All Comments on 'June Gets Even: Fallout Ch. 01'

Feedback wanted...

Entirely satisfied thus far in every way with the story...I too don't like the wimp endings and don't believe in reconciliation at any cost.......

Wished you had given more details of Them tying up their partners. it was confusing until the End.

I read the original once I saw they were co-dependent

Forgive me but Jerry and Mary are the last ones to have the right to be indignant here. As painful as it might have been June and Ralph had every right to do as they did and then let Jerry and Mary be part of the decision if they felt like it they were the injured parties here.

Cause and effect in context gang -

Once every one was on a level playing field then you decide how to move forward, as for the unlawful detention etc that is a joke in context they willingly participated as part of an expected sexual session with a spouse, even during the description is that neither continued to make any real effort to leave during the fun.

Steve

People talk with contractions. Reading every word spelled out seems stilted and awkward.

When I read how Ralph had fucked up the marriage and her life, I thought, What the fuck? She has an affair behind his back. He gets payback and she hates HIM?

I stopped reading when Nancy, Jerry's lawyer started the scorched earth for June getting even conversation. How can a story based on so much BS be worth reading. I hope June and Ralph take both Jerry and Mary to the cleaners -- emotionally, financially and socially.

I don't believe revenge fucks solve anything but where are you going with this?

We'll see...

he sucked a mean cock, had a reamed cornhole, betrayed!

why try? Disgusting...

This version suffers from the same problem as the original - it doesn't feel authentic. It lacks emotion, the dialogue is wooden, and the time frame of events is unrealistic. This version totally ignores the husbands culpability. I understand the desire for him to now get revenge. However, he is painted as a saint in this story. Mary's mother welcomes him to the family?

go into having revenge, TK U MLJ LV NV

fairiee tale writer. nother one claiming to be a hero?????????????

1 star

is Keep On Trucking. TK U MLJ LV NV

For not trying to throw pearls before swine.

Good from beginning to end.

I read these stories where the wronged spouse gives a "deposition'" to their own lawyer. That's not a "deposition" in the legal sense, it's merely a statement, and without the other party and/or their lawyer present it would be virtually worthless. It's also absolutely inadmissible in court, unless it's a dying declaration, which would be irrelevant in a divorce proceeding.

This is awful writing. Your grasp of the language is tenuous at best e.g. "Mary Ann did not have the full pitcher ..." in chapter 1. Was she holding a vessel of liquid or a member of a baseball team? Or perhaps you meant picture i.e. a visual representation?

At times your writing is incomprehensible e.g. "Jerry went to her and he thought he looked like shit, but Mary, she looked worse... " makes no sense whatsoever.

The writing style is monotonous and pedestrian- every line seems to start with a 'Jerry said", ' Mary said', and so on until the reader feels as if their head is being pounded with soggy spaghetti.

Please get some editorial assistance if you are going to continue to write!

I think I know what stories you are referring to, but I'm not sure. And without any back ground this made little sense. And the writing was awful. You really need an editor.

Great start. Looking forward to continuing the next chapter.

negative anon comments automatically qualify the anon poster as a putz. Sign up. It's free you worm. Second, my thanks to the author for cleaning up the mess that was the original story.

another cocksucking WIMP posting dumb cuck SHIT.

Jerry is no cuckold you idiot dumb redneck (<85 IQ). He left left June as soon as he could. He filed divorce papers immediately.

So far, a fairly realistic response from Mary & Jerry. The original didn’t give any indication whether they had an emotional bond, vs. just sex. This story builds on the emotional bond, and resulting damage... although I’d think neither would care to see the other the very next day. June must be stupid. The protection order alone should have alerted her that a judge heard the story, and that the response is serious. Adultery isn’t going to cancel-out imprisonment when it reaches court; least of all since it’s imprisonment for more adultery. June is dumb as a rock.

As a ‘continuation’ of the original - EVERYTHING was preposterous.

Ignoring *that* significant matter, I would consider reading your own stories - simply because you made the effort to write anything - but in combination with just how ridicule-rich your ‘continuation’ of a ‘not bad’ story was - the poor writing squashed that idea.

Fallout for you I suppose.

For fuxx sake tell me that is not the ending, you got me interested and now.......

Goofy

4. Pretty interesting. I was not a fan of the original story with just how cruel June and Ralph were, got more then even, and wound up with Jerry and Mary the victims especially with tying them up but meekly accepting it. I like that this story is running with them being victims but not taking it lying down. Jerry and Mary messed up, no doubt, but June and Ralph took their own revenge too far.

1 star. I don't remember the original story, but if they did cheat, I fail to appreciate why they didn't deserve what they got. Especially Mary, since she'd have gotten to fuck over her husband in the divorce (at least, Jerry would suffer financially if his wife simply divorced him without any revenge). I also don't get why June wanted her cheating asshole ex husband back, but that's her problem.

Yes what they did was technically illegal. But it was just and ethical.