Keeping Up at Cambridge

If you're a fan of 90s British comedy, you should guess my inspiration for this story.

This is my second 750 word story for the 750 Word Project 2023. Thanks to StickyGirl for handing me the plot bunny.

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I'll get it Roger! It's probably the Colonel replying to his invitation to my candlelight supper... The De-Arth residence, the lady of the house speaking. Edward! How nice of you to call Mummy! How is Cambridge, dear?

If he's asking for money, tell him I've been kidnapped and you need the money for the ransom.

Roger, don't be silly. No one would want to kidnap you. Eddie, what can Mummy do for you? Oh. You need money. So you can take riding lessons at a special club? Well, that sounds like quite a respectable pastime. How much do you need? I'm sorry dear, did you say eleven hundred pounds?

ELEVEN HUNDRED POUNDS!!! Is he planning to buy a racehorse?

Don't shout dear. It's very beneath you. Eddie, you did say eleven hundred pounds. I have to agree with your father. It is quite a lot of money. Oh, it's for the equipment needed to join a very exclusive riding club. The Cambridge Sybian Riding Academy. Well, that does sound wonderful.

The what??? Elizabeth, do you know what he's talk...

Roger, please be quiet. This could very well improve our son's social standing and should be considered carefully.

But...

I'm sorry Eddie, but your father keeps interrupting. Can you please repeat that? Oh, I see. That was just to buy the initial training equipment. Well, I suppose you do need to pay the monthly fees as well.

But Elizabeth, a sybian is a...

Roger, please go and prune the roses. It's very hard to hold a conversation on my exclusive white slimline telephone with you going purple in the face. It's not a good colour for you. And make sure your shirt is ironed. A crumpled shirt is so tacky.

Take early retirement they said. You'll enjoy the free time they said. Oh, I won't have any free time, I said. Elizabeth will see to that...

Now that's better Eddie. I don't know what gets into your father. He's become very grumpy since he retired. I support him in all of his hobbies I suggest, but he's always grumbling. Maybe he could join your riding club. I'm sure that might cheer him up, and give you both something to talk about. Oh. Students only and by special invitation. I suppose that's reasonable to keep the quality of members up. Is there anyone else we know in the club? Roger, that's not the right shirt for pruning roses. It's the wrong colour.

True. It should be deep red to hide the blood stains.

Yes, the blue one would be better. Oh, young Tommy. Yes, I remember him. He was the one with the pink suit and the interesting haircut? And his needlepoint was exquisite. Lovely boy. You two seemed to get along very well. And doesn't his father have an OBE? I thought so. A father with an OBE is a sign of a good British family. They're the sort of friends you need.

Is this better? Should I polish my shoes in case the Prime Minister drives by?

Don't be silly, dear. Everyone knows he's at Chequers entertaining very important people. But that is a good idea. The Mayor does like to drive by. I'm sure he's admiring my garden.

Yes dear. Your garden...

So Eddie, this club? Will you meet any ladies of quality? Oh, an exclusive high class men only club. I suppose you do need somewhere to relax away from your lady admirers. You are so scrummy looking. Oh dear, I'm sorry if that embarrasses you. Mummy knows what it's like to be the centre of attention. Yes, we can talk about your extra riding gear. I think your father and I are of the same mind. Anything for our little boy. Aha. Aha. A whip and a riding crop? Dear, aren't they the same thing? Oh, they're not. Do you really need both? I see. That makes sense, I guess. Leather boots. Of course, an equestrian needs sound boots. So what is this training equipment? What does it do?

Elizabeth, I looked for something to prune, but the roses are pruned within an inch of their lives. Shall I take tweezers to the lawn?

Yes dear, some lunch would be nice. Oh, so it builds stamina and teaches control. Stretches the inner thigh muscles? Invigorates the lower intestine? Really? But how does it help you with horse riding? I see, it's an academy secret. Well, I think it sounds worthwhile. We'll send you the money.

Elizabeth, noooo...