Kayla

"‑ipp‑es nipp‑es nipples, fon‑‑e fondle, s‑ow‑y slowly."

"Pau‑, pu‑ pu‑ put fi‑ge‑ fi‑ge‑ finger in. We‑ we‑ we‑ wet? Wa‑‑ wa‑‑ want sme‑‑ sme‑‑ l sme‑‑ sme‑‑"

"smell"

"yes, want sme‑‑"

"We‑ wet. ‑ick dick i‑ i‑ in! Wa‑‑ want feel i‑ i‑ it i‑ in me. Go o‑ o‑ o‑ on boobs!"

"Goo‑ good, do‑‑ do‑‑ do‑‑ don't stop!"

"Gooooooooo‑"

"Pau‑, yes, you ‑igh‑ ‑igh‑ r righ‑ ‑igh‑ ‑igh‑"

"right"

"Yes, you ‑igh‑. I am a woma‑ woman. ‑‑ank t‑ank you. ‑ake ‑ake ‑ake t take ha‑‑s hands, want hug you, kiss me"

We had a perfect afternoon. At first a visit to the sauna. The heat was great, perfect to relax and Paul worked on each and every of my joints from my toes to my head, to move it, to stretch it and to relax my muscles. Paul hands are really magic. He knows how to move, how much movement is possible without pain, and without working too much against my spasms. When Paul put me on a lounger outside I was more relaxed than I had been for years. I slept at once, knowing that Paul is there and cares for me.

"Kayla, there's enough time. What's about a horse ride? The stable is right here, and I know they offer rides for disabled people."

"Pau‑, joki‑g joki‑g joking? Yes, I ‑ike like, bu‑ bu‑ bu‑ t but I ca‑‑ can't sit by myse‑f myse‑f myse‑f myseff, ‑i‑e ‑i‑e r ri‑e ri‑e ‑i‑e ‑i‑e ‑i‑e"

"Kayla, ride?"

"Yes, ca‑‑ ca‑‑ can't ‑i‑e."

"Kayla, did you ever try? A trainer sits behind you, holds you and takes care of you. Let's try it if you like, I'm sure you will make it."

The stable is just 5 minutes away, and we are lucky. A horse and a trainer are available, and we can have a ride just now. Alexa is our trainer and obviously she has some experience in working with disabled people.

"Kayla, can you sit by yourself?"

"‑o ‑o no, A‑exa A‑exa A‑exa A‑exa l A‑exa A‑exa. So‑‑y so‑‑y so‑‑y r so‑‑y so‑‑y, uhh, excuse me. Ca‑‑ can't speak p‑ope‑‑y p‑ope‑‑y r prope‑‑y p‑ope‑‑y, uhh, we‑‑ l well."

"Kayla, there's nothing to excuse. It's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault and I think it's not even a fault. It's just the way you are speaking."

"A‑exa, ca‑‑ ca‑‑ can‑ can't sit by myse‑f myself. Ho‑‑ hold me, hea‑ hea‑ d head."

"Yes Kayla. I'll sit behind you and hold you. What's about your head? Can you move your head?"

"A‑exa, ca‑ ca‑ can move, ca‑‑ can't keep ba‑a‑ce ba‑a‑ce ba‑a‑ce l bala‑ce balance. Hea‑ head ‑eeds ‑eeds needs suppo‑‑ suppo‑‑ r suppor‑ suppo‑‑ suppo‑‑"

"support?"

"Yes, A‑exa, suppo‑‑ hea‑ head."

"Ok, Kayla. What about your legs? Can you keep your legs still?"

"‑o no, a‑ways a‑ways always w‑igg‑i‑g w‑igg‑i‑g wrigg‑i‑g wriggli‑g w‑igg‑i‑g w‑igg‑i‑g"

"wriggeling?"

"Yes, w‑igg‑i‑g, can't stop. A‑ms a‑ms arms too."

"Kayla, can you hold on to the handles of the vaulting belt?"

"‑o ‑o no, ca‑‑ can‑ can‑ t can't use ha‑‑s han‑s hands. Ca‑ can use ‑wo ‑wo ‑wo two fi‑ge‑s finge‑s finge‑s r fi‑gers fi‑ge‑s"

"Kayla, fingers?"

"Yes, two fi‑ge‑s ‑ef‑ lef‑ lef‑ t left ha‑‑ hand. A‑‑ l all."

"Can you stretch your legs?"

"Yes"

"Fine, Kayla, this will help you to sit properly. Are your feet always stretched or can you flex your ankles?"

"‑o ‑o no, A‑exa, fee‑ feet st‑e‑ched st‑e‑ched stretched, can't f‑e f‑e f‑e l flex".

"Ok, I know how we do it. I'll wrap horse bandages around your feet for padding, and then we will tie your feet down in the stirrups. And we'll tie your hands around the handles of the vaulting belt."

"Let's get the horse ready now."

Anna grooms the horse.

"Pau‑, ‑ake ‑ake ‑ake take ha‑‑ hand. Wa‑‑ wa‑‑ want st‑oke st‑oke stroke horse."

A few minutes and the horse is ready. Alexa takes place on the horse back and helps Paul to lift me up sitting in front of her. Alexa holds me, supports my head, and removes my neck collar. Paul put my feet into the stirrups and ties them down.

"Kayla, stretch your legs and let me see if it's ok. Is it comfortable?"

"Yes, A‑exa, fee‑s feels goo‑ goo‑ goo‑ d goo‑ goo‑"

"Stop, Kayla. I understood: good"

Finally, Paul puts my hands around the handles of the vaulting harness and lashes them there.

"Ok, looks good. Kayla, ok?"

"Yes, A‑exa, ho‑‑ ho‑‑ hol‑ hold me! Hold head!

"Kayla, don't worry. Will do of course. Let's start."

The trail is fantastic. I enjoy the mountain landscape, the bright sun, and the smooth and uniform motion of the horse. Paul accompanies us, leads the horse and Alexa holds me close. I feel perfectly safe and protected.

We are back again about an hour later. It was fantastic.

"Kayla, back again. How are you? Did you like it? Do you feel well?"

"Yes, pe‑fec‑ pe‑fec‑ pe‑fect r perfect. ‑ike like i‑ i‑ i‑ it. A‑exa, ‑‑ank ‑‑ank t‑ank you fo‑ r for secu‑i‑g secu‑ing secu‑ing r securi‑g secu‑i‑g secu‑i‑g"

"securing?"

"Yes, secu‑i‑g me."

"Kayla, to be honest, I didn't do anything. I didn't hold you, and I didn't hold your head. It was you, you alone, all alone. I'm proud of you. The slow and uniform motion of the horse gave you more control of your body."

At home again it's time to prepare for dinner.

"Pau‑, wha‑ what wea‑ wea‑ r wear for di‑‑e‑ di‑‑e‑ dinne‑ r dinner?"

"Kayla, something festive. I've a surprise for you."

"Ok, Pau‑, p‑ease ‑‑ess ‑‑ess d ‑‑ess ‑‑ess"

"dress, Kayla"

"‑‑ess me s‑im slim black ‑‑ouse‑s ‑‑ouse‑s t‑ouse‑s r t‑ouse‑s ‑‑ouse‑s ‑‑ouse‑s"

"Want to say 'trousers'?"

"Yes, b‑ack black ‑‑ouse‑s, black blouse, ‑ed ‑ed r red heels. Goo‑ good?"

"Yes, Kayla, you will look amazing."

Paul surprises me with a candlelight dinner in a private room.

"Kayla, before we start I have to tell you something. I've been thinking a lot about us the last few days, and now I'm sure of it. Kayla, I love you. It doesn't matter to me at all if you are disabled or not. I love you just the way you are, just Kayla. I want to be for you and if I can feed you, wipe your nose or clean your butt, I'm happy to do it.

Kayla, will you marry me?"

"Yes, Pau‑, yes, I wi‑‑ wi‑‑ wi‑‑ wi‑‑ wi‑‑"