Kinesics

"What?" Asked Tamara looking at me inquiringly.

"He just spotted you! And I just hope this poor guy won't have a stroke from the shock!" I said enthusiastically and Tamara laughed loudly. She looked at me with squinted eyes and an expectant expression. "Shit, I can almost read his thoughts! First he was like 'maybe I'm not the biggest down there, but at least no one could stand a chance with me', but then his eyes encountered your silhouette and I can swear to you, this guy's brain froze for a moment! Now he is at phase one: 'disbelief'. Watch him closely, he will look in your direction at least five times, if not more. Now he can't process what he just saw. But immediately he stopped flexing himself! Subconsciously he knows that there is no longer any point to do that! As if something... well someone... took all the air from his lungs."

Indeed, it seemed the guy's body language changed in a matter of a few seconds. I couldn't really blame him or swagger over him. I knew first-handedly that seeing Tamara for the first time might be a life changing experience. For this dude, the sight of a taller, bigger and most likely stronger female, was like a devastating blow in the guts of his ego. A guy, who probably most of his life considered himself at the top of the hierarchy, suddenly found right at the moment that it was all a mirage. An innocent idea of going to the nude beach with his hot girlfriend turned into a humiliation fest. For sure he will have a couple of sleepless nights afterwards.

I looked at Tamara again, trying to figure out what she would think in such situations. Were reactions like these amusing for her? Annoying? Or maybe completely meaningless, as it would befit a person with a natural calmness and self-awareness like her? How does she feel when something like this happens? Because it has to happen very often for her.

Thinking about it made me realize that my attempts to be funny with kinesics reading of this guy, may be perceived as an unnecessary mockery by Tamara. That she could see it as my arrogant self-aggrandizement. After all, we just met and for her I was no one. A random dude. Making fun of this guy's shock, the same gut-twisting shock I was feeling yesterday and today, all of sudden appeared for me as kind of juvenile and because of that I decided to change narration to more professional and honest.

"But who am I to judge his reaction? I can identify with his thought process, because it's really hard to believe at first, that someone like you can even exist." I said to Tamara, glancing at her, to see if it caused any reaction. And while she was still looking at that couple, her stoic face hadn't changed much, but the barely recognizable micro grimace and something in her eyes, let me believe that my words surprised her a bit. "Did you notice? He glanced at you again, to reassure himself that he really saw what he saw. Now his head is full of questions. 'Who is it?' 'How is that possible?' It is hard to swallow for him, that's certain. He already didn't feel well being here and now it's even more difficult. A feeling of almost being emasculated. Look now, suddenly something itchy happened around his left temple, of course he needs to scratch it and yeah, create a cover for his face, to physically separate himself from the view which hit him so hard. Did you also notice that he has sped up? He wants to leave our proximity as fast as he can."

I didn't say to Tamara that I noticed one more thing, that his girlfriend also spotted her. But her shock had a little different foundation. This chick allowed herself to take a few more glances at Tamara, each one more and more curious. I could read through her mind also, seeing these questions 'what if...?' and 'how would it be to touch those muscles?'... She even stopped her boyfriend and pointed at Tamara with her chin, not even trying to be discreet. And then he looked at Tamara once again, but he pretended in front of his second half that he didn't notice Tamara earlier!

"He looked at you three times already, this time he pretended..." I started to talk, but Tamara interrupted me with an amused voice. As with her other reactions, this amusement was very toned down.

"Yeah, I saw what he did." She shrugged her shoulders and turned towards me completely.

"Wait, watch him, for sure he will take one last look..." I said, but Tamara didn't even flinch. Her green eyes were piercing mine.

"I know that he will." Her calm, yet adamant statement threw me off tracks again. She was oozing confidence without even trying!

"Heh, what have you done to this poor guy, he won't..." I wanted to say that he won't sleep at night, but Tamara again cut me off.

"I did nothing. All reactions were on his side." She said casually, almost nonchalantly, but her words contained an underlining. What I could read between the lines meant that she didn't feel responsible for someone's shock or any sentiments correlated with his or her initial reaction. She just was present. She could easily increase her intimidating power by the adequate behavior, but she didn't. And I felt that it was a message also for me.

"Yes, you're right." I agreed, because there was no other option.

"Listen, Roy, I must admit that was fun, but..." Hearing that I had an instant panic attack, thinking that she wanted to say goodbye and walk away, but yet again this unique woman was about to surprise me. A mysterious and this time dominant smile appeared on her face. "...this was merely a schoolyard play, don't you think? It's easy to judge strangers and analyze their behavior, body language behind their back. It's a comfort zone. And staying within that zone isn't the way towards progress."

"Don't get me wrong, I don't do that to feel better at someone's expense or just for a mockery. Usually I do this just for myself, as a form of mind exercise." I desperately tried not to show my desperation, but had a feeling that it was exactly what she was thinking. That my whole interest in kinesics served one purpose - to boost my ego.

"Relax. I know." She said as calmly as earlier, but this simple word 'relax' was like an order. At least I had this feeling. Tamara lifted her hands to adjust one of her braids, of course if there was something needed to be adjusted. Whether it was my suspicion or she really had to do that, this normal feminine gesture made me almost faint as I could witness for the first time the sheer size of Tamara's biceps. Seeing these two globes of heavy and massive flesh was a tremendous view and she didn't even flex them! I tried to mask my shock as well as I could, while she smiled quite innocently and said. "Okay, if that was an exercise, what do you say about a little exam?"

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly the same as what you were doing, but maybe a little bit more challenging. I'd like to hear your kinesics analysis and background supposition of myself."

"Of you?"Duuuuh! She just said that, moron... I only could hope that my internal scream was... only internal.

"Yeah, I'm really curious to hear what you may think. You know, I was impressed by a few of your observations earlier, it may be an interesting experience to be analyzed in this way." Tamara was smiling widely and in a friendly way since I started talking with her. And if it was a different person, I may think that she was trying to butter me up with flattery. But there was nothing in her facial expression which would indicate dishonesty. Moreover, Tamara seemed to be above such petty games and manipulation.

In the past I had done some show-offs with my kinesics knowledge to impress girls I liked or those who I wanted to score. It was a nice and easy 'leg spreader', to sell them some sweet bullshit, about how their body language highlights non-existent amazing features of their characters. In most cases it was enough, a couple of flatteries, a couple of smart and fancy words and they were all wet. And in most cases I was the initiating side, not the other way.

I knew that it wouldn't work on Tamara. It would be stupid to even try it, even more - it would be absolutely inappropriate and wrong. Because I had a lot of respect for her. It made me realize that I was quite a douchebag with those girls in the past. And it wasn't the most pleasant conclusion for me...

"Wow, okay, challenge accepted!" I exhaled prolongedly, as if I didn't even notice that I held my breath. I knew it would be a tough task, considering Tamara's stoic personality and level of control. The fact that she was so colossal and intimidating would not be helpful either. However the biggest difficulty I saw was my attraction to her, I couldn't deny that this woman fascinated me like none other before. But no risk, no fun, right? I couldn't chicken out.

"What is my body language telling you?" Tamara asked as if she wanted to give me an easier start.

"Right now or overall?"

"Let's start with the present."

"Okay..." I nodded and looked at her face, so pretty in a unique, intriguing and dangerous way. Her overwhelmingly massive body was also quite intimidating. "Right now, your face and whole posture show that you're relaxed, your arms hang freely, one knee is a bit bent. There is no visible tension, your muscles are loosened, albeit they look so big as if they are constantly flexed." I said with a sly smirk and was rewarded by a soft chuckle. "If there are some emotions, they are well toned down, I can only say that your half-opened lips and slightly raised eyebrows may indicate curiosity and some kind of anticipation. But the main impression of you is stillness, even in the face of something that would make many people nervous or on alert. "

"Generally people don't like to hear an insight analysis of their behavior or character, whether the person who is about to do that is someone close to them, a professional, like a therapist or like now, a stranger. They would be suspicious, leery, dismissive, afraid or even hostile. They would expect fraud, barely covert insults, manipulation attempts, mockery, etc... But you know that nothing I will say can insult you." She smiled tellingly and I figured out what she could have thought, so I quickly added. "Ah, let me clarify! Not because I would avoid any observation which you might not like, you know, like a total kissass." Another soft chuckle. "But because you know yourself, as I suspect your calmness springs from your confidence, self-esteem and a really impressive self-awareness. And from your strength, not only your obvious physical power..."

I made a circle with my hand, cursorily pointing at her body. "... but mostly from your mental durability and experience. So, if I made a mistake or a wrong, unfair assumption, you wouldn't take it as an offense, because deep inside you would know that it's not true."

"Hm... Interesting." That was her complete comment, only combined with this trademarked smirk and curious sight. "And what are your overall insights? What else did you observe?"

"Well, from what I was able to observe, there is one thing which is stepping out. It is your ability to control your reactions. You're cool like a stone cold killer, there is hardly anything that can surprise, startle or bother you. I would assume that there are few reasons for that. Firstly, I think you meditate on a daily basis. What makes me think that way is this stillness and mindfulness, combined with your body awareness. It allows you to control your emotions and body, because you experience everything in a more introverted, toned down way. Secondly, what keeps coming to my mind is that you probably served in the military or the police forces, more likely the first option I'd say. A few things speak in favour of that guess. This mental attitude comes from training and experience, the rest are of course your posture, that muscular body and those scars." I made a pause, because talking directly about Tamara's muscles and scars was causing a spread of weird, weakening warmth within my own body. As if tag teams of fear and shame were fighting with attraction and arousal.

And I wanted to check how she would react to my observations, most certainly I had her full attention. She was listening carefully to my every word, slightly squinted eyes and that mysterious soft smile wandering around her mouth. Those pouty, voluptuous lips were killing me, they were the most captivating part of her face. I couldn't get rid of the thought of how amazing it would be to kiss them...

"You said that I was in the military, so I guess you assumed I'm no longer in the service, right? Who am I then? What do you think I do for a living?" Again, Tamara didn't confirm or deny anything I said. But she gave me some hints, making me more convinced that my theories were right on track. Tamara mentioned only serving in the armed forces, not the police. But her other questions, well, here my kinesics knowledge couldn't tell me a lot, I had to go with my intuition and deduction skills then.

"Are you aware that I can only guess or in the best case extrapolate, based on some hints and mostly my intuition?"

"Yes, but I still want to hear this. I'm sincerely curious. And you showed earlier that it wasn't a problem..." Vibrant and provocative sparks appeared in her eyes.

"Eh, okay, but at least promise to be lenient, in case I talk complete nonsense."

"Hah, don't worry, you have my word." Tamara smiled widely, clearly enjoying our unusual conversation.

"So what job could a woman like you have?" I asked rhetorically. "One may say, going to the obvious and easiest conclusion that you must be a professional bodybuilder, but personally I think it's not true, at least not entirely. I don't think that you make money by posing on stage, selling supplements, workout programs or advertising... or other stuff that bodybuilders do, I suppose. Not because you wouldn't be a great bodybuilder though, I'm not an expert on this topic, but it requires one look at your body to notice that you have it all, size, definition, symmetry, etc..." It was another time where I said compliments about Tamara's body, but she didn't react at all. It takes a really strong confidence, self-belief, but also a healthy ego, to not feel flattered by hearing such words, to not let those words take control over us.

"There are more potential careers which would fit someone built like you, I don't know, powerlifting, biathlon or some other olympic sport like... eeer... shot put? But I would brush aside them all. You're an athlete, but you don't work as an athlete. That musculature wasn't built only in a gym, but my thesis is that it was built during service in the army, also during military exercises. Of course, I'm sure that you train hard, probably everyday and lift a shitload of weights, but it's more like a hobby, no, a habit! A part of your life, your daily routine and discipline. You like workouts, enjoy them also, but I doubt that your goals are to... I don't know, gain another inch in your arms or to have amazing abs... not that you haven't them, of course! It all comes as a bonus, but you train to be..." I wanted to say 'a killing machine', but fortunately I bit my tongue. "...to be efficient, durable, strong, all those in practical meaning. As a former soldier."

"Former soldier and current... what? You still didn't answer my question."

"Believe me, I'm trying to get there." Despite the fact that our conversation went back to that weird verbal chessboard, I was enjoying it fully! It was a new experience for me, challenging and forcing me to think outside the box, to rewire some thought routes and schemes. And Tamara was fascinating me more and more with every minute I spent talking to her. "To be honest, during such conjectural guessing there are endless possibilities of which path you could choose in life. But I will stick to my initial thesis about the military. These are my other assumptions. First of all, I frankly doubt that you ended your service as a simple private or petty officer. I'm not an expert in this topic either, but I would bet that you achieved higher commanding ranks. And you were good at it, in leading your subordinates..."

"Let's suppose for a moment that you are correct." Tamara interrupted me, apparently she got interested in what I was saying. Her facial expression didn't change at all and she didn't confirm anything, but still that interruption gave me the confidence that I had to be on the right track. "Why do you think I would be good as a commander?"

"Because you have a mixture of fitting physical traits, which combined with each other gives you, of course in my unprofessional eyes, an advantage, which makes you a good officer material. You are cool-headed and calm, and seem to have an analytical mind. Those combined with your intelligence, confidence and discipline would allow you to assess the situation and give the right orders. But that's not all. You don't seem to be the type of officer who would demand obedience, while sitting safely behind the frontline. No, you're next to the action, you're leading your people giving a personal example. And that makes other soldiers trust and respect you. Also, your presence is respectable, in a physical way. Your height, body, voice, face... I mean..." I was thinking how to put it into words. "... it's atavistic, but other people will more willingly follow the lead of someone tall, strong, intimidating, masterful, commanding and so on, than obviously someone short, fragile and with a squeaky voice. Even if that short person would be super competent, skilled. That person would have to constantly prove his or her own capability in front of subordinates."

As I finished, Tamara went silent for a moment, most likely processing what I just said. I was aware that I let my intuition guide me, maybe even too far, but that was something that happened to me from time to time. A unique setting of mind and a trance-like flow, which as I wanted to believe allows me to see more and do almost flawless kinesics analysises. In such moments I felt like William Graham from the Hannibal Lecter franchise.

I looked into Tamara's eyes and saw a little change there. As if she was impressed.

"So... will you finally tell me which job you think I have?" She asked quietly and I realized that she got closer to me! Not much, maybe half of a step, but she was visibly closer. I didn't even notice it! She must have done it during these short moments when I was wondering what to say and looking in different directions, not at her.

Why would she do that? There could be a couple of reasons, most likely three. Three "I" as I used to call it.

Interest - A natural reaction when something catches the interlocutor's attention. The usual personal distance is between eighteen and thirty inches, sometimes more, depending on the situation, people involved or culture differences. So, if during a conversation, one person will get interested in what the second person is saying, the most likely he or she can come closer in order to 'hear better'. Was that Tamara's reason? Maybe, possibly.

The second option was Intimidation. One invades the personal space to simply scare or bring others to heel. Like a teacher may get closer to the rude, disobedient student, in order to establish the dominant energy. But, I'll repeat myself - Tamara didn't have to behave like that to intimidate me. Her sheer size and energy were causing a myriad of emotions, including the inferior and submissive types.

But what about the third "I"? This was a reason about which I didn't allow myself to even dream of. "I" for getting Intimate. I think I don't need to explain more...

"I think that after leaving the army, you started your own business. I can't possibly guess which branch it would be, but I'm sure that it is somehow connected with the military area, I don't know, security, weaponry, surveillance, protection, investigations, convoying... But something where you can use your knowledge, experience and also skills in managing people. That would be my guess."