La Vida Loca Ch. 03: Final

I was expecting such a reaction from her, as I was aware how it could look from her point of view. Money for me was the least of my problems, but I felt that Vida perceived the whole situation with her possible mental illness as humiliating, so in addition, depending on me financially, could only make this worse for her. Having this in mind, I tried to phrase that differently.

"Listen, I really care about you getting the best possible medical attention. If this Bernstein is really the top one, then you should see him. I want to help you, so please, just let me take care of it, Vida. I understand your reservations, so if you really want, we can treat it as a loan. But for me, the most important thing is to help you. How about that?" I said that calmly, but also decisively. I was truly convinced that Vida should see the best possible specialists to have a comprehensive diagnosis. So, yeah, that was the checker on the chessboard I was intending to defend.

Vida bit her lip, then shook her head with a crooked smile. "You won't give up with that idea, will you?"

"Of course not. You can't win that one. We Icelanders can be obnoxiously stubborn. That's why we survived for so long on the fucking piece of rock and ice." I chuckled cheerfully and to my joy, Vida joined me.

"Okay, okay, have it your way, Gunnar," she said and gave me the first honest smile. It was so good to see that!

"So, we have the plan settled. C'mon, I'll walk you home. I need to make some calls and book the visit," I said to her, standing up.

We walked back to her house in silence, but this time it was peaceful. No tension, no drama. Just a feeling of relief... and hope. Vida stopped next to the fence and I turned to her.

"Okay, Vida, I'll let you know when I manage to set a date for a visit to Dr. Bernstein. Please, turn on your phone," I told her substantively.

"Yes, of course," she answered. And when I was about to say goodbye, she held my forearm. "Gunnar, thank you. It means a lot to me. You can't even imagine how much. You are the first person, who ever..." She suddenly interrupted, and slowly, as if unsurely, got closer to me and hugged me tightly. I embraced her shoulders and pulled her toward me. She pressed her face to my chest. We stood like that for a while. I knew that it was her way of saying... a lot of things. It was delightful to hold her in my arms again, but I had to go, so I kissed her on top of her head and released her from my hug.

"I got you, Vida," I said strongly, wanting her to know that. "We're in touch."

Then I walked away, heading to my car. I felt weird, simultaneously exhausted and full of energy. It wasn't an easy talk, as nothing was easy in that situation. No one said that it would be easy - only now I began to appreciate that cliché slogan. But the silver lining was that Vida agreed to my idea. That was a light at the end of the tunnel and I wanted to see it as an exit, not as an incoming train.

***

Dr. Bernstein seemed to be a nice guy via phone and not only because I used the most compelling language in the world - money. He had a free spot a few days after I talked with Vida, so I booked it instantly.

Straight away I called Vida and to my pleasant surprise, not only was her phone on, but she picked up after one ring, as if waiting for my call. She seemed to be elated to hear me. Well, needless to say that I was happy for that.

The day of the visit, I drove to Vida's house and found her already waiting on the porch. She appeared to be nervous, but also somehow... reconciled? I would even risk stating that, for the first time since... probably ever, she looked as if she allowed herself to have hope.

Nevertheless, I could notice the change in her mood and behavior. She wasn't so engrossed in despair anymore, she still seemed to be lost in her thoughts, but right before the first examination, it was perfectly understandable. We drove to Bernstein's office in silence. I was only glancing at her pretty profile and pouty lips.

After we arrived at the place, and we were sitting in the luxury waiting room, Vida looked like a bundle of nerves. She didn't complain at all, keeping everything to herself, but I could see that she was stressed. It was almost contagious, but I fought it off and tried to remain as calm as possible. I had to be her rock, so I was. I held her hand and when Dr Bernstein finally called her to the office, I gave her a strong, reassuring hug. She smiled ruefully and went inside.

It seemed to be a long wait, so it was good that I had a considerable library on my phone. I could catch up with reading and not overthinking everything.

Vida spent almost two hours in the office. But that was a proof for me that Bernstein was treating his patients seriously and doing thorough interviews. When the door of his office opened, Vida came out and chatted with him in the doorway. Then she returned to me. I grabbed my stuff, and we left the waiting room.

Vida seemed to be tired and confused, which of course wasn't surprising at all. I suggested we go to the nearby café. It was quite a nice place, and we ordered two black coffees. As we sat down at the table, I asked: "So, how did it go? What did he tell you?" I was barely holding my curiosity. But, as I was aware that Vida most likely received a lot of information at once, I wanted to give her space to tell me all at her own pace.

"Oh God, what he didn't tell me! How long was I there? Two hours? It felt like eight. But one thing I have to admit, Bernstein is really good. I mean, he's meticulous and compassionate, as a doctor. He didn't miss any aspect." Vida smiled and took a sip of coffee. "Okay, but to the point. So... he said that it can't be confirmed for one hundred percent yet, and it requires more tests and interviews, but... he doesn't think it's schizophrenia," she said and looked at me with a hard-to-read expression. As if she weren't sure how I would react or even how she should do that.

"Wow! I mean, I don't want to jump through the roof too early because it's preliminary, but... still promising at the very least, right?" I touched the top of her hand and she smiled, although rather faintly.

"Yeah, it is." Her reaction didn't show much joy, but I figured out she didn't want to hold on to hope too early. Vida sipped coffee and continued. "But still, it has to be checked further. And about my mental health in general, Bernstein said that I have obvious signs of depression and some other issues because of stress, but in his opinion it's nothing I couldn't deal with some therapy, healthy lifestyle, workouts, and the help of my... close ones." Vida dropped her eyes, but smirked meaningfully, and it made my heart speed up.

"Then we're gonna deal with each one of those issues. Together. Right?" I reached to her cheek and stroked it. Her dark eyes sparkled.

"Yes. We'll do that," Vida said with more enthusiasm, but straight away got serious again. "Listen, Gunnar, I spoke with Bernstein a lot about my migraines. In fact, they worried him the most. He said that these symptoms are alarming and that I have to have neurological examinations, like MRI or CT scans. Actually, he gave me a referral for them," she finished quietly.

"So, you'll do them. Actually, give me a minute, I know one place. Two years ago I was doing an MRI scan of my knee there, as I had suspected a torn ACL after a very 'light and friendly' futsal session. I'll call them and see if they have an available date," I said and took out my phone.

I called the reception of that clinic, and it turned out that they had a free spot the next day. I put them on the speaker, so Vida could hear it too. She nodded to let me know that she agreed. And just like that - I arranged an MRI scan for her in a blink of an eye.

We left the café and Vida seemed to be in a better mood. Not exactly elated, but evidently she cleared her head, at least to some extent. She wouldn't have admitted that yet, but Bernstein's expertise and his reputation already partially convinced her that it wasn't schizophrenia. And I knew that this possibility was a considerable weight taken off from her.

I drove her home, and we sat in the car for a moment, talking about the plan for the following day. And when we were about to say goodbye for the evening, I noticed that Vida was tense and behaved as if she wanted to say something, but didn't know how to start.

"What is it, Vida? Something bothers you?" I asked her gently.

She snorted softly. "Yeah, there are numerous things that bother me, but right now, it's... it's the fact that I will never be able to fully express my gratitude, Gunnar, for what you're doing for me. That's... I have no words to describe it. No one ever offered me so much..."

I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable, so I started saying "It's okay, Vida, it's really not..."

She interrupted me quickly "No! Please don't say that it's not a big deal! Because it's precisely what it is! It's much bigger than anything I did for you... C'mon, compare that with... with what? Putting ointment on your leg?"

"Hey, I really appreciated your treatment on my leg," I said lightly, wanting to turn the conversation into a more cheerful direction, but Vida's face was still tense, so I added, "Then compare doing what I've been doing with taking care of a mentally ill person for... how long? Fifteen years of such a knackering and challenging task?" I said, but it only made Vida's expression more dogged.

"It was never perfect, Gunnar. If you pictured me as a heroic, selfless, loving daughter, then I'm sorry to disappoint you. You can't even imagine how often I hated my mother, how unbearable my shame of her was! How often I just wished... that instead of schizophrenia she would have cancer or some other terminal illness. So, after some time she would have been gone! That it would be over finally!" Vida burst out suddenly. She went silent for a moment, then continued with a deflated tone. "I knew that it wasn't her fault, but it didn't stop me from hating her. Because it wasn't my fault either. And... when... When she has better moments, which are very rare, she sometimes would ask me: 'did I give you a hard time,corazón?' And then she will try to make things better... just until another episode comes... But I feel like the worst shit because of all that anger and hatred I felt toward her." Vida sobbed quietly and covered her face with hands.

I gently massaged her arm, not wanting to impose myself too much with physical touch.

"I know that I can't relate any experience in my life to what you had been through, but believe me, Vida, that I can imagine that it was a nightmare. Even though you weren't the perfect daughter, you didn't abandon your mom, you didn't put her into a facility forever. You sacrifice so much of your own life, your education and simple enjoyment of having close relationships with people. All because of fear of rejections. You did and continue doing the right thing." I tried to say something encouraging and cheerful, but it wasn't easy to find appropriate words which wouldn't seem shallow.

"I just can't understand why you're doing this, Gunnar. I'm not a good catch.No soy nadie! I feel that I don't deserve your attention and care! I'm not worthy of that! Maybe I don't have schizophrenia, but I'm still a complete mess. Why would anybody be interested in... saving me? Because that's what it is. Are you also into broken girls like Nathan was?"

"I'm doing this for two reasons, Vida. Objective one because you need that help, it is as simple as that. Every sensitive person would help in that situation, if only it would be possible. And you're wrong. Of course you deserve that chance for recovery, for having a normal life. To start over and catch up with missed time. And nothing bad you'd try to say about yourself will change my mind," I said firmly, but with a calm tone. I put my hand on her shoulder, to make her look at me.

She raised her wet eyes at me. I smiled softly, slightly grazing over her cheek with my finger.

"The second reason, Vida, is more personal. I... like you. A lot. You brought countless positive emotions into my life. And no, I'm not into broken girls. I'm into you, and you're not broken. Okay, even if you are a bit broken, you are still beautiful. Like in Kelly Clarkson's song. Broken but beautiful. It's not like you're beyond repairable. You just need a helping hand, a bit of extra motivation... like at the moment we met, remember? You just needed to hear that you can do it, and you did two additional reps with a freaking 90 kilo barbell! You have a warrior mentality, Vida. And that's what I like in you. That and asking me if I believed in aliens right after we had sex," I chuckled, and she snorted too. I felt that she finally began to calm down.

"I got to like the girl who was dancing a samba in the middle of the street. The girl who was so committed to her workouts, so driven and focused. Who could find order in the middle of the chaos. The girl who was concerned about seeing a very dark bruise on a very pale leg and took care of it. The girl who was fun, spontaneous and a bit crazy, but in a good way. That's the girl I have feelings for," I finished, looking into her eyes.

Vida was staring at me, dazed by my confession. Two big tears rolled down her cheeks and I wiped them with my fingers. She smiled softly.

"Uhm... these tears weren't because of despair, Gunnar." Vida giggled timidly. She inhaled and exhaled a few times. "Oh my goodness, I have the feeling that recently I'm constantly crying next to you, and you're saying that I have a warrior mentality.Que ironía." She joked and we both chuckled.

"Crying does not mean you are weak. You fall and you stand up. That's the point. That's the strength. And you wipe these tears away. I understand, it's just a low point in your life, Vida. But I believe that soon it will only get better."

"I want to believe that too, Gunnar," she said quietly and then turned toward me. Her eyes were now full of passion. She slowly raised her hands and touched my face, as if doing it for the first time. Her lips were trembling a bit, when she said "I would like to tell you that I feel the same about you! That moment on the beach, when I knew how much I hurt you by my disappearances and still had to hurt you more by... by breaking up, it devastated me. It broke my heart! Please, know that I didn't want it at all, I just believed at the moment that it was the only way..." She looked at me with hope that I would now understand, and I nodded to show her that I did.

"I figured it out, more or less, but thank you for telling me that." I sighed and squeezed her arms a bit. I tried to smile a bit more briskly.

" Listen, Vida, let's focus now on checking all possible health issues, okay? Once we resolve them, then we can go back to this... more personal conversation with the more propitious terms. Now, you should get some rest, it was a very long day. I'll be there tomorrow an hour before the MRI, okay?"

"Si, mi corazón. Thank you," Vida said and pulled me into a tight hug. She held me for a solid thirty seconds, but I didn't complain. Then she got out of the car and went home.

While I was driving to my apartment, uncannily, I had a perfect clarity in my mind. It was a hard day, but I strongly believed that it got us more attuned to each other. And that together we could overcome everything that life would throw at us.

***

The next day was really hot, and the weather was perfect. About 30 Celsius degrees or whatever it would be in that ridiculous, unintuitive Fahrenheit scale. Clear sky, but with a pleasant refreshing breeze from the ocean.

Yesterday, right after I parted with Vida, I called Dr. Bernstein and asked him if she could see him after getting the MRI scan results. Luckily, he agreed, moreover he promised to call his colleague neurologist and asked if he could take a glance at the scans. Bernstein asked me to keep informing him on the fly.

With this good news and also surprisingly good humor, I drove for Vida. Again, she was sitting on her porch and when I parked next to the sidewalk, she almost ran toward me. It was a touching view, I'm not gonna lie. We hugged tightly and I ogled her.

Vida looked astonishing, but somewhat different, however I couldn't put my finger on why exactly. She had a simple blue dress, tied with a thin black strap in her waist. As usual, her arms were bare, and the color of the dress made a nice contrast with her golden skin. The only other things she wore were black flip-flops and a little purse.

"Hey beautiful, you look stunning," I said to her, smiling widely.

Vida answered with a similar grin "Gracias, guapo. Tú también!" she spun around. "You like that? Hah, funny enough, my choice of clothes today is purely because of that MRI scan."

"How so?" I asked, when we got into my car.

"You know, you can't have any metal elements, buttons, buckles, zippers and so on," she explained. I nodded, realizing that indeed it was true. "I had to take off all my earrings too. You see?" She put her hair behind her ear, this one in which she had multiple jewelry pieces previously, now indeed they were all taken out.

"Um-hum. I see," I answered, and my eyes involuntarily went lower, to Vida's chest. Even the simple thought about her pierced nipples caused the sudden rush of blood to my cock.

Vida caught my look and bit her lips in a seductive manner. "Yes, Gunnar, those too," she whispered with a sultry tone.

"Oh, that's really good to KNOW, Vida," I mumbled with a goofy expression and we both burst into laughter.

It was great to hear Vida laughing so honestly and heartily again. Even though we were going to the examination which could bring potentially bad news, we both were in a great mood. My mood didn't matter that much of course, but the fact that Vida managed to find a mindset which allowed her to be relaxed and optimistic was relieving. Perhaps, she just made peace with her fate, whatever will be, will be, and that alone gave her some well-deserved serenity.

Giggling and chatting about silly stuff, we drove to the medical facility. There I sat in the lounge, Vida left her purse with me and after a small discussion with the receptionist, she went to the room with the MRI. I read online how long it can take for a scan and found out that it usually takes a maximum of an hour. However, Vida came back after half of that time.

The receptionist told us that the results would be available in two hours, so we went to a nearby shopping mall. Meanwhile I called Dr. Bernstein, telling him that Vida underwent an MRI. He asked us to come to his office once we got the results and that he would call that neurologist to drop by too. Bernstein's commitment and initiative to help Vida, just assured me that he was the best choice.

The two hours of waiting we spent eating at Subway, walking around the shops and talking. For the first time, I felt as if we were a real couple. At last doing normal, mundane stuff like other people do.

While we were eating sandwiches, Vida surprised me by asking how I managed to find her after our 'break up' at that beach. For a brief moment, I had some doubts if I should tell her everything, but after all I felt that there was nothing particularly bad in what I did. Moreover, I simply wanted to be honest with her.

So, I told her about finding the video clip from her stream, then looking for her in that Seven-Eleven and finally, my lucky encounter with Adriano. I evaded telling Vida about watching her stream because I didn't want her to figure out that I sent her that donation. It wouldn't bring anything good at the moment, at least that's what I believed. However, I made a promise to myself that one day I would tell her that too.