All Comments on 'Just Once... I Do Mind, But...'

Story flowed well and was enjoyable You accidentily repeated your story twice in text so needs a edit

I haven't read one of these yet that I considered a decent story.

Rick's guilt is misplaced, and there is NO amount of justification for him to accept Marcey back. Disappointing or not, her deliberate betrayal and his acceptance are both nauseating.

Decent first attempt. I would suggest getting someone to proof read it before posting. Story wise, this would qualify as a RAAC (reconcile at all cost). What doesn't make sense in your story is why didn't he contact Dierdre to find out what her version was of what happened. This point is covered in every other version of the story; in all those versions he and Dierdre were still friends, and in only 1 version did they become a couple after he filed for divorce from Marcy. Marcy really should have paid attention to the old proverb - when seeking revenge, did two graves. Sorry, but your story doesn't fit what happened in the setup, based on his background. Rick would have divorced Marcy, and he would have contacted not only the hospital but also Doctors without Borders, and all the spouses of the medical professionals that went on this trip. This would have been a major scandal for the hospital, and probably several divorces would have been the result. I can see in the future family holidays would be split, and if they had to attend an event together (i.e. one of their children's weddings) you could bet they wouldn't sit anywhere near one another. Can you imagine a DJ at their kid's wedding announcing that it was time for the parents to dance? Either Rick & Marcy would dance with their new partners, or all you would hear would be crickets... i.e. Hell would freeze over before Rick would ever touch Marcy again. Bottom line - you didn't address some major issues, and your story line didn't match the characters and the story - this should have ended in divorce. Whether he went BTB after Marcy is debatable, but Trey deserved what he got. At the very least he should have moved out and served her with divorce papers and a simple letter explaining exactly what happened with Dierdre, and that he never wanted to see or communicate with her again for as long as they lived.

Total unadulterated cluster f@ck. Next time EDIT Athens mess before you submit…!!!

1 star

You were right….. to long and tedious Read half of first page and a little of last. but hey you tried

Pretty much a hot mess.

Oops.

A good first effort.

Well done.

This failed on all levels. He had a sexual encounter while in shock in a war zone. His failing is not confessing his transgression to his wife. That is cowardly, so much for being a Marine. After finding out about his affair, does the wife confront her husband? No she goes nuclear expecting him to accept it. Garbage in, garbage out. The only outcome from the story as written is divorce. Again we are talking about a male character who has survived violent conflict, alpha male ego. Her disrespect can not be glossed over as written. Sorry not buying the plot. **

Did you even read the original?

Did you post it twice ?

One of the best sequels.

Obviously something went wrong. The story was repeated, making it seem much longer than it was (a good thing).

Not sure how to comment because her actions weren’t a one night mistake. What she did was evil. It would have been more like real life if she had spoken to him about what happened but then there would be no story. Thanks for the effort 3 stars.

With the exception of two typos and uploading the story twice, pretty good.

What a fuck up, a real mess. Thank you for the story, but honestly it wasn’t any good.

The publishing mess up just made a bad story worse.

Better luck next time

Scores 1/5

An exercise in RAAC offered by a pretentious author who affected such an air of superiority that he felt we lesser mortals needed interpretation of his drivel. Both in English and USA speak ---really? This piece of fluff was so far from reality in assessing the thoughts and feelings of a disrespected vet, especially one who had been through the sandbox shithole where he had left brothers behind. The actions of his wife would have completely destroyed the foundations of trust that saw him through and thus be unforgivable.

If this was 'written from thought processes rather than an emotional standpoint' as the author professes he needs to understand that these are irretrievably linked for those who have served at the sharp end.

Wow..well I hope you enjoy the critiques that your story will generate.

Page 1

Your story makes me feel like putting a boot in his annoying wishy washy ass more than hers. But it did make me feel.

What's up with the double paste lately. Second story I have seen. Who is reviewing or isn't reviewing is a better question

Couldn’t finish it. Too many pussies in this marriage.

Really, really bad. Totally incomplete.

Why did you simply duplicate this stupid story? I thought maybe you realised how weak and pathetic you wrote him to be and had also written something a tad stronger. Boy, was I mistaken. Just a friggen copy of the first.

So, your story. The way you've written him, him being a former high ranking officer, makes him weak, submissive and pathetic. An absolute disgusting human being. "Oh, it was all my fault" is practically what you wrote. This guy would have destroyed Dr Trey's career. Contacted the Hospital HR and informed them of what was happening. He also would have informed Penny's husband what she was doing. Why should only his cheating slut wife get exposed. No need for all that crap about "I'm going to get you shit" to Trey when he returned. As he had said, it was not worth ruining his own life by physically beating Trey up. The Hospital could do that with the doctors career. As for the slut wife... tell the kids, show them her letter... then divorce the bitch. What the hells the matter with you. Six weeks she got deliberately porked by the slimy doctor. All planned in advance. Anyone with any degree of backbone and self respect would have made a decision after a few days thinking about it.

Not good - you should have picked a different story.

Stop writing ! I could not read till the end !

Not a bad follow on, but why was the story repeated twice more???

Once was enough.

I gave up on page 2 and went to the last page to see the ending. Ugh it was a mess. Better luck next time.

Thank you all for the kicks to the ribs. I guess it git what it deserved.

Just awful.

Sorry, not a little bit interesting! 1*

Probably not the worst If You Don't Mind sequel, but it could be. The dithering and mental blather while Marcy was enjoying her African fuck fest was tedious and unfocused, like you were just trying to kill time. The meat of the story was the airport confrontation and then the brief description of their reconciliation until the asshole got his balls stomped. And that was less than 1 page. So there was A Lot of weak monologue and interaction that added very little to the story in relation to its length; boring. Unbelievable that the smug arrogant doctor just took his beating and left. Overall mediocre. But thanks for the effort.

Just OK. Not much different than the others and of course he fortunately had friends that could deal the punishment to Trey. I would prefer in this case a more BTB. The Dr does get his fingers smashed along with the knee caps. Of course he gets his dick chopped off as well. Marcie should get some form of punishment as well. Maybe a rape her or there so she always looks over her back. Never would he get back with her. Divorce and move out.

Hmmmm. For a man of action the first page was all indecision. Just another cuck taking back a used whore.

Author obviously does not have the intelligence to check what he is uploading, which says a lot. I disagree that any protagonist should be able to inflict permanent physical damage on another person without consequences. Story just had very little interest.

Just plain bad.

What a mess. These follow ups have to stop. Most of them are worthless. Like this one.

Crap

If this is your idea of not a raac I would hate to see what you think of as a raac. On his knees kissing her asshole begging her to come home ?

You tried, but it is all but impossible to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear — hard to make anything out of the original.

Why not include the second letter as the finale?

I was so thankful to see that the story was doubled up, and there was no reason to continue reading after getting thru the first part. Please, you had some things you wanted to say, and you said them, and then figured out a different way to say them, so we got another version, and then another, and another. There were some good parts, some funny lines, could have been a good story, but so much could have been left out and we wouldn't have missed anything.

As another commenter noted, did this author read the original? Does he understand the characters at all? This zero chance of this story being a possibility. An officer, in charge of actions in wartime that affect whether men live or die in real time would not take weeks to decide on a course of action in response to this amount of disrespect.

The writing shows promise. Lack of editing or a technical glitch?

You simply can’t write this as a reconciliation story and make it work. 1/5

At least Trey got his.

This was a disaster from beginning to end. Rick was a vacillating ass-hat, even as you harped on his being a retired USMC officer. By the way, MARINES ARE NOT SOLDIERS, and SOLDIERS ARE NOT MARINES. Marine’s wife would NEVER refer to her husband as a soldier, and an Army wife would never call her husband a Marine.

If she was not able stand five months without sex, how did she manage when he was deployed? Sure seems like she cheated the entire time. If they had fully separated he would have seen her true self.

I thought it was a pretty good treatment of the situation the MC finds himself in.

I don't think they were 'even' in any sense of the word. But, I get it.

cucks get one star

Really terrible version of the original. Very hard to read get an editor! Maybe writing isn’t your thing many other hobbies out there though. Please stop writing.

So Rick WAS a willing cuckold! Marcy went way beyond a revenge fuck and was amazingly disrespectful of Rick. She could have done it without rubbing it in and also without setting him up with a tart. She didn't really love him, she just want to twist the knife by hanging on to him for the rest of her life. This conclusion makes Rick weak and helpless.

I just can’t read another version of this story. Sorry, I just cannot

I liked that he confronted them at the airport and that Trey was actually punished. The rest was pretty horrible. I was actually glad that you double-posted as it wasn't good enough to read 5 pages of it.

Your first effort was an unoriginal attempt of a story, that has been ruined by the constant regurgitation. Complete with apparent nonexistent proof reading. If you choose a second attempt, perhaps a better effort.

I suspect you have never actually met a retired field grade officer.

I have even been turned down for jury duty, the defense thinks we follow the rules to much and are strict

No way in this story setup would he have kept her.

Story has to at least be believable.

You need to write a justification for the ending you want.

Just another RAAC. Despite the bluster, just a weak, needy, cuck of a husband character at his core.

MC totally discards basic training: assess, evaluate, plan, respond.

.

MC is a self flagellating wimp with an ability to understanding human nature far to the left on the austic scale.

.

She is a darn good manipulator.

The doubled story says you maybe didn't review everything before publishing your story. The writing was pretty good. As to your plot line, I just can't get my head around any guy accepting what she did. She became a serial cheater and grossly disrespected her husband. Yes, he fucked up by not being forthright with her about his mistake, but it hardly compares to her actions. The asshole doctor needs to pay, physically, for his disrespect, but she needs to be jettisoned!

It was difficult to get past the rambling thoughts that were jumbled together with no clear path to being a clear ending. Too much time spent trying to justify their actions. I doubt if their marriage would survive since neither of them took the time to talk about their problems before this blew up in their faces.

There's a giant hole in your story. You ignored Marcy's history of cheating. What happened while he was in Korea isn't something that can be ignored. Marcy's narcissism is a major part of the story. You completely changed the character of Marcy. It's not a continuation of the original.

Gave it 4****

Not sure but it seemed that something was missing but I can’t seem to put my finger on it. Could have been uploaded twice or that Marcey didn’t get punished. ????

But over all I thought it was good

" I can't help thinking that although he pursued me, I'm deeply responsible for what happened." And then what? Nothing, that's what. Maybe even worse than the original. Marcy was unsalvageable, period. What about the kids? Now it's HIS fault? I am pretty sure you adopted this screenname just to submit this story and preserve you reputation, but I am confident I will be able to identify this cuck loving attitude of yours in any future submissions under your normal screen name.

What kage440 and Tajfa Said. 3-stars for the effort.

No need to put your note in all caps, that's commonly considered shouting.

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Kalimaxos issued an open invitation, no need to ask permission.

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Choose a POV. First you're in his 1st person POV, then 3rd person, then back to 1st.

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Please don't post any more without editing. Too many run-on sentences, poorly edited dialog.

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@truthandjustice, "flowed well?" - It was nearly unreadable.

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Minor point, Marcy had no "e" in the original.

Sorry most of all of those that had pick up on this miss the most important fact. He is a US Marine Corp rank officer. There is not what should I do about them. They send Marines in harms way . That make a plan and go with it adjust as needed non of should I keep her or devorice the cheating whore.

If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

.

When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark. A 10-year-0ld child should know this.

Good story. One of the few who took the brief Dee storyline in this direction. I don't have a problem with the RAAC tone of the story although six weeks of blatant infidelity is tough to overcome. The biggest problem I had with this story and several others is the wishy washy attitude of the MC. I don't buy his inability to make a decision in the six weeks she was gone. Maybe I've watched too many movies but I have had friendships with retired military officers and the one thing I have never encountered is indecisiveness.

This was enjoyable, while not the very best of the "Just once..." stories, it was certainly a respectable effort.

4 stars !

This was repeated twice. I do not understand the intention, of the second repeat.

These revenge stories where the guy loses his balls are so dumb. Do you really think he wouldn’t have a gun on him at all times since you telegraphed the attack? Do you really think that if the attack was successful, he’s not going after Rick? Why wouldn’t he after that much damage? Do you idiots think the police will just be like, he doesn’t know who did it, guess that’s the end. No one saw the airport confrontation? None of his coworkers talked? No evidence gathering takes place at all or leads followed.

Pretty clever way to have your BTB and Reconciliation too. The good doctor lost his balls and Marcey got a life long guilt trip both for the cheating and for the consequences that Trey experienced. Rick has a case of auto-burn since he is still obsessing over his desert blow job but also has the joy of a well delivered revenge. Was the reconciliation worth it? I'll go with the author's opinion and give it a qualified yes.

5 from me for a very good first effort. Please let us hear more from you. You seem to have quite a store of talent.

Worst ending so far for this story.

I applaud you for writing a story. Writing an ending to another author's story is not an easy way to start. A good deal of your grammar needed help but i understand English isnot your first language..

Your explanations were overly wordy and some of the reactions implausible.

The MC took weeks vacillating on what he should do. That is understandable but should not have taken so long to explain. Again an editing problem to make the story flow.

The MC was a fool for warning Dr Trey what he was going to do. Alibi or not during the attack itself he could not expect their to be no blowback legal or illegal. Airports are monitored by cameras. Trey's and Marcie's actions would be considered enough motive for the MC to face jail time or at the minimum civil action. Dr Trey was a bigger fool. I could see him smirking at first but as soon as he heard what the MC intended, he should have left town immediately or protected himself. Did the MC just let all the other cheaters go scot free? He was supposedly a man with honor, yet he did not do the right thing by any of the other spouses.

Next time write your own story, think through the plot line. Let the deficits be deliberate but not stupid. You will never cover all the bases.

From a technical perspective, this submission is composed of far too much prose describing thoughts and, to a lesser extent, feelings. That gets dull in a hurry. Actions, interactions and dialog provide welcome variety within the content of a story. Much of what you wanted to convey could have been presented more interestingly in one or two conversations between Rick and another character(s) as he prepared for his wife's return.

I have just one observation on your plot choices. After a great betrayal, a reconciliation only makes sense if it is justified. In this case, you will have not provided a justification for him to put aside the cruelty and humiliation the wife slung in his face. Some mixed facial expressions and words of apology are inadequate penance for the magnitude of her carefully planned assault on him and their marriage. By minimizing the true severity of her actions in order to set them aside so easily, you devalue marriage and lower the quality of your work product. May you have good fortune if you choose to continue writing for public consumption. Thank you for the opportunity to read this example of your work.

3 stars. Pretty average, not good or bad. Not sure if it fits perfectly with the original story, certainly I felt reconciliation was not possible even with the supposed justifications. Even if it was his fault, which I don't feel it was, that doesn't justify how far she took things. Also didn't much care for all the revenge heaped upon the "boyfriend", yeah he was an arrogant wife stealer but not like it didn't take two to tango, a bit over the top for his crime while Marcy got off with no consequences.

The original was better. Get an editor. 2*

3 stars; not bad for a 1st effort. However, in the conversation with Marcy, Rick apologized more than he should've. Yes, he should've told her about that time with Dierdre. But he didn't. he also didn't talk about the time in Korea when she's cheating in the nearby hotel room- that was completely left out of the story. But an important item to refer to in terms of Marcy's statement that she's getting back at her perceived thinking that Rick fucked Dierdre for months. And with that being said, there's no way she could think of getting even with Rick, even if her thinking was correct. Having a continuation of a story, while the author can take liberties, the basic facts should stay the same.

Well done first story. 5*

so so...

What a piece of Shit!

Nice story. AAAA++++

Very nice story! Great alternate ending!

...I would have prefered something much much worse for Marcey...

First story!

4

Story had not acting like a military man he was but boob. Sorry not my cup of tea.

I keep reading the alternates of this and February Sucks in the hope of finding an author who actually writes a reasonable conclusion to a painfully bad original, I’m sadly still looking.

@sbrookes103x,

Your nitpicks are nit pickier than the nitpicks you picked.

Try to be a better nitpicker.

Nice first story good ending

You just have to go the extreme violence route. You obviously are not a veteran. You don’t learn any extreme torture skills, if that’s what they are unless you’re in some black ops group, and members are sworn to secrecy from disclosing that even to their spouse. If you’re hell bent on revenge in life, you best dig two graves.

I wanted to give this story the best rating while reading the first half or so.

The ending half caused me so many disagreements and and concerns -

that let me to over-rule my intention-s.

I was in an active war theater for a year and it was close to death by 12

Fighter Jet AC crashes and 26 Air to Ground rockets directly fired at my Radar.

The Dr. was to servery punished. The Nurse wife was primary at fault and not punished.

The Military Husband of said wife had to keep family together and yes he still was at fault somewhat.

Story writing was well done and first one at that. ???

You can not make ever reader happy; please continue writing but write with knowledge and experience

signed - RCD

Im always mystified that in this day of female empowerment and equality people still feel the need to look at women as children that need guiding and protecting from naught men who may seduce them away from the man they ‘love’

Women are as able to make good decisions ,live decent lives and honour vows and promises. They are able to say no, to reject the advances of men trying to Perdue them.

Ahh it’s not her fault she fell to a ‘predator’ at all the stages of the attempted seduction she is able to say no, to do the right thing for her husband and their marriage. But, they have an out of jail card’ I was a victim.

The Doctor paid a heavy price but the wife just about got off scot free. S few tests and I’m sorties. I don’t think many men in that situation would be as forgiving - she went off for six weeks ducking someone else and he spent the time…… thinking! Really? She’s fucking and he’s living like a monk!

And there was little mentioned of her suspected cheating when Rick was in Korea although touched on it is virtually washed over although that infidelity totally scrubs her excuse for the humiliation, disrespect and hurt she through Rick’s way.

It’s wrote almost like a woman trying to write as a man, you cannot do it has your mind works differently.

yep, your right your not a writer.

It just left me feeling disappointed. Not bad writing just unlikeable main character.

In the original story and in the beginning of yours he was an Army Officer and then he suddenly became a Marine. We'll just assume he was in the Army but always wished he was Marine :).

I couldn't get past the lack of attention paid to her time at the hotel when he was in Korea. If she were having an affair and she assumed he was, they'd be " even" already. If she wasn't then why would she offer up Marci? That would make them once again, not even.

@TraLaLa, I'm not going to change, it's easy to skip my comments if they bother you, but knock yourself out.

Extremely poor ending. Worst of all I read. Make that Marine a sissy, a cocksucker, a wimp. Stop writing, my friend. You're disgusting.

You chose a tough assignment for a first story, continuing another story, that is not easy as I did the same thing ( I also had my own ending to this story). There were technical issues with the story, like use of quotes, and at times the text made reference to him talking to Marcy but it wasn't in the story at all.

In terms of the plot Rick feels way,way too much guilt over what happened in Iraq. The fact that Marcy didn't even ask Rick about it, confront him, says that her reaction went way beyond the thing with Deirdre. It showed a long held deep resentment of Rick,which the original story did make mention of. When she accused Rick of playing soldier that was a nasty, deep dig at him, especially given he gave up flying choppers to give her piece of mind.

In normal circumstances a wife who thinks her husband cheated would confront him. She already held him in contempt, was angry at him, that was the only way she would do what she did, so cold bloodedly. I just don't see Rick so easily forgiving her, he is an Intel analyst, he would realize her behavior was way out of line of plain cheating, he isn't dumb.

As others have pointed out, he also doesn't bring up her behavior when he was in Korea. In the story he all but assumes she cheated and puts it on himself and being away, but he would put that w this mess and realize she really has anger and contempt towards him.

If they were going to reconcile all that would need to be hashed out, the fucking wasn't the bad part, the contempt was. Rick keeps blaming himself but nothing he did was cold blooded towards her, him not talking about Iraq wasn't contempt but shame. It went to easy and Marcy had no real penance or amends. She apologizes for cheating but never the contempt she showed him; she prob isn't even aware of it. My guess is IRL Rick would have to file for divorce to break her arrogance and anger. She is great at making ultimatums, she needs to face one for once.

Best version of this story I have read. As far as the story goes it was well told until the ending when it went slightly off the rails. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Not bad, middle of the pack for me. Can’t see reconciliation for Marcel after whore’s vacation.

I really hated this ending. You made the characters unlikeable and contemptable.

What total BS, no man, no marine officer would go back to a woman who did this. You made the man a dickless wimp cuck. NO FUCKING WAY EVER!!!

Story reached it's peak in the middle. A very interesting twist or version. Thanks for your writing.

Words: He says, she disrespected me. Action: He stays with her. What is means: Story is pathetic.