All Comments on 'Law of the Heart Ch. 03'

a little here and a little here.

Well, it has potential but its coming out in dribbles here and there..

Just tell us the story or go to hell!

This is building up to be another excellent story by you, Like the others I would prefer it in bigger chunks, but if this is the way you wish to publish then it will be the way I enjoy reading it.

Keep it up, this is great. I also really enjoyed the last set you did ("Making Amends"), especially the first couple of parts. Very suspenseful, although the husband seems a bit passive, but overall the story is quite effective.

get out of the shadows and reclaim his wife!! So far all he has done is being a wallflower and peeping tom.

You're sure dragging it out, but I'm hooked! The best little detail was the nipples making tracks through the hair on that stud's chest hair. The husband is completely wimped-out, but there are people exactly like him. I just hope he finds his balls before it's too late!

Like the story, from what I can tell. As others have commented, it is coming too short and slowly though. The three chapters so far could very well have been one.

Why do you insist on making dumbo Jake such a stupid ass. Even after he hears his friends talking about Mendozo hitting on his wife, Dumbo still lurks in the background. I hope that Dumbo has given some thought to where he is going to spend the night. Last I heard he had not checked in and had not been identfied as a husband of a guest. DO you intend to humiliate Dumbo by making him sleep on the lawn or in jail? 60 year old George

Now all that can happen if she cheats is he leaves her (or he becomes a voyeur and starts beating off in the corner). After you made him decide to see if his wife would remain faithful, any other outcome seems unlikely (forgiveness, swapping, etc).

Im not saying that having him remain behind the scenes is a bad choice. Seems like a valid choice to me for him to want his wife to remain faithful without his help - he cant watch her all the time and its silly to want a marriage where you need to put a leash on you spouse anyway. My problem is not with his actions, its that the story can only end one way now so its kinda anticlimactic.

Since you basically said she would cheat in the intro, the husband's actions only leave one way for the story to go - she eventually does cheat and he leaves her. Anything else would be contradictory (again assuming this isnt going to be a voyeur story).

If it was going to be a one time mistake/forgiveness story, he wouldnt have hidden behind the scenes. If it was going to be a 'husband loves wife so much, he lets her get away with anything' story, he wouldnt have tried to see if she would cheat (unless he's a masochist as well as a wimp).

The only real decision point left in the story is whether the husband takes the high road or the low road after she fucks around. Does he just dump her and move on or does he try to get revenge against the her and her and lovers? Not much to look forward to really. If it was going to be a cheater gets dumped/husband gets revenge story, you didnt need to spend as much time on the back-story.

IMO the turmoil and pain of betrayal is the real meat of these stories, not the mechanics of revenge. Even in straight revenge stories, its better not to see how much the husband is hurt by the wife's actions since having him broken up over it just makes his revenge seem hollow.

I suppose this could be part of the long setup you were talking about to allow multiple endings but its not going to work out as well as a single story line IMO. You will end up with a revenge story with too much lead-up and emotional pain or a 'husband gets on with his life' story with a telegraphed ending. It will be hard not to end up with a diluted version of a story no matter which way you go now.

I AM GOING TO WAIT UNTIL ALL CHAPTERS ARE LISTED THAT WAY THE STORY CAN MAINTAIN MY INTEREST. THESE ONE PAGERS ARE A NUISANCE. SORRY HEADHUNTERTALES BUT I'VE GOT THINGS TO DO.

the story has been quite well written. I do have to question two things...one, the shortness of each chapter...makes it difficult for me, especially since I have to go back to work in two days...:devil:

The second is, I have to ask why a husband would choose to just wait and see rather than let his wife know he was there. He has her wedding rings in hand...how will she explain that to him? That alone would be enough for most husbands to have the necessary proof of intent or actual cheating having been done. Most wives I know would never remove their wedding bands with a few only while doing dishes or the like.

I will say that some of the comments here are a touch rough, and uncalled for, and for some reason, cheating wives/husbands always bring them out. Too real perhaps, too close to home?

You are a good writer Headhuntertales...please keep up with your efforts, as I do enjoy reading your work.

and have him kick mendozas ass

...but could you possibly paste some of these chapters together? Your stopping points aren't logical. Everything that's been written so far could have been in one chapter. At the most two. One for the setup and seeing his wife get off the boat. Another for the luau...which obviously isn't finished yet.

It's obvious that you already have this story written and are just piecing it out to us each day. I don't have a problem with that. Keeps up the anticipation. But organize your chapters a little better and make the stopping points logical.

My My what a can of worms you have opened, Very well written, I am witing for the next part os hurry

So far the story line has been good. I hope you don't have Jake wimp out, if Jill has sex with Juan. I would like to see more chapters or pages written as I lose interest easy. I like loving wife stories that have revenge in mind. Otherwise the story is good.

HURRY WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER. PLEASE MAKE THEM LONGER.

Interesting start. Hope you decide to continue with your plan for multiple finishes.

I am enjoying this story. I like the slow build up but as others have said does it have to take so long, real time wise. I like reading to the end of a chapter not half way through it. Literotica is a story site not a TV soapy.

It seems that Jill has already decided to cheat by leaving her wedding and engagment rings on the boat, no loyal wife would do this, taking off and putting back on her rings becomes second nature to a loyal wife.

I hope thatJake does not turn out to be wimp, although I almost thought he was when he almost bemaned the fact that he did not earn large amounts as a public defender, one could almost hear violins in the background. He will either be a wimp, dump his wife and get on with his life or Jill's lover will hire a hit man to get rid of him and the two will live happily ever after.

Please longer chapters.

HuwR

I am enjoying this story. I like the slow build up but as others have said does it have to take so long, real time wise. I like reading to the end of a chapter not half way through it. Literotica is a story site not a TV soapy.

It seems that Jill has already decided to cheat by leaving her wedding and engagment rings on the boat, no loyal wife would do this, taking off and putting back on her rings becomes second nature to a loyal wife.

I hope thatJake does not turn out to be wimp, although I almost thought he was when he almost bemaned the fact that he did not earn large amounts as a public defender, one could almost hear violins in the background. He will either be a wimp, dump his wife and get on with his life or Jill's lover will hire a hit man to get rid of him and the two will live happily ever after.

Please longer chapters.

HuwR

this is well written material. thanks

Jake should call an old trusted friend to start the divorce paperwork. Have it seved as Jill steps off the plane... Once a cheater always a cheater.

Hopefully Jake can find an old single female college friend to party with atvthe reunion. And then bump into his whore wife. Surprise.

Would Jill be cool if the situation was reversed. He's on a boat with naked Wien rubbing up against him. How would his wife react?

choose the lame route for lack of trust. TK U MLJ LV NV

First, when the yacht docked, he should have decked Mendoza, slapped his wife, and told her she would find divorce papers when she got home.

And why the fuck he doesn't confront her at the party defies comprehension!

no substance.

Forest Gump of a husband!

Cuck wimp stupid - glad I never had a lawyer like that!

Congrats. Another good chapter. Intriguing. Four out of five. This is well written and I like an author who takes the time to set up a situation. But as a constructive criticism I would say a wife doesn't forget her wedding band and engagement ring for this long. It isn't ruining the story but I hope the author has an explanation in a future chapter. Cheers. Steve

So well done and emotionally moving.

Lurking in the shadows like a real ass-wipe!!!!

After hearing his friends’ conversation, he could have ended it.

Yeah, I don't buy him not going up to her. A LITTLE watching just to reassure himself that nothing was going on, which it wasn't okay; but he seems to be waiting for her to go over the line!

This author tries to write btb, but clearly doesn't know how.

Can see where this is going but it should have stopped here! Your character is a wimp and I'll bet the following chapters prove it! He should have stopped her on the dock, got right in her face, pulled the towel off of her and told her not to come home, then turned to the Mendoza's and told them if he ever laid eyes on them again, he'd kill them, then just left to return home!!!

There is a fine line between spying and being a wimp. Once the writer starts crossing it the story becomes cuckolding crap. This is at that line now.

Another thing I don't understand is why do all the stories go into "wife got too much to drink" reasoning? I haven't been drunk since I was 19 so I don't understand why a mature woman cannot control her drinking, what is so hard about that? Most of mature people have no trouble controlling drinking whether partying or not but it seems on LW no mature woman can do that. That is a worn-out cliche and the first sign of a lousy writing.

Too much watching, not enough action. Man from rough upbringing should have more balls.

She took rings off idiot

You have them

What kind of stupid m**********r would just sit there like a turd, hiding, and not go fight for his wife? Sometimes, you FIGHT and if you lose, then at least you didn't just sit by and watch a train wreck?

Well

Why was he lurking? I guess we'll find out.

I don't get this story at all. I know it's well done, and a classic with lots of alternate endings. I've read it before. The problem I have is the guy just letting all this happen right in front of him. They're walking down the path and Juan comes up as he's about to reveal himself. But then he doesn't He already knows that his wife left the rings, and apparently doesn't even miss them. He has seen her half naked in front of his enemies, that he hates. NO ONE WOULD JUST LET IT GO!!!! All he has to do is step in and take her home, away from the party. THEN, maybe, they'd have a chance to work it out. BEFORE SHE GETS FUCKED!!! Once fucked ---- GONE. And, he deserved all he got, all the anguish, etc. Because he let it happen like a total wimp. She should divorce him, if she ever finds out that he did that. D

Sorry demander, if you have to fight for a wife she’s not worth keeping. You fight for her before marriage. After if she’s going to be slut and fuck other guys, walk away… no actually run… Since he already observed that she was basically a cheating slut - topless and dictated her rings he is wise to find out how far she’d take things. You can’t stop her from cheating if she wants to do it. If he confronted her she’d just do it behind his back. Nope, watch, collect evidence and dump her. He could announce himself and take her back to their room and talk. What would be the point? Get an explanation but what ever the explanation the marriage is effectively over. She’s only good if he is watching her but when he is out around she can play the slut…. Nope, divorce.

I agree with anon. If you have to fight to keep your spouse (man or woman) they aren’t worth keeping. You can only control you own behavior not someone else’s. Take lots of photos of her and Juan. Collect evidence. He could have shown up and then asked her how her day had been to see if she’d admit anything. Then ask were were her rings where? He knows what she was up to. He could try to find out if she’d be honest. And as always he should get his revenge with some other bimbo… And get info from Steven and Meredith.

Second time reading this and I do not understand any more than the first read why hubby didn't go to wife after he found her engagement and wedding rings on the boat and confront her IMMEDIATELY. He could have been quite confrontational, telling her that her being topless and rubbing up against Juan pained him enormously and he is thinking this might be first step in the family breaking up via divorce unless she explains her actions (spoiler: she can't). If she blows him off and defends her actions,then he's out of there, time for divorce. But if, as seems likely, she is very apologetic, feels badly about her conduct, and is willing to go to marriage counseling, he maybe saves his relationship. He loves her, they have a small kid--what man would let this evening drift on to disaster if he could at least try to avert it right from the start?

Now of course if he had done what any rational man would do and confronted her right away, there would be no story. But I think it is hard to believe that a successful criminal defense attorney would just be a voyeur while his marriage disintegrates. So, well written but I can't give the story more than a 3*** to this point.

Oh I wish you would put more into each part instead of this page after page parts.

Demander falls into the classic trap of thinking that it's not cheating until sexual intercourse takes place but Jill's behaviour has already failed the spouse test on more than one occasion in the short space of time that she's been under observation. If my wife went out on a boat ride with another man, waved her bare boobs in his face and didn't even bother to pick up her wedding ring afterwards then whether or not she's fucked him is academic as it would obviously be going to happen sooner or later. That's when I'd be telling her not to bother coming home.

The whole work, every chapter, is full of very crass and obvious "typos!, errors & omissions, that slow the flow, jolt the mind, and interrupt attention!

These are hard for the relevant author to spot, as it is a human trait when, because you already KNOW WHAT it is SUPPOSED to say, and so your mind works like "predictive-text" working on "auto-correct" so you actually do "read" what it is meant to say, repeatedly even" And auto-spelling-correct will knot work on his owner either!

Here are just a few a gaffs clipped from the latter few paras, but there are plenty more throughout!

Be kinder to both tour readers, and your repute

"when Jake Junior was bore"

"a 'well know' law firm."

"his wife knew what she was doing to. "