All Comments on 'Lauren, Five'

Confusing

A start but why stop.

A page of something with no beginning and no ending.

Nice excerpt. Where’s the beginning and the end?

Needs a conclusion!

4

I want to thank the DipS**T who began publishing "Lauren OUT OF ORDER.

I read about three words. If you have a story, give us the story; don’t play stupid games.

Wrong answer to her question, I think. Too short a segment this time. Ignore the idiots who can't figure out that "Lauren, Five" implies "Lauren, One thru Four." Life's too short to deal with jerks. But this really feels like half an episode - It's trying enough, dealing with your serialization, but half-a-page posts? Nuh-uh! Don't cut it. Haven't rated it yet - I'll re-read it tomorrow and if I'm still pissed it'll probably get a 3 instead of the 4 or 5 you usually rate.

I'm reading these as a sequence of vignettes. Each is short and well formed while advancing the narrative. I'm enjoying them but wondering how many there are going to be and whether I would be better off waiting until all are posted and reading the entire story. But, don't stop now, please.

Part of this chapter was part of another story (which included a section about longshoremen intimidation).

Oh man, you’re killing me with these short chapters!

"Infatuated, yes. In love, I don't know." 5 stars for knowing the difference.

OK, I promised I'd come back and give you a score after thinking about your mini-episodes for a day or two. I waited until I read L- 5, 6, and 7, all of them too short, random, and seemingly pointless. Only one of your "stories" has broken the 1300 word mark and after L-7 you had averaged 1224.6 words per post. Lauren 8 was the shortest submission since Laurens 1 &3. None of those even broke the kiloword mark. In fact, L-8 DROPPED your words per episode average to 1194.9 words per episode (WPE.) In 8 episodes you have not even totaled 10,000 words! (9559, if you want to be precise.) (So I Tend to think mathematically - so sue me.)

In short, (Though it's probably a little late for short) I'm still pissed at the lack of content in your series both story-development wise and reading length wise. I just get into what is happening in the current (Chapter? Episode? Vignette?) and it's over and "Good By till tomorrow." Please take the time to write a decent length submission, where something actually happens that relates to the previous one and ties into the one that will follow. That will be much more readable, which will mean I won't have to go back and give you 2s or 3s on L- 1 thru 8. Since, following your pattern, L-9 has probably already been submitted, that means I will be looking for L-10 to be at least 5,000 words, or somebody's series is going to get a bunch of 2s - maybe 1s if I'm Really Perturbed! Yeah, I know writing is hard, but dragging a story line out by dribs and drabs is really unfair to your readers. It's like those Movie serials the theaters showed on weekends where a short episode ended in a cliffhanger, designed to make you come back next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that... That gets old in a hurry. So - enough with the vignettes - write the story that you have shown you can write without the frustrating tiny bites and we'll be friends again.