by JanetMon
Carey Thomas found one of her stories ripped off on Amazon. I took a look at other stories by "Amara Boone." The beginning of "Kim" has also been clipped. This "author" has been reported to Amazon, but you can make a comment on this story as the copyright holder.
https://www.amazon.com/NEW-LIFE-Lesbian-romance-fiction-ebook/dp/B07TYF6SQW/ref=sr_1_56?qid=1578841306&refinements=p_27%3AAmara+Boone&s=digital-text&sr=1-56&text=Amara+Boonekeywords=Amara+Boone&qid=1578840805&sr=8-15
Oh I do like this. Maybe because I can so relate to Kim, but also because you sketch her out so sympathetically. Looking forward to more.
So what's wrong with 'wordy'? As an advocate and practitioner of the slow-burn build-up myself, I can't see a thing wrong with this chapter. You are setting a scenario very nicely, a scenario which encourages the reader to go forward to the next chapter. So be as 'wordy' as you need to be, Janet, it all helps to make a story more interesting.
I had to start skimming to maintain interest. Too descriptive. After a brief description, move the story forward
this started out as being a good series, but when I started reading number 7, and 8, I thought what happened