All Comments on 'Life Changing Event Continues Ch. 05'

Look at your very first sentence:

"Janet and asked if I wanted together at her house to start planning for the pool party the next weekend."

As it stands it makes no sense. After thinking about it for a while, I decided maybe you meant to write:

"Janet had asked if we could get together at her house to start planning for the pool party the next weekend."

Sadly this sentence is not an isolated case. From my point of view, if I have to keep stopping to figure out what a sentence should say (but doesn't), I lose the flow of the story. Reading becomes hard work instead of enjoyable. This is a pity, because I think you have a good underlying plot-line going on

Looking forward to the next bit