Lennie 01

"Oh, that's the old guard shack and that's the last place I'd take you because that's the first place that some of the older factory faggots go just after you sashay away in such a deliberate manner. Your booty has quite the fan base, so, um, did I just say booty? I meant, you have quite the fan base at the factory, and um, well, Lenny just doesn't seem to fit, so?"

"Oh, it's Lennie and "ick and ewe" to what else you just said about the guard shack hut! Well, not the booty part because that's my main focus at the gym. Anyways, what's your name then, factory rat, hmm?"

"Is that a trick question, Lennie? I mean, I've been falsely accused of taking creep videos inside of the factory and the old guard shack and ever since they call me Ratt with a double "t" and none of it is true anyways, so?"

[A whiff of whimsical music with mystically smokey and gently filtered puffy clouds surrounding the forward vision of what it might be like to watch creep videos together with Ratt in the bed]

"Alright, Lennie, you said you were in charge of movie night, so, what's next, huh?"

[Poof pause, please! Checks Ratt's Jumbled account for secret likes, I can do that, I can do that, ugh, I'm expected to do that, ooh, I can definitely do that, oops, that's on the back burner for a while, oh, I can do that! Refresh the spooky smokey background, please]

[Puffy filtered clouds refreshed]

"Oh, it's creepy meme video night tonight, Ratt, so, get naked, get under the covers, load up the creeper videos on your phone and I'll take care of your factory rat stick based on your facial expressions and your hip gyrations and I looked forward on Chang and found the perfect response video for what I'm supposed to do and tee he, and what to say to drive you over the edge, tee he."

"Including..."

"Absolutely, Ratt. Mostly that, so?"

"And?"

"Oh, I'm all about that, Ratt, just don't be shy about giving me a little direction since I can where there could be many variations for that, so?"

"So, what are we waiting for, Lennie?"

"Duh, for you to get naked and under the covers! I mean, you already have the hard "boing, boing" part taken care of, so, get with it, get naked, get under the covers and let me get with fulfilling most of your creepy fantasies!"

[Poof! Poof, poof out, poof! But we'll circle back to a couple of things another time.]

"Hello, earth to Lennie? Is there an airplane in flight trouble up there somewhere, huh?"

[Two people gazing up towards the dreamy sky. And then one of them realizes that what looked like innocent fun while watching creep videos in the bed could go south with one quick body flip]

"Oh, Ratt, I'll bring you a Sub Combo dinner soon, but, um, well, I hear someone calling my name, so?"

[Two people listen intently for someone who might be coming to Lennie's rescue, I mean, calling out Lennie's name and nope. Wait]

"Lennie, why are you at my company's softball game and why did you tell my mom that I'm getting fat? This is prime beef for someone at 24!"

It was not prime beef for someone of 24. But it was a lot of beef.

"Josh, I mean, apparently, I'm a little popular with a couple of your co-workers now and I'm just having a little fun with it and that's all, so? Also, whew, good timing because I was about to, um, Josh, I'm just being the best welfare spy that I can be and that's all, so?"

"Oh, tee he, yeah, yeah, you are quite popular around the factory these days, tee he, booty cutie at the back door, ahem, which I did not just say because we are not that type of family, Lennie, so?"

"Oh, oh, then we need a new system then, Josh, because it's my dream that someone calls me bootie cutie at least one time, so, we need a new communication plan, Josh, like pronto!"

[A whiff of whimsical music with mystically smokey and gently filtered puffy clouds surrounding the forward vision of what it might be like behind the factory walls]

"Tee he, that bootie cutie with the Sub Combo dinners is Josh's cousin!"

"Wait, what? Is he?"

"Oh, no, no, they are a dysfunctional family, not weird like that, but tee he, the word is that he got an eye full of that cute booty in almost the raw one day earlier in the summer during a sun tanning incidence, so, tee he, that sucks for Josh!"

"Damn, I'd hit that bootie cutie harder than these presses hit inside of our factory! Hook me up!"

"Yeah, right, get in line, Todd, and that includes for space inside of the old guard shack after that bootie cutie sashay's away into the parking lot with such a deliberate walk."

"Well, at least help me out with a phone number for Lennie, Billy, hook me up."

[Tosses cell phone to Todd]

"It's listed under bootie cutie, tee he. And by the way, I have no idea how the number got tagged with a sun tanning photo, so."

[Whoop, a response to an unknown number text]

"Who R U & why U text me? I'm nobody!"

[Ding, that unknown number responds]

"I'm Todd from factory. I ordered Sub. {Heartbeat emoji} U pick up 4 me???"

[Whoop, stupid people on my phone response]

"Y I do that 4 U? I'm nobody."

[Stupid guy on phone number blocked!]

[Ding, I'm not stupid, I'm horny response, but it's blocked and goes un-read]

"Cause Ur my bootie cutie type! And I'll take care of your needs every other time with sex!"

Stupid people on my phone! Poof me back out spooky flash back poof lady!

[Poof, idiot, poof]

"Hello, earth to Cuz Lennie, hello?"

"Oh, Cuz Josh, um, go play ball or something. Oh, who is Todd from your work?"

"Oh, weird Todd, Todd with Mustache or married Todd? And we seriously need a new communication system like pronto! Snap, there's a Todd Pronto who works in the machine shop, so, um, I'm just going to go play ball."

[Wang, incoming group text]

"Josh, send your cousin up into the stands with a tray of hot dogs!"

"OMFG! I need a new job! And a new softball team! And a new life!"

"Well, what does it say, Josh, hmm?"

[Shows the text rather than saying that out loud because they are just a dysfunctional family and not that kind of family]

"Oh, well then, where might this group of faggot factory rats be sitting then, hmm? And I'm not at all talking about that factory rat named Ratt, so?"

[Josh sheepishly points up into the grand stands]

"Ahem!"

[And Josh reluctantly digs out a couple of $20's out of his sports pants]

Well, that was easier thought about and done than said! I mean, just standing in line at the food kiosk was bad enough, but then, well, when you look up into the grand stands, I mean, it all looks the same!

[A whiff of whimsical music with mystically smokey and gently filtered puffy clouds surrounding the imaginary vision of what it might be like to pick the wrong grand stands section to sashay up and have a seat with a tray of hot dogs]

"Oh, yeah, sit right here in the middle of us, sweetie! And you'll be safe since we all went limp years ago, but tee he, our fingers still work, so, plop it down, sweet stuff and tease us with those hot dogs!"

"Oh, my bad, this is section 16B and I was looking for literally any other section, so, tootles old factory geezers."

Section 16, section 15, section 14 and I was 14 when I first highlighted my eyes in art class, so, 14 sounds good, row 1, row 2, row 3, speed it up because shaking a booty is best when going up all the way up!

"Excuse me, I'm plowing through and taking names, excuse me, I need a seat before I drop this tray of hot dogs, excuse me, oh, you're on list now, stranger!"

"Oh, so I'm a stranger now, Lenny, huh?"

"Oh, Ray, oh, um, you're a factory rat, Ray? And am I sitting here, hmm?"

[A side subset of a whiff of whimsical music with mystically smokey and gently filtered puffy clouds surrounding the recollection of what could have happened with Ray, but not so much with Ray. But Ray was there and Ray started it. And Ray is stupid.]

"I mean, Ray, I actually appreciate that you've asked me to consider going camping with you and I swear, someday, I'm going to be known for sleeping bag stuff (got that spooky poof lady?), but I'm not about to get in between you and Matilda. I mean, she still holds air, doesn't she?"

[A subset of a side subset of a whiff of whimsical music with mystically smokey and gently filtered puffy clouds surrounding the forward vision that, tee he, Lennie is going to own it in a sleeping bag! Well, maybe I can actually see that given his smaller body type, poof out]

"Well, Lennie, here's what had happened, blah, blah, blah, yak, yak, yak, waah, waah, waah, yak, yak, yak, blah, blah, blah..."

Oh, Ray was just babbling on and on about his defective camping equipment. Like a, tee he, like a defective model is the same as a vinyl girlfriend with all three holes molded over and closed shut, right? Oh, yeah, tee he, duh, I guess that is the definition of a defective model.

[Another subset of a side subset of a whiff of whimsical music with mystically smokey and gently filtered puffy clouds surrounding the recollection of what did happen when trying to save Ray's butt up at the Sex Toy Shop because his model was defective, but without Ray because Ray is an idiot. But Ray missed out on a real Tiger in the sleeping bag]

[A lively conversation at the counter about the shop's return policies]

"Look, Mr. Facial Hair, my friend needs his camping weekend girlfriend and you sold him less than a complete plastic lady and he needs his restitution because Matilda was going to be his nighttime slam piece for the weekend in his sleeping bag and he seriously needs the sex cred! Even more than I do! And I wouldn't mind a closer look at those leather cuffs that are hanging right behind you, so?"

"[Hands off the leather cuffs to Lennie] first of all, you're hired, if you're at least 18 and secondly, I made it clear to that little nerdy freak that there are no returns after usage! And trust me, I could see his nasty restitutions stains all over Matilda, holes or no holes!"

"Wait, what? He said nothing about that to me!"

{Maybe it was in the blah, blah, yak, yak, yak]

"That's right, your freaky little nerd friend managed to figured out how to practice the weekend camping honeymoon without any available holes from Matilda's side! But I'm a reasonable shop owner and did my best to explain to him that since Matilda still held air, I mean, why cancel the weekend of camping, right? Keep the wrist cuffs, unbutton your shorts and then have a seat on that stool in the hallway near the backroom and distribute peep booth tokens to the customers. Also, I'm surprised that little nerd didn't ask you to be his camping backup girlfriend, so? Or worse, the third in a 3-way!"

[Reference back to where it was proclaimed in advance that Ray was an idiot]

"Um, Mr. Facial Hair, I'm going to need a moment to gather my thoughts and to stop my head from spinning! And I'm almost 21, so. You asked me that, didn't you? And I will not unbutton my shorts beach style! I mean, unless I can slightly unzip them too since I'm built like that!"

[Poof out! And only because I actually sat on that stool and handed off five tokens for $20 for the rest of the evening and OMG, the people that I recognized, right? Well, I did not sit on the stool until I covered it with an LOL, entire roll of paper towels from the OMFG, Men's room! Anyways, poof out and back to Ray in the ball field bleachers.]

"I'm only stopping here for a moment, Ray because these hot dogs are not for you, but I owe you something for at least asking me to be your camping trophy wife a while back. How is Matilda anyways? And don't lie to me because I still work up at the Sex Toy Shop and I know that you upgraded to silicone and don't even ask me how many of your relatives come up to, um, view a quick flick, so?"

"Lennie, well, I have no response to that. But, but, but let's circle back to how you owe me something and how we can talk about that in the new oversized sleeping bag that I bought, okay?"

"Hmm, and where will Matilda be then, hmm? In the middle of us or is that my place? And I'm actually asking because I have no idea how that would work, so?"

[Weep, incoming hot dog text]

"Section 12, row 17, Lennie the Cuz who is all the buzz!"

Well, see, as I said in the beginning, it's all Josh's fault that I have a variety of nicknames from the factory rats.

"Oh, am I supposed to squeeze in the middle of you two factory rats then, hmm?"

[Shimmies down in between two factory rats, even though that was never practiced before]

"Two hot dogs for factory rat #1 in exchange for a girlfriend status reply [hands off two hot dogs] and your name."

"[Takes the two hot dogs] you're my Tuesday night girlfriend now and I'm Butch."

"Hmm, and two hot dogs for factory rat #2, also in exchange for an honest girlfriend status reply [hands off the last two hot dogs] and your name, so?"

"[Takes the last two hot dogs] you're my Thursday night girlfriend now and I'm Junior."

"Well, who gets me on Wednesday's, tee he, hmm?"

[A whiff of whimsical music with mystically smokey and gently filtered puffy clouds surrounding the forward vision of what might happen in the middle of week]

"What? I'm supposed to get on the hands and knees and take one of you from the front with my mouth while the other takes me from the rear at the same time?"

"Well, that's how you explained it to both of us, Lennie, so our sex would be over in time for you to watch your favorite cooking show, so?"

"Oh, and that you guys remember, but you two can't remember that there is only one Wednesday per week, hmm? This is the third time this week!"

"Oh, well, all of the days end with a "y", so it gets confusing sometimes. I mean, we could try it in the shower again like you showed us last Fri-Wed night after work, I mean, if you want that again, so?"

[Poof! Poof out because shower stuff is totally dangerous!]

"Well, I'll bring you guys a Sub Combo meal from time to time and I might even be persuaded to sashay my way into the factory and personally deliver them to the two of you, but I'm not all that much about sex anyways, especially group sex, so, can we start chipping away at the ice that way, hmm?"

"Um, um, can the old guard shack be included from time to time then, Lennie, huh?"

"Hah! Is there any room left over in that nasty little hut, hmm?"

[Um, I'd rather not produce a whiff of whimsical music with mystically smokey and gently filtered puffy clouds surrounding the recollection vision of what it looks like when three or four old geezer fags whip out their wrinkled factory rat sticks in the crowded old guard shack hut and go all "argh, argh, argh" over Lennie's booty, spooky poof lady out]

"Oh, well, would it be an acceptable ice breaker if we visited you up at the peep show booths then, huh, Lennie?"

"Oh, I mean, the Sex Toy Shop with peep booths is open to the public, so, um, you two can do that whenever you want to, but I don't go inside of any of the booths, so?"

[Opps, I think that's enough for now since Lennie's boss has been married long enough to live sexless, but not at the wrinkled age yet and I don't want to have to confess that I watch Mr. Facial Hair go at himself while Lennie is replacing the paper towels because life in the poufy clouds gets lonely and the guy has a nice hunk of beef, spooky poof lady out]

End Lennie 01