Kenna Ch. 04

"Joshua? His name is Joshua." her voice is strained like she's on the brink of tears again with a frog in her throat.

"Ok. What did he do to you bunny? What happened?" I searched her eyes for an answer.

"He was my friend." she took a pause so long, I didn't think she would continue. "He was my friend. A good friend. I haven't seen him in eight years and for him to just come up to me like we're fucking friends?" she yelled that last part with the tears finally falling.

She gathered herself with a loud exhalation. "I'm sorry." she cleared her throat. "We were friends for going on a year and I never hung out with him one on one in private. I guess I knew something was off but I was trying to be nice when he invited me over for his birthday. He said no one showed up and I just felt so bad because I knew what it was like to not have friends. To not have people in this city who know you. I should've known better. I'm so fucking stupid. I came over his house at ten o'clock at night which was suspicious but then I kept reminding myself that he probably waited for a long time for his friends to show up then settled on calling me for company because stupidly I told him if he needed anything, that I would be there for him. I got there, to his house, and he had a cake on the counter with the candles melted down. I don't know, it all happened so fast and then so slowly at the same time. One moment we were on the couch and the next moment he was on top of me. I don't even know how he got my pants off. You saw him. You saw how big he was. He kept saying over and over that there was no way that I was a virgin. And I was. I planned on staying that way until I found someone I felt comfortable with giving myself to. I was twenty-four. And I was so proud that I made it that far in life but also conflicted because I never really felt sexual attraction to anyone."

"He stole something from me that day. And it hurt. He hurt me so bad but I didn't even cry or make a sound. I never said no. I never pushed him off. I didn't scratch him, hit him, nothing! I just laid there and took it because I knew, I just knew, that's what I deserved for being so damn naive. The funny thing is, it felt like hours but only a few minutes passed. He didn't even have a sip of alcohol so I can't even say his brain was addled. Maybe he did, I don't know. You know he fell asleep on top of me? I couldn't breathe. I was in so much pain and I couldn't breathe. I thought I was dying. Something gave me the strength to push him off. I left and the very next day I got a new number, disappeared off of social media then moved here a little while later. I don't even know how he found me an entire two states away." she paused swallowing a few times.

"I know this logic is stupid because I previously planned on having a fairy tale of losing my virginity to someone I loved but I had to get his stain off of me. I had sex with anyone who wanted me but it never worked. I still see his face sometimes. I mean I used to until you. Now here I am, thirty-two going on thirty-three and my mind shatters to pieces in his presence. You would think he would get the sign to leave me the fuck alone. I hate him. I prepared myself for what I would do or say when I see him and I did jack shit. I'm so sorry about that by the way. I felt like I was choking. It was like I wasn't inside my body. I thought I was screaming. Was I screaming? Everything was like I was looking through a lens but it was black at edges. Gosh I sound dumb. Axl I'm so sorry, I wasn't expecting that to happen. That must've been scary for you." she looked up at me placing her hand on mine.

I had a lump in my throat. I had tears streaming down my face. I want to hunt that motherfucker down and kill him. He hurt my bunny to the point that she had a mental break. And here she was worried about me. I pulled her in for a hug not wanting to let go when she wrapped her body around mine. Kenna is mine. And I am hers forever.

"You never have to apologize to me for things that are out of your control. None of what happened to you was your fault. He took advantage of you and your kindness. I love you." she stilled a little bit at that last sentence.

"So about that food?" she smiled up at me.

I nod my head distractedly as she detangles herself from me. I said it out loud. I try not to say it out loud too much because it seems to bother her. I say it with my eyes and my body daily but never aloud. I said it before and even then it didn't seem she understood that I really am head over heels in love with her.

The more I'm around her, I start to see what Kai said. She doesn't believe she is lovable. Well, maybe those aren't the right words to use. Maybe I could say that from her experience, people only want her for her body and what she makes them feel. They never make her feel special, like she is the only one in their world. I plan on making her feel what I already know; that she is my one and only. She is the apple of my eye, my everything, my sun, and my stars. She is all I ever see, all I will ever see.

I don't know how I functioned properly without her in my life. I did fine before her but I can't fathom there ever being a moment without her. I am truly fucked. By an itty bitty five foot two inch goddess. I'm not worthy but I'm glad she seems to think I am.

Time has passed since that fateful day but lately, it seems like Kenna was distracted. I don't know what I did to make her distance herself from me. I message her to tell her I'm bringing her lunch but she never responded. I surmise that she's busy with another one of her contractors and drive over to her office with lunch hot in my hand. I greet her receptionist, then head to her office when I hear talking.

"He's gonna find out Kenna." that was Sean, I would know his voice anywhere.

"No, he won't stop being a baby. Put your big girl panties on."

"You're lucky I love you." he loves her? Yeah fucking right, he thinks he loves her.

"I love your face too Sean." she says it playfully but she has never told me that she loves me or my face.

"I like this. Sneaking around. I feel like the winter soldier." they both laugh.

"Dude you're crazy. Speaking of, you're coming over to watch 'One Punch Man' tonight right?" Kenna asks.

"I don't have to go to his house do I?" what the hell is going on? Maybe I shouldn't be listening.

"No we'll be at my place, plus Dany said they're working hard on some project so he's been working late."

"Good 'cause I want you all to myself." that's enough.

I barge in and they immediately look to me. Kenna quickly hid something behind her back while Sean looked like I caught his hand in the cookie jar.

"What's behind your back Kenna?" I ask evenly.

"Nothing just some work." she smiles up at me with those beaming eyes looking innocent then places the laptop she was hiding behind her back into a drawer in her desk.

"Show it to me then." she has always shown me her projects, even the ones she discarded.

"Bro you sound crazy." Sean decided he didn't like his head attached to his shoulders.

"I'll show you fucking crazy." I punched him square in the face. I don't know what came over me but the whole situation seemed sketchy to me. Why were they acting so guilty? Why would she cheat on me when I have done nothing but be the best boyfriend she could ever ask for? With Sean no less!

"What the fuck is wrong with you Axl? You need to get the hell out of my office before I call security." Kenna yelled at me.

"Kenna I told you how I felt about this. And I knew there was something between you two but I believed you when you said there wasn't. You're a fucking liar. You know what, you were right. You are a cold-hearted, manipulative bitch. All I ever did was treat you right and here you are taking advantage of my feelings for you not thinking I'll go anywhere. Well, guess what? You ain't the only pussy out there."

I am fuming at this moment. I didn't mean to say all that stuff. I know she's not emotionless or manipulative but I was angry and I didn't care at that moment. I throw the lunch I bought her on the floor, slammed her office door then screeched out of the parking lot.

I made it to a stoplight hitting my steering wheel cursing because I was wrong and I knew I was wrong. Why the fuck did I say that? But she knew how I felt about Sean. She knew it and she was fucking around with him behind my back anyway. She could literally fuck anyone else on the planet, just not him.

I would honestly forgive her if she was with someone else, that's how fucking deep I was. But Sean, I couldn't forgive her that. I got home but I was so incensed I had to go to the gym to work out my frustration. I pushed out a hard run then let the weights beat at my muscles.

"Looks like someone is working through some things." I turned to see Brigid holding her water bottle.

"You could say that." I put the bar in its place to sit up.

"Wanna talk about it?" Brigid would be a good distraction.

My phone rang. I looked at it and it was Kenna again. I clenched my teeth and stuffed my phone back in my pocket. I didn't want to hear from her.

"Maybe you can stop by my place later, we can talk about it then?" I guess this is the time I really needed a friend. Normally I would call Sebastien but he seemed enamored with Kenna and I expect him to be biased. Maybe later I'll still give him a call.

"Sure. You look like you could really use a friend. Now get out of here and go home to rest or something. I'll be there around eight tonight with some food, okay?"

"Okay mom." I smiled getting up to gather my things.

When I made it home, I noticed Kenna called me eleven times. I bet she feels bad. Good, she should feel bad. I never pegged her for the cheating type but I guess I was wrong. An hour later there was banging at my door. I swing the door open and in walks Dan pushing past me.

"What the actual fuck is your problem Axl? So you're just gonna ignore all of Kenna's calls? If she called you eleven times, like she said she did, then I can assure you you won't be getting any more." Dan was pacing.

"What is my problem? Don't you mean what is her problem, because the last I checked she was cheating on me." I yelled at him putting emphasis on 'she' and 'me'.

"Che-, you thought Kenna was cheating on you?" I couldn't answer because of the way he said that.

"She's not cheating on you dip shit, she was trying to surprise you with tickets to the San Diego comic con this summer. Sean has connections over there and she was trying to get some VIP tickets and pick a nice hotel. My god, here you are handed one of the most genuine people and you fuck it up because of your jealousy issues." Dan threw his hands up in the air in frustration.

"But I heard them?" it was meant to be a statement but it came out as a question. What had I really heard?

"You heard them having sex? Or you heard them plotting to have sex? No, you didn't, you heard a conversation out of context you fucking idiot. I should punch you just like you punched Sean. You're lucky he didn't call the cops on your ass." Dan was pissed. I never heard him curse this much.

"Shit I fucked up. I should call Kenna." I raced to find my phone pressing her name waiting for her to pick up.

"I can tell you right now that she won't pick up. She called you eleven times. She never gives out second chances Axl and you gave up your chance when she called. And don't you dare go over our house because I won't let you. I can't believe you did this to her."

I felt the stupidity of my actions wash over me. I dropped to the couch berating myself for not trusting Kenna. She never gave me any reason to not trust her and here I was letting my green-eyed monster get the best of me. Oh and the mean things I said to her. I just ruined our relationship over a petty misunderstanding.

I kept telling myself she was too good to be true and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was subconsciously waiting for her to do something to prove to me that she was just like everyone else. My mind tricked me into sabotaging my own relationship. I sigh deep pushing air out of my lungs. My doorbell ringing shook me out of my thoughts. Maybe it was Kenna checking up on me.

Dan went to the door before I could get up. "You have got to be fucking kidding me! Really Axl, this is what we do?" He shoved past whoever was at the door.

"What was that about?" I close my eyes. It's Brigid.

"You said you would be here at eight." I said by way of greeting.

"Axl it's seven forty-nine I didn't think you meant on the dot."

"What?" the last I checked, it was coming up on six. I checked the clock and sure enough, it was almost eight. Where did the time go?

"If you made other plans I could just go." she made a move towards the door.

"No, stay. Please." I grabbed her arm to bring her into the kitchen.

"Seriously Axl, what's wrong?" she asks after we got settled.

"I don't want to talk about." I lower my head in shame.

"You're a terrible liar. You're dying to talk about it so let it out." she was wrong, I'm actually a really good liar and Kenna would have known that about me.

"I fucked up with Kenna. I thought she was cheating on me but she wasn't and I think I ruined the relationship."

"What did you do?"

I told her everything that happened, even the evil comment I said to Kenna before storming out. Brigid listened intently not interrupting me. A few times she rolled her eyes or slapped her palm against her forehead.

"Yeah, you fucked up. What are you going to do?" she asked shaking her head.

"I have no clue and I don't think she'll take me back after what I said to her."

"No, I won't buy that. If she's as great as you say she is, then surely she'll take you back but you have got some groveling to do. First, try calling her to see if she answers."

Feeling hope rise in my bones, I give Kenna a call. She didn't answer. I tried again and again but still no answer. I think I called her at least fifty times leaving a multitude of voicemails. I sadly looked at Brigid then dropping my head into my waiting hands. She came over to pat me on the back.

"Don't give up Axl, especially if you love her. Maybe give her a little space. Give it a day or two then try again. Call me if you need anything but I have to be to work in the morning and so do you. Get some rest but definitely take a shower because you stink and it will help you feel better." she let herself out.

Brigid was right, I just need to give Kenna some time to process what happened. Maybe she'll see that it was all an innocent mistake. After I cleaned up the food I got in the shower then to bed for a restless night.