La Vida Loca Ch. 03: Final

I'd like to thank all of you for giving this story a chance. I appreciate all the feedback below both parts. The final part is here and all Vida's secrets will be revealed. But whether she and Gunnar would stay together or the secret would cause even more problems - you have to read it - to find out! :)

This story wouldn't be that smooth if not for my wonderful editors: Bunkerhill and Arontrask78 - I am forever grateful!! Special thanks to Bunkerhill who agreed to work on such a crazy long story - 50k words! Thank you so much!

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Vida's phone was dead all day Saturday. And for Sunday too. And for Monday as well. Nothing.Nada. No signal and only a robotic female voice tormenting me with her phrase: 'please try again...' So I was trying - during those three days I was calling her almost every hour, while mentally struggling.

First of all, I simply worried for Vida's safety. Terrifying thoughts were haunting me all the time. She sounded so ominous at the end! What if she left my apartment and something horrible happened to her? An accident? Or some wacko assaulted her? Miami is not the safest city in the US, right? These visions were mortifying. I tried to rationalize them with various scenarios that her phone just got broken, or she lost it or even, in the worst case, someone stole it. But Vida was fine, healthy, and unharmed. That's what I was convincing myself to think.

But to be honest, I felt powerless. This situation didn't differ much from that before the party - the fact that this time I had Vida's number didn't change anything. I still had no way to contact her. Even if she would turn on her phone, she could have just... not answered it. Actually, I would expect her not to pick up my calls, considering the way she left my place.

I didn't know where she lived and basically, there were only two spots where I could have met her - the gym and that fucking Seven-Eleven in Flagrami district.

So, I tried the first place on Saturday. Because of my nervousness I even forgot about the futsal session and just stood my friends up. I went to the gym almost an hour earlier than usual and stayed there until closing. I wasn't focused on workout, it didn't matter.

Vida didn't show up.

And the same went with Sunday and Monday. However, I kept going to the gym for the next few days, trying different hours. But it was all in vain.

I also tried to... it sounds really pathetic when I say it out loud... to sit in my car in the parking lot next to that Seven-Eleven, where I dropped Vida every time. I spent almost two hours there, watching people going in and out and from time to time, walking around the supermarket and areas nearby. But not only was it futile, it also made me feel like an idiot. Like a complete moron and even a creepy stalker. After one attempt I abandoned that idea. I would rather not let myself be controlled by some teenage obsession. It wasn't me.

I thought that there would be a better chance with the gym and I even asked the chicks at the reception if Vida showed up there, under the pretext that I found something in the parking lot, which I believed was hers. But they couldn't help me, probably because of personal data protection policy.

However, did Vida really dump me if we even weren't really together? Can a relationship which doesn't even exist be broken like that? Her note, if it even can be called that, didn't say anything about her not wanting to see me again, only that she was sorry.

I didn't get it, that evening was so great, everything between us seemed to be on the right track! I felt her real emotions! Her real self! And she decided to get away from it after that?!

Vida's disappearance made me go through the modified version of five stages of grief. First one - was fear - like I said, I was worried about her. Who wouldn't be? But after a week of searching for her and also following the local news about accidents, missing persons and so on, I was sure that nothing bad happened to her.

Vida simply ran away.

And that conclusion put me in the second stage - anger. I felt hurt and deceived. Again, who could really blame me for feeling that way?

Vida didn't want to continue whatever was between us? Fine! She should say so! I would have been able to accept it after some time. It wouldn't be easy because I really started to fall in love with her, but I would have swallowed that bitter pill somehow. I was a grown up man. I had coping mechanisms. But she did that in... a cowardly way. I believed that I deserved some closure. Some explanations. To hear the truth, even if it would be hurtful!

I was aware that there had to be something tragic behind her reasons, but whatever it was, she really could tell me, in particular, if she wanted to end our... thing. Just to be clear and honest with me.

Although, next time a thought about the Vida's mystery came to my mind, I went into phase three - sadness. My anger subsided, at least temporarily, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

I knew that Vida truly suffered because of whatever she was struggling with. Two things she said were coming to me over and over again.

'Enjoy it while it lasts' and that dilemma of hers, the choice between being selfish and dishonest or being happy. I couldn't get rid of the crushing thought that Vida was terminally ill. Many pieces of information seemed to fit that theory. She didn't want to invest fully into a relationship, she didn't want to undertake the steps people who date each other normally take. How long did it take until she even gave me her phone number? And there were the migraines she was suffering from. She was taking a really huge amount of strong painkillers on a daily basis.

But there were other clues that were suggesting something else. Vida seemed to have low self-esteem concerning her education, job and her personality too. She was judging herself really harshly, like she spoke about not being a good match for anybody. That she was far from being an angel.

And she was very secretive about her relatives, her parents in particular. Was she coming out of some pathological family and was ashamed of it? Addicts? Domestic violence in the picture?

The next week I was on the continuous emotional rollercoaster. I felt as if I was being tossed between sadness and anger, and overall depression. Completely deflated, I was going to the gym everyday, but Vida didn't show up.

Finally, the fourth stage came - resignation. I was slowly giving up hope that I would meet Vida again. And it was tearing up my heart. I only stronger realized that I missed her. That I had true feelings for her. And I wanted her in my life. But life had different plans for me. Yup, that didn't sound pompous at all.

I knew what the fifth stage was. Acceptation for the loss. But I didn't feel that I was ready for it.

***

After those nearly two weeks of struggle, my life eventually came back to normal, more or less. I wasn't happy, I didn't make peace with it yet, but I had no other choice than to live the way I had lived before I met Vida. Which was pretty dull. It was only a sad reminder how exciting those days were when I was meeting with her.

But it was what it was, I had to suck it up. When another boring Wednesday came I went to the gym, mentally slapping myself to stop feeling even a figment of hope to see Vida. And it was a proper attitude, as she wasn't there, obviously. But it would be pointless to deny that I felt disappointment. It was stronger than me.

After another half-hearted workout, as unsurprisingly, I had trouble finding motivation, I threw my bag on the backseat of my car and headed home.

I was lost in thought, which began to be my new state of mind, so I didn't realize at first that there was a motorcycle behind me, almost on my bumper. I noticed him when he flashed me a few times with his headlights. What the hell? I checked my speedometer, but I wasn't speeding or - what could be even more infuriating for guys like him - going obnoxiously slow. So, what did he want?

I got closer to the right side of the road in case he would have wanted to pass me, but he kept driving right behind me. I even slowed down and he did the same. Then I sped up and he did it too. Fuck!

I started to wonder if I accidentally cut him off, and he had a classic road rage attack. Or if I even had to do anything to make that douchebag angry. He was sitting on my tail. I was getting close to my apartment and the guy looked as if he was willing to confront me, so instead of driving straight to my block I pulled over at the nearest gas station. Better not to show psychos where I lived.

I parked at the side, opened my door and stepped out of my car. The motorcyclist stopped nearby, jumped off his vehicle and started to walk in my direction. He was kind of short, but his jeans and leather jacket looked pretty filled.

While I was nervously thinking what to grab as an improvised weapon if things got nasty, the motorcyclist took off his... or rather her helmet. Because it was a girl. With black hair.

It was Vida.

I was shocked and I wasn't at the same time. It was her style, to appear like this, out of nowhere. My mind went blank for a moment, but I could feel that emotions were starting to churn up in me. Not the positive ones.

She came closer, and I was intensely staring at her. My expression most likely wasn't very friendly, but I couldn't help it. All that mental hassle I went through over the past two weeks suddenly came back to me. Well, I was seeing the reason for all of that, standing right in front of me.

Vida's face was paler than before, and she had shadows under her eyes. She appeared to be tired, but even more - she seemed guilty. Good, she should be, I thought, gritting my teeth. Her dark, sad eyes gazed straight into mine, but she looked down quickly.

"I was looking for you, Gunnar," she said tentatively and looked at me again. She raised her hand, as if wanted to reach toward me, and dropped it immediately, seeing me standing tensely. What did she expect? That we will fall into each other's arms?

"Oh, really? Wow! That's so unexpected," I said sarcastically. Then I sighed and shook my head in disbelief, adding with a morose and bitter tone "Vida, you have my number, and you know where I live. You didn't have to 'look for me'. It could be done much, much easier than chasing me on the motorcycle. And much earlier."

"I know, I just wanted... to see you in person. I'm sorry, Gunnar. I'm... I'm an idiot. A complete mess." Her voice cracked, and she dropped her head.

Vida stood like this for a moment, looking at the ground. Some part of me wanted to touch her shoulder, but the other - stronger one - didn't. That second part won, but not without internal struggle. So I waited until she collected herself.

She raised her wet eyes and gazed at me. "I wanted to speak with you, Gunnar. I'm aware that... you may not want that anymore. Any of that... But please, give me a chance to... at least try to set this right."

"Well, I told you already that we could talk anytime you want. And you're wrong. I want to hear what you have to say. You owe me that." I said dryly.

Vida nodded and swallowed hard. I noticed that she was nervously clicking the windshield of her helmet. "You're right. I promise that I'll tell you everything that I should have told you earlier... But I was scared." Vida winced ruefully, and looked aside for a moment. "Will you go with me to a spot where we can talk?"

"Where exactly, Vida? I don't feel in the mood for all these surprises and mysteries anymore." I said with a wry smirk, but without humor. Seriously, I felt fed up with these crazy ideas. But to be honest, on the other hand, I missed them a bit too. I felt torn, not only with that.

Vida blinked surprised, but said hastily. "It's on the beach, very close to your apartment. Only a five-minute ride from here."

"All right. Let's go then. Go first, and I'll follow you," I said to her and could see that again she was a bit disappointed.

"Oh. I thought..." She hesitated, but then made up her mind. "Okay, nevermind, follow me then."

She put the helmet on and got on the motorcycle. I hopped into my car, and soon we were driving on the main road. Together, but separately. How meaningful...

I was watching Vida's back and wondering if whatever was between us was still possible to be salvaged. The more I thought about that the less hope I had. It all depended on what she was about to tell me. If she finally would be completely honest and transparent with me. But if she were like this, that still could mean the end, considering what her previous words indicated. Eh, fuck... We were between a rock and a hard place...

Vida was right, it took us about five minutes to get to the small parking lot near the beach entrance. We parked next to each other.

"I didn't even know that you have a motorcycle. But what did I know in the first place, right?" I said to her. It came out sharply. God! I felt so sour, but I couldn't help it.

Vida dropped her eyes and for a moment was silent. Then she said "It's my cousin's. I told you that he has one."

"Ah, yes, indeed," I answered, recalling that she actually told me about that. If that was the truth, obviously. Nothing was sure anymore.

Vida glanced at me and I could see that she was hurt by my attitude, but tried to swallow it. Well, if she had some integrity after all, she should know that my behavior was rather justified.

She surprised me when she answered, as if referring directly to my thoughts. An emotional pain could be heard in her voice. "I know, Gunnar, that you think I'm a liar. That I was nothing but dishonest toward you. You have every right to think and feel that way. I just wanted to assure you that I didn't lie with what I told you about myself, my family and so on. I admit, it wasn't a lot, but it was all true. But, yes, I was dishonest with you in a way... because I hid other facts."

I took some time to answer, as we walked along the beach. It was a nice sunset, very romantic scenery. But the vibe between us was nothing of the sort, unfortunately.

"I don't know what to think about any of this, Vida. What is the truth, what is not... It all became really fucked up." I shook my head, as we sat down on the still warm sand.

She nodded slowly and turned her face toward the coastline. In the orange light of the setting sun, her skin resembled pure gold. She looked so beautiful, yet weirdly tragic.

"I just hope that when you hear that, you will be able to... to forgive me. That it'll give you some understanding of why everything involving me is so fucked up. That you won't think..." Her voice cracked, and she grunted. "That you won't think badly of me, when we... when we... you know." She finished almost voicelessly, looking hopelessly at me.

I knew what she meant at the end. And just like her, I didn't want to say or hear it loudly.

"Then tell me Vida, what that secret is. Start with the reason why you left in the middle of the night, and your phone was dead. You know how fucking worried I was? How scared I was about you?!" I exclaimed, but that was the truth. All these emotions were hitting me again with a great force.

She looked at me, blinking rapidly. I saw tears gathering in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Gunnar, I didn't want you to feel that way," she whispered and went silent, turning her face away from me. I was waiting and she continued after a while. Her voice was shaky. "There were two reasons why I left that night. I got a text from my aunt that..." she took a deep breath "That my mom felt bad and had to be taken to a hospital."

Hearing that, halted my anger a bit. Family issues again? I had that thought in the back of my head, it could be yet another excuse, but Vida didn't seem to be lying. Or I was a complete sucker? I truly had no way to determine which.

I sighed and said in a calmer tone "Okay, I understand that. I hope she is fine now. You could text me just to let me know. But you didn't want to do that, apparently. I guess that was because of the second reason, right?"

"Yes. I just freaked out, Gunnar! I panicked!" Vida burst out in a whining voice.

"Freaked out? But because of what?"

Vida sighed. "That evening with you was so beautiful, and I realized that we got really close... Too close." She started to explain, but I couldn't stand it and interrupted her abruptly.

"Oh, for fuck's sake! Are you serious right now?" I made a facepalm and she went silent. With an annoyed tone, I continued "You freaked out because we got too close? Because being close with me was so terrible for you? Unacceptable? Because you'd preferred to keep me as a guy who you could occasionally fuck and then move on, when you got bored?"

"I never treated you like that, Gunnar!¡Nunca, jamás! It's not like that, you don't get it!" She raised her voice too, but with more desperate tones.

Vida fixed her eyes on the horizon and tears started to roll down her cheeks. It was squeezing my heart to see her in that state. I wanted to treat her like I did earlier, like the girl I spent such a great time with, like the person I started to fall in love with. I felt as if some words needed to be said, but I wasn't so sure anymore.

"I'm sorry," she mouthed.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. I felt as if I was losing my normal self. Yes, I was hurt, but it didn't mean that I had to hurt her in return.

I turned to her and said "I'm sorry too, Vida. I told you that I will listen, and now I'm behaving like this. But your disappearance fucked me up really hard. I'm confused. You know that there was a time that I even thought that you gave me a false name? I accidentally heard someone calling you Maria during the phone call... Then the situation with the cops confirmed that your name is Vida, and I was even more confused," I admitted and shook my head.

We were sitting for a moment in silence, so close to each other physically, yet we couldn't be more distant.

"It's my mother..." Vida mumbled quietly and I barely understood that.

"What?"

"Maria. It's my mother," she repeated, this time looking in my eyes. She nodded knowingly, seeing my confusion. "I can guess what you are thinking right now. Yes, my mother's name is Maria. She is the reason for... for everything, to put it simply."

"What are you saying?" I asked, totally baffled.

Vida winced apologetically. "¡Mierda... I'm sorry, Gunnar, I know that I'm incoherent, but it really isn't easy to say." She took a big breath and then blurted out at once "My mother is ill. She has severe schizophrenia."

Oh, fuck... That news hit me like a baseball bat. I had no answer for it. Crestfallen, I was gazing at Vida. All of a sudden many of the puzzle pieces finally began to find their places. But it all went in a really dramatic direction.

She looked at me with a resigned expression and continued, her tone seemed flat. "When we were in your car after... you know... she called me while being on the verge of another episode. That's why she sounded like she did, that's why she was calling me by her own name. She was already detaching from reality. And now, since... the day I left your apartment, she had a really hard bout, and she was in the secure facility for a few days. Again, for the umpteenth time in her life."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Vida," I croaked with a weird voice, which hardly sounded like my own.

Vida made a hard-to-read gesture with her hand and dropped her head. For a moment, she was repetitively grabbing sand and letting it spill from between her fingers, clearly lost in her thought.

I was sitting stiffly, shocked by that revelation. It didn't explain everything, but it explained a lot, for sure. Not in a good way, though. I couldn't wrap my head around that news. It was impossible to even imagine what Vida had to go through having a mentally ill mother, how everything in her life had to be affected by this.