Kelpie

"I was going to go with a Kelpie," I retorted, "but I will entertain your amusing alternate classification instead."

He grinned. "Yeah, you're no Kelpie."

"I could be if I wanted to."

"I find that idea really difficult to believe," he said. "You're nowhere near the nasty side of things."

I laughed. "Am I that transparent?"

"Afraid so. The idea of you as evil is ridiculous. It just won't work. You'll need to audition for another role in the pantheon."

I felt myself flushing and turned slightly away.

"I think you just don't know me well enough," I said after a moment.

"Maybe. But I like to think I'm an ok judge of character. And in all the years we've spent walking around one another, you always had a smile for me."

"You were my random beach-walking companion. A nice, black-swan event in my otherwise quite plain life."

"And you in mine," he answered.

I leaned back against the tree's rough bark, and after a moment so did he. I shivered as the fabric of his shirt brushed against my shoulder, then smoothed my dress over my thighs to mask my reaction.

"I could spend hours here, watching the wind," he said. "It's a good way to escape the world."

"Do you have a lot you need to escape?" I watched him as he took a breath and sighed it out.

"More than some people, I think. But I'm sure in the greater scheme of things it's not so much."

"Want to talk about it?" I prompted after a moment of inner struggle.

His smile seemed forced. "My family life is a little... fraught."

"Mm. Family is a hard one. Mine are pretty vanilla but I've seen the damage a dysfunctional family can cause amongst some of my friends."

"It can get quite brutal. Mine... well, you already know I live with my gran."

"Yeah. You said."

"My... The woman who gave birth to me is... well, let's just say she's not got much of a role in my life."

"I'm so sorry," I said softly. "That must be really... difficult."

"It has its moments."

"So is that why you were so upset yesterday?"

"Yeah," he admitted after a pause. Then he sighed. "Pamela did her usual thing of going to her local, getting black-out drunk, then phoning my gran to accuse her, her of all people, of being a shit mother who doesn't care about her child."

He picked up a stone and whipped it hard at a fencepost. A small bird darted away in panic at the loud thud, and Sean shook his head. "Sorry, mate," he said sadly. He glanced at me. "Story of my life, that. Lashing out and causing unexpected harm and drama to the bystanders."

"Mm. It's forgivable though. Venting is necessary. Sometimes you just need to be able to talk about it."

"Sometimes talking doesn't help."

"Maybe not. Or maybe you just don't notice."

"Perhaps," he said. He turned slightly towards me and took a breath. "I'm glad you're here, for what it's worth. It's good to have someone normal and objective to be around for a while. To ground me."

"That makes two of us," I said with a smile. "Though how objective I am is up for debate. But... Sean. Really. Any time you need to talk, you know where to find me. I'll always have time to listen to you."

"Thanks, Theresa. That means a great deal to me. I'm... sorry for unloading my baggage on you like this."

"You should call me Tess, Sean."

His smile set off the butterflies again, and I was the first of us to look away.

I took his hand when he offered it. He pulled me smoothly to my feet, and we set off once more, hand in hand with neither one of us seeming eager to let go. We traversed a section of coppice, content in our comfortable silence, and climbed onto the grassy slope beyond it. He helped me scale a dry stone wall near the top, and we paused in the narrow lane beyond it, looking back at where we'd been.

"Oh wow," I breathed. "What a view."

"Yeah, it's alright," he agreed with a grin. "It's why I come up here onto the hills. For the distance... and the perspective."

We stared down at the distant channel and the toy-sized sailing boats crawling up and down along the coast.

"I could get into the habit of doing this."

"You should," he agreed. "It's good exercise."

"Mm. And good company."

He leaned forward onto the dry-stone wall and stared out at the horizon. And I leaned against the wall beside him, watching as the breeze toyed gently with his hair. Without looking at me he reached out and put his arm around me, and I swallowed hard as I stepped in closer to him and leaned my cheek against his shoulder.

"I'm glad you came with me," he said softly.

"Ditto," I said, shivering as he shifted his hand slowly down to my waist.

He turned in towards me, and gathered me in to him. I stood, heart hammering, face tucked into his neck, and I was unable to completely suppress the small sound of pleasure that I made.

"Tess?"

"Mhmm."

"Are you ok?"

"Just... really happy."

"Oh. Ok."

"Don't move for a bit, please? I've been waiting so long for this."

"Really?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"I feel... well. Flattered is a good place to start. How long has it been?"

I pulled back slightly and smiled up at him. "I was seventeen and hiding behind a shelf in the bookshop."

"I remember. You grew out of your goth phase."

"Eventually," I laughed, a little giddy.

"Sundresses suit you," he said.

I reached up and hooked my arms behind his neck. I waited until he looked down at me.

Then I stood up on my toes and kissed him.

It was better by far than I'd hoped it would be.

.:.

I lost track of how long we stood there, my body pressed against his and his arm around my shoulder, the rough stubble of his fading shave scratching - not unpleasantly - my forehead. I felt light as a cloud; and the slow, deep breaths he took bound me deeper into the moment.

Eventually he let most of me go, retaining only the gentle grip on my hand.

"Tess?" he said, after a moment.

"Uh huh?"

"As much as I love standing here with you like this... I need to start thinking of heading home soon. To make sure my nan is alright."

"Want some more company?"

I stared up at him, waiting.

"Yes," he breathed, after a moment. "Yes, I'd like that a lot. I'm not ready to let go of your hand just yet."

"Well. Where to from here?"

"We can follow the contour for a while to a farm track that will lead us back down to town. This way," he added helpfully, pointing.

"Come on then," I said. I pulled him closer to me and slipped my arm through his as we set off. "How far is it?"

"Couple of miles to complete the loop"

"Good."

I heard him laugh, and I grinned up at him. "You can't blame me for being happy to have more time with you."

"You're easily pleased."

"Sometimes. Not much complexity, that's for sure."

"Do you chase shiny things?"

I snorted. "Mirrors confuse me. Put me in a room of mirrors and I lose my mind. Does that count?"

He leaned in and touched his lips to my cheek. "Nah."

I shivered as the goosebumps crawled up my back, and tried hard to hold in the noise I made as I melted. I tucked myself in under his arm, trying to ignore as his hand slid down my side to my hip.

Then it moved further around, down onto my bum, and I turned to glance up at him.

"What are you doing?" I asked, amused.

"Seeing how far you'll let me go."

"I see. Testing the waters for danger, are we?"

"Well, you did claim to be a Kelpie. Seems the responsible thing to do, poking a toe in to see what bites... so to speak."

"Uh huh."

I could feel little sparks on my skin where he was touching me, and I was pretty sure I was flushing. I slipped my own arm around him and pulled him closer. "Keep your hand where it is for a bit," I said softly. "I... I like it there."

"Message received."

We walked on in companionable silence, and as we walked I thought about how good it felt to have such a lovely man with me... talking to me, holding me. Willingly spending his precious time with me and me alone.

We descended into a small crinkle in the hillside and there - screened from any potential voyeurs - I pulled him to a stop, stood up on my toes, and kissed him thoroughly once more. I caught myself giggling, and leaned against him to catch my breath.

"It's going to take us a while to get home if we carry on like this," he observed.

"Are you complaining?"

"Not in the slightest. You kiss nicely. I like kissing you. Almost as much as I like you in a sundress," he added with a lecherous grin.

"You should see me in a corset," I retorted, not thinking too clearly.

"Ok," he agreed.

And we both laughed ourselves to a standstill at me and my silly, uncontrolled mouth - and the foot I'd wedged so firmly into it.

It did, in fact, take us quite a while to get home. But I don't think either of us minded one bit.

.:.

I sat on the dilapidated couch, sipping my tea as I listened to the quiet ticking of Nanny Jenny's mantlepiece clock. I could hear Sean and Nanny Jenny's voices from the back of the house; I refrained from eavesdropping.

Photos in battered frames stood or hung here and there - of Nanny Jenny and her long-dead husband Richard, of a fair-haired girl staring expressionlessly at the camera, and of a probably-five-year-old Sean holding Jenny's hand, his other clutching a rag-doll bear.

Books lined the small bookshelf - mostly old leather-bound reference texts, though I did notice a copy of 'Ivanhoe' hiding in between two battered tomes. Some newer paperbacks of Dickens, Bronte and Hardy were tucked haphazardly into whatever space was available on the lower shelves.

An armchair sat in the corner, with a side-table beside it. An old wooden pipe lay on a pewter ashtray; it didn't take a psychic to know that it was Richard's and that it probably hadn't moved in years.

On a small table in front of the sofa lay a newspaper with a half-completed crossword puzzle; beside it were Nanny Jenny's glasses - old and with a faded frame.

Like her.

I shook myself out of the brief doldrums, and sat up straighter as Sean slouched back through the kitchen.

"She's watching telly for a bit, then she'll have her nap," he said quietly.

"Are you ok?" I asked, watching his face.

"She's old. Starting to get sleepy," he answered, not meeting my gaze. "I... well. It will be hard."

I reached out and took his hand, then pulled him down next to me. "Talk to me. I'm here."

"I don't want to talk, Tess."

"Oh." I looked down at my lap, trying not show how the curtness of his answer had stung me.

He sighed after a moment, and squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry. That was rude of me. It's just... she's been mum to me when my mum wasn't. And it hurts so much to watch her grow old like this."

"I'm sorry, Sean."

"No, I am. Didn't mean to snap at you and ruin the mood after such a lovely day with you."

"You haven't ruined anything," I gently corrected him. "Life is life. You can't escape it."

"It would be nice to be able to pause it for a while," he muttered as he rubbed his eyes. "Right." he said, as he straightened his back. "Self pity party complete. We've got a couple of hours. Let's get out of here for a while."

"Won't she need you?"

"No. She's still got her pride and her independence. I'll stop by later before I head out."

"Head out?"

"Back to campus..."

"Oh." I'd forgotten that it was Sunday and a school night. I took a breath, let it slowly out. "When will you be back?"

"Next weekend, hopefully."

"Six days."

"Bad timing as usual."

"You could say that," I said, distracted by the way his fingers meshed so neatly with mine. "I wish... no, that would be silly."

"Tess?" he prompted after a moment.

"I just wish you were closer is all. After today, I mean. Now... now that I think you might actually like me."

"Might?" he answered softly. He tucked his face into my hair, and I shivered as he took a breath. "There's no might to it. I'm glad I came here this weekend. Even with the drama from my mother. It means I got to hold you."

I turned to him and leaned in against him. And as I buried my face in his neck I felt like nothing else mattered any more.

.:.

"Well, this is me," he said.

"I wish you weren't leaving."

"Yeah. So do I," he agreed. He bent down and picked up his weekend bag, then swung it up over a shoulder. "Got to board, Tess, or it will leave without me."

"That would be tragic."

"For my degree, yes," he said, grinning.

"Ok. Well, I guess I'll see you next weekend then."

"I really hope so," he sighed. "I'll move heaven and earth to make it happen. Tess..."

"Uh huh?"

"Thank you. For today. For... being there for me."

"You're welcome, Sean," I answered softly.

He bent down to kiss me, and I clasped my arms behind his neck to hold myself to him for a moment longer.

"I like that you're so tall," I whispered.

He laughed quietly, and squeezed me against him. Then, reluctantly, I let him go.

"Let me know when you're home safely."

He smiled. "I will. And ditto. Bye, Tess. See you soon."

"I hope so."

I watched as the doors hissed closed behind him, and walked slowly along the platform, shadowing him as he found himself a seat. He waved to me as the train began to carry him off into the gathering twilight.

I made my way to the station gate and, from there, home to wallow in my sudden melancholia.

.:.

A day passed; then two. Sean's messages arrived like brief dappling of sunlight on an overcast day. Never frequent enough to be intrusive, and never infrequent enough to let me feel neglected.

I caught myself daydreaming of him. Of the particular shade of bronze his hair went when backlit by the sun. Of the smell of his shaving cream. And of the way he'd trailed his fingers over my body.

I started to have dreams of him; dreams that caused me to wake up aching for his touch. I dug out my favourite corset, managed to somehow squeeze into it, and sent him a coquettish photo in which I hinted at many things but showed nothing - to whet his appetite, so to speak.

He seemed to appreciate it, and I amused myself by imagining his expression were I to let him see me take it off. Or, even better, let him take it off me himself.

The weekend inched closer. We began chatting at night, soft rambling conversations in which he'd tell me about his classes and I'd tell him about mine. He had a lovely phone voice, mellow and gentle, and I loved lying with my eyes closed, just listening to him, squeezing my thighs together against the gentle ache his voice woke deep in me.

On Thursday I dropped in to check on Nanny Jenny; she was lovely, made me tea, and I spent an amusing hour learning all of Sean's minor secrets. Sean was touched that I'd done so; he also let me know that Nanny Jenny had phoned him to tell him his sweet young lady had come to call and would I please come again.

We both laughed at that one.

Sean had to stay in Cambridge for Saturday morning, so we made plans for Sunday. I felt a little cheated but consoled myself with the thought that one day with him was better than none. We checked the weather, and planned to meet at lunchtime to walk some variation of "our" route. I packed my small backpack with some chocolate, some fruit and nut bars, and a nice large picnic blanket that I'd found in a Charity shop earlier that day.

I didn't sleep much. I was too excited about the prospect of seeing him.

.:.

"I missed you," I breathed into his chest.

He tightened his arms around me and buried his face in my hair. I shivered as he exhaled.

"Ditto," he responded gently. "It was a long week."

"Yeah."

"And those photos really didn't help."

I grinned to myself. "Oh, well, you know. I needed to check I still fitted."

"You did. Mostly. But I'm guessing that was the effect you wanted."

"Indeed."

"Well. The judge approved."

"I'm sure," I laughed softly. "So."

"So."

"Shall we walk?"

"I suppose so, given we've come all this way. It's just nice to hold you like this."

I pulled back and smiled up at him. "I promise to make time to let you do it some more. Come. Lets get out of town before it gets busier."

He shouldered his backpack and followed me onto the bridle path.

I'd chosen another sundress for the morning, a light buttercup-yellow affair that I knew would suggest things but not reveal them. I hoped it would give him something to watch as he walked silently behind me. After a few hundred yards though the path opened up, and he stepped up alongside me and took my hand in his.

"I like holding you hand," he said by way of explanation when I glanced his way.

"I'm not complaining," I replied with a smile. I twined my fingers into his. "Your hands are lovely and strong."

He flushed and looked down.

"You're very quiet today," I said, after another hundred yards.

"Just... a bit tired, I guess."

"We can go back if you're not up to this, Sean."

"No," he answered, looking at me. "No. I want to walk with you. I... I guess, sometimes, I just feel like I don't have words. Or that what I'm thinking about isn't worth talking about."

"Mm. I think I understand."

"I don't talk much about myself, you see," he continued after a moment. "Too much baggage upstairs. And most people aren't interested; they just want to be told that everything's fine so they don't have to feel guilty about not caring."

I squeezed his hand and stepped in closer to him.

"You and I have talked a bit," I said. "I'm not going to pretend I understand how hard things have been for you, but I'll always be here to listen and I'll never not care."

He dropped my hand and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me in. Our hips bumped once or twice as we worked to synchronise our gait.

"I'll try to remember that," he said softly.

After a few steps I moved his hand down to my hip and held it there under mine.

.:.

We spread out my picnic blanket in the dappled shade of a sprawling beech. Hedgerows hid most of the horizon and apart from birdsong and the occasional bleating of stealth sheep we were entirely secluded.

I unpacked the snacks I'd brought; Sean did the same, and we shared a granola bar and some of his yoghurt.

Once we'd snacked he lay back on the blanket with his backpack as a pillow, and I took up station opposite him.

He lay still for a moment or two with his eyes closed, then shifted and squinted up at me.

"It's a lovely day, isn't it?"

"And this is a wonderfully quiet spot," I agreed. "No noise, no other people. Just... silence."

"For a Kelpie you're remarkably happy away from the water," he said, amused.

I laughed. "I'm sweating. That's moisture enough to carry me over until we return to the shoreline."

"And then what?"

I grinned, leaned forward slightly. "Then I ensnare you and drag you down into the deeps to devour you."

"Sounds kinky."

I snorted. "As if. Kinky for me is a short skirt and self-doubt."

"True, you did always seem to go for the long flowing lost soul look."

"I made an exception today," I agreed. I stretched out my legs and leaned back. "So. What's up?"

"It's just been a long year is all," he said, after a visible struggle.

"Tell me why."

"I worry I chose the wrong degree. I worry that I'm so far away from my Nan."

He took a breath, sighed it out. "And... I've been very... lonely."

"Lonely. Yeah, that's not a nice one, is it."

"No."

"Being an introvert gives you too much time to worry about things, I guess," I added.

He shifted, then rolled over towards me.

"You're speaking from experience too, aren't you?"

"Yeah," I said, softly. "You could say that."

"Why, though? You're a wonderful girl with good friends. And you've got a nice life as far as I can see..."

"I live mostly in my head, Sean. Books, music and the sea. I pretend to be an adult. I do it really well. But I'm really still just a sixteen year old girl, hiding from the world behind ridiculous makeup and her godfather's bookshop. God knows what I'll do when I'm done with Uni and have run out of excuses..."