Life Decisions- Laura's Route 01

Chapter 3 Memories

Karen again dipped her head and sheltered the flame from the steady breeze with her hand and fired up the lighter and then with two deep drags got her next cigarette alight "So how are things, what's the goss?" She asked before exhaling a cone up to the blue sky. As they sat at the outside seating of the local café with two slices of cakes and two cappuccinos steaming in front of them.

Laura swallowed and picked up her mug and took a gulp before licking her milk and chocolate sprinkles moustache off her lips. "Kaz, it's been better, I can't lie to you!" she frowned as she pulled a cigarette out from her pack and placed the filter between her lips.

"How is your mum coping?" Karen asked as Laura sheltered her cigarette and soon was engulfed in a cloud of smoke.

"Stoically, and surprisingly well." Laura stated as she took yet another long drag before exhaling.

"How about you?"

Laura snorted "I feel like shite warmed up!" She grinned and took another hit on her cigarette.

"I am not talking about your bloody hangover; I am talking about everything else." Karen responded.

Laura flicked the end her nose with her thumb as she contemplated an answer. "I feel shite for mum, my dad was everything for her." She stated and the pulled on her cigarette.

"Things are okay with Adam, aren't they?" Karen asked as she picked up her coffee and took a gulp.

Laura paused, took a deep breath, briefly cackled, and brought her spare hand to her mouth as she coughed. "Yeah, things are fine, no sign of a ring yet...but no sign of him wanting us to get a house yet. The sex is good." She grinned ran her tongue around her lips and brought the filter back to them as took yet another hit on her cigarette.

"No sign of any tiny little feet yet?" Karen used her fingers to insinuate small as smiled and then tilted her head away as she also drew on her cigarette.

Laura pulled a face, then exhaled, "Fuck no!" and flicked her cigarette to the side. "Way too young, and we are not even living together, think we are 'good' in that way!"

"True..." Karen laughed as Laura took two large gulps from her huge white coffee mug. Karen grinned "Watch out with all that coffee inside you, you will piss your knickers like you did on Friday night!" She winked.

"Oi!" Laura screeched and waved her hand dismissively. "I so didn't!" she guiltily whispered.

Karen chuckled and shook her head and then grinned "Yeah, you so did, a tall story, I saw the fucking puddle developing on the floor!"

Laura grimaced and looked around the empty tables of the outside seating and then at her hand took a drag on her cigarette before exhaling and whispering with her eyes sparking, she lowered her voice and whispered, "Its only because Adam really likes it when I do!" she then dismissively shook her head.

Karen shrieked, then laughed and flung her head back in disgust "The perve!" she shouted far too loudly.

Laura' eyes widened in shock then smiled and spoke calmly with an eyebrow raised "But it's no different to your ex., what was his name...Jeremy whose mouth would drop wide open, and he would almost climb on you and dry hump your leg like a dog whenever you lit a ciggy?"

"That's soooo different?" Karen stated dismissively manicuring her ash as she spoke.

"Is it?" Laura asked before cocking her head to the side and taking yet another lungful of smoke.

"Yes!" Karen nodded indifferently and then turned her head slightly away as took another drag.

Laura giggled "But, I don't know, smoking whilst pissing at the same time is rather exciting!" She widened her eyes in delight as smiled again and then hid her face behind her huge mug of coffee and took another gulp.

Karen tutted "If you think that, you must be still drunk!"

"Hell no, not drunk, depressed about Dad and I am rather hungover and fine. But Kaz, please can we discuss something other than my rather personal bodily fluids!" Laura said glancing around.

Karen shrugged her shoulders "Yeah, okay, but you were definitely peeing. So, what's your plan this week"?

Laura wiggled her now stiff bum in the seat to get comfortable and leaned forward to flick her ash in the ashtray with a thoughtful pose on her face. "Don't know, the last few weeks have been all about the funeral. Back to work tomorrow for the first time in two weeks, will be a shock to the system."

Karen nodded "I can imagine, almost two weeks off work, but not on holiday, my Mum's agreed for us two to go on a girly holiday together to the Canaries for some winter sun!" Karen beamed and then pulled on her cigarette.

"Oh wow, that will be so much fun, well jealous!" Laura put the cigarette down in the ashtray picked up the last of the cake and stuffed it in her mouth and started chewing. "Don't think Mum and I will be doing anything as exciting this year, other than dealing with solicitors." She said with her mouthful before taking a gulp of her coffee to wash it down. "The cake is truly amazing here!" she smiled as she licked her finger and then cleaned up the plate picking up the crumbs as she went.

Karen grinned "Well yes, but I am feeling too fat to eat any!" she grinned.

Laura raised an eyebrow as she dragged on her cigarette "You are not fat, you're the slimmest girl I know!" she grinned then exhaled.

Karen chuckled, took one last longing drag on her cigarette, "I just can't believe its Monday already again tomorrow." She stated and then reached over to the middle of the table as she exhaled and stubbed the cigarette out.

Laura chuckled "Kaz, its Saturday afternoon!"

"Oh, fuck it is it, going out on Friday nights always do that to me!" Karen shook her head.

"Well, if I don't drink too much wine with mum tonight, I will be up bright and early in the morning to help her sort out more of Dad's stuff before going back to work."

"You not coming out with Zoe and I?" Karen asked.

Laura then gently shook her head, I can't go out two nights in a row, however much I would love too, plus, its good if I keep my mum company now.

Karen stretched her arms out straight "I know what you mean, but going out with the girls, it's better than sitting at home watching telly."

"Hmmm maybe next week, I will see what mum's plans are."

"Oh okay."

"But more importantly, this moment in time, I think I need more of this cake!" Laura grinned as she picked up the chocolate slice and opened her mouth wide took a large bite out of it covering her lips and cheek with chocolate as she chewed.

***

Trisha watched intently as she swirled her wine around the glass, as the streaks flowed back into the middle of the glass she looked up, "It was nice to see briefly see Adam this morning, he didn't have to leave quite so quickly."

"It's okay mum, I didn't throw him out, he said he had other stuff to do!"

"I thought you were seeing him again this evening?" Trisha raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Laura as they still sat at the kitchen table having just finished dinner.

Laura screwed her face up "No, that's tomorrow he is working late again tonight."

Trisha nodded, "That's good, more quality time for me with my daughter!" She grinned as leaned across and picked up the nearly empty bottle of red wine and topped up both glasses. "So, Law can you tell me. Are the cigarettes helping?" Trisha asked pointing at the pack of Marlboro lights on top of the black phone beside her daughter.

"Pardon?" Laura tilted her head and looked at her mum as she screwed her face up in confusion.

"Are they helping you getting over that empty feeling of losing dad?" Trisha asked before taking a gulp of her glass of red wine.

Laura smiled, "To be honest mum you know it. It's called addiction. At the moment every time I light a cigarette it's my five minutes of bliss. Every inhale on a cigarette, and I momentarily feel lifted every time the smoke hits my lungs. That's why I have to keep doing it!" She stated as looked towards Trisha who nodded as Laura pulled another cigarette out of the pack and perched it between her lips which unsteadily bounced as she slowly brought the flame which met with dark tobacco stuffed end flared red as the flash hit the tip and the white paper quickly turned black as she inhaled twice, exhaling through her nose.

"But you have been doing that for years darling?" Trisha asked as the cloud of smoke drifted past her. She was holding wine glass securely and defensively in her hand.

Laura snorted pushing more smoke from the recesses of her lungs out her nose as she nodded guilty. "Yes, mum, like I said the dreaded addiction. Its starts off fun, smoking just when you want to. Then you know you find you smoke on its terms. I need to smoke. You know how much I enjoy my smoking." She reluctantly said. "And yes, since dad's death I think I can say it's helped me." She nodded triumphantly. "And yes, I may have had too much cake at lunch with Karen, is this you trying to be subtle mum?"

"Maybe? Also, before I forget again, just more thing sweetie, before I forget, can you remember that when leaning out your window having your post coital cigarette trying and failing not to smoke in the house at half two in the morning that my window might also be open!"

Laura's eyes widened in shock. "Oh shit, sorry mum, did my smoke wake you up, I, it was cold, you know didn't want to leave the room!"

Trisha grinned and raised her eyebrow a little "No Law, it wasn't the smoke that woke me..." she smirked knowingly "...as I woke up a little before..."

Laura winced and picked the remaining cracker with brie cheese smeared on it and swallowed, "Mum, sorry we will try to be quieter!"

"Its fine, I know what it's like, even your dad and I used to have fun once or twice a year!" she winked.

"Mummmm" Laura whinged.

Trisha smiled warmly and then licked her lips together "So Law, any chance of having another of your cigarettes?"

Laura quickly looked out the corner of her eyes before smiling "Of course, Mum, but you are really far too old to start smoking?" she gently nodded her head.

Trisha shrugged her shoulders and turned the pack around, so the open side faced at her. "I have done before!" she grinned.

"What smoking, when?"

"You started when you were younger didn't you?" Trisha asked back.

"Well yes, that's how... you know...rebelling against clean cut parents with a cigarette or two with Karen and Zoe." Laura looked a little guilty.

Trisha laughed and waved her hand dismissively, "In my youth I was no different, I have not hidden it from you, but you haven't looked or asked when you or your dad had been particularly annoying to me, I may have once or twice had to escape to the bottom of the garden."

"Mum! No!" Laura exclaimed "Surely not?"

Trisha guilty nodded "Well my last pack went on for about fifteen years" she ginned as she took a cigarette out the pack in front of her "

"Wow, Mum my pack won't stretch fifteen hours..." Laura looked on in shock. "I guess my addiction has over time spiralled a little out of control..." she mused thoughtfully out loud. "But then I have probably been smoking for fifteen years now..." She gulped for air in shock.

Trisha shook her head. "They are no good for you... but maybe I should really replace this nearly empty one for you..." she said as she picked up the lighter and got the cigarette alight with a gentle drag, letting the smoke drift out of her mouth calmly.

"It's okay mum it's only one or two cigarettes, I can survive."

"If, you are sure?"

Laura nodded and turned the pack around and took out her own cigarette. "Don't worry mum. As I will have a spare pack in my bag upstairs." She stated with the cigarette perched between her lips.

***

"Law, I need to visit the bathroom again, do you mind opening us another bottle of this Merlot, its rather nice?" Trisha asked grinning merrily swinging the empty bottle between her fingers.

Laura nodded enthusiastically "Hell yeah Mum, is the pope catholic? Of course!" she grinned as she stood up and grabbed the table for support before squishing her thighs against the table edge and naturally placing her cigarette in the corner of her mouth and with a trail of smoke behind her as she turned and headed to the cupboard, "But you know something mum... you should really quit this smoking now!" she stated as smoke drifted out her nose and volley of exhaled smoke barrelled across the room from her mums lips.

"Pot, kettle, black, what you trying to say what I have told you for years?" Trisha asked looking up over the rim of her glasses at her daughter standing there, her hair in a ponytail wearing her slightly stretched black Adidas elasticated waist jogging bottoms. Worn for comfort rather than exercise, and an overly tight fitting white strappy top stretched and riding up, highlighting her rather podgy stomach. The look was topped off with a cigarette wedged in the corner of her mouth. She looked extremely uncouth.

"Maybe, like I have said to you maybe hundreds of times before I really enjoy them." Laura almost sulked as she bought the wine bottle back to the table.

"They haven't helped you doing any exercise." Trisha scolded.

Laura scowled "Mum, you are meant to say I am not fat." She gave a look of indignation as she pulled her t-shirt down over a shapely figure and gently wiggled her hips and tugged at her jogging bottoms.

"Yes, but you like your cake!" Trisha riffed back.

"Muuuum." Laura looked sternly across.

Trisha knew she had stepped over the mark and smiled warmly "Law, you are not fat!" She grinned and manicured her ash.

"Thanks Mum, I'm mostly a size fourteen, maybe sometimes a sixteen, Mum, I am not that fat, you know the national average is a sixteen!" Laura declared as she smiled as the twisted the bottle opener and then slowly moved the arms down and then wiggled it to remove the cork out with a loud pop.

"Yes but..." Trisha sighed and gave up and flicked her growing ash.

Laura looked at her mum smiling as the ash dropped into the ramekin and then focused as she topped up both wine glasses before settling back at the kitchen table tugging again at her top riding up over her shapely figure. She took a sip as she watched her mum inhale on her cigarette and smiled as she then joined her by lighting a fresh cigarette for herself.

"Mum, do remember you were going to the toilet?" She giggled.

***

Trisha sniffed her nose and absentmindedly ran her fingers across her lips as she watched as another stream of smoke flowing across the room from yet another freshly lit cigarette now burning firmly between Laura's fingers as the smoke expunged from within her lungs drifted across the table in an almost narrow beam under the kitchen lights on the breeze from the open window, she picked up and sipped her red wine and licked her red wine stained teeth leaned her head on her hand and smiled "Law, do you remember our holiday in the south of France?" she slurred as she wiped her nose and her hand moved closer to the pack until she pulled a cigarette out of the pack for herself and tapped it on the table.

"Which one this time mum the one with the kayaks?" Laura asked watching the unlit cigarette rhythmically bounce on the table between her mum's fingers, before taking her own deep drag.

"That's the one, where after paddling for half a day we were all knackered and after a picnic on that little beach at the bottom of that gorgeous ravine."

"I remember!" Laura grinned.

"Your dad the mad fool thought it was a great idea that once we had given the kayaks back that he is then energetically took us for walk up the side of it. We were following those tiny yellow and red painted signs, missed one and took a wrong turn on the footpath and we ended up in a field with a very angry French bull."

"Oh God, I remember!" Laura chuckled as she swirled her wine glass around.

We all had to jump over the hedge and run all the way back down into the river." Trisha smiled with the memory as a tear trickled down her cheek.

"Yeah, I fell in, didn't I? I was mostly dry on the river and then slipped on a rock and fell in on the walk." Laura laughed hard with the memory.

"Oh yeah..." Trisha giggled.

"What mum?"

A telling smile crept across her face. "Before you fell in, Dad said that you were already wet?"

"No, surely not?" "Laura dismissively shook her head; she really could not remember if she had been scared or desperate enough to wet herself. Then hiding her damp evidence by falling into the river.

"Oh, never mind, if I remember even then you complained, and I think cried then that the bull had ruined your clothes, your holiday, but more importantly the worst thing ever, like end of the world ever. Your cigarettes." Trisha snorted and shook her head and then smiled at the memory and looked at Laura and gently nodded, "Even now I am surprized we let you have them even then. It's crazy!" She tutted.

Laura nodded, "Yeah mum it is. I don't say it enough, you two were really good to me with my, err, bad habit!" She smiled and thought for a moment. "But I think I can, even now, remember dad had made sure my ciggies were secured in his ever sensible and prepared drybag for the paddling and then I stupidly put them back in my pocket as I wanted them close 'just in case we stopped for a break' on the walk..." she paused and looked at her hand and then placed the filter back between her lips and attentively dragged on her cigarette, before exhaling, she smiled. "I don't know why. Can you ever remember dad stopping?"

Trisha giggled "No?"

"He was like a machine when we were all out walking, field after field he just kept going..." she chuckled to herself as she flicked the growing ash off the cigarette, "...even now I can remember not enjoying the physical activity of running away from the bull and then I had been only smoking a couple of years!" she turned a frown in to a guilty smile and then gulped her wine.

Trisha tutted as she reached forward and manicured her own cigarette.

Laura then randomly tipsily giggled laughed at herself as another the thought crossed her brain "Oh, Mum, can you remember Dad marched me into the supermarket afterwards when my ass sopping wet like I had pissed myself, but Dad still kindly went with me bought me a new pack of ciggies to stop me complaining and whinging that not only where my clothes ruined, but the holiday was as well!"

"He was good to you!"

Laura smiled and then frowned "Oh, god, yes, he bought me those French cigarettes, they are really strong...oh what where they, yes... Gauloises, they were way stronger than my attempting to be healthy Marlboro lights!" she smiled took a final drag before exhaling as she stubbed the butt out in the ramekin.

"Oh, that's right, you would always argue you were smoking lights, that they were nowhere near as dangerous as other cigarettes."

"Yeah..." Laura chuckled to herself.

"You were being rebellious or cool, one of the other and going commando, that's right and couldn't take your soaking wet trousers off!" Trisha shook her head as she laughed "as for those cigarettes I can't remember now, you always been smoking, I recognise these packs and that is about it, and it was so long ago, I bet you still smoked them?" Trisha raised an eyebrow as she held up the Marlboro Lights pack.

Laura nodded thoughtfully "I guess I must have done...I can't remember, I am sure I would have been desperate to smoke; I can remember that they were rather potent." She grinned as she swirled her wine glass. As Trisha tutted. "Oh, that's right, the following day I can remember, it was a really hot, it was boiling hot sort of day, and we had got in the car and driven for what seemed like ages in the hot stuffy car, my bare legs and buttocks under my skirt were sticking to the leather seats it was that hot, and we had only gone because dad knew about a famous chateau wine or something and then by the time we arrived I was of course by that time desperate for another cigarette. If you remember you meanies, and in hindsight, quite rightly mum, didn't let me smoke in the car. So, I sat outside down on a bench by the nearby river and took in the stunning view, got some sun on my face and legs had tried to enjoy a smoke whilst you went wine tasting, and then some rather cute guy thinking I was French because of my pack and started babbling away to me in French."