All Comments on 'Karma Bus Route 1'

why "Loving Wives" ?

Cheating GF count the same as LW!

5

Cheating GF count the same as LW!

5

Congratulations on posting your first story. I'm going to assume (everyone knows what can happen when you assume things) since this is Chapter 1 that a loving wife is going to appear in the next chapter or chapters.

This chapter is way too short for a new poster. You probably should have posting the complete story.

Please consider writing at least two pages, this doesn’t really count as anything but a brief synopsis of a possible Tory.

Possible story.

I don't know if "date rape" drugs were around in 1987, and cell-phones with cameras definitely weren't, but were these two girls usually promiscuous? If this had happened in more modern times then a smart boyfriend would have filmed the girls and whoever was fucking them, talked to the girls to see if they were "out of it", and if so, then suspect that the girls had been drugged. Even so, if it were me then I would have made my presence known to my girlfriend to see her reaction.

Since this was meant to occur in 1987, then I guess the boyfriends just thought the girls were doing it because they wanted to, so I do understand them leaving the girls behind and just walking away. Good story but too short, looking forward to the next chapter for the repercussions.

why ch.1?

Good as far as it went. It just did not go far enough to hold interest for chapter 2.

Good story!!! 👍

Congratulations for your first story here!!

I would have preferred it a bit longer.

Let's wait for chapter 2...

And what showed up on the local news?

I'm confused, is this supposed to be a story?

It was shaping up to be one, but then you absolutely shit the bed with those last few paragraphs.

Where was the confrontation? The aftermath? Any sort of drama at all?

Anything that would have given this story more than just a buildup.

Do the words "Loving wives" not register with you? You put your first story in the wrong category. Not even your asbestos underwear will save you!! Maybe pull it and re-submit in another category? The LW crowd is not your friend.

Really! Would you have made 750 words without the self serving intro?

Next time try writing a story, you know, something with a plot.

Although, in your defence, you at least had a go.

Why in the world would you post this in Loving Wives?????? There's not a wife in the story period.

less than half a story gets less than half a score]

if this was a true story told to you why were you told so little of it?

Where are the wives?

There are almost more words here being defensive about the story than telling it.

This added nothing from the many other versions of the wife/girlfriend dumping her man to be groupie.

In fact, it had such a small word count, this was just the bare bones of a story.

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Why was there no confrontation with the girlfriends? They were all high school seniors, so they'd see the ex-girlfriends at school. I highly doubt the sluts intended to break up with their boyfriends, who they thought wouldn't find out about them screwing the band. There'd be endless begging for another chance and "it was just a mistake!" Etc.

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High schools are very gossipy and it would be big news for 2 football jocks to be dumping their cheerleader girlfriends only weeks before the prom. You can bet the other girls would be catty bitches to both groupies, and would immediately move in on the two single guys from the high school elite.

The verbal abuse, shaming, and bullying the two sluts would suffer, would probably be bad enough to stop them attending school.

I think you missed an interesting opportunity to flesh this out with a lot of dramatic scenes, and some satisfying social ostracizing of the two groupies.

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Finally, why is this in "loving wives" when they weren't married?

Ok why does it sound in the EPI like your pissed at your reader and don't want any questions... might want to change that tone...

"This really happened about 1987." - If you've been here a while, you should know that calling a story "true" is a bad move.

Quality writing but the story is very short and lacks emotion and a wife. This almost seems like it could be a memory, reflection, or dream from the MC as part of a chapter (the start of a chapter?), not a chapter by itself. I will stay tuned for the next installment to see where it goes.

Not a bad start. Good for Jimmy dumping the skank slut immediately. What women do when single will only become pronounced after they marry. A girl who feels no hesitation to fuck a complete stranger (famous or not) will not hesitate to do so after she says "I do" because she has no character, and is only motivated by her own selfish desires. This on top of the fact that these shit heads fuck any number of idiot bimbos every night will obviously leave these two young whores with some lovely STD's. Jimmy avoided that contamination. Finally, good job having Jimmy tell daddy what a cheating piece of trash he has for a daughter. Let him sort it out.

And even then it was a pretty emotionless and bland story. Groupies get fucked all the time I suppose, with all the usual venereal disease, pregnancies, lost boy friends, etc. I have to presume all the fuckers and fuckees were of legal age, so I wonder why Jenni's dad was calling on the phone. It would be fun if the father called the police and claimed drug induced rape. But that would make the story dramatic and interesting.

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Keep trying. Thanks for the effort.

Okay, it seems to me that your trepidation in writing for the LW category made you gun shy, or something, so you posted a strong with absolutely no point to it.

FWIW my next one is much longer and was just submitted. The next one is a wife. Ive started a third LW tale and have been working on a different category story for literal years. I will consider all advice though. I have my asbestos undies on. I sometimes deal with assholes at my 2nd job so I can take it.

This is not a story, it's a summary of a story you heard "back in the day". If you don't understand the difference then you shouldn't be trying to write until you do. This is listed as chapter 1 of a continuing story, where do you plan to go with this? You summed it all up in the end. You could have used this as a leaping off point for a fictionalized version of what happened - give us background on the characters, their relationship, and how much they are "into each other", show the heartbreak, the attempted reconciliation by Jenni, how John spread the information around school, ruining Jenni and Kim's reputations, etc.

Do better or you will be mauled by the LW crowd.

I appreciate new writers but come on, put some effort into it. Your "introduction" is as long as your story. Normally I give three stars to first timers but two stars at best. Good luck with your writing.

Nice 1st draft of a story. Not much more than a overview of what the story should be.

Badly written... in the end, no reaction. Am I mad, sad, happy after reading this. None of those so I guess it's devoid of any real emotion...

Shit the Ch was not supposed to be there. It was a short story based on a real life event. It was supposed to say Karma Bus Route 1. As in route 1.

Can I get them to fix it? I dont remember putting Ch there.

Pencarrow Not drugged. I personally know a woman from then who was no virgin but did not do the one night stands thing. She got invited back stage (NOT cheating) and gave them everything they wanted. It was a one and done. She was neither proud nor sorry about it. She wanted the alpha and she got one. The band person she was with was higher tier than the ones in my story. She also said it kind of sucked. It was cool from being with the alpha standpoint. It wasn't a five second spill but not long enough to get her more than a bit wet. he did not care and I am sure he will not remember his name. BTW reading all critiques and taking them as advice. I dont mind hearing something sucked as long as you say it sucked because... For one. next two stories are much longer.

The only thing I can think of for a chapter 2 is she turns up pregnant and her and her family try to force marriage, with threats to sue for child support. He's a smart guy, so he plots to show what a slut she is and a fraud her family is.

Fun story but needs finishing off

Why is it so hard to understand that a story with no wife in it shouldn't be posted in Loving Wives? It really is that simple of a concept...

Correct title is Karma Bus Route One as in the route number of the bus. There is no chapter to this.

Can we have ch 2 please

Needs to be finished

Guess I was correct when I assumed 🙄. This story definitely shouldn't be in LW. Guess I'll just have to wait and see if you can redeem yourself with the loving wife story you says you've submitted.

Not a terrible start. Not sure how many first story are five star works. So keep writing . Even if there really isn't a follow up to this story you might just consider doing a follow up of your own imagination.

Great start but you left out all the fun stuff :-) Seriously, it doesn't matter if you know what happened, make something up but this isn't quite done. The title implies there's some jjust desserts coming to the girls and the band

I would say every concert going back had fans or roadies as they call it getting ducked by the band . Even one time a rapper had a beautiful white girl on stage to blow him while he was on the mic . No self respect but people want to tell their friends I fucked this famous guy and now it’s easier with social media. The athletes have girls in every city . These make for great stories but it is a reality and happens every day . Another friend worked vip in a club in a big city . He was friendly with a bunch of famous athletes mostly black and they all wanted the hot white girls . One night his friends sister got picked up by a huge LA player and he said as they were leaving not knowing he knew her . Time for her to do her part for reparations. Her tight ass will never be the same. He joked back yo get a point across that her family may not be to happy . He laughed more saying I may just take her home in the morning to thank them for creating a beautiful girl to serve my ten inch cock . He said next night that she was great destroyed her and she was trying to crawl away but he pounded her deep making her scream . He put her in Uber at 7 am . He left with another one that night . He never gets girls in that he knows anymore in . He said she can’t even look at him anymore and the brother said something like what happened you guys were close forever. He said ask her

Not enough information on what happened. It’s not a complete story. I don’t doubt it happened Just not enough info

Good story, but I’m betting Daddy was more upset than Jimmy.

Please list the 2 stories you mentioned so we can compare them to yours--as a new writer.

Yeah a good start but a bit short.

For Anonymous, those stories would be

https://www.literotica.com/s/my-wife-and-the-singer

https://www.literotica.com/s/my-wife-became-a-groupie

Good start but incomplete in my opinion...

Half a story is not better than none! Try harder next time.

Not a bad begining. But your other story Was/is much better... Don't give up;you Do have talent as a writer;esp here... Thks for your effort 👍😉😁✌️🍻

Started real good….then just fizzled. Too bad.

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3 ***

OK slice of life story but groupies getting fucked backstage is really kind of old stuff. 4 stars because the writing was very good. Keep writing as well as this, and get some more engaging story lines, and it will be 5 stars all the way.

FTDS

Considering this was supposed to be a true story, missing details isn't inappropriate. That lack of emotional background is why movies depicting true events always say "based on a true story," to allow for artistic license to fill in the details. This outline of concert events is a far more likely scenario than the infamous Feb Sucks template and could generate a few embellishments, but won't because the Martian slut ray irritation factor isn't pushed nearly as well.

Yeah, ok just. Too short, no real backgrounding no proper end. You could’ve invented one that met everyone’s tastes but you didn’t. This costs points as you presented a story not rounded off.

Scores 3/5

Would have enjoyed more on the relationship experience before and after and of course the humiliation and consequences for the girls - missed opportunity because it was a great premise - but based on your Four minutes story encourage you to revisit it in the future. Still, for what it was a solid ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ effort.

3-star.

And I am being very generous.

The story isn't one. Just a beginning of something.

This needs a follow up story/ chapter.

This needs a follow up.

Where does karma enter this sad tale? The poor guys did nothing wrong, but their girlfriends fucked the band anyway. Profound LACK of karma here.

Good story.

Yes, need to bridge to the karma part. Telling a girls dad that she fucked a band member is not karma. Maybe you can make up the next part using your author's creativity.

Nice... but a reminder, author: you can make up what you THINK happened the following Monday to properly close this story.

See, that's what writing is all about. Nobody asked you to give us an exact play-by-play of how this went down.

Anyway... nice! Thanks for the share.

It’s a good story idea, but to make it a good read, you need to complete the facts. The characters were not married, but just having the boys drop it where it was was less than interesting. So two uncommitted couples parted ways after a concert where the girls had star struck sex. The sex could have been interesting. The aftermath at school, or with the parents could have been interesting. The girls could have run away with the band. The fight that distracted security could have morphed into an incident that threatened the girls, the boys riding in on a white horse and going ninja on a team of terrorists intent on holding the band for ransom and selling the girls to an international arms dealers stable, yeah over-the-top could have been interested. Bring on the Karma bus!

My girlfriend caught the eye of the lead singer of a major band in the early 80's (she was on my shoulders flashing them).

I just gave her a hall pass. She came home the next day.

An enjoyable 5. Pretty up to speed on fusion. Very clever mechanics. It's a long way to alpha centauri, so write the sequel how the daughter got us thee.

The consequences for a committed pair who are cohabiting are much more greatly affected by discovery of a serious discrepancy in expectation than H.S. boy/girl friends -even those who are sexually active. As evident in this story, the offended party just walks away after collecting a letter sweater (which will be meaningful to the owner when he/she cannot remember the name of the offender.). That is why the LIT category has more potential for tension/drama than Erotic Coupling.

Wrong category.

A sad tale of girls who do, girls that don’t have any respect for even their mates.

This was longer than it needed to be

""I knew a bloke and his girlfriend who went to a concert with a mate and his girlfriend, after the concert the girls got invited back stage by the band, after 15 minutes or so the guys managed to sneak back and found their girlfriends having sex with the band, so they left them to it.

One of the girls fathers rang her boyfriend asking where she was and he told the father the last time he saw her she was having sex with the band""

I think you posted the outline for a story instead of the story itself

"I remember they were up and coming at the time and had a gold or platinum album previously" - If they had a gold or platinum album they were beyond "up and coming," IMHO.

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If this is supposedly true, then you know what happened when they got back to school. I would have liked to read that.

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As far as no wives goes, the mods have long accepted girlfriends a fiancees.

Feels unfinished, not satisfied

Story was too short in several areas. Notably dialogue between the boyfriends & security when they weren't allowed in. Maybe shouting out to the girls that their 2 minutes went 20 minutes ago, so as they want sex with these guys, they could somehow find their own way home. And whatever conversation was held between Jimmy & Jenni's father. And the doings at school the next school day. As such, story's not complete. 2 stars Bob

I liked the sdtory. It didn't need to be any longer, neither did it need any m1ore explanation. Just perfect.

Ed

Rofl ur first story in lw is a story about a GIRLFRIEND, is not a wife lol

Yes you are right, there are other similar stories on this site. One is almost word for word the same.

But it’s a good story just the same.

So 4/5

Too much like another story with a musician, but this one lacked any real depth to it. 2 stars Bob

Not that I don’t like the story line but it should have been longer and since you say that you embellished some parts then do ao

Gave it a disappointing 3. You led us to a point then dropped the story. Needed extra for a finish. Bob

I get it was real but you should have embellished what you didn't know for us😀

At least this I could see.... Not married, young starry eyed, possibly.... Probably given drugs...

I connect with the two guys, I wouldn’t have have any second thoughts about the girls and wouldn’t have bother to now anything from them afterwards

Not much happened. Suppose it makes sense since was rela life scenario.

Unfortunately this scenario never was developed into a story,just a description of a happening.. I have seen/been present and heard this and similar scenarios go down over life..it happens, but I can also tell you none of the guys this happened to ever tried to contact or acknowledged any contact from the offending party/s,but moved on right away. It could have been a good tale but it really fell short..3*s..JZK

this was less a story, than a "On This Day In History" blurb. Too bad this had the potential to be a real story.

Good riddance to sluts