Learn to Live

A husband's plan to stop a marriage ending mistake

I had submitted this story awhile ago and it got sent back and I wasn't sure why. I enlisted the help of blackrandl1958 to help me figure it out, which she quickly did. She gave me a few ideas for future works on how to improve them. I did rework this story a bit; not necessarily to the degree of improvement that Randi suggested, but I'll endeavor to do that on future works.

My premise here in the Loving Wives category was what would a person do if they knew their marriage was headed for eventual infidelity but they had a wake-up call before that happened and had a chance to fix things before the catastrophe of infidelity strikes. This is my story on what a husband did to try and fix things.

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I thought back on what might have been and what instead was my new reality. What might have been was depressing, disastrous; and I couldn't believe in retrospect that I had let things get so dormant, so boring, so routine. I'm not sure what the hell I was thinking. Sure, I had a business to run and between the stress and long hours that my business consumed; along with trying to keep up the house, the chores, the finances, and all the other things in life that you let suck up your time; I had let what was really important slide. I had let my loving relationship with my wife take the back seat to all the other clutter that you fill your daily life with. What the hell was I thinking.

Part of what startled me thinking about our love life was finding a small vibrator, called the rabbit, underneath my wife's side of the bed. I had dropped my reading glasses trying to set them on the bedside table and had gotten down on my knees to pick them up when I noticed the "rabbit" sitting under the bed. Had it gotten to the point for her where instead of talking about having better or more sex she just decided to bypass that conversation and go with a vibrator? Wow, I thought, I better get my shit together on this.

My name is Tim Burton and I remember clearly that day as there were more direct and worrisome clues to come that woke me up to the impending failure in our relationship. It was a beautiful spring day in Minnesota and I had walked out to the shed and opened it up for the first time since last December. It was the end of April, and today was an exceptionally beautiful day with 70-degree temperatures expected for the next 7 days.

I felt it was safe to dig out the garden hoses and do a little of the raking on the flower beds and under the bushes. Spring always brought joy to everyone's life with the promise of new green growth, warmer weather, and more outside activities. It had been a fairly long winter and with all the new products my company was coming out with, I had only managed to get my wife Diane out on one seven-day winter get-away to Key West for rest, relaxation, good food, good drink and the occasional bar hopping and dancing.

I smiled as I remembered one special night; we had returned from a fun bar hopping evening to the hotel, plied with margaritas, and fell into bed for some hugging, kissing, and a nice and slow lovemaking session. That was in February and between our work schedules and daily routines, not much intimacy had happened since then. I thought back and considered that fact and thought, only three times since February? No wonder she bought that vibrator. That can't be too healthy. I decided then and there I needed to do something.

I had always been focused on continuous improvement. That's how I took my small manufacturing company from my garage to a booming business, employing 100 people. Our high-tech solution to testing and fitting N95 and other safety masks, for military, police and hospital users, was the leader in the market and delivered continuous sales and profits globally.

I reflected on our life and knew that besides the long hours, our life was good with large salaries and a retirement that could be taken anytime we were ready to give up the professional work life. But what good is money in the future if you are letting life pass you by now?

I thought about when Diane and I woke up that Saturday morning. As I watched her move from the bed to the bathroom, I gave her a wolf whistle. "Diane, you still have a body that could stop traffic. I love to watch your perfect pear ass sway under those panties as you walk around!"

"Oh Tim, I know you love my tits and ass, but words are cheap and actions speak volumes big boy. Maybe you should grab onto these Diane play-toys more often! Anyway, not now, as you might want to make yourself scare, because Anna is coming over for coffee this morning and I know you aren't a big fan."

I couldn't argue with that. Anna, although extremely sexy, gave off a "fuck me, I'm a slut" vibe that bothered me and I wasn't happy that she seemed to have become Diane's closest friend. "Don't let that vixen be a bad influence sweetie, you know she doesn't impress me as someone whose ethics you want to emulate!"

"Tim, you worry about your friends and employees; don't worry about mine. I'll hang out with who I want to, thank you very much!"

I could tell she was being playful in her response but I could also feel the edge of anger and the warning to back off and mind my own business. I just let it go and got up, ready to attack the list of weekend chores.

Diane got dressed and went around opening up the windows in the house to give it a good spring freshening. When Anna showed up, they moved to the living room and were sitting on the couch, with their backs to the windows and facing the fireplace in the center of the room.

I had carried the garden hose around the house to the faucet under and slightly to the right of the open windows and was getting ready to screw it onto the faucet when I started to pick up on their conversation. Anna was saying, "So only three times since February? Diane, how is that possible. You are a beautiful vibrant woman who deserves to be loved every night!"

"You know how it goes Anna," Diane said. "You fall into routines. With my nursing job and Tim's company for him to run, we get really busy all week long and weekends become mostly work and little play, trying to catch up on the chores of running the house. We're content enough with each other, and besides you, Tim is my best friend. So, I don't rock the boat and I don't want to sound like I'm complaining."

"But, Diane," Anna responded, "you need and deserve more than that. At least when you do make love how is it? Is it fun, enjoyable, and do you get to enjoy a few nice orgasms?"

"Oh, Anna, I'm not sure when I had the last Tim-induced orgasm. Probably in February after our night of bar-hopping, drinking and dancing in Key West. At home it is usually pretty routine; a few kisses and caresses, then some straight sex in the missionary position, then we roll over, say I love you and go to sleep. My purchase of my new best friend, "the rabbit", helps me get off when I just get too horny to ignore my needs."

Anna screwed up her face and in a pleading voice said, "Oh my God, Diane. You deserve some more intensive pleasure than that. You know how I solved my problem, right?"

"Anna, yes I know, it's almost all you talk about. But you know having an affair outside of marriage is not for me. At least I don't think I could live with that guilt and I would never want to hurt Tim should he catch me cheating. I doubt I could even hide the guilt; it would be written all over my face. I try not to judge you, but sex outside our marriage is not for me. Besides, I don't even know how I would go about finding a lover. And I wouldn't want an emotional affair that would drive any wedge between Tim and me; he is my best friend."

"Diane, as to how you would find a lover; that is the easiest part. Just come out to Club Saturn with me some Friday night and you can go to a motel or the back-seat of your car with any number of younger horny men that will rock your world. There is no emotional attachment, just animalistic sex. And, it doesn't have to hurt your marriage and I am convinced it's improved my marriage. I was in the same condition as you now are, little sex, nothing new, boring routine after 12 years of marriage. Just like you.

"I think having these sexual dalliances with different men has actually made me more attentive to Tom in our marriage. I initiate more sex with him, and now do things that we never did before. I am sure he is happier than he was before I started and I certainly know I am. I get wet just thinking about some of the men who have had me. And it is sex; where you feel like an animal in heat and you know the man wants you so badly, he would do anything to get into your panties. It's pure lust and it really gets me going and I bring that home to my husband. So, in my mind it is a win-win."

"Well, Anna, I don't think I am ready for that, but you do make it sound very exciting. Let's not talk about it anymore, I'm getting horny." With that, they laughed and went onto a discussion of the best layout to consider when Anna had her kitchen gutted and redone.

I leaned back against the wall and trembled in a combination of anger and fear. My anger came from hearing my wife tell details of our intimacy to her friend, and from listening to the ridiculous rationalization Anna was using to have sex with strangers outside her marriage. I was also mad at Diane, listening to her get horny and somewhat excited by the conversation. I worried that Anna wouldn't just let this drop. She would be working on Diane to try and suck her into the same rationalization.

That is what really drove my fear. I knew that if Diane was feeling unwanted and neglected due to our long work hours and lack of attention, Anna's selling points and constant harping on the benefits of the one-night stand might work on her. I also knew that if Diane did go outside of our marriage, that would be the end of our 10 years of what I always considered a happy wedded life.

As I was closing up the shed, I got a call on my cell. It wasn't a number I had in my contacts, but decided to answer it anyway. "Hello, this is Tim."

The caller said, "Tim we don't really know each other that well but my name is Tom, Anna's wife. I tried calling her but she didn't pick up so I was just wondering, is Anna over there now?"

"Yeah Tom, they are having coffee in the house. I'm outback right now but do you want me to have her call you?

"No Tim, don't do that. It can wait. Never mind, and please don't bother her. I'll talk to her later."

With that Tom hung up the phone, and I thought the whole conversation was a bit off. If it could wait until later, why call me to confirm she was there? Maybe things weren't as rosy as Anna thought at home? Well, not my problem.

I closed up the shed, retreated to my basement office and closed the door. I sulked for a bit about what I had heard and how I should handle it. I didn't want to confront Diane, there was nothing to accuse her of and I would be caught having ease-dropped on her private conversation. That might lead to a defensive argument from her about lack of excitement, attention, decent sex and appreciation. I wasn't ready for any of that.

I got out some paper and started to think. How do I fix this problem? I need a plan to show Diane that our relationship can still be exciting, fulfilling and that I love and appreciate her. I decided I'd handle it like a marketing plan; a plan to improve our relationship and Diane's satisfaction with our marriage. I knew I needed to fight for her continued loyalty and I needed some guidance to do it.

I started by doing the research. How do you improve your relationship? The Gods of Google delivered pages and pages of articles, videos, and information to digest. After just a bit of research it seemed to me that I had to address several different major categories to jump-start our relationship.

The major categories basically fell into diet, exercise, relationship issues and sexual performance improvements. I laid out some of the tactics I could address for each major category.

Exercise: Well, this was something that we hadn't made enough time for in our lives. Back in the day before we owned the house and our careers got so busy, we would go rollerblading, canoeing, long nature hikes and all kinds of exercise activities that were fun. Now we had fallen into the routine of doing a few chores after work, eating, reading the paper plopping down on the couch with the TV, or a book. I now understood that for me to be better at sexual techniques I had to firm up with exercises to help my strength, flexibility and endurance.

Diet: Both of us had put on some extra weight since college and I knew that neither Diane or I felt as sexy or desirable as we once did. I also realized that I just let Diane do all the work in the kitchen and around the house, putting her in a role of the bored housewife. I knew I had to change that and vowed to do more shopping, cooking, clean-up and share the work with Diane. Maybe I could even make it fun.

I read that some herbs and teas (green tea and Ginseng for example) were linked to increased libido and improved performance, so that was a must on my list. My research also suggested that eating more fruits, vegetables, healthy oils and nuts could improve libido and therefore enhance sexual endurance and performance. I was all for that.

Relationship Issues: This one was perhaps less straight forward to understand and execute. But important aspects seem to be reducing stress, improving and opening up communication, practicing mindfulness and being more in the present moment. I certainly could do a better job of listening, complimenting and encouraging Diane, and making sure she knew she was appreciated.

I also knew we needed to get out and have new experiences; do interesting things, and not just be slaves to the house and the chores.

Improving sexual performance: I knew I really had to up my game here, after hearing Diane's comments about how boring and routine our sex life was, and how I had been failing to give Diane a satisfying orgasm. Not to mention how she had gone out and purchased a vibrator to relieve her sexual needs instead of talking about it with me. I'd have loved to play with toys with her, but obviously she didn't feel like she could talk to me about the issues and that was definitely a huge red flag in our relationship.

My research into improved sexual performance started with the basic pointers. I had to focus on foreplay and really get into it, making sure that I satisfied Diane first and foremost before taking care of my own needs. I had to open up communication, and find out what she likes and what she would like me to do to her. I had to learn to worship all the parts of her body, and not just perform straight missionary sex.

I began to see all the possibilities. The body is full of erogenous zones like the neck, thighs, breasts, feet, buttocks. I needed to stop going straight for the vagina with my dick and getting myself off and instead spend ample time focusing on her entire body as part of an intensive and erotic foreplay start to our lovemaking. I would try caressing, licking, or nibbling her other erogenous zones, and listen to her breathing and judge her reaction to understand what would get her really aroused.

Of course, I knew I had to get more comfortable with oral sex and the use of my fingers in and on her vagina. I read about improving my technique at oral sex. Feedback from women suggested the clitoris reacts best to being teased, so you want to lick it and suck on it a little, build a little tension, then back off on it a bit before going at it again. I laughed as I thought about tongue on, tongue off, repeat.

I also realized I had been ignoring the labia, which is packed with nerve endings and shouldn't be ignored. I resolved to hold each of her beautiful pussy lips between my thumb and forefinger and massage it, working my way up and down and also using all of my fingers and palm to "smoosh" the labia together, almost like kneading dough. I was starting to get aroused just thinking about it.

I read about trying the figure-8 tongue technique during oral sex, where I would work the supersensitive area around her clitoris in a figure-8 pattern. Arouse her with gentle sucking until her hooded clitoris swells, then carefully expose it with my fingers and use my tongue to circle it to the left and then to the right, finally working up to figure 8s, alternating between your tongue's smooth underside and firmer tip.

How do you know what's working? First and foremost, I needed to listen to Diane's reactions to the various things I would try. Does her breathing and moaning increase? Does she push up against my mouth? I need to get comfortable asking her how it feels and what would be better for her. I had to understand that it isn't that easy to have just a vaginal orgasm from intercourse, so I resolved to give her one or two with foreplay and worshipping her vagina with my mouth and hands before I would move on to fucking her.

Relative to intercourse, the missionary position is fine, but I read about trying other positions such as Diane on top (cowgirl style if you like), reverse cowgirl style, doggy style, and for slow and sensual fucking a side to side or a more complex leg wrap. I also liked the idea of having Diane straddle my thigh and then rubbing her vagina (and clitoris) to an orgasm on my leg, without penetration. Then right after or before that orgasm I could enter her and last through her having a vaginal orgasm.

Certainly, there was a lot of other advice about mood setting (candles, lighting, scent etc.) and about strips teases, use of toys etc. But I figured I had enough to concentrate on and put to practice. Now I just had to put it all together and do it. I realized it may take a bit of time to get it right, but I couldn't wait too long or Diane could get pulled into making a mistake by her friend Anna.

To that end, I figured there was one more thing I had to do. I needed to have some way to monitor Diane and know if my plans were working, but also know if she was pulled into the mistake that would end our marriage. So, without getting too crazy with private investigators etc. at this point, I begrudgingly figured if I could bug Diane's phone, and maybe some spots in our house, I would learn if things were going off the rails and if more extensive investigation was required.

I didn't really feel good about this affront to Diane's privacy and if she found out it would show a large lack of trust and faith on my part; and put me into some deep shit no doubt. However, I still rationalized that it was needed to head off any potential marriage ending mistakes.

I went out that afternoon and got a couple small sound-activated blue-tooth microphones and a recording device. I also downloaded some phone spyware from the internet. I came home the following Monday for lunch when Diane was at work and planted the microphones in the kitchen, bedroom and living room where Diane tended to talk with guests or on the phone.

Early in the morning before Diane got up, I took her phone, and was glad to see that the password was still her birth year. I loaded her phone with the spyware and synched it to my phone so that any conversation or text was passed on to my voicemail and my e-mail. I rationalized that this was all okay; I was trying to improve my marriage and avoid any big relationship ending mistakes.

I knew from Anna's conversation that Fridays seemed to be her free night that she would go to the club and look for a willing partner to drink, dance, and maybe have a one-night stand with. So, my plan was to keep Diane busy on Fridays, but also to work into our relationship all of the other things in my improvement plan. When I woke up the next day, I was excited to start.