Learn to Live

"But I also got a bit of video on your wife on the dance floor, and although I wasn't sure how you would feel about this, I am sending you a short video so you can see for yourself what her behavior was. It paled in comparison to my fucking cheating wife, but I thought if it was me, I'd want to see it. So, it's coming your way as soon as we hang up. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news Tim."

"Tom, man, I'm really sorry to hear about Anna's betrayal and how she fucked you over. I kind of know how devastated you must feel! I'm hoping that what Diane did wasn't too far across the line, but I guess I appreciate the chance to review the video and decide what I need to do too. Good luck man, and if you need to talk, I'm here for you." I felt kind of guilty not having told him earlier what I suspected, but I guess ultimately it didn't matter; cheaters usually end up getting caught.

I boarded the plane home, put on my headphones, and dialed up the video that Tom had sent me. I could see Diane and the young Latino grinding on each other and him placing her hand on his cock. I could see her taking it away, but him again placing it back on his cock and her leaving it there and even stroking him a bit. My rage was swiftly growing as I watched him putting his hands down her pants and kissing her and then, thank God, Diane opened her eyes and reacted with a violent physical repulsion to him as she kneed him in the balls and then slapped his face and stormed off the dance floor.

The video continued for a few seconds more as Diane ran over to the booth, screamed at Anna, and then turned and ran out of the club.

I sat back in my seat, started a playlist of the Grateful Dead, and tried to decide how I felt about what I had just seen. On the one hand, Diane had definitely crossed the line of what a married woman should allow any man to do on the dance floor. On the other hand, she had seemed to come out of her stupor and fight the man off and quickly end the seduction before it went too far. I surmised that I would just have to see how she responds and acts with me when I get home, and if She offers me the truthful story without me confronting her.

After landing at MSP, I caught an uber from the airport to home, and when I pulled up to the house, the lights were off and there was no activity that I could see. The front door was unlocked, so I opened it and stepped into the foyer.

As soon as I entered, I could hear sniffling and light sobs from the living room so I immediately set down my carry-on bag and moved into the sitting area. Diane was on the couch, curled up into a ball, crying and weeping. Her hair was a mess, matted and unkempt. Her face was puffy, her eyes red and bloodshot. She was in pajamas and a robe even though it was late afternoon. I could tell that she was having some large emotional issues, but I had to play the game out and see what happened.

"Diane, where is my big welcome home that you promised me? What's going on? Are you crying? Are you sick? Man Diane, you're a mess, what's wrong?"

She looked up and tried to shake off her despair and In between sobs she struggled to talk but then got out the words, "Tim, please come and sit by me on the couch. I need to talk to you. You need to listen to what I have done and please don't interrupt me until I am finished. You can then ask me anything you want and I'll tell you the complete truth and you can decide if you want me to stay, leave or what I can do to fix this.

"As you know, Anna has been after me to go to Club Saturn with her for weeks and weeks. What I didn't tell you is that besides going to drink and dance, Anna also has been picking up men for sex. She is hooked on the excitement of having clandestine, one-night stands, outside of her marriage. I have told her I didn't approve, but she would tell me tales of her Friday evenings and I am ashamed to say that they would turn me on.

"Given that our Friday nights have been wonderful date nights together, I was never tempted to try and go with her to just have a few drinks and dance...nothing more. When you went out of town for the long weekend, I decided I would meet Anna there just for a few drinks. I'd been putting her off for so long. When I got there, she already had too young and hot Latino men at the booth, and we immediately started doing tequila shots. I hadn't eaten any dinner, and we only had one appetizer of chips which I avoided because I have felt so great about the weight loss and exercise routine we have been on. So, the tequila hit me quickly and after 3 shots and a double marguerita, I was getting very tipsy.

"Anna was making out in the booth with one of the men, and I am ashamed to say I was getting aroused. Then the other man, Estevan was his name, asked me to dance and I thought that would be a good way to sober up, get a little exercise and I could then leave for home after a few dances.

"But on the dance floor, I feel like I cheated on you and I am so sorry Tim! I can only blame it on the alcohol, and how aroused I was by the Latin beat and the feel of this young strong man rubbing up against me. I knew he wanted me and that feeling along with his sexual seduction got me very excited and turned on. It's been so long since any man other than you has told me I was desirable. I let him pull me close and grind his penis against my pussy, and it felt good. I was getting wet. I let him grab my ass and kiss me on the neck and whisper how much he wanted me; and I am so ashamed to say that it turned me on.

"He tried to kiss me, so I turned my head but then he took my hand and held it on his penis. Oh, Tim, I am so ashamed to say that I felt up his penis and squeezed it before I took my hand away. He then pulled me close and kept grinding his hips against mine and it felt so good and I had lost all inhibitions with the alcohol and the music driving us into a seductive and sensual motion. I am so so sorry Tim, and so ashamed to tell you all of this but I have to be truthful to you. The guilt is eating me up alive!

"He then took his hand and pushed it down my pants and laid it on the outside of my panties. I was wet and it felt good and I was imagining you touching me, not Estevan. I swear Tim, it was only on the outside of my panties. Then I opened my eyes and for a second, I was confused that this stranger was there and not you. Thank God that I then snapped out of my alcohol and lust trance. I pulled his hand out of my pants. He held onto me and tried to force it in there again so I kneed him in the crotch and slapped him hard and ran over to get my purse.

"At that point Anna was being fingered and kissed by the other man and she asked me if I was ready to move across the road to the hotel with them and I cursed her out, called her a whore and accused her of setting me up. I rushed out of there in tears and immediately came home and scrubbed myself in the shower for 30 minutes, trying to get the shame off of me. Anna called me the next day and I told her I never wanted to see her again and the friendship was over.

"Oh Tim, I am so ashamed. I am so sorry. I never wanted to disrespect you or be disloyal to you. I'd never want to hurt you and I'm afraid for what I might have done to us. Our life has been so amazing the last several months, and before that too although I was too dumb before that to break out of our routines. But you weren't, and you have proven to me every single day in words and actions how much you love me. And I love you that much and more! Only you!

"I can only hope that I haven't destroyed your love, or your trust. I want you to know that I blame myself for the things that happened. It was never about not getting enough love or sensual satisfaction from you. Letting Anna talk me into coming, the alcohol, the flirting and dancing. I would take it all back and never let it have happened if I could. I love you so much and I can only hope that you allow me to show you that for the rest of our lives."

I looked at her as tears rolled down my cheeks and I could see that my hurt and pain burned a hole into Diane's heart. I jumped up off the couch and paced back and forth, then looked at her and said, "Did you fuck him Diane? Did you have oral sex? Did you cum or make him cum? Did you kiss him and tell him you wanted him?"

"NO, NO, NO Tim. I would never do that. I stopped myself and him before we came close to anything like that. It happened exactly as I told you Tim, no less and no more. And I see the pain you are in and just know that I am also in so much pain, guilt and shame for what happened that I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I am so sorry. Can you please forgive me? Nothing like this will ever happen again, I swear to you. Is there anything I can do to get us past this?"

I got up and told her I was going down to my office for a minute and wanted to be alone. I went down and listened to the in-house recorder and heard Anna's call and Diane reading her the riot act and ending their friendship. I had the iPhone spyware recording of Anna's call to Diane that evening after she ran out of the bar, and the call from Anna on the home phone confirmed to me that nothing more had taken place. Everything she told me matched the calls and the video that Tom's private investigator had taken. I believed it was exactly as Diane had described it. So now the question was, what did it mean to my marriage?

I came upstairs and Diane looked at me with guilt, anxiety and longing. She looked like she wanted to take me in her arms and hug and kiss my pain away, but I knew that I wasn't ready for anything like that. She said, "Tim, do you want to talk through this? Is there anything I can say or tell you to help us move forward? I love you more than life and don't want to ever lose you, and if you can move past this, I will never be disloyal or hurt you again, so help me God! I love you and want to spend every minute of the rest of my life loving you. Please Tim, please forgive me and then I'll work on trying to forgive myself."

"Diane, please just relax. I'm going to go for a long walk. Why don't you take a long shower and a nap and get yourself composed and maybe we will talk later? I just don't know yet. Goodbye Diane." and with that I walked out the door.

Diane collapsed on the sofa and burst into tears as the door closed, fearing that the only person in her life that really mattered had just walked out of her life and it was all her fault. He had done everything he could to improve their life and relationship and she had thanked him by her sinful disrespect at the bar with a strange man. What the hell was wrong with her. She got up and trudged up to the shower as if she were heading to her own execution.

I walked at a fast clip down the block and took stock of what I knew. She did let herself go too far with the young Latino and it seemed like it could have gone further if more alcohol was consumed or a less aggressive approach by the young stud was taken.

Then again, she did stop and she did tell me the entire story and I believed it to be the truth. And there was no doubting the guilt and pain she was in. The other thing there was no doubting was how much I loved her. I hurt for the pain she was in and even knowing what had happened I longed to hold her in my arms and help ease her guilt and pain. I knew that no one else would ever be able to love me as she did and I would love no other as I loved her.

I knew that our new lifestyle could and would continue and would flourish; and I was convinced that she would never have this temptation again and would certainly never act on it if she was put in any compromising situation. I knew in my heart that the work I had poured into our relationship had developed a strong base of communication, love and respect and neither of us wanted to give that up or throw that away. I believed that if we continued on our current path that we would grow even stronger.

By the time I hit the third block on my walk around the neighborhood I knew that I wouldn't let this one mistake ruin our marriage and the wonderful life we had found in the last several months. She had stopped well before any real intimate and damaging sexual activity had happened. She had thrown away her friend Anna because of her unethical and immoral behavior, and she would soon learn another hard lesson on cheating as Tom threw Anna out of their house and began divorce proceedings. Diane had been open and honest with me, telling me exactly what happened and taking responsibility for it. My mind was made up.

I turned around and started to jog back home. When I got there, I could hear the shower running and I ran up to the bedroom, took off my clothes and walked into the shower. I startled Diane at first, and she looked at me with apprehension as I grabbed the soap and a washcloth and said, "Let me get those hard-to-reach areas for you, sweet pea."

Diane's eyes glowed with relief, joy and excitement as she realized that I would forgive her and we would get beyond this. She grabbed me and said, "Oh Tim, thank you so much! I love you so much! Please take me to bed and make love to me now and claim me as yours forever!" And that is just what I did.

I told Diane that she was in charge of planning the next several Friday night date nights. She loved that idea and swore she would put both love and creativity into the experiences she wanted to share with me. She had made a mistake, come close to making an irreparable mistake, but thank God she had caught herself, stopped and she was so grateful that I had forgiven her.

She could tell that I still trusted her, loved her with all of my heart, and wanted only her in my life. We made love all of that entire evening, only resting to get fluids and snacks. I had picked up a copy of the Kama Sutra during my relationship improvement planning and we both promised each other that we would work ourselves through the entire book over time. We also had a discussion in the middle of the night as we were cuddling and kissing each other about starting a family, and having Diane go off her birth control pills. We agreed we would readdress that question down the road, but for now we just wanted to enjoy each other and our new found marriage bliss.

One day when I got home from work Diane was in a somber mood and I asked her what was wrong. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Tim, I just had a call from Anna. Her husband Tom was suspicious of her Friday night club visits and Anna's behavior in their marriage had changed a lot but she hadn't noticed it and didn't think Tom had noticed anything but positive changes in their relationship. But she had initiated a lot of new sex acts into their lovemaking and he told her that it was like she was just fucking a stranger with him and not making love to a husband. She would get short with him and started to criticize and disrespect him. He evidently had enough and had hired a private investigator who trailed her to the club and across to the Marriot hotel on a couple of those Friday nights.

"Anyway, he confronted her last week with pictures of her in the booth at the club being fingered by a Latin man, and he also had a video in the hotel room of her with a cock in her mouth and a young man fucking her from behind at the same time. He told her she was a disgusting slut and he couldn't bear to even be in the same room with her. He threw her out and she is staying at her Moms'. I think she finally understands how ridiculous her rationalization of Girls-night-out helping her marriage was and the reality of her soon to be new life has finally hit her. She is going to end up with nothing and the really sad part is that she did love Tom, in her own way."

"Diane, you told me that you had stopped your friendship with her after what she tried to lead you into at the club, so I'm not sure why this has surprised you and why it's made you so sad."

"Tim, I'm crying because that could have been you and me if we hadn't found each other when we did. I was so close to buying into her bullshit before you and I started to dramatically improve our relationship. I'm also crying because she said that Tom might have a video of me on the dance floor with Estevan and I would hate to think about either of us ever seeing that and seeing how I disrespected myself and you before I snapped out of my stupor. Oh Tim, please believe me that what I did was exactly what I told you and please don't ever view that video if Tom sends it to you!"

With that she broke down crying. Crying for what she had done, crying for her ex-friend Anna, but mostly crying for coming so close to destroying our marriage and hurting me, the man she loves.

I just took her in my arms and said, "Diane, we both almost let our marriage go. You are forgiven but I don't think either of us should ever forget what you did or what Anna did, because we just can't ever let ourselves get that complacent again with the thing that is most precious in our lives! Each other!"

I stood up and took Diane by the hand and led her up to the master bedroom, laid her down on the bed and told her that we should just cuddle, kiss, and tell each other how much we loved each other and never forget it. So that's just what we did.