's bothering me then apologizing for it."

The prolonged silence left Matt began feeling uneasy. She swallowed hard then spoke in a low voice, "Not right now. Another time, OK?"

Matt sensed he had upset her. He saw some fear and a little irritation on her face. Most of all, though, he saw sorrow.

"Of course, Julie. Just know that I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Matt. I appreciate that."

She pulled her hand back and the vulnerable moment ended as quickly as it began.

"Where are you are going over spring break?" asked Julie.

"Professor Smoot has a cabin on Wilson Lake. He invites a group of us there so we can talk, exchange ideas, fish, and just get away from the regular grind of teaching. He's done it for years. Because he is head of all faculty, a few including me are there to help size up the new instructors and staff. This is his unofficial way of considering people for future promotions. Kind of like corporate executives playing a round of golf with the underlings."

"So you're not being considered for any promotion? I'm surprised."

Matt smiled saying, "Smoot knows I am happy teaching economics. There is a certain amount of politics involved moving up the academic ladder and I don't like to play that game."

The drive back was filled with light conversation about the night sky, how quiet the town is during spring break and summer vacation plans, as well as favorite books, movies, music and TV shows. The simple banter put them back at ease.

"Thank you for the meal and being so concerned. Would you like to come inside for a cup of coffee?" asked Julie as they pulled into the driveway.

Matt wanted to stay but feared he had done enough damage for one day.

"Thanks, but I'd better not. I've got to finish packing so I can get away early tomorrow."

Julie hoped he would agree to come inside. He walked her up to the porch. Taking both hands in his, he looked at her. It was like seeing someone for the first time. He had never really appreciated her beauty. The new intense feelings of attraction scared him.

"Thanks for going out with me."

"It was my pleasure, Matt. You are a great friend who tried to help me when I was down. When you get back, maybe we can talk about my 'little secret'". She made air quotes with her fingers and smiled impishly.

"It would be an honor. I always like talking with you."

"I think you mean that."

"More than you know."

After staring at each other's feet for a while, Matt cleared his throat and said, "Well, I better get going."

He kissed her lightly on the left cheek while she hugged his shoulders. On an impulse, she gave him a quick peck on his jaw saying, "Thanks for being a caring friend. I had a wonderful time."

"Believe me, the pleasure was all mine." Feeling an embarrassing bulge forming in his pants, Matt wheeled around toward the car. He looked repeatedly over his shoulder, smiling broadly, taking care not to fall down the porch steps.

Julie stood waiting for him to be out of sight before going in. Shielded by the open car door, Matt turned and said "I would feel much better watching you go in so I'll know you're safe."

She smiled, made a final wave, then unlocked the entry. She turned for a last look at Matt as his door closed. He backed out of the driveway, drove around the block and down the alley to the parking spot adjoining the apartment. Walking up the stairs he looked across the back yard to the few lights in her house.

"Why did I never notice how beautiful she is before today?"

Julie stayed in the back of his mind all during packing. He desperately wanted to know what would make such an attractive woman cry but decided there had been enough clumsy snooping for one day. He finished getting everything together and put the items by the door before going to bed.

Meanwhile, Julie emptied the dishwasher glancing occasionally out the window toward Matt's apartment. The few lights on caused her to wonder what he was doing. A replay of the days events from Matt's first appearance at her door to watching him drive away played through her mind.

She watched a little TV, with thoughts of Matt popping up regularly. She liked him very much but began wondering how far the relationship should go. She decided to wait and not rush into anything because their friendship was too important. Feeling good about the chosen course of action, she turned off the TV and went to bed.

Matt tossed and turned all night thinking of her beauty and vulnerability. He wanted to be a knight and subdue the beast threatening her. The revelation along with trying to decide how long he had felt attracted to her kept him up until early morning.

The telephone alarm was on the sixth obnoxious melody when Matt woke up. He quietly cursed over feeling so tired and getting started later than planned. After showering and dressing, he grabbed his things, locked the door, and walked down the stairs. He glanced at her house hoping to see her one more time but all was quiet.

Putting the car in gear, Matt wondered why going to a cabin for a week was more important than Julie.

"I really want to be with her. I blew it last night by being so damn nosey." he thought. "It's probably best to be gone for the week."

The further he got from town, the more Julie occupied his thoughts. After about 45 minutes he stopped at a convenience store to get snacks and a drink. When he returned to the car he realized there was only food on his hand.

"Where the hell is the coffee?" he asked as though someone would answer. "I know I bought some because my hand is still warm."

The clerk at the store was no help at first. She remembered Matt buying the coffee and snacks and swore Matt walked out with both then she glanced outside.

"Is that your car at pump 3?" she asked.

"Yeah," replied Matt.

She grinned saying, "Looks like your coffee is on the roof."

Matt turned to see the large cup sitting like a beacon on top of the car. Both had a good laugh as Matt walked toward the car.

"What is wrong with me? I'm acting like a teenager instead of a man in his 50s," he wondered. Julie immediately came to mind and he couldn't shake it. He thought about the cabin, Professor Smoot, rubbing elbows with some of the faculty and making mental notes about the new staff.

The idea of driving another hour and a half was less appealing than driving back to town. Starting the car, he debated about going to the cabin or back to see Julie. By the time the car was in position to go right or left, Matt decided. Driving seemed to take a life of its own. He noticed feeling more anxious the closer he got to the apartment. The anxiety changed to disappointment when he saw the empty car port.

With a heavy sigh, he drove around to the alley and parked. He carried his gear up the stairs dropping everything onto the floor. He made a quick phone call to Professor Smoot explaining not feeling well and that he would just stay in town. The professor was understanding though a little mystified because Matt had seemed healthy on Friday morning.

He went to his bed and lay down, hands behind his head, looking at the ceiling but seeing Julie. After a few moments of wondering if coming back was such a good idea, he felt his heart race on hearing a familiar brake squeal.

Julie saw his car as she reached for grocery bags from the back seat.

"He must have forgotten something," she thought.

She grabbed all the plastic sacks, kicked the car door closed and walked to her kitchen door at the rear. Putting the groceries away gave her opportunities to look at Matt's car and apartment.

"How long does it take to park, go upstairs, get the stuff, and leave? Maybe he is ill? If he is sick, the last thing he will want is company. Maybe I'll call him after dinner to make sure everything is OK."

Late in the afternoon, Julie retrieved mail from their adjacent mail boxes. She laid his mail down on the dining table when the phone rang.

"Julie? This is Matt"

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I saw you getting the mail and wondered when would be a good time to get it."

"Why aren't you at the lake? Did you forget something?"

"No...I'm staying here for spring break."

"Oh?" said Julie sitting down to better focus on the conversation.

"Yeah...," said Matt, "It's a long story I'd like to tell you about."

"Well, I think I can work you in if you'd like to come over now. Just a minute."

She muttered into the phone, "Saturday...Saturday. Saturday." "Here it is," she said triumphantly. "I have a conference call with the Governor's task force on Landlord / Tenant Reform, followed by a Zoom conference with the Mayor, but they can wait."

He imagined the twinkle in her eye and the dimple which was always a sure indicator of mischief.

Smiling broadly he replied, "I'm so grateful you can work me in. I'll be right over."

Matt's confidence was short lived. The moment she opened the front door, he felt like an adolescent on his first date. He was acutely aware of everything he said or did. He stared at the mail she put in his hand. He stammered out a simple "thank you" and seemed frozen,

"Are you OK, Matt? You look agitated."

He was feeling weak staring at the mail they were both holding. Finally, he stammered, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Would you like to sit down for a moment?"

"Yeah, thanks."

He looked intently at the floor walking in long stiff steps toward the couch. He sat on the edge looking at the top piece of mail now on the small table. Julie walked past him and sat in the recliner.

After a few moments of silence, Julie said, "That must be a very important new credit card offer."

"Mmmm...what?"

"I said you that must be a very important credit card offer the way you keep staring at the envelope."

"Oh, yeah," replied Matt laughing nervously.

"Matt, is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Well, sort of. I mean, yes, but I don't want to. I mean that it's personal. It's about us."

"We're good friends, Matt. It's OK if you don't want to talk."

Her reassurance made him more determined.

"I didn't go to the cabin because I want to be here with you. I sat in the apartment all afternoon wrestling with this. I know it's stupid but the further I got away from town, the more I wanted to be with you. Frankly, it scares me because..."

"Because what?" she asked after an uncomfortable silence.

His words sounded angry and hurried.

"Because I discovered last night that I have feelings for you and I may have had them for a long time. Either I didn't know it or didn't want to admit it."

"What happened last night?"

"I'm not sure. I think it was a combination of the great time we had and trying to comfort you. Anyway, I woke up not wanting to do anything but see you again. I wonder now if I was attracted to you before Mary and I divorced. Maybe wanting you helped bring about our divorce. But I don't think so because you never said or did anything to encourage me."

He tried to read her face but there was no hint of what she was thinking. He stood up muttering about needing to leave.

"Don't go," she said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because I want to tell you something."

Matt looked into her troubled eyes then sat down.

"First, I enjoyed last night very much. It was fun going out with you and you were a perfect gentleman."

"But, I'm not your type so we can only be friends, right?" He sounded tired and cynical.

"No, that's not it," she replied slightly irritated. After a few moments, she said, "I am glad to hear you say I never did anything to encourage you. Because, I worked hard to stay neutral. You see, I knew about Mary and Professor Jurgens for some months before you found out."

Leaning forward his face changed to anger.

"Excuse me? You knew and didn't bother to tell me? EVERYBODY knew about the affair except me! Even the damn cleaning crew at school knew about it! Why the hell didn't you tell me? Did you just enjoy watching the soap opera unfold and not want it to stop? Was it like having a real life version of 'Days of Our Lives' at your back door?"

Her narrowing eyes bored into his. Seeing her cheeks flushed with anger and her squirming to stay composed, Matt realized too late what he had done. He stood up to leave.

"Sit down, Matt. I'm not finished yet!"

Matt reluctantly sat down.

"I didn't want to tell you because there was no need to butt in and risk ruining the marriage. I know you loved Mary and, at one time anyway, she probably loved you. I saw Professor Jurgens with her when I came back from some shopping. They were just getting out of his car when I drove up and they seemed very nervous. Later, she explained that he was an out of town friend just visiting for the day. It seemed funny the way they were acting so jumpy, but I didn't dream they were lying. This happened when you were at some conference in Denver."