All Comments on 'Law of the Heart Ch. 05'

The husband is a wimp. He should have confronted her in Fla. But instead he feels sorry for himself. With the anger he is starting to show a little balls. Now he should confront her at home. But by him saying anything about the reunion. The wife can start getting her story right. I hope you have him confront her a home. I would be interested in the wifes side of the story.

doesnt make him a wimp IMO. As long as he doesnt let her off the hook now everything is cool. All that confronting her would have done is make a scene and maybe let him do something he would later regret or that could be used against him in the divorce. Right now he is totally in the right so he can dump her and move on with a clear conscience.

He lost his wife the minute she went to her room with the other guys (maybe even on the boat when she ditched her rings) so busting into her hotel room wouldnt have done anything. Still wouldnt have a marriage and no amount of screaming at her and/or beating the shit out of the playboys, would have changed that.

but why are we getting this 4 or 5 lines at a time?

It's not like you get brownie points for wringing the most chapters out of 500 words.

The husband can craft a good position for himself from here seeing he did nothing hasty.

BUY hh warned us he is doing a few endings to this, so watch for the lettuce leaf slap the wife will get in at least one of them.

he should have stopped the Cubans from banging her all night. He let it happen so he must have been ready to give up on her. If she explains her way out of this, she should go into sales fulltime!

so why would he even consider wanting her back?

What sort of marriage is it where one partner has so blatantly rejected the other?

He has realised how 'normal' she sounds, she has no guilt, so how long has this sort of thing been going on.

WHY would he consider having anything to do with her again? Why?

I too wonder why such short instalments? Is lit paying by the chapter now or something?

Is there a competition for the most chapters in a short story?

In this hot tale obviously enjoyed his wife's infidelities on some level in some weird faggy way and should stay married to this vexing vixen!#5

didn't he confront her about the rings right away? There are too many questions left unanswered in this story.

Ok I feel better now.

Now the alternative endings idea HAS been done before here and I am really wanting to see what Headhunter can come up with BUT...

these short assed chapters! I can understand the first 4, I really can. But I drink alot. So when we got to the 'endings' i thought to myself "HA now we get some meaty chapters"

yeah right

*slams head on keyboard*

Ok...as for the story... I am hoping chapter 5 is a part of the alternative endings, if so there can be SOME chance with the wife.

else she is just a druggy slut but hey ...

please HHT please, speedbump can't take me kicking him any more. Please give us some meaty chapters!

I really can't feel any sympathy for Jake, I really can't feel anything for any character for that matter.

The way Jake is acting all I can think is she's better off without him.

You're little one page postings are kind of annoying too.

CW

If it were your wife, wouldn't you have at least walked to the room and had them open it so she saw you and knew you saw them together. And, he could have purchased a cheap camera and snaped a few photos of her in the nude with the Cuban? He's a fucking lawyer for God sakes. He should have take photos of the topless boat ride if he had the chance or at least taken photos of the erotic dancing and nudity. But he should have especially taken photos of her with the Cuban in her room. WTF! If it were my wife I would have confronted her in her room by making sure she saw me as she was in a unexplained position. I wouldn't have started a fight! Oh hell who am I kiding I would have broken the Cuban's back!

Maybe he could have taken photos by looking in the beach entrance window of the room and seeing her fucking as he snapped away! But either way, he had the chance for all the proff he needed and didn't get it. The rings are all he has right now, unless he can get the other people at the reunion to testify against her. Most wouldn't want to get invloved. And what happens if she fights him in court, she's a lawyer too remember. Fucked that up HH! Sorry ass lawyer if you ask me. I know, I know, no one did! One last thing, why the short chapters? I liked the story very much so far but hate the short chapters. This will end around the 4th of July! V

courtesy of finishing each alternative ending instead of dragging it out like this.

why are you writing like this,it different from your writings in the past.

If he accepts some stupid apology from his wife and gets back together, then he is a wimp.

If he plots a revenge that will utterly detroy the cheating bitch and those two Cuban brothers, then he is a man.

As for why he didn't do anything to stop his wife, I personally believe it had to do with the fact that he actually had faith in her until the very end. He seems to have loved her a great deal, and whenever human beings gets emotionally attached like that, they tend to let their blind faith in their partners cloud their better judgement.

now tell her to get her sorry ass out of your house ... and i would have dna tests done ..but as another story said she is not a fit mother or an example of a mother... id take the son and find a good mother .. all kids deserve a good mother .. not a slut

Where did i miss the part about her fucking the Cubans? Chapter four ended with her pulling the one Cubans into the room and in chapter five you mention Hector swapping places with Juan. What gives?

I hope he uses his head and heart together and try to get out of the fog to be able to decide correctly.

I agree with the others that if she is a bitch and decides to deny the whole story, he has nothing. The rings can easily be explained, especially that he cannot say how he really got them. As a lawyer thinking clearly that he may lose his wife, he should have shot a few pictures of her in the dance, the bathtub and the room instead of wasting his time on watching.

His only way of tricking her is claiming that someone either sent him pictures or said he has them, especially if he accuses one of the twins of giving him a phone call at home, telling him what happened and claiming that they have pictures of her.

I hope he does not twist the knife in his own heart. While alive, yank it out and use it while you can. You can groan later.

The one-paragraph chapters are really frustrating in this suspensive story. Good job, though. So far, I liked HHT style (in other stories).

You sure skip alot of details...It would be nice to know what happened at the end of chapter 4...Pretty hard to understand what he's feeling if you don't know what he saw....

Its pretty clear to the husband and the reader what is going on. Who really cares if he has pictures, irrefutable evidence etc? The loss of his marriage and the woman he loves are likely much more important to him than sticking it to her in a divorce.

Money is nice but its not everything. Given the husband’s choice of career, its pretty clear that he values other things more than money. I think that if he had been cold and calculating in the face of the dissolution of his marriage & the whole life he thought he had, it would have detracted from the story. He doesnt seem like the kind of guy who would worry about trying to get the lion's share of the assets. Having him become calm, unemotional and detached, as his world crumbles would have been against character. Anyway, its doubtful that anyone who really loved their spouse, and believed they had a good marriage, would be concerned with money and getting the best possible terms in a divorce when they find out that their whole life has been a lie.

He can divorce her for any reason he wants whether he has proof or not (IRL, proof of infidelity doesnt even affect the distribution of assets much anyway from what Ive heard).

P.S. even though I prefer my take on the husband's actions/state of mind, its likely that the idea of multiple endings is the author's real reason for not giving proof (not the best reason though given how contrived an innocent explanation is likely to sound now). Id bet green money that there is going to be at least one ending where the husband feels bad for jumping to conclusions. i.e. 'But honey, the Cuban's mother was sick and I was just nursing her back to health in my room. I had to get rid of my rings because she is allergic to cheap gold. I only waved my tits and grind danced with the scummy Cuban gigalos because they were so depressed over their mother's illness - I just did it to cheer them up,'.

The first installment was great - Jake seemed real. The second was still good because there was nothing Jake could do; he was sitting on the shore. The third started well because you figure he was going to say something or make an appearance, but halfway through it became one of those passive watching scenarios.

Who would sit for 3 hours with so little motivation? He knows these people; he went to school with them. He's had to work hard to get through life and he works in a dirty environment - I've done it - so believe me he would have to be tough. How did this guy attract such a hot, smart, motivated woman? He had to have a lot going for him. But suddenly he doesn't. And he's a litigator, which means he physically can't sit still for 3 hours watching. He's made to interrupt, to act, to argue. Sitting is torture.

The jump from the door closing to her fucking both twins is way too abrupt. Did he see this or imagine it? I thought when you noted 'now for alternate endings' that one ending would be that he goes to the door and has a confrontation. Maybe then he finds out that Jill is just drunk. Maybe he finds out that she's always been a cheat. It's not my story. But there had to be a more logical way to get him walking on the beach all night. Maybe he's attacked by the Mendoza twin(s), etc.

Maybe this installment will lead you back to more familiar ground - revenge and forgiveness. I'd suggest you rewrite parts 3 and 4.

The real positive is that your writing really flows. Lots of energy. Scenes work. You just need to make the scenes work together more logically. You could write a good screenplay but you need to work on how character motivation drives the plot.

This is a an who loves his wife more than anything eexcept his kids maybe. He thought his wife felt the same as him about marriage and their life together. That was all ripped from him, when he found her rings what else could he do but watch and hope the wanted him. very real drama, I don't see how different endings would work. she cheated and killed his love for her. so 1 ending divorce, 2 ending revenge,3 ending death maybe 4th ending he loves her so much he forgives her? maybe.

This is a man who loves his wife more than anything except his kids maybe. He thought his wife felt the same as him about marriage and their life together. That was all ripped from him, when he found her rings what else could he do but watch and hope the wanted him. very real drama, I don't see how different endings would work. she cheated and killed his love for her. so 1 ending divorce, 2 ending revenge,3 ending death maybe 4th ending he loves her so much he forgives her? maybe.

I agree with Gizmo. There are only a few ways that this story can play out: 1) divorce, 2) revenge, 3) death, 4) reconcilliation. #4 would mean the wife admits her mistake, and has to make it up to Jake. This would take a long time - months to years. If Jill doesn't acknowledge her error, then #4 is out. I can see #1 pretty easily, and hopefully he will get full custody of the kids. #2 also sounds good, but what can he do without endangering himself and his kids. Lastly, if it looks like divorce and he really gets angry, if he doesn't control his anger then I can see multiple murders and a suicide. Why shouldn't he kill Jill and the two brothers if he is facing losing everything? I also agree that when he suspected something, he should have gotten a camera to have proof. The last thing I have to say is that not everyone is materialistic. He might be a lawyer, but would rather spend time with family then putting in long hours and making lots of money. People have different priorities. I really hope Jill either gets the shaft ( divorced, humiliated, publically embarrased, permanent loss of the kid ) or that she really does work at a reconcilliation, and realizes it will take years, and their relationship will never be the same. Please make Jack strong, whatever you do.

Massachusetts has divorce for irretrivable breakdown with a 6-month waiting period if she doesn't agree. To speed it up he could use adultery but photographic evidence is better than testimony if she's going to lie. But the real value of photos is in the custody action and pictures of her with the married brother, if he has to pick one, would be better because they would destroy her denial and support his claim of 2 guys in one night. That would weigh heavily against her in a custody action.

If this is one of the alternate endings, where is the ending? Is each ending going to take multiple chapters?

One thing that grabbed me off guard though was this, "In the morning I was up early. I was out the door before Jill or the twins were awake." Twins? Eh? They have twins? I thought it was just his son? Or are the "twins" her giggling ta-tas? ;)

Anyway, I can see the motivation for him not doing anything. He wants to see how she reacts to temptation and get a true measure of how she feels. Granted, as others mentioned, it seems out of character for a lawyer perhaps to act that way.

too bad you chose to take a potentially good story and chop it up. it is hard to keep the continuity even you can not seem to keep the facts straight. write your story and then publish it. as for multiple endings, I will read the first ending and let it go at that.

Stories way too short. Like a 3rd grade primer book. One page story and then another chapter. I thought this site was for adults and not teens or pre-teens. Having read 5 chapters I think about little 8 page porn books that had Popeye,Dick tracy, Tillie the Toiler, and Flash Gordon. This chapter is tamer thna what you would read in The Cosmopolitian magazine. I am sorry, but this is way the read ofthese chapters go.

Stories way too short. Like a 3rd grade primer book. One page story and then another chapter. I thought this site was for adults and not teens or pre-teens. Having read 5 chapters I think about little 8 page porn books that had Popeye,Dick tracy, Tillie the Toiler, and Flash Gordon. This chapter is tamer thna what you would read in The Cosmopolitian magazine. I am sorry, but this is way the read ofthese chapters go.

Wife can't be fatefull .Can't you let one be a "Loving Wife" and not screw around on her husband

It would be nice to think she the loving wife but I can;t think of any reason for the brothers to spend time in her room one after the other except to fuck her. I doubt they we discussing politics.

What he does about it is the only question.

Actually, I think he needs to end this marriage. If she fucks two guys one time she'll do it again. And I sure hope he's not a cumpie eater. Tired of those sickos.

He said he didn't intervene because he wanted to see how far she would go. Once she went into the room, he could have called her room or cell if not go to the door and confront her. What was gained by his inaction? Why he didn't at least inquire about the rings upon her return is beyond me. How many attorneys have problems confronting after being trained in an adversarial tradition? Perhaps he was not decisive in his marriage and she was attracted to more decisive characters, especially under the influence?

The going is a bit slow with short chapters.

I too would like to eventually get to her side of things.

Should we all get a life rather than critique the story???

I liked the writing so far (albeit in way too short chunks) up till the wife pulled the guy into her room. The next thing I know, dude is reeling on the beach because he saw his wife fuck BOTH of the brothers. Question is...why didn't WE get to see this? There had to be so much you could have done exploring his emotions and feelings with witnessing that potential scene. But you just skipped right by it? I mean, isn't that the whole point in writing stories of this nature? Did you mess up and skip a chapter?

After writing nothing but fine stories, you give us this turkey??? You are worthy of so much better. Just drop this one and start another.

We end one Chapter??? (V Short) with Juan closing the door of Jill's room and next Chapter Hector is involved. What's going on.

If Jake now thinks that Jill can lie to him, I would have thought that was self evident since they are both lawyers and have to take their clients word even if it is known to be a lie.

I think that this story has been written to see if it can get the most responces in the feedback section.

The person who suggested that it would finish on the 4 July did not specify a year, maybe that was deliberate.

The writting is good and there is good character build up and I have enjoyed your other stories, but this one is draging on a bit.

I'm also thinking that if Jake were my lawyer I might have second thoughts due to his lack of planning, ie should have got a cheap camera at least, and how come the resort security allowed hin to lurk around for several hours without questioning him. After 7/11 I thought security was #1 in the USA.

Please longer chapters.

HuwR

too many comments not to be a good story. i'm enjoying it, but then, i'm easy, just ask my wife, if you haven't already. i did like the fact that the author didn't have him interfer with his wife's actions. in real life, you can't be her guardian 24 hours a day. she's either trustworthy or not. if he stopped her now, he would just have to worry about what she would be doing everytime he's not there at her side. i do agree that i would have obtained some photos of her actions. he may not be worried about the material settlement in a divorce, but he's already decided he want's the kid or kids. don't know how that's possible without the proof. i also agree with some of the comments that the author has left many gaps in the story. i also agree that he did this on purpose to keep open several possible endings. i personnally would have preferred just one ending. not a preference one way or the other, but to just have closure. i have read other stories where different authors wrote several endings to another author's story. i just feel lost with so many options. it's like the people in the story never reached any real conclusions to their lives. i'm just a visitor in the worlds that these authors create. i like to feel something at the end of the story, joy, anger, sorrow, happiness, at least something. don't like walking away scratching my head wondering which ending i liked the best. i also believe that the only one to conclude a story is the original author. he or she created the world i'm visiting, they should finish what they start. i do appreciate all the writers that submit stories here. even the bad ones, at least they are trying, and with a little time, maybe they will get better. headhuntertales, you're one of my favorites, keep up the good work.

For the most part, I like your efforts. But you're starting to skip around a bit in this one. It almost feels like you're skipping chapters now to get ahead in the story line somewhere~

When did Hector replace Juan in her room and when and exactly how did he obtain her engagement and wedding rings to have them hanging around his neck? Perhaps you should back up and do a 4.1 to fill in the gaps - this is unusual with your writing, did you skip an editorial review?

Candidly, this is disappointing, better is expected from you.

Your story has captured my interest and I keep waiting for every new installment. Some of the confusion about events and characters may be caused by the brevity of the chapters. The first four chapters could easily have been two. The result might be more story line continuity in the reader's minds.

Another cause for confusion is your efforts in maintaining ambiguity for the multiple endings. As I read the opening of this chapter I could already see the comments and the confusion about her actions in the hotel room. Did she screw the brothers? You write about the "The visions of my wife naked ..." but don't ever say what he actually saw. I've already noticed several comments about getting a camera. Was it in is head or was he seeing it? Hopefully we get the answers to some of these ambiguitites soon, and find them in a longer chapter.

All we know is that she kissed him and pulled him into the room.He could have been ushered out the other door,where does he see her getting it on with either brother.The other brother was with his wife and all of a sudden you have him with jill.You could now put in a chapter where Jill wonders what he knows and reminisses about her time there,she could also get a call from the airline asking him if he had left something on the plane saying there was a camera left under the seat and wondering if it was his.Lets have him fix her ass and the Mendoza's also plant some cocaine on them and let the police get them for possesion and distributing,the husband must have some friends he defended that owe him big time.

great story so far. pls don't wimp out on us.

I confess to reading the first 4 chapters at one sitting so I won't comment on the other complaints. I was enjoying the eroticism of this story, and the wonderful seduction of your wife. I would have taken it in another direction as I am a voyeur and wife-sharer (or wimp as some call us). As far as watching the secution, that's an enviable position for alot of us who have fantasized watching our wives as "single" again. How they react to being alone, being seduced. It can be highly erotic. After all, that's how each of us met our wives, in some situation where they were being single and alluring. The direction I would have gone was to have found a way to watch Juan and your wife, perhaps through an open curtain in the bedroom and seen just how far they went. If I were writing the next chapter, I would have had you discover the arousal in you from seeing your wife enjoy her sensuality. This would be a different twist from all the husbands who write, "I've always wanted to watch my wife with another man." I also like the Latin erotic influence in the story, from the dancing to the full seduction. But that's just me and my kink. You obviously wanted to go another way.

and how did he go from just having a son named Jake to twins?

Interesting but the interest is created in the details and these seem to change.

BTW, the author wrote that he got Jill's rings when he snuck aboard the brothers' boat and saw them in a cup.

The Frustrated reader comment is right. Chapter 1-4 should be 2 chapters. Since chapter 5 is suppose to be an alternate ending then it should have a conclusion to the story and not more very short chapters. Stop offering teasers and just tell the story from beginning to the end!

The writer is as sick as the readers.

You are working on an excellant piece. Like the others, I am chomping at the bit for more each and every time. The little ones can't stand not to get it all right now. I would prefer it all but am enjoying the fine work you are creating. Looking forward to the different endings you promised. I am writing my own ending currently. Since he saw her with both twins (not real well covered by you but acceptable), there is little he can do but confront her with what he knows and leave. Must take his son with him. She has lost any right to anything in their life. Maybe in time the wounds can heal... Drifter

some i like ... some i cant stand... like all the others the chapters are way to short ... its ok but gets confusing in the format you are using... all i can say is i hatethe wife already ...and the brothers need some pay back also ...lol you might resolve this in another 20 chapters

Good story so far but remember the wife always as to pay a price. All his friends must side with him even as he changes from soft to hard with lots of money! Why not get sue and steven to come clean with him.

Your ability as a writer of erotic stories would be enhanced if you take note of the valuable feedback you have been getting on your 5 chapters so far.

1. Each chapter is too short and therefore very frustrating to read and follow.

2. The flow of the story seems to be very disjointed in certain parts (e.g. Juan gets dragged into Jill's room after the "long" seductive beach dance scene and then without any explanation of how long Jake waits hidden outside the room or why he does not do anything about Juan in the room with Jill - all of a sudden Juan's married brother Hector turns up 2 sentences later to swap with places with Juan with very little more than just a casual one line mention in your story).

3. Jake is trained as a lawyer so why wouldn't he try and obtain some evidence of her alleged adultery with the Mendoza twins - after all he risked getting caught on the boat just to get her rings with the knowledge that Juan was due to come back to the boat at any moment.

4. The reference in chapter 5 to Jake having twins (instead of just Jake Jnr) was simply an error.

5. Perhaps if you took advantage of the writer's resources and volunteer editors available on Literotica then these errors and story flow deficiences could be eliminated.

There is a good story in "Law of the Heart" just waiting to be told in a way that captures the attention of your worldwide readers.

I hope you continue writing as you definitely have the talent, but please consider all the constructive critisisms and comments to improve your future submissions.

great story. you've got us hooked. don't rush it. want it to be your best effort. but here it is another 24 hours, where is my fix. give us chapter six.

Didn't want to wake up Jill and the twins?Is she sleeping with the Mendoza twin's ? Is that why he didn't want to wake them up? an error like this is just plain silly.Your a great writer, but get an editor.

"This shit gets worse

05/20/05 by Anonymous in USA

The writer is as sick as the readers."

********

Surely the writer isn't as sick as you-so anonymous in the USA, what are you hiding from?

'The four stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.'

kiss the twins for me.

The husband should tell her what he saw and what he heard at the cottage on the beach with juan.

Pat .

Atlanta,Ga.

Very well written,Worry the cheating whore and then drop the F bomb on her! hahaha you rule

Are you sure you wanted to make this guy a lawyer. The lawyers I have come to know don't get tripped up over the words or become at a loss for anything to say. I don't care how painful the situation if it's with a lawyer he is not going to wimp out and forget how to speak. On the contrary Lawyers always have a retort........ALWAYS!!!! I don't think the author really thought through who this guy should be. It doesn't add up with my experience dealing with attorneys. My brother in law is an attorney and the last thing he would do is run from an argument!

When did their son suddenly become twins, proof read your story. Not liking your story so far, the husband too much of a wimp. 2**

DO NOT DEFINE A GOOD STORY!

He was there, saw them onboard, naked and flirtatious. watched them hug and kiss while entering a hotel room. and he left to go home.

this is not going to be a happy ending.

Congrats. Good story. Four out of five. I really like the reference to the Jill's rings. I'm glad the author hasn't forgotten about that. I liked the way Jake revealed he knew something but not how much. I like these shorter snappy chapters, although I also like longer chapters with good detail. I am not usually a fan of multiple endings. I like an author to commit to a vision and not pander to his readers. But I will read on. Cheers. Steve

" Was I at least partially to blame for what had happened?"- Yep. Absolutely. Wimp.

Cannot agree with the wimp comment, yes he could have gone steaming with all guns blazing, but one cannot police a marriage it would mean following your partner every minute of every day. Had he interfered he would not have known how she behaved when he was not around

She looked happy and relaxed. Still five stars. Still love it. Still a favorite.

Just observe them anonymously or have them followed. Then their true self is revealed. Their actions speak louder than all the teary eyed "I love you's." And "It was only sex. It didn't mean a thing." I am wondering how she explains the missing rings. He should use some of his contacts to report the Mendoza's drugs on board their yacht...Or better yet, when Jill was with them and in possession. Bye bye law practice.

"After all, while Jill had been unfaithful I could have ended it at anytime just by revealing myself. Simply by walking up to her, or even to any of my friends. Why hadn't I? Was I at least partially to blame for what had happened?"

OF COURSE YOU ARE, ASS-HOLE!!!

Why do you authors insist on writing your protagonists as weak, spineless, wimps that just stay back and let things happen????

Damned right he could have stopped it and she would have "snapped out of it"!

"Was I at least partially to blame for what had happened?" - NO! While I do fault him for not showing himself, if the only reason she doesn't cheat is because he's there to stop her, they don't have much of a marriage.

She's talking like everything's normal, and she can't imagine why he's upset, but she hasn't noticed yet that her rings are missing? She should have panicked when she woke up and found them missing.

Chapter 4 ends with "Now for the Alternative endings!" but ch 5 isn't an alternate ending! Ch 07-08 is the first ending!

Reading through this hoping you'll give some kind of redemption to the story but this just keep getting more and more pathetic!

Where is the alternate? This reads just.like every.other version.of the story.

Pathetic!

Get some balls and get rid of ch slut

The four stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They are part of the grieving process." Signed: BTW

There is that.

Oh No!!! Cucky is angry??

Why didn't he just go up to wifey-poo as soon as she arrived at the dock in Ch. 2 and say, "Hi sweetie, nice tits?" and then pull her aside and ream her out and make clear she was going to be having ALL of her dances at the luau exclusively with him? This Literotica trope in cheating wife tales of, "I just had to know what she would do" is total BS. Women and alcohol are not good mixes. No American man who was not a wannabe cuckold would just sit back and watch as his wife was groped on the dance floor by somebody else. Oh, and where was his close friend/best man and his wife when Jill was slutting it up on the dance floor? This is a poorly written and even more poorly conceived story. No sympathy whatsoever for this guy; he deserves what he got and he is going to lose his kids on top of it. 1*

"Now she could feel a little of what I was feeling." The anger welled inside me.

.

Dumbass is a couple of days LATE. Maybe he should've intervened when there was still a chance of saving his marriage? Shit, this is like seeing termites around your home and then waiting for them to "do the right thing and leave". Oh, wait, the wall just fell in. Time to call the exterminator!

Good

He knows what she did. Now, she knows that he knows. Fucking cunt.

Yea hes a bit of a wimp...you can't be afraid to face and confront a person who cheated on you.

What an fing whimp... abolutely no cajones whatsoever... he should bend over and allow her to do anything she desires to him.

Oh you keep it boiling